Home Wrecker: My Male Friend Wrecked My Home The Memoir (A Tell-All Story) of My Life Encounter with a Toxic Male Friend Who Intruded into My Marriage and Family

By Ben Oludaisi

Drawing your spouse's friend closer to your family after marriage may be inimically detrimental. This is an explicitly written true life story of a young lady's encounter with a man who doubled as her male friend and secret admirer/lover. He had no gut to tell her because he got no reciprocal gesture but worked underground and remained remotely entangled with gross obsession.

Unless you've gone through this book or you have a similar life experience or it has happened to someone around you, this story may appear like drawing a long bow. There are lots of lessons, and you will also find out that your kindness to your haters or unknown toxic rival(s) with envy or jealousy may not stop him/them from killing you, be it diabolically or any method available to him/them.

The toxic male friend spent years castigating and inciting hatred and violence against the same couple who were his benefactors. He knew that what he was doing could lead to subversion of the lady's home, life, and everything, yet he had enthusiastically and rigorously done that and consistently or obstinately so for a decade.

Some called him a "chameleon"; others tagged the ugly incident a "toxic male intruder escapade." Either way, it wasn't a pleasant one. It's difficult to deal with an eloquent liar, but many times, his memory had failed him. Reading through the facts here will probably help him rejuvenate his neurons and subsequently refresh the memory with the candid truth. There are many honest opposite sex friends, but think twice if a male friend to your wife is trying to be funny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887938226

Book preview

Chapter 1

I was born to my two parents in one of the communities in Igbomina land. My mom also grew up in an Igbomina town, so it was easy for my parents to welcome a friend from the same Igbomina ethnic group. Rotimi, on the other hand, was delivered in the biggest city in their state.

Each of us grew separately until the age of ten for me and close to eleven for my male friend before we met and became friends, both at the neighborhood and schools. Our houses were just three buildings away from each other on the adjacent side.

We have similar and somewhat different backgrounds: While Rotimi was the fourth of six children, I was the first of five. Another obvious difference was that I had only boys as siblings, so relating with Rotimi wasn’t out of norm for me; but Rotimi, on the other hand, had both male and female siblings, so interacting with anyone wouldn’t necessitate any concern about the gender at all.

Our relationship was not hidden from our families. Our respective mothers also became friends while our other siblings were not particularly close friends, but they were all in the loop.

University days

Each of us got to the university vial two different times and programs but ended up in the same year and level.

Rotimi entered through the department of biological sciences and later crossed into the department of his choice in the faculty of agriculture. Each of us met many different people and had a wider level of understanding throughout the university days.

We both belonged to the same Christian body on campus called University of Ilorin Christian Union (UCU). There, each of us developed relationship with many other young men and women from different backgrounds. Seeing each other had reduced drastically, but outside the campus, we were still meeting and relating well at home.

While I was busier with activities that were female centered, Rotimi was equally attending events with people with the male-oriented activities, but academics remained the dominant factor in whatever we did.

Chemistry with the difficult lecturers choked me up more in the herculean task of passing through one of the most-difficult-to-please set of lecturers. Rotimi, on the other hand, was busy trying to maintain a good grade after crossing from zoology to agriculture. Since an idle hand they say is the workshop of the devil.

I was a member of the deliverance team while Rotimi joined the drama group. The one hundred-level brethren fellowship was for all the newcomers who were in that level. There was a pastor appointed by the central executives of UCU to each hostel hall/compound.

Ben was never in the picture of our relationships up till this point. My first encounter knowing anything about Ben was when his sister mentioned it to me that her own younger brother had gained admission to the same school while Rotimi knew Ben through UCU and more in the second year when they were both in compound A and Ben was the pastor. There was less time to associate while on campus because of the academic burden.

During the holidays, the duo of Rotimi and I would be in our separate parental abodes but could visit at any time.

