The Personal Power Program: A Woman’s Step-by-Step Guide to Thriving in Self, Body & Money

By Darcy Holmer

Do you yearn for more in your life but feel like you're settling for less?

Discover the transformative power of feeling good in your inner self, body, and finances with Darcy Holmer's The Personal Power Program: A Woman's Step-by-Step Guide to Thriving in Self, Body & Money. Just as Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People provided readers with guiding principles for greater personal effectiveness, The Personal Power Program gives women guiding steps toward greater personal empowerment and fulfillment.

In a world where power is typically measured by external influence, Holmer emphasizes the true essence of power: the ability to shape your own life. This power to choose your path and take action to achieve your goals comes from the synergy of well-being in three key areas: Self, Body & Money. Together, they create a powerful force that can transform you and your life.

Self: Have clarity of what you want, enjoy greater inner peace (even when life around you is not so peaceful), navigate self-doubt and other not-enoughness feelings, and align what you do with what you want to achieve your goals.

Body: Experience the amazing transformation in how you feel and live when you love exercising because of how it makes you feel and enjoy a peaceful, pleasurable relationship with food (free from diet dramas, no willpower or deprivation required).

Money: Identify the financial goals that support your life goals, build your financial well-being, and enjoy the freedom and empowerment of feeling financially secure and having the resources to achieve the fulfilling life experiences you want for yourself and your loved ones.

Drawing from her own journey and professional insights, Holmer gives you a practical guide that shows you step by step how to build your Personal Power to create what you want to feel and see in your life. The Personal Power Program is more than just a book; it's a call to action for every woman who isn't willing to settle for less and is ready to take action to start realizing her more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Dec 20, 2023
• ISBN: 9798989239351

Book preview

PART I

PREPARE

1

WHAT IS PERSONAL POWER AND WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Personal Power isn’t about having power over other things and people. It’s about having power over your own life.

What is Personal Power? What does it mean to you? Do you have Personal Power now? What would it mean to you, to your life, if you had more Personal Power than you do today?

A person’s power is often viewed as the measure of influence they have over other things and people due to wealth or position in the world. However, Personal Power isn’t measured by the power you exert over other things and people, and it doesn’t come from what you own or a title. Your Personal Power is the measure of influence you have over your life. It is feeling that you are in charge of your life and have the freedom to choose your own path. It is feeling able to follow your desired life direction and believing that you can achieve how you want to feel and what you want in your life. Personal Power is ultimately about feeling empowered to choose and do.

Unfortunately, too many of us do not feel empowered to choose and do. We do not feel in charge of our lives or that we can decide our own path. Instead of feeling free, we feel restricted — limited by our circumstances, by others, or by ourselves and what we think we can, can’t, should, shouldn’t, must, or mustn’t do. Instead of feeling empowered in our lives, we often feel powerless. And that feeling of powerlessness keeps us stuck.

We stay stuck in jobs that feel like they’re sucking our souls out of us.

We stay stuck in relationships that drain our hearts and self-esteem.

We stay stuck in fears about what we can or can’t do, what we can or can’t achieve, or what may or may not happen.

We stay stuck in not-enoughness, never feeling we are or have enough of something to be or do what we want. Not enough time, energy, or money. Not enough skill, confidence, knowledge, or experience. Not enough in terms of looks, weight, fitness, or youth.

We stay stuck in worries about what others will think, say, or do.

We stay stuck in indecisiveness about what we want.

We stay stuck in negative patterns, neglecting our needs and repeating what doesn’t make us feel good or help us achieve what we want in our lives.

We stay stuck settling for less because we don’t feel we can have more.

Bottom line: We stay stuck because we don't feel empowered to create the more we want to feel and have in our lives.

The good news is that we don’t have to stay stuck and settle for less than we want. You don’t have to stay stuck. You can have the freedom to decide your own path. You can feel empowered to choose and do. You can achieve the more you crave in your life instead of settling for less. You can have power over your life because Personal Power doesn’t come from what others give you but from what you give yourself. It comes from the gift of having a strong foundation of well-being that gives you the resources you need to go after the more you want in your life — the more that makes you feel healthier, happier, and more fulfilled.

How to Build Personal Power

How do you build your Personal Power? How do you build that strong foundation of well-being that supports you so you feel the way you want to feel and can live your life the way you want to live it? How do you realize the source of empowerment that can transform your life?

Personal Power comes from having well-being in three areas:

Self

Body

Money

Why these three areas? These form the foundation that gives you the supporting resources to create what you want to feel and have in your life.

Well-Being in Self: Well-being in Self is how you feel inside. It is the heart of your Personal Power because how good you feel inside guides everything — who you are, how you show up in the world, and what you do or don’t do. When you have a strong sense of inner well-being, you know what you want and have the internal resources to help you achieve it. You are better able to be your best self, pursue what you want, and navigate challenging situations with resilience. You feel good in your skin and your life — empowered to choose and do — and that makes all the difference in how you live it.

Well-Being in Body: Well-being in Body is how you feel as your physical self. Of course, as research shows and most of us know from experience, how we feel physically extends far beyond just the body. Like your well-being in Self, how good you feel in your body influences every area of your life. It goes beyond just your physical health and impacts your emotional, cognitive, and even financial health. The better you feel in your physical self, the more support you have to lead a full and fully functioning life today and tomorrow. Well-being in Body gives you a wellspring of energy, vitality, and feel-goodness that feeds you and all areas of your life.

