That Part!: What Some Know but Won't Tell You About Motherhood

By Dionne Joyner-Weems

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart or the fond of sleeping. It's unfiltered madness that's simultaneously enlightening, exhausting, and affirming. The first five years especially are an emotional upheaval complete with stretch marks, and for mother of three Dionne Joyner-Weems, no parenting book in the world could have prepared her for the reality of raising three sons. In That Part!: What Some Know but Won't Tell You about Motherhood, Joyner-Weems opens her diary and invites readers to share in some of the more vulnerable, challenging, and eye-opening moments of her motherhood experience. She shows, in writing that's honest, humorous, and deeply relatable, how becoming a mother can be an opportunity to embrace the blessings in the lessons and become more accepting of all the messy, meaningful lived experience that comes with becoming a parent.

"Dionne's story is a prime example of walking by faith, not by sight, and trusting God and his promises. She didn't know if she could do it, but it was already done. She just needed to walk in her destiny. 1 Peter 5:7 Amen."—Patricia Joyner, Dionne's mommy

"When Dionne was pregnant, she asked me, 'What am I going to do?!' I told her to do what was in front of her, and her children would let her know what they needed. It's been twelve years since then, and the advice is still working."—Levon Joyner Sr., Dionne's daddy

"My wife is a brilliant storyteller and a great mommy. Yeah, I called her GREAT, damnit, and after exploring these pages, I can promise that you will do at least three things: laugh, cry, and buy three more copies for loved ones. 'Cause that is what the Lord wants for your journey, and who are you to question the Lord?"—Jason Weems, Dionne's husband

• Language: English
• Publisher: Audacity Group LLC.
• Release date: Dec 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798989329014

Book preview

That Part!

THAT PART!

WHAT SOME KNOW BUT WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

DIONNE JOYNER-WEEMS

AUDACITY GROUP LLC.

That Part!: What Some Know but Won’t Tell You about Motherhood

© 2023 Dionne Joyner-Weems

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing by the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. For information regarding permission, contact the publisher at DionneJoynerWeems.com.

Published by Audacity Group LLC.

DionneJoynerWeems.com

Baltimore, Maryland.

Paperback ISBN: 979-8-9893290-0-7

Ebook ISBN: 979-8-9893290-1-4

Audio Book ISBN: 979-8-9893290-2-1

Cover design and illustrations by Audacity Group LLC

Interior design by Liz Schreiter

Edited and produced by Reading List Editorial

ReadingListEditorial.com

This book is dedicated to my three sons, Shawn, Liam, and Emery. I love you to the moon and back, though you constantly tell me, That’s not that far.

CONTENTS

Preface

Delivery Fight Club

September 9, 2011

The Natural Birth Dare

September 27, 2011

I Don’t Know How to Raise A Child

October 1, 2011

My Baby Story

October 11, 2011

Are These Contractions or Braxton Hicks?

The Rose That Grew from Concrete

November 21, 2011

Life Is One Freaking Test

November 27, 2011

Hello Breastfeeding

December 4, 2011

I Gave You Three Months

Gun Control–Just Hear Me Out!

December 19, 2012

What’s a Weekend to a Baby?

January 13, 2013

Dream Big

January 21, 2013

I’m Always in My Own Way

January 31, 2013

I Have to Stop Comparing Myself

February 8, 2013

Far from Cute

February 23, 2013

Gross and Greedy

March 1, 2013

What the Daughter Does, the Mother Did

March 7, 2013

Don’t Make Mommy Angry

March 13, 2013

Depression

March 31, 2013

My Dirty Little Secret

Eight Reasons I Haven’t Called Back

April 4, 2013

I Have to Pee

April 8, 2013

If I Had a Clone . . .

April 12, 2013

Why Am I Doing Math?

April 23, 2013

Put My Baby at the Top of the List

April 29, 2013

Complain at Your Own Risk

May 1, 2013

Where Am I?

May 14, 2013

When the Juggler Falls

May 19, 2013

Women Without Children Are Selfish

May 24, 2013

So You Had a Bad Day?

June 3, 2013

Come Again?!

June 12, 2013

(Part One of Expecting a Baby)

The Dark Side

June 13, 2013

(Part Two of Expecting Twins)

Boxing with God

June 15, 2013

(Conclusion of Expecting Twins)

I Think I Love My Job

June 26, 2013

A Mother on the Verge of Exploding

July 26, 2013

Thirty-Four Weeks with Twins

August 16, 2013

They Said I’d Be Lucky to Make It

I’m Tired of Being Pregnant

October 10, 2013

Early Parenthood

November 14, 2013

Perception vs. Reality

Take These Babies . . . Please!

November 29, 2013

Can’t a Woman Have Boundaries?

December 17, 2013

How Honest Are Parents?

December 19, 2013

Home for the Holidays

December 31, 2013

Party of Five

January 10, 2014

Hello, My Name Is

January 24, 2014

The Key Difference Between Boys

February 3, 2014

How Does Your Child See You?