An instance during the holiday season was when we were together at his place, and we had a lengthy talk about happenings in our lives for about two hours, and he walked me to my house, and we continued again for another one hour.

Almost all his friends knew about me and vice versa, that they were friends. If one should have a guest, he or I would take the guest to visit the other, and that was consciously or unconsciously done.

We have fought many times, and it used to be when his family members called me his wife. I just didn’t like it, but they wouldn’t stop.

The many men who had wooed me and Rotimi’s input in turning them down

D brought a letter and Rote asked me (Kemi), What’s that? He (Rotimi) threatened that he would tell my mom. So I quickly gave him the letter. He read through, and we jointly took the decision to turn D down.

On another occasion, at a Christian program, a brother came to tell me (Kemi) that God told him that I’m his wife. The same brother noticed that Rotimi was very close to me, so he started befriending Rotimi, but in the nick of time, we kicked him off.

Many more males came to woo me, but Rotimi won’t agree and likewise myself. We jointly scrutinized all of them and sent them away.

Dr. Ben’s case was different because I kept it to myself. Rotimi only knew about it after we had started the relationship fully. He (Rotimi) told Ben that Kemi didn’t tell me that you were on her mind or that anything was coming before she started with you.

Chapter 2

Ben and I commenced our relationship without dropping Rotimi.

As matured adults, we reached the time to settle down, and we began the journey of marriage and home establishment.

Ben and I started after knowing the friends and all members of my family and I had also met few of Ben’s friends and some family members. Ben and Rotimi weren’t close friends, but he saw the closeness between me, his wife-to-be, and her male friend (Rotimi). Ben didn’t feel threatened by any account because he trusted the two of us, that there wouldn’t be any foul play. So he didn’t ask me, his wife-to-be (Kemi), about Rotimi’s character or disposition to him.

However, I did something different when I started the lifelong relationship with Ben; unlike the previous cases of my wooers, I refused to tell Rotimi about Ben until Ben and I had concluded, and we were ready to tell our acquaintances. As a matter of fact, Rotimi once launched a complaint that he was not told about Ben before I concluded on settling down with him. That line wasn’t sitting well with Ben, who succinctly asked me about the possible deeper meaning of what my friend had released out of the multitude of thoughts going through his mind. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, they say.

It’s a privilege to be trusted, a man of honor stays trustworthy, but the dishonourable one would betray it (Dr. Ben Oludaisi).

Mr. Rotimi was given that rare privilege and high level of trust to continue his relationship with me (Kemi) without my husband raising an eyebrow. Incidentally, Ben and Rotimi are both Igbominas. While Ben’s mom is from Ekiti like me, his dad is from Igbomina, but Rotimi’s parents are both from Igbomina. That ethnical relatedness further cushioned the expected fear that any man could have developed with a male friend to his wife. Rotimi was not only seen as a friend by me but also as a family member by my husband-to-be (Ben).

Expectedly so, Ben moved a little deeper into the relationship with Rotimi’s larger family by paying them visits as fellow Igbominas. He was warmly received by the parents and siblings of Rotimi. He felt very much at home and considered them as another family, particularly because of the common language.

The relationship between me and Ben was not declared to the two families immediately, but after few months, we amenably avowed it to both my family, and Rotimi in turn told his own family members and others.

My mother did not accept my choice easily. She rejected him and also created a barrier between me and my husband. The rejection lingered for about two years. Within those two years, Rotimi’s parents and siblings were supportive. Ben would stop at their family house, and one of them would help call me from my parents’ house because there was an embargo on him. Basically, the other Igbominas’ house that Ben could find then remained the courtship center for us lovers for a short time.

At a point, Rotimi’s mom became fed up with the whole issue and called Ben’s attention to the restriction/rejection that was ongoing and advised that he (Ben) should stop pursuing the relationship with me, but that was done in good faith given the disparaging comments from my mom.

In Rotimi’s mom’s words, Ben, I wanted to tell you this as I can do for my own son.

