First Draft Father: A Write-from-Home Dad Finds the Joy/Anxiety/Exhaustion/Wonder of Parenting

By Ed Cyzewski

How do you balance the calling to a career and the calling to fatherhood? 

How do you face a life change that you feel completely inadequate and unprepared for? 

In Ed Cyzewski's case, he wrote about it--a lot. 

The only thing author Ed Cyzewski feared more than an editor's rejection email was parenthood. After struggling to establish himself as a full time writer in his 20's, he began his 30's with more questions about his career, more anxiety about parenthood, and a baby on the way.

First Draft Father documents the rough draft of a new father balancing parenting and working from home through a weekly online journal. Along the way his faith and writing career were revised in ways he never expected.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ed Cyzewski
• Release date: Jul 14, 2015
• ISBN: 9781513092126

Ed Cyzewski

Ed Cyzewski writes at www.edcyzewski.com where his love for prayer, writing, and bad puns come together. He is the author of Pray, Write, Grow: Cultivating Prayer and Writing Together, A Path to Publishing, A Christian Survival Guide, and other books. He is a graduate of Biblical Theological Seminary, avid gardener, and devotee to New York style pizza. Find him on twitter: @edcyzewski. Subscribe to his e-newsletter at www.edcyzewski.com for new book releases, discounts, and tips on writing and publishing. 

Book preview

Chapter 1

Helping My Son Find His Calling from Day One

How can I help you? is not what you want the receptionist at the hospital's Labor and Delivery section to say to you when your wife is in the thick of labor and you're hauling three or four bags while trying to help her breath through the latest contraction.

Let's get you checked in, or I'll let the nurses know you're here while you check in, seem much better to me. Wasn't it obvious that my extremely pregnant, laboring wife needed to check in as fast as possible? Had the receptionist not seen someone in that kind of pain before? Did she think I was hauling four bags around the hospital because I mistook it for a downtown hotel?

How can I help you? sounds great when you walk into a clothing store or a fast food joint.

Our needs couldn't be more obvious, our stress couldn't have be higher, and the pain of a loved one more acute.  I wanted to be surrounded by people who know how to help and immediately take action.

Useless pleasantries are grating.

They also leave husbands speechless. My wife Julie told the receptionist, I'm in labor in between breaths.

While Julie was well in the thick of hard labor at that point, I began to relax a little, knowing she was in good hands as our doctor, nurses, and doula came alongside us. She persevered for the next four hours before Ethan was born at 8:28 pm later that night. I'd already supported Julie through a good bit of labor at home, and I began the final hours of waiting for my son while wearing my t-shirt from the 2011 STORY conference.

That t-shirt was not a minor detail for me. Sure, it was black, which I figured would help if his head was a bit goopy. Most importantly, I wanted to wear something that symbolized who I am and how I hope to parent Ethan.

I have three step sisters who were all born after my eleventh birthday, so I watched enough children's programming to hear the message, You can do anything you want! A few years after being inundated with children's programming, I left for college where there's a general vibe of, Figure out a way to make money or you're screwed.

We all live in that balance between trying to find meaningful work that taps into our God-given talents and passions and finding a job that makes it possible to live. I appreciate that tension. There may be seasons where we need to find something that pays the bills and shove our passions aside for a while. However, I also think it's a tragedy that so many people wait until retirement to pursue their dreams and to develop their talents--if they even get around to them.

I believe that God hasn't created us to merely find the best-paying job to pay for the nicest house with the best school district.

I believe we can serve God and one another best when we embrace who we were created to be.

I believe we can take steps toward that calling either within or outside of a job.

We have all of these different callings that could be in the home, in a cubicle, at a construction site, or in a cafe. The issue for me is whether we're willing to pursue that calling amidst the voices that tell us to play it safe, to settle for the job that pays the bills, to fill our time with entertainment.

The STORY conference last year was one of the most formative events in my life as a writer and creative person. Walking into the lobby, I felt like I could breath. It was like someone had pumped me full of life, and God affirmed who I am.

Rather than thinking of myself as a failure, misfit, or irresponsible dolt, I finally realized that God made me to be an off-beat, artistic person who gives his time to creative writing. It was almost hard to believe I could use the word artistic in a sentence describing myself.

I returned home and added a tagline to my writing site: I specialize in the creative presentation of ideas.

That creative calling informs the work I do for my clients' websites and books, the book ideas I've been pitching to editors, and the posts I share here.

STORY was a huge yes for who I am. God said, Look, you're not the only crazy person. You can do this. I have 1,000 others who share your passion. Now get busy.

When I held Ethan for the first time, I cradled his mucky head to my STORY t-shirt. I wanted his first experience of his father to affirm both who I am and who he can be. How can I ever affirm him as a whole person with God-given gifts if I hide my own and fail to cultivate them?

Can I guide my son to places I've never dared to tread?

I write because it's part of who God created me to be and because, at least for now, I can earn enough money doing it. It gives me a flexible schedule that permits me plenty of time to care for Ethan and to work wherever I am. There are plenty of good reasons to pursue my creative calling, even if isn't common, traditional, or highly profitable.

While rocking Ethan in my STORY t-shirt just minutes after his birth, I affirmed who I am becoming and what I hope to pass onto him someday. Some day in the future he'll talk about what he wants to do with his life. I hope he'll have a lifetime of watching me work hard at my gifts and calling so that he won't be surprised when I point him to his passions and God-given dreams.

Even if the receptionist at the hospital isn't all that clear about how she could help us, I want my son to know that his father can always help point him to his calling because I've already traveled that path myself.

Chapter 2

God Doesn't Measure Faithfulness in Dollars

Before Ethan's birth, I worried about whether my writing career would provide enough income to keep us stable. The plan all along had been to develop a writing career that provided me with a flexible job that I can shift around the needs of our son and that I can take wherever my wife finds a teaching job.

After a few slow months, the math in our budget wasn't looking so hot. The more Julie's belly expanded, the lower my income dipped.

If I ever had a prayer request during the months leading up to Ethan's birth, it was either that I wouldn't faint during the birth and that my income would receive a bump.

I had a picture in my mind of what God's provision would look like. It was basically the equivalent of winning the lottery: a one-time event that would take care of all of our needs.

Like a living Psalm of lament, I reminded God repeatedly that I was being faithful to the calling he put on my life. He needed to pony up.

Little by little, the work arrived. An E-book here. An article there. A new website. A few extra blog posts for a client. An overdue invoice that I'd written off was finally paid.

It never FELT like God was providing for me. My income took one little step after another back to where it had been before and then kept going. It was exactly what we needed so I could take 2 weeks of paternity leave after Ethan's birth.

Before Ethan arrived, I worked at a feverish pace, trying to build up as much money in our bank account as possible.

I worried about doing a thousand things wrong as a father: dropping Ethan, letting him hurt himself, and generally just being really, really lousy as a father.

I can't quite explain what happened after the birth of Ethan, but a lot of that worrying has evaporated. It's just gone.

I don't worry about money or work.

I don't worry about how I'll do as a dad.

I'm just doing both. Perhaps I don't have the time to worry now. It certainly feels like I have a lot less time available to fret and worry about things.

I wish I'd known that having a child could help these things. Here, I'd worried that my worrying would make me a lousy dad. On the other end of Ethan's birth, I only see