Could the coronavirus change the way we look for love? (audio)
The coronavirus pandemic has turned lives upside down, with stay-at-home orders shifting relationships with family and friends in major ways. But what has this meant for individuals looking for love?
Many men and women across the world are continuing to date during COVID-19 – even if that means coming up with creative solutions to meeting new people, like going on Zoom dates or watching movies at the same time in two separate apartments.
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The shift away from dining in restaurants or going out has been frustrating, but those in the thick of it are finding things they like about this new approach to dating. There’s more time spent chatting on the phone, and less opportunity to “peacock” and show off. For some, it’s as if romance is getting a throwback to the style of Jane Austen novels, with heartfelt correspondence and a slower pace.
Although there’s a sense of anticipation and hope for the day dinner and a movie – in person and in public – is on the table once again, dating is getting a reboot.
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Audio Transcript:Tony Maddox: So, what went from three kind of magical dates turned into very limited contact.Shola Olabode-Dada: And then the other person we were supposed to have a virtual date. But he didn’t show up – he stood me up!Chloe Hollett: Now, I’m gonna be honest. I’m having difficulty. Because I’m running out of guys!Andrea Milla: Este situación nos ha obligado a cambiar la dinámica de la relación, de repente apresurar muchos procesos. [Voiceover translation: “This situation has forced us to change the dynamic of our relationship, and suddenly rush lots of these processes.”]Tracy Smith: I feel like this has been a reset for like the entire country. A reset for how we look at dating. Chloe Hollett: These guys that I see online, OMG, they’re like Grizzly Adams. It’s like society quiets for a moment and suddenly they all fall apart.Leah Hughes: My last human interaction, for better or for worse, was actually a bad date, right before the shelter in place was announced. A guy leaned in for the kiss and then I got too nervous and ran away. But I think every date is something new, and I need to figure out what my pacing is. Beige Ojai: And I was like, oh, this is interesting. I liked the fact that your friends and family are voting for your potential match. I mean I don’t know if it was the quarantine that made me just feel like I need to talk to somebody. It was just a feeling of cabin fever. So after I kind of got over the uneasy feelings of it all it kind of made sense for me to do something like this. Leah: I think first dates are relatively the same. I mean a first date, 90% of them is basically an interview. But everything else is basically different. The way that I get ready. So I think about makeup for the screen versus in person or in a dimly lit bar.Beige: I was conscious, yes. So I was filtering what I was saying. I wanted to seem professional and happy and perky. And it was awkward, because we didn’t really know each other. So it was a little bit different. Leah: The inherent safety of my living room definitely makes me feel a little more relaxed. I don’t have to dodge bad kisses, which is good. I also unfortunately don’t get real kisses or good kisses. So that is definitely a detractor.Beige: And we were supposed to only be on the phone for 15 minutes max, but our date was two and a half hours. Leah: The way that you interact with the person on the screen, there’s definitely the challenge of seeing your face in the upper-right hand corner. My business persona, and the person who I am at work, I’m used to that. But the face that I put on and the attitude that I put on when I’m on a date is just very different.Beige: To be honest with you, we went on our second date yesterday and that was a five hour [laughter]... a five hour date. Leah: I think it’s one of those things where seeing my ‘flirt face’ is kind of like when you’re lying in bed at night and you’re trying to sleep and then you remember a deeply embarrassing moment. And it just stays with you for 10 minutes while you relive how awkward you are.Beige: He made it so that we were able to FaceTime and watch the poetry night at the same time. And then after that we just FaceTimed. And it was really nice. It was really nice.Leah: The bragging or the peacocking element of first dates isn’t there. The guy isn’t talking about what trips he has planned because you can’t go on a trip right now. So through the week, I’ll definitely try and gather up anecdotes. I try to get those interesting stories of saying, ‘Oh I saw ducklings on my walk.’ Which, now as I say it out loud, it’s not that interesting. But it’s interesting in terms of, my entire life is within one square mile. Beige: To be honest with you I’ve never gone to a poetry night before. It was definitely something new. But if that’s what he’s into, I’m definitely willing to try different things. Leah: Chemistry is hard. Chemistry is one of the things I’m really struggling with. What if I have built up this relationship in my head and then there’s just no chemistry? It’s almost like a Jane Austen letter, you know, where one of the characters will read this sweeping love letter and it’s almost like an online date. And then they meet the person in real life and they realize: Oh, this is actually a dud.Because I’m a little bitter that my last human interaction was a bad date, I am a little skittish about risking it all to go meet up with a guy. I would prioritize seeing my loved ones, my friends first. But, yes, once things start coming back, I would love to go on a walk. I would love to see what the chemistry is and see that person in real life and figure out if it’s something I would like to move forward with. Beige: He thought of the perfect date for us to do virtually. And I’m looking forward to our next date. We’re trying to figure out how we’re going to do it. I mean there are no places to go, really. You know, we can’t go to the movies or anything that people typically would. The only place that’s open is the grocery store. And maybe we’ll meet in the grocery store parking lot. And eat popcorn and look at the stars. But he’s in his car and I’m in my car. We could actually – yes, now that I’m thinking about it, he could be in his car, I could be in my car and we could eat popcorn and watch a movie. But we’re watching the same movie on each other’s phones at the same time. And talking about it with our windows down. Can you see the vision? [laughter]Beige: How to date during this period… be creative. Leah: Don’t look at yourself in the upper-right-hand corner if you can avoid it. Beige: Because if you think about how we’ve been dating regularly before all of this, a typical date may be dinner and a movie, and these cliché type of dates. But now if you want to practice social distancing, and going on dating, there’s no other way around it. You have to be creative. Leah: It’s all about embracing the newness right now. I think every day brings an experience that I truly never expected to think about a year ago or six months ago, and now it’s just a part of daily life. And that’s one of the nice things about the human spirit, is this adaptability. I get to see that and meet people who are also willing to dip their toes in and be pioneers, maybe – I don’t know if pioneers is the right thing – in this online, online dating during the time of COVID.