Well-Being in Money: Where you live, how you live, what you do, how you feel, your relationships, your dreams, and more are all influenced by your well-being in Money. Money plays a key role in almost all facets of your life, and your financial well-being impacts not just you but your loved ones dependent on you. While money can’t buy happiness, it is a powerful tool that gives you more choices in life and supports your well-being now and in the future. When you have a strong sense of well-being in Money, you feel more able to choose and do because you have the financial resources to do so.

When you have well-being in Self, Body, and Money, you have the resources that give you the freedom of choice and the power to do. You have the inner resources to guide, support, and sustain you as you live your life, pursue what you want, and encounter challenging situations. You have the physical well-being that gives you the vitality, strength, and energy to live as fully as you desire. And you have the financial resources that support the life and life experiences you want for yourself and your loved ones. When you build your strong foundation of well-being in Self, Body, and Money, you build a powerful force that supports your whole life, today and all your tomorrows.

The Power of Feeling Good

There’s a saying that a parent is only as happy as their least happy child. The same idea applies to our well-being. No matter how well things may be going in certain parts of our lives, if there is one area that is suffering, we feel it. It weighs on us and the other areas of our lives, coloring our perceptions and experiences. That’s because we’re human, and our lives and emotions aren’t easily compartmentalized.

For example, if you are staying in a situation, personally or professionally, where you are settling for less than you want because of fear or not feeling enough of something, because you feel you don’t have a choice, or because you feel limited in some way to change it, that situation creates stress and is draining. It is not only a burden that weighs on you inside, but it also affects how you show up in other areas of your life. If you’re not sure what you want — but know that where you are is not it — if you do nothing to address it, you will likely feel lost, stuck, or unfulfilled, and those feelings drag on you and are woven through the fabric of your life.

If you don’t feel good physically, struggle with your weight, or feel out of shape, that can undermine your mood, mental and emotional energy, self-esteem, and confidence, which, in turn, influences how you show up every day in your work, your relationships, and what you do (or don’t do). If you’re worried about money, that stress can carry through to other areas of your life. You may take your worries out on loved ones, close down emotionally, and your relationships may suffer. Your work may suffer. You may look for a distraction in food or alcohol, which can have other consequences.

However, just as poor-being in one area drags on the well-being of others, doing what helps you to feel good has the opposite, uplifting effect. When you do what enhances how you feel in one part of your life, you enhance the rest of your life because feeling good is synergistic. The combined effect of doing what supports your well-being in Self, Body, and Money is greater than the sum of those parts. It creates a cumulative, powerful force that lifts your whole life and can transform it.

It also creates a virtuous cycle. When you build that strong foundation of well-being and experience just how good it feels to feel good and empowered in your life, you want to do more of what continues that good, empowering feeling. It is a self-reinforcing process. The better you feel, the more likely you are to do those things that perpetuate that feeling. The better you feel, the more able you are to embrace life and take action to realize the fulfilling experiences you want.

The better you feel, the less likely you are to fall into negative habits or stay stuck in draining situations. You’re less likely to seek distraction or try to meet an unmet need by eating, drinking, spending money you don’t have, looking for love in all the wrong places, or otherwise doing what doesn't lead to how you want to feel and often makes you feel worse. You’re less likely to stay in draining relationships, jobs, or situations. Instead, you are more likely to navigate life challenges better because you have the resources to do so.

So, while enjoying well-being in Self, Body, and Money doesn’t mean that you are immune to life's challenges that can and will arise in your life or that you’re doing everything perfectly, it does mean that you are more likely to address obstacles productively and life challenges with resilience. You’re more attuned to your inner GPS that guides you toward what you need and want, so when you get off track and do things that make you feel less than how you want to feel, you course correct and get back to doing what you know helps you feel good. You are more flexible, adaptable, and resilient because you prioritize taking care of yourself and your needs. Feeling good in Self, Body, and Money fuels a self-sustaining positive cycle that supports you and all areas of your life.

Personal Power is Your Choice

The great thing about increasing your well-being in Self, Body, and Money — about expanding your Personal Power and ability to feel and live the way you desire — is that you are in charge. You get to choose. Ultimately, you are the only one who can. Other people and things don’t determine how you feel or the outcome of your life. You do. You are the master of your journey. Personal Power is your choice, your responsibility, and your privilege. It is your gift to you. Are you ready to give it to yourself?

Are you ready to give yourself the gift of clarity and knowing what you want in your life?

Are you ready to give yourself the gift of opportunity that is each moment of your life and fully step into your potential and the potential of the more you desire?

Are you ready to give yourself the gift of feeling good and having the resources to achieve how you want to feel and live?

Let’s get started.

2

WHAT IS YOUR WHY?

The quality of your doing is determined by the quality of your WHY for doing it in the first place.

Before we move on to Assess, this and the following chapter will help lay the groundwork for success in your journey to greater well-being and Personal Power. To that end, we begin with one question:

WHY?

Why are you here? Why are you doing this? Why do you want to take this journey? I stated this in the introduction: We change when not changing becomes more uncomfortable than change itself. That was what started my journey: I had reached my more uncomfortable. What was the more uncomfortable that motivated you to pick up this book? In other words, what change do you want to feel and see in your life?