He responded, Okay, Ma, I’m listening.

The elderly woman proceeded. I think that you should leave Kemi alone and let another man try because what is coming from her mother’s mouth is not good at all.

Ben said, Hmm, okay, Ma. I will think about it.

That piece of advice above led to a break up between me and Ben, but we came back together after a few weeks. When the news of the breakup was broken, many people talked to Ben against it because he was the one who called off the relationship, and he stated that the action was triggered by the incessant opposition by my mom and the good advice from Rotimi’s mother. Some other people also talked to him, and within two weeks, he called me for a reconciliation, and the relationship continued.

The Igbominas were seen as an integral part for the future family. With the above experiences, Rotimi became closer to Ben, and the latter would call and talk to the former like his own friend.

The hurdles passed and access to the in-law’s family was granted after a while, but Ben continued to visit Rotimi and his entire family members. He would never touch base with my family without first paying homage to the family of his wife’s male friend.

Rotimi later started his own relationship with the sister of his choice after I had started in many months prior. Although there was no interaction between Rotimi and me about how I arrived at my final choice because it wasn’t like that in the past. He said it one day to Ben that I didn’t even tell him before I started the relationship. That infuriated me when I was told that Rotimi was surprised that my decision was without his input. For that moment, my impression was that Rotimi felt left out in the process that both had jointly taken part in the past. Remember that Rotimi had condemned all my suitors in the past. I concluded that Rotimi wouldn’t see any good aspect of Ben; rather, he would discourage me, and Ben would have walked away.

Chapter 3

Latest video from me (Kemi)

I have been pushed to the wall, and I felt that the whole world should hear me. I was also seeking an end to the persistent character assassination by Rotimi Abikoye who had become obsessed with me and who can never get to have a relationship with me by any shape or form.

On Friday, September 23, 2022, I published a video on the atrocities that Rotimi Abikoye had committed in my life and family and implored the public to assist in telling him to stop the evil assuming that he would care to listen.

I will fleetingly go through the video here.

Here is the link to the video: https://youtu.be/0wTuYec4LH8 (mostly in Yoruba/English).

The transcript

Good morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you’re. My name is Oluwakemi Oludaisi. Please, don’t be offended; I will be speaking in both English and Yoruba. I’m not so fluent in either of the two languages. I’m not a social media person. I’m out now because of the problem on ground. The man that you can see on the screen is called Olurotimi Olabisi Abikoye, alias Rote. He’s the troublemaker. He’d destroyed my family and my life. He had turned my parents and siblings against me. The man who married me rightly had been turned against me. I ruminated on what could have been his reason(s). I have called him (one-on-one). Have involved pastors and his church leaders. This guy has refused to change. He didn’t leave me alone. Some felt that since he was my friend that I was instrumental to his relocation to Canada so that we could continue what we were doing before (insinuating that we were in a relationship). That because of that, I worked on Dr. Ben to bring him to Canada. There was nothing close to that at all.

Rotimi Abikoye is truly my childhood friend. I have never dated him, and I will never date him. But I meditated on his antics and the bashing of Dr. Ben by Rotimi left and right. He would call my parents and siblings and would be bashing Dr. Ben left and right. He was telling them that I was suffering. I didn’t send him to be doing that on my behalf.

When I thought that this man, but he had blocked my number (after I had confronted him) so I couldn’t talk to him. I later asked myself about the root cause of his actions. I could remember when we were little, they used to call me his wife. Is that what has entered him?

Number 2, he didn’t attend my wedding.

Number 3, when he introduced his wife in those days, he said that she’s ugly and dumb that I’m just getting married to her.

Number 4, when he had arrived in Canada and Dr. Ben was working on his accommodation, he (Dr. Ben) said that he would put the two families (mine and Rotimi’s) in his house in Winnipeg, that his tenants should not renew the agreement, so he could put the two families there.

Rotimi said, I’ll just impregnate you.