May 11, 2014

The Constant vs. the Variable

January 27, 2015

Which One Are You?

Fall and Rise Again

June 28, 2015

Cosmetic Surgery

July 9, 2015

Sign Me Up?

Six Ways Having a Dog Does Not Compare to Raising Children

July 16, 2015

Feeling Some Kinda Way

August 5, 2015

Black-ish

August 25, 2015

A Black Mother’s View

Caterpillar Caterpillar

November 1, 2015

Epilogue

February 14, 2019

You Owe Me an Apology

About Dionne Joyner-Weems

PREFACE

WHAT DO I KNOW?

When I was pregnant with my first child in 2010, I purchased every childbirth book imaginable, from What to Expect When You’re Expecting and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding to The Happiest Baby on the Block and Baby 411. Two years later, when we found out we were expecting twins, I purchased double the books, along with every edition of the Holy Bible. I think I may have even thrown in a Quran or two for flavoring, and I’m not even Muslim. I just knew that with the new challenge of raising three boys under the age of three, I needed to know that God, Buddha, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Shiva, and the artist formerly known as Prince were listening.

A little background: I’m a classic type-A personality, an Aries sun sign with a Sagittarius rising. I’m an eighties baby, born and raised on the west side of Baltimore—my hometown and my heart. Just imagine a wiry (ninety pounds when wet) Black girl, bobbing and weaving through Sandtown-Winchester. My neighborhood shaped me within a redlined community that framed the way I saw the world. A concoction of grit and a dash of grace, I’m the firstborn child and a manic overthinker who has the nerve to be stubborn. I’m Zoloft’s wet dream. I don’t want to get things done simply; I want to get things done perfectly. So, it would only be natural that I would approach childbirth and parenting as a DIY project that I could research and perfect.

Of the twenty-seven books I purchased in preparation for my sons’ arrival, do you know how many I referenced after we brought our babies home? That’s right: zero, zilch, nada. Well, we did use two books to balance the changing table we purchased from Ikea—but there was no reading involved. This is not because they served their purpose and told me everything I needed to know. It was because the authors approached motherhood as doctors, nurses, or teachers. Their eye was fixed with a scientific lens, not based on lived experience. And let me tell you, you need lived experience when it’s three o’clock in the morning and your breasts are engorged. Your mood swings are tangled in knotted chains. You haven’t eaten or slept longer than twenty minutes over the course of seventy-two hours. And your baby or babies’ blood-curdling shrills are sending chills down your spine. At that moment, you do not need a doctor to reinforce the swaddling method. At that moment, you need someone to tell you, It’s okay that you want to scream. You are not the first person to think about hurling your baby to Pluto. It’s okay that you feel like happiness is just outside your reach and you are second-guessing your decision or ability to be a mother. You are not a horrible person for not feeling that intimate connection with your child that everyone raves about. You need someone to say, It’s okay. I can relate.

Well, I don’t have a PhD in counseling. But I do have lots of experience being a mother who has crawled through the darkest valley. From the fear of raising little Black boys in America to trying to establish boundaries or battling the shame of depression while navigating the sudden change in personal relationships, I made it to the other side.

Everyone told me how fast time would fly, but no one told me the deeper reason for savoring those moments. As soon as we laid eyes on our firstborn son on Wednesday, August, 24, 2011, Shawn (who we called S. Dot affectionately) changed my life. Every experience I had as a mother pulled back the curtain on how I saw the world and who I wanted to be as a woman. The first five years of motherhood were a sobering test of self-reflection. And I chronicled my epiphanies and ah-ha moments in my diary daily, and I continued to write my reflections for the five years that followed. I had always loved storytelling, but motherhood reignited my passion. All of West Baltimore came out of me. I was raw and uncut, you hear me? I wrote what I saw as I felt it!

Becoming a mother is powerful, but it can also be isolating. It’s unfiltered madness that is enlightening, exhausting, and affirming. More mothers should be encouraged to share the blessings in the lessons. Even after more than twelve years, my life has changed and my children are older, but it was those first precious five years of raising three boys under three that I not only discovered my voice but also embraced my womanhood.

SEPTEMBER 9, 2011

DELIVERY FIGHT CLUB

Before delivering my son, S. Dot, I asked every mother I knew, How does childbirth feel? The clearest answer I received was, Imagine your worst menstrual cramps, and multiply that times 100. Let’s just say that did not nearly detail what I felt. But my girlfriend/hair stylist, Jennifer, who has an eleven-year-old and a thirteen-year-old, told me a woman is not supposed to tell a new mother what delivering a child feels like, so as to avoid scaring her. I guess it’s like the first rule of Fight Club. You do not talk about Fight Club.

Well, since I’m all about sharing, I would like to offer a few personal tips.

Don’t prolong the pain of contractions by staying in the