Anne Hartley, a life coach, writer, and teacher, says that goals are feelings we want to achieve.¹ I believe that to be so true. It’s not things, conditions, or achievements we strive for but what they allow us to feel. It is feeling a certain way that we desire. What are the feelings you want to achieve, and why are they important to you?

Knowing your Why is important. It is your compass and will guide you. It will inspire and encourage you to take and keep taking each step, to keep moving toward the reason that prompted you to pick up this book. Knowing your Why is important because change isn’t without effort.

Change isn’t without effort.

Even when the change will ultimately bring about the results you want, you will still need to make an effort. And as you do, you will experience discomfort, frustration, fear, insecurity, and other emotions you won't like. You will have feelings that will demand an effort on your part to navigate. You will be tempted to fall back into old habits, and you will! You will because that is part of learning and moving forward. Progress isn't a straight line. It's a two-steps-forward-and-one-step-backward progression.

In my experience, it is those very steps backward that help to consolidate and strengthen the forward steps because they remind you of what you don’t want to feel. As you take steps forward to what makes you feel more the way you desire, if and when you backtrack, you feel it more keenly and become more aware of why those steps backward don’t work for you or support what you want.

The process of positive change and the transformative magic it can create in your life is amazing to experience, but it is not without effort. And the thing that is going to help you keep making an effort and doing what it takes to honor what you want to feel and have in your life is knowing why you're making the effort in the first place. The deeply resonating, must-make-a-change, don't-want-this-anymore, want-more-for-myself-and-my-life Why.

As you think about your Why, know that it isn't out there. It isn't in others' opinions. It isn't in goals that look good on paper, to your ego, or to someone else. It isn't in goals that are based on fear or to please someone else (or avoid criticism). It isn't in stories you've told yourself about what you can or can't do, who you can or can't be. Others' opinions and goals aren't yours, and self-limiting stories don't define what you want or what you can or can't do, be, or have. The answer is the truth that is inside of you.

Part of this journey is to get more in touch with that part of you, that inner, true self who knows you and what you want. It is to learn more about who she is, what she needs, and how she wants to feel. Now, though, it's time to connect with the reason that brought you to this page.

Is your Why to wake up feeling energized, with purpose, and looking forward to the day ahead?

Is your Why to be able to live your life more completely and do things you haven't been able to do or have felt held back from doing?

Is your Why to feel better in your skin, free yourself to do more, have more, or be more of who you want to be in your life?

Is your Why to worry less and feel greater security when it comes to your future, whether that is related to your health, finances, or something else?

Is your Why to feel alive, more fulfilled, and have more of the fulfilling life experiences you want, personally or professionally?

Is your Why to live your life as fully as you want — as you define that — so that you won't feel regret or wish that you had lived your life differently?

This is your Why. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only the Why that is the truth for you. So, think about what made you pick up this book. Think about the initial flash of inspiration, urge, desire, goal, craving, or need that led you to choose it, open it, and start to read it. Think about what in your life is not where you want it to be. Think about how changing that — how achieving what you want — will allow you to feel differently from how you feel today, what it will give you that you don't have in your life now.

Your WHY

Now, answer these questions for yourself:

Why are you here?What do you want from this journey?

Why is it important? What is it going to give you that you don't have now?

Your answers don't need to be long, detailed, or poetic. They just need to represent why you want to feel and do differently than you are feeling and doing today. Note your Why on paper, your phone, or another device so you can refer back to it easily and often.

Moving On

When you have your Why, then continue.

If you don't have your Why, I want you to re-read the questions above, then put the book down and sleep on it. Literally. Figuratively.

If you cannot come up with a Why for this journey that resonates with you, then now may not be the time to begin it. At least not yet. Before you take that next step to create change, you want to be clear on why you want it and committed to taking action to achieve it.

Note that I didn't say how. You do not need to know how you will achieve what you want. We'll figure that out later. If you knew how, then you probably wouldn't be here. Don't worry about how yet. Just focus on Why.

If your Why continues to elude you (as it does for some of us because we so often silence our inner voice), remember and reflect on this truth I stated earlier:

We change when not changing becomes more uncomfortable than change itself.

Think about what more uncomfortable brought you to this page. Think about what for you has become more uncomfortable than change itself.

Find your Why, and when you do, I'll see you in the next chapter.

3

GIFTS TO GIVE YOURSELF

It’s not up to others to give you what you need.

It’s up to you.

You've identified your Why — your reason for starting this journey. We started there because if we don't know why we're doing something, it's unlikely that we'll keep doing it. Your Why is a critical starting point for this journey that you're on. There's something else that's critical, too. Or, rather, some things .

Have you ever been on a diet?

Most of us have been at one time or another. Weight is one of the top struggles we face. Along with being healthier and saving more money, losing weight tends to be one of the most common New Year’s resolutions each year. (The good news is that we will tackle all three in this program and more.)

If you’ve been on a diet, you probably remember well why you started it in the first place. You didn’t like your weight, and you wanted to change it. You didn’t feel good. You didn’t like how you looked. You dreaded getting dressed in the morning, avoiding as much as possible certain increasingly tighter-fitting clothes. Whatever the driver, you reached the point that you had to do something about how you felt ASAP.

What happened then?

You started a diet. You started it with anticipation and even a sense of relief. You felt excited and could already imagine the results. You were enthusiastic and motivated, spending money on your chosen course of action, buying that special food or equipment or some other required product or service. Maybe you rearranged your schedule or altered your plans to accommodate your diet. You implemented it with commitment and drive.

Then what?

You may have started to struggle. At some point in the diet journey, perhaps after a few weeks or even just a few days, your diet stopped feeling so exciting. You found yourself often thinking about what you couldn’t or shouldn’t eat. You may have felt hungry, deprived, or physically drained from eating fewer calories. Worse, you may have weighed yourself and didn’t see the results you wanted or as quickly as you wanted them and felt let down and frustrated.

What happened next?

Something. Something happened. A stressful day on the job, a fight with your partner, a birthday cake at work, a Super Bowl Sunday with friends, a weekend getaway, or some other event or reason. Any reason at all. You cheated (and it felt oh so good as you did, despite that voice inside your head telling you that you shouldn’t be doing what you were doing and you’d regret it). Still, you were committed to losing weight. You went back on your diet or started a different one.

Many people stay stuck right here.

Many people get caught in the endless loop of on-and-off dieting. They go on a diet, fall off it, and then get back on the same diet horse or a different one. Reaching the finish line of achieving their weight loss goal remains elusive.

Let’s say, though, that you were one of the people who stuck it out. You stuck to your diet, and you achieved your weight loss goal. The needle on the scale finally hit its mark, and you felt fantastic! You looked great, and your clothes fit well again or were even too big, and you bought new clothes to celebrate.

What happened next?

You went off your diet. Of course you did. You went off your diet because you had achieved your goal, and it was time to return to everyday life sans diet. So, that is what you did. Maybe you went back to it with a resolve to be more careful about your eating habits, but you went back to your life and lived it without the same rigid constraints of your diet.

Over time, though, the weight started to creep back on, one pound at a time. Maybe you ended up gaining only some of the weight back. Perhaps you ended up gaining back all of it. Maybe you ended up gaining back all of it and then some. This is where many people end up: Back where they began or worse.

What I have described above is what happens over time to the vast majority of us who go on a diet to lose weight. Even if we achieve our goal, we often do not maintain our results long-term. We eventually gain back the weight we lost or even more. That is one reason why the weight-loss industry is a multi-billion-dollar business.¹ That is why so many dieters are repeat dieters.¹ When we begin to diet, what we really do is start the seemingly endless diet-on-diet-off cycle. We may end up cycling on and off diets for the rest of our lives.

The bottom line is that if you had the experience above, the one that so many of us do, the diet did not help you long-term. It did not support you in achieving your goal of losing weight and maintaining that weight loss (after all, the point isn’t just to lose weight; it’s to keep the weight off). The diet did not help you achieve what you wanted: To feel better and stay feeling that way. Despite your efforts and the less-than-enjoyable process of dieting, at some point, you probably found yourself feeling the same or worse than you had when you started the diet.

So, why didn’t the diet work long-term?

It didn’t work long-term because a diet is a temporary fix. Most of us do not approach dieting with the belief that we're making a 'til-death-do-us-part commitment (although many of us often end up married to the vicious cycle of diet-on, diet-off for the bulk of our lives). We think of a diet as something that we will go on, get the results we want, and then go off. Post-diet, we typically slide back gradually into our original habits and behaviors that led us to go on a diet in the first place. We don’t change our lifestyle, habits, or patterns of behavior. We just put them on hold or adjust them for a limited time.

I do not want this program to be your next diet.

The diet was a temporary fix to relieve an uncomfortable situation. In this case, the uncomfortable situation was your weight. For some of you, it may not be your weight that you struggle with, but something else. You may recognize this type of cycle in another area of your life. Maybe you cycle in and out of attempts to exercise, save money, get a new career, or change a relationship. Whatever it is, the result remains elusive or doesn’t stick because nothing really changed. You didn't make lasting change, so the change didn't last.

This program is not your next diet. It is not your next attempt to bring about real change and transformation with temporary changes in your actions. It won’t work. It won’t work because the simple truth is that there is no rapid-loss diet, rich-overnight scheme, quick-fit workout, or another one-and-done fix that can get you to how you want to feel and keep you there. You can’t create lasting change without making change that lasts. You can’t create the transformation you crave in your life if you don’t transform what’s not working.

This program is a for-life fix. It is a journey to build a foundation that will support and sustain lasting transformation and continue to empower you for the rest of your life. In this program, you’ll make real change, feel a real change, and have the change stick. You’ll take steps of positive change and build upon them. You'll create a positive force in your life, a virtuous cycle that will feed cumulative, transformative, lasting results.

You can have that transformation. You can create lasting change that supports how you want to feel and live. You can build a foundation of well-being that supports all areas of your life for life. You can do it. You absolutely can. In this program, if you work the tools that work for you, you will do it. However, you will be doing it by evolving, step by step, your lifestyle, habits, and patterns of behavior.

THE GIFTS

To support that transformational process, I want you to give yourself the critical some things I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. They are gifts to give yourself before we jump into the Assess portion of this journey.

We start with these gifts because the journey to real, lasting change is much more than planning and implementation. The journey to real transformation is much more than the changes you make on the outside. The journey to real change, real transformation, starts with the changes you make on the inside and will determine the outcome of everything you do.

To ensure that you start that journey on the most self-supporting step you can, I ask that you give yourself the following gifts:

1. The Gift of Prioritizing You

We start here because this is the most important and, many times, the most challenging step. That is because we often do not prioritize ourselves. It feels selfish to us. Especially as women and nurturers, we tend to prioritize taking care of others and other things before taking care of ourselves.

I am here to tell you that prioritizing yourself and your self-care is the opposite of being selfish. When I started doing this, it was not only something that helped me, but it positively carried over to the things and people most meaningful to me. That is because I could give more. After all, I had more to give. I had more to give because I felt better. I felt good. So, I showed up better for myself and the people and things in my life.

It's wonderful to want to take care of things and people and to keep your life and the lives of your loved ones chugging along as smoothly as possible. It’s wonderful when it doesn’t come at the expense of your well-being. Then it isn’t wonderful because it’s not sustainable. There is a limit to how much you can give give give and deplete your well-being account without making deposits into it. And it doesn’t just impact you. It affects everyone and everything you touch.

If you want to show up in the spaces of your life and the lives of others as the best version of yourself, then prioritize your self-care. It is a win-win for the people and things that mean the most to you. Just like you'll never regret exercising, you'll never regret showing up in your relationships, work, community, and life at large as a healthier, happier, more fulfilled, and vital version of yourself. And neither will the people whose lives you are touching. Remember: You can give more when you have more to give.

Prioritize taking care of yourself because it's the best thing for you, and it’s the best thing for everyone and everything meaningful in your life.

Reflection Question: What is getting in your way of prioritizing yourself and your self-care, and what is it costing you? What is it costing the things and people most meaningful in your life when you show up as a less well-cared-for version of yourself?

2. The Gift of Patience

Be patient. With yourself. With the process. Your well-being is not a race. This program is about the journey as much as any destination or goal. You are learning and changing to support how you want to feel and what you want to have in your life. That doesn't happen overnight, and it can't if you want real change and not just a life band-aid. As discussed above, we don't create lasting change if we don't make changes that last. Quick fixes to issues are tempting because they temporarily alleviate (or promise to) the discomfort we are feeling. However, rarely do they provide the long-term solution and results we want.

So, be patient with this journey because creating real, lasting, and meaningful change takes time. Honor yourself, honor this journey, and honor the more you want to feel and have in your life by giving yourself the gift of patience.

Be patient because your well-being is not a race.

Reflection Question: What do you have to lose by allowing yourself the time and patience to create real, lasting, and meaningful change in your life? What do you have to gain? What would be different today for you and your life if you had given yourself more time and patience in the past?

3. The Gift of Forgiveness

To move forward in this journey, let go of what was or wasn’t. Let go of what did or didn’t happen. Let go of regrets about what you did or didn’t do. Don’t worry about the proverbial tree you didn’t plant ten years ago. Now is the time for you to plant your tree.

It’s easy to look back and think, How the hell did I get here? Why me? or other dead-end lament or regret. It’s easy to doubt ourselves or our lives in the shadow of perceived past mistakes. We can let them undermine our confidence in ourselves and our ability to achieve something different, now and in the future. We may worry about what will be, wonder what will be different this time, or question if it’s even possible to move forward.

Let go of all that. Let go of what was or wasn’t or what you did or didn’t do. Be kind to yourself. Trust yourself. Accept that with steps forward come steps backward. In other words, embrace the truth that imperfect action informs future progress. Suppose Thomas Edison had viewed his attempts at making the electric light bulb as failures instead of as the guides they were to the right solution. Most successes we see were built on life experiences that were not all successful.

Your past does not define your future. Instead of looking back on it as something that detracts from what you can achieve, view it as a mountain of experience and knowledge that will propel you forward to your success — to your greater well-being, your Personal Power, and your more.

Let go of what was or wasn't in the past, what you did or didn't do, and what is keeping you stuck. Your past doesn’t define your future. What you do now does.

Reflection Question: What in your past keeps defining you? What do you need to let go of or forgive to be free to move forward and create what you want for yourself and your life?

4. The Gift of Discomfort

Change is uncomfortable. If you try to avoid doing what’s uncomfortable, you probably won’t achieve the change you want. Instead, you need to be willing to push yourself and your comfort zone to experience the magic of change. So, on this journey, welcome discomfort.

Keep an open mind and be willing to make a change, think, or act differently than you have. Be ready to expand your boundaries. Let go of preconceptions, misconceptions, and attitudes that may be holding you back from moving forward to how you want to feel and what you want in your life. Be open to trying new things and embracing new possibilities. Be willing to retry what you did half-heartedly, dismissed, didn’t believe in, or didn’t follow through on. Stop assuming you can’t, you don’t want to, it won’t work, it won’t make a difference, it won’t help, it isn’t possible, it’s stupid, it doesn’t make sense, or it’s unnecessary.

If never is a big part of your vocabulary, let go of it, too. Especially if the never seems too good to be true. I'll never have enough money to retire. I'll never get a career that I love and fulfills me. I’ll never be successful. I'll never be able to take my dream trip. I’ll never feel good about my body. I'll never fall in love again. It’s time to embrace that never happens all the time. This is a journey to prove it.

I thought I could never run (much less love it, and alone, without music or other entertainment); crave salads; have toned instead of soft, squishy arms and legs; want to do, even pursue, public speaking; have a work I love; enjoy life more as I got older; have richer relationships, and the list goes on and on. All those nevers happily arrived when I stopped letting my comfort zone and what I thought I knew was true limit me.

What about you? What nevers are part of your vocabulary, of your life? What perceptions, attitudes, preconceived truths, and beliefs limit you and your life? Give yourself the gift of viewing them through the lens of possibility. Give yourself the gift of discomfort and of stepping outside of your zone of comfort, preconceptions, and perceived limitations.

You may be surprised at what nevers start arriving for you on this journey. You may be amazed at what magic you start creating in your life. Expect nevers to arrive. Expect magic to happen. Expect to be amazed.

Embrace the magic of discomfort and the possibility of never arriving.

Reflection Question: How has staying in your comfort zone or holding onto certain beliefs helped you to create what you want in your life? How has it limited you?

5. The Gift of Being in Charge of Your Life

Celebrate this: You are in charge of your life. You are an adult, not a child. You don’t need someone to tell you what to do or what not to do. You are in control of you and what you choose. This is your life to live. Not someone else's. Therefore, own that you are in charge of your life, decisions, and actions. Give yourself that right, that freedom of mind, that privilege. Give yourself that responsibility, too. Be willing to ditch the excuses, reasons, and rationales. Since you are in charge, what happens results from what you do or don’t do. It's up to you, not someone or something else.

And that is great news because giving yourself the gift of being in charge of your life is empowering. When we don’t and instead assign that power to someone or something else, we can feel powerless. We can feel frustrated, resentful, and bitter and perceive life through that negative lens. We may disconnect and get in the habit of playing the blame game, blaming others or our circumstances. We can believe we don't have a choice. We may give up on what we want and make excuses for why we didn’t, couldn’t, or can’t achieve it. We may even go in the opposite direction of what we want, doing what ultimately works against our well-being.

So, embrace that you are in charge, that this is your journey that you choose to take, as are the goals you set for it. Commit to what you want and give yourself permission to achieve it your way, in the way that works for you.

Trust yourself to be in charge of living your own life because you are.

Reflection Question: What is getting in your way of embracing that this is your life to live and that you alone are in charge of your life decisions, direction, and experiences?

6. The Gift of Being Your Own Measure

Be your own measure of how you feel about yourself and your life. Don't rely on external measures or compare yourself or your life to someone else’s to define what you value or to determine your worth. Doing so can undermine your well-being and lead you to chase after goals that may not be meaningful to you.

After all, you can always find someone who seems better off. Prettier. Younger. Fitter. Smarter. More charming. More successful. Better house. Better car. Better career. Better bank account. Better kids. Better partner. Better dog. Even then, realize that your perception of someone else or their situation is probably an idealized version based on limited knowledge. What seems ideal may or may not be. The reality may be far from ideal.

In any case, it's irrelevant. This is your life, and what you value and how you honor that in your life is the only reality that will ultimately matter to you. Feeling good doesn't come from how you measure up to other people and things but how you measure up to how you want to feel, who you want to be, and how you want to live your life. That is unique to you. Only you can determine if you have achieved how you want to feel.

Support yourself and your journey by not using external comparisons to measure your worth or your life's quality. If you find someone else’s life or situation or something else encouraging and inspiring, that is wonderful. However, don't use it as a measuring stick to beat yourself up with or to devalue yourself or your life. Don’t give something or someone outside of you that power. Your true measure is you, where you are now, where you want to go, and the steps you take to get there.

You are your best measure.

Reflection Question: How has using external references to measure yourself or the quality of your life influenced your choices or how you feel about yourself or your life?

7. The Gift of Consistency

Consistency is the magic ingredient for achieving any goal. Consistency creates transformation. When you show up for what you want — and keep showing up — you can create real change in your life. That is because consistent steps of positive action over time build positive habits.

As you make changes and stick with them, you rewire your brain and establish a new baseline of behavior that you can build on. Positive changes lead to more positive changes. The more you do to feel good, the more you want to do to keep that good feeling. You build on that foundation of positive change. It's a beautiful, magical, virtuous cycle that leads to transformation.

The good news is that consistency doesn't require perfection. You don't have to show up perfectly; you just need to show up. Consistency also doesn't require huge leaps of change. You can create transformation in your life doable step by doable step. Consistency also doesn't mean that conditions have to be just right for you to act. In fact, they probably won't be.

(So, if you tend to wait for when to arrive — when there is more time, more money, more something — stop waiting. Stop waiting for a better time to arrive because it never comes or doesn't stick around long. Holidays, vacations, sick children, life upsets and challenges, extra or too much work, and other things that get in the way of our goals aren't exceptions. Life will not hit pause, and exceptions won't go away because they are a part of normal life.)

Avoid getting stuck in a cycle of procrastination or inconsistent action, and take advantage of the now you have. Channel the slower tortoise who beats the faster but inconsistent hare and show up consistently for what you want. Prioritize small steps and showing up imperfectly over not showing up at all. Remember that conditions don't have to be just right for you to act. Embrace that consistent steps of positive action, no matter how small they may seem, can create transformational magic in your life because they absolutely can.

Embrace that consistent steps of positive change, no matter how small, can lead to real change, to real transformation, in yourself and your life.

Reflection Question: If you had started taking small but consistent steps toward your goal a year ago, where would you be today, and how is that different from where you are? Where could you be in one year if you start taking consistent steps now, no matter how small, to achieve what you want?

8. The Gift of Enough Quality Sleep

There is one more gift to give yourself before we move on to Assess: Sleep. Along with air, water, and food, sleep is an essential physical requirement that impacts more than just our physical health. If you don't get enough quality sleep, you will find it difficult to have the physical, mental, and emotional oomph you need to achieve what you want.

With too little sleep, you aren't able to be the you — the beautiful, energized, authentic, best version of you — that you can be. It impacts what you want, can, and will do and how you do it. (It can also affect your health and even weight due to the havoc too little quality sleep can wreak with hormones.²)

Not getting enough quality sleep can impact you physically, mentally, and emotionally and lead you to settle for being less of yourself than you are. And when you do that, you settle for less in more ways. You settle for feeling less good, showing up less fully, and living less fully than you want and deserve.

If you are one of the over one-third of women who don't get enough quality sleep (enough is generally considered to be 7-9 hours²), then it's time to start prioritizing it. Create a sleep-supporting routine. Have a consistent wake-up and bedtime schedule. Avoid high-stress, mind-occupying topics, exercise, heavy or hard-to-digest food, alcohol, and lights from electronics too close to bedtime. Relax before you go to sleep. Sleep in a dark, cool, quiet room.

Give your body and yourself the rest needed to repair and rejuvenate, support your physical and psychological health, and aid your optimal functioning. Give yourself the sleep you need to feel how you want to feel and create what you want in your life.

Get enough quality sleep to support the quality of your todays and your tomorrows.

Reflection Question: Are you getting enough quality sleep? Do you feel rejuvenated, revived, and energized when you wake up? Can you make it through the day without relying on temporary crutches, such as caffeine or sugary food, for an energy boost? If not, what changes can you make to get the quantity and quality of sleep you need?

Moving On

Think about the gifts and what each one means to you. Do the reflection questions. Consider the relevance each one has to you, your past, present, and future. Take the time to give yourself what you need to move forward more powerfully to what you want to achieve.

The Gift of Prioritizing You

The Gift of Patience

The Gift of Forgiveness

The Gift of Discomfort

The Gift of Being in Charge of Your Life

The Gift of Being Your Own Measure

The Gift of Consistency

The Gift of Enough Quality Sleep

As you do this, think about what other gifts you need to give yourself to help keep you moving forward. Do you need to give yourself the gift of showing more caring and compassion toward yourself? Do you need to give yourself the gift of acceptance or trust?

We will work more on being our best advocate in the Self section of this program. Still, you can start by giving yourself the gifts that will help you move forward toward the more you want to see and feel in your life.

When you are ready, I'll see you in the next chapter.

PART II

ASSESS

4

QUESTION #1: WHERE ARE YOU?

In order to get to where you want to go, you need to know your starting point.

You’ve identified your Why, and you’ve given yourself (or are working on it) the gifts that will support your progress. Now, we move on to Assess. In this part of the program, you’ll figure out your starting point. After all, you need to know where you’re starting from in order to get to where you want to go. Specifically, where are you now when it comes to your well-being in Self, Body, and Money? That is the first question you’ll answer in Assess.

The second question you’ll answer in Assess is where do you want to go? After all, you can achieve many things, but when you do, will you feel the way you want? Goals are a funny thing. They can look great on paper and sound great when sold by another person or organization (or our ego is trying to sell us on some goal). However, if we reach a goal that doesn't resonate inside or make us feel the way we want, then, ultimately, it is not the right goal. In this Assess part, you’ll have an opportunity to identify your goals — the change you want to feel — for each area of well-being.

After Assess, we'll move on to Build. The Build part of PPP is the heart of the program and the work you will do. You will begin to take the steps that will take you from where you are to where you want to go. You will be building the empowering foundation of well-being in Self, Body, and Money to achieve the more you want to feel and see in your life.

But first, complete Assess to gain the clarity that will help you create your roadmap for success to get you from where you are today to where you want to go. When you have that clarity, you will start the work to build the road that will take you there.

ASSESSING YOUR PERSONAL POWER

To assess your Personal Power, you will take the Personal Power Quiz and get a score to establish where you are in each area of well-being. The higher the score, the greater your sense of well-being in that area. The lower the score, the greater your opportunity to enhance your well-being in that area and your overall sense of personal empowerment. Before you take the quiz, let’s review how I've defined each area of well-being.

As mentioned in the introduction, my own journey and desire to share what I have learned and experienced about the empowering, life-enriching force that comes from having well-being in Self, Body, and Money was the catalyst for PPP. The elements of well-being in each area and the steps and tools I share in the Build section are what I have found to be essential and most powerful. However, as you work through this program, your own journey and experiences will also inform and shape this material, so be aware of that and what most supports your well-being and sense of empowerment in your life.