Number 5, another thing was that he brought a letter when we were in high school, but he couldn’t deliver the letter because he said that I would be mad (he was afraid to ask me out).

I connected the dots and said to myself that Is that the reason for the bashing of my husband?

He was busy calling my siblings and connected them to his siblings to be helping him in bashing Dr. Ben (assuming that the coalition would be strong enough for my family to edge out Dr. Ben from my life).

Another group believed that I secretly called Rotimi and launched complaints which he helped me aired to the whole world.

Me?

Rotimi and I are not in talking terms at all; there was no way that such could have happened. As a matter of fact, it was Dr. Ben who insisted that he would help Rotimi and bring him to Canada. Dr. Ben took the application form to him in Nigeria. The processing then was quite different from what is obtainable now; people here would do bulk of the job. Dr. Ben was the one who did the interview on behalf of Rotimi because when I was called, I wasn’t doing well, and Dr. Ben got the phone from me and answered all the questions. He vouched for Rotimi that he would love to have him here because he would face his family and career.

The lady (the interviewer) asked Ben, Are you sure that you want your wife’s male friend in Canada? (I think that Ben would have understood that better by now.)

Then we didn’t know that being friends was enough to be living together and even have kids. Dr. Ben is also a friend to a lot of females, but he’s not destabilizing their families. Any time he calls their spouses, he would be thanking them for taking care of their wives (his friends).

Rotimi seized the opportunity that there was a fight/crack in my father’s family, and he used that to destabilize us the more. He used that manipulation to obtain Canadian visa. I was not even mad that he got visa, but he ought to have stopped his evil deeds, but he wouldn’t. He had remained obsessed with me: Where I have schooled, including my kids’ schools, he was busy stalking me around. He would call people in Nigeria and start stories about me and my family.

I don’t know what he wants from me. I have never dated him and will never do. I didn’t send him to help voice any opinion about my husband or children.

Rotimi wants me dead.

Rotimi took my sibling to a fake agent for Canadian visa who collected money from my brother. Remember that he (Rotimi) got it for free from me and Dr. Ben. He cunningly scammed my brother with fake visa agent and fake land seller. Rotimi is never remorseful.

When asked, Why are you doing all these things?

Rotimi said, I needed to save my head. I need head saving because what I have received from Dr. Ben, Kemi’s siblings can’t get it.

He also said that if I should reconcile with my siblings, what would become of him as the third party?

He was busy gossiping around. His first main food, I cooked it. Dr. Ben went to African food store to load the house with food items for his family that could last a month. Rotimi had never mentioned that to anyone; he was busy spreading falsehood. He kept telling people that I was suffering. Rotimi was spreading the false news that Dr. Ben was abusing me (even the children are appalled by this).

I have never sent him. Dr. Ben had never abused me in any form. As soon as we landed in Canada, he (Dr. Ben) bought a car in my name. Dr. Ben bought a house in my name (actually, he bought it with our two names). By the time that Dr. Ben was doing all those things, I wasn’t working at all.

Rotimi has destroyed everything around me. All I have left is my work, and he’s not hesitant to destroy that as well. He has scattered my family completely.

I’m begging all Nigerians, beg him for me to leave me alone. The person who disseminates false messages against you is worse a killer than a witch. He had sent me packing from my matrimonial home. He had turned my parents against me. He had turned my siblings against me. Just beg this wicked Rotimi on my behalf.

I have decided to come out because some people will just die suddenly (contemplating suicide). Some people would have committed suicide. I have ruminated on what I could do; I concluded that the best thing is to come out and let the world know what I’m going through at the hands of the stupid Rotimi. It’s my hope that this guy (Rotimi) will stop.

He may choose to send people to me to be insulting me on the social media. I’m not stopping him, but if he resorts to that, then I will go into plan B. I know that I’m not the type who talks a lot, but I will employ the bloggers. I will also head to court for sexual harassment and stalking.

I don’t know what Dr. Ben and his