Those Left Behind: My Brother’s Suicide

By C.A. Blake

Author C.A. Blake was twenty-four years old when her brother, Steve, committed suicide. She struggled with feeling she wouldn’t survive the pain of it. Blake grew up at a time when few coping skills were taught or offered, so she traveled the path of suffering alone.

In Those Left Behind, she shares her story, telling how the tragic suicide left an empty hole where a life had been. She wasn’t sure she’d emerge from the dark shadow of the event. At the time, suicide wasn’t a popular subject, and there was little understanding or professional help available for those left behind.

Blake speaks to those struck by sudden, often-unexpected losses and offers hope to the many who share similar circumstances. Many who have been left behind still wander in the shadows of their losses without a sense they can carry on. In Those Left Behind, however, Blake communicates you can move forward. You are stronger and more courageous than you think. Trust yourself, and you’ll move through the paralyzing pain. The love of your loved one will always remain with you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Dec 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765246979

C.A. Blake

C.A. Blake is a nationally recognized health care professional. Currently working as a professional artist and yoga and meditation instructor, she’s also an ordained minister, who has also published in the Journal of Neurology. She established protocols and subsequent approvals for emergency room stroke centers in New York, which later became a national standard. Blake, a 9–11 responder, lives in New York City.

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THOSE

Left

Behind

My Brother’s Suicide

C.A. Blake

Copyright © 2023 C.A. Blake.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 979-8-7652-4696-2 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4698-6 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4697-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023920867

Balboa Press rev. date: 10/31/2023

Dedication

To my sisters Suzanne and Brenda

and my daughter

Contents

Dedication

Those Left Behind: My Brother’s Suicide

Childhood Memories

Our Home

After the Death

Those Left Behind

A Simple Tale

The Road Back to Myself

My Healing

My Thoughts

Other Thoughts

The Beginning

The Prophet

Bibliography

Those Left Behind: My Brother’s Suicide

I awoke with the phone ringing at six in the morning. Even as a twenty-four-year-old, I knew it wouldn’t be good news. And it wasn’t. It was my mother. She told me my brother, Steve, was dead. He had shot himself outside his girlfriend’s apartment the previous night.

I suddenly heard a horrible scream and realized it was coming out of me. I could not comprehend the message I had just received. I scrambled out of bed, got dressed, and dressed and fed my child. She needed to go to preschool, and I needed to keep it together until she left.

I did, but when she left with her dad, I jumped in my car and drove hysterically to my brother’s friend’s house with the expectation of some answers. I received none. His friend was unaware of the event. Then I drove to the site of the incident, Steve’s girlfriend’s house.

Of course, I expected to see a crime scene, and imagined I would be the hero who brought the wounded back to life. But there was no body, no blood on the pavement, no police outline, and no yellow tape, just me standing there in a daze, outside in the cold. I was the wounded.

It was a cloudy and cold October morning. It was quiet—no one around. This all seemed surreal to me. I couldn’t believe it was true, couldn’t make sense of it. If Steve’s life had been so great, he never would have thought to do something like this: leave me.