Note: I often use need and want together and interchangeably. Various definitions and perspectives exist for both words. In this program, I use both to refer to something essential to you, your quality of life, and your well-being. Similarly, I use feeling good interchangeably with well-being to depict a general state, not a temporary experience. Don’t get too caught up on specific words or labels; focus on the overall message.

Well-Being in Self

Well-being in Self relates to your self-connection, self-advocacy, and doing what supports you to achieve what you want to feel and have in your life. When you have well-being in Self, you have a strong inner compass with clarity around what you need and want to feel good and fulfilled. You are fully present in your life and grounded inside, able to find inner peace and calm even when the world around you is not. You view yourself and your life through the lens of Enoughness, seeing more of what is than what is not, focusing more on what is abundant instead of what is lacking.

You are your best advocate, supporting yourself to step into your potential to achieve what you desire, and you navigate fear, self-doubt, and other challenges, internal and external, that come your way. You live mindfully, with attention and intention, spending your vital resources — your physical, emotional, and mental energy, time, and money — aligned with what you want in your life and what makes you feel good. You feel empowered to choose your life path and take action to do what supports how you want to feel and live.

Bottom line: This is the heart of your Personal Power, and how you recognize, connect with, and support your well-being in Self drives how you feel, what you do, and what you achieve in your life.

Our sense of well-being in Self can suffer or become weakened over time for different reasons or in various ways. We may let life's demands take over, doing whatever it takes to keep things on an even keel, so much so that we can neglect our own needs or get in the habit of reacting to life instead of intentionally living it. We may feel we should prioritize other things and people above our self-care or accept what we are given instead of asking for what we need or want because we don’t want to rock the boat.

We may stay stuck in old hurts, fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs, or worries about what others would think, say, do, or believe we should do or be. We may engage in negative or low-energy behaviors (such as overeating, drinking too much, or spending money we don’t have) to temporarily assuage, distract us from, or help us to avoid dealing with what’s stressful or lacking in our lives; however, these behaviors ultimately drain our inner well-being over time. We may feel indecisive or uncertain about what we want, or we may just feel that we don't have a choice or feel powerless to make a change.

Whatever the driver, the result is that we can lose our sense of Self. We stop taking time to nurture our inner Self, tuning out our inner voice, and not stepping into our potential to achieve what we want in our lives. We become distanced from the heart of our Personal Power. And while having a strong sense of well-being in Self won't make us immune to life's challenges, it will guide and sustain us as we navigate them.

Signs that your Self Well-Being cup is full:

You know what you want and what gives you a sense of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment

You have a strong sense of inner peace that helps you stay centered despite what may be happening around you

You generally live in the now, focused on what is happening and what you are experiencing in the present moment; you are fully present as you move through your day and engage with others, mindful of what you think, say, and how you behave

You feel good in your skin, viewing yourself and your life through a lens of Enoughness; you are your advocate when it comes to your thoughts and communications, practicing self-acceptance and gratitude for all you are and all that is

You tend to focus on what you can take control of or influence in the present moment, releasing what is out of your control or influence right now (or ever)

You work to release old hurts and navigate fear, self-doubt, and other limiting beliefs to go after what you want; you are guided more by your inner voice than by what others would think, say, do, or believe you should do or who you should be

You take time to engage in the activities that enrich your life and give you purpose, joy, meaning, and fulfillment

You take time to connect with others, nurturing the relationships with the people in your life and generally doing what supports you in staying connected and engaged with the world at large

You respect your resources, making the most of the ones you have and asking for what you need from others (even if it risks rocking the boat)

You take ownership of your life and outcomes, living intentionally and spending your time, energy, and resources on things and relationships that support you and what you want to feel and have in your life

Signs that your Self Well-Being cup could be fuller:

You feel indecisive or uncertain about what you want, often feeling that you lack a purpose or life direction

You don’t feel at peace inside; you find yourself easily swept up by what is happening around you, reacting to life instead of intentionally living it; you often feel buffeted by all that is happening to and around you

You are often caught up in mental chatter, thinking about something other than what’s happening in the present moment; you are often not mindful as you move through your day, not being mindful of what you’re thinking, how you’re communicating, or behaving

You tend to view yourself and life through the lens of what is missing, not enough, or not good enough; your thoughts and communications are often self-critical, pessimistic, or otherwise not enhancing your life experiences or outcomes

You tend to live from a space of worry, fear, and what-if negative scenarios, stuck in a sense of powerlessness instead of focusing on what you can control or influence right now

You tend to let worries, fears, self-doubt, other limiting beliefs, and what others would think, say, or do guide or limit what you do

Life often feels a bit stale; you go through the motions of living but don’t really look forward to things or feel a sense of purpose, joy, meaning, or fulfillment

You feel disconnected socially and tend not to take time to connect with others or nurture the relationships in your life

You often settle for what you are given instead of asking for what you need or want; you avoid speaking up for yourself for fear that you will rock the boat; you give up power over different aspects of your life to others and what they want

You often feel powerless and stuck in your current situation; you don’t feel that you’re living your life as fully as you want; you feel like you spend your time, energy, and resources on things or relationships that drain you more than support you or what you want in your life

Well-Being in Body

Well-being in Body relates to your physical self and what you do to support it. Of course, your physical well-being touches practically every area of your life because it impacts not just your physical health, energy, and vitality but also your mental, emotional, and even financial health. How good you feel in your Body impacts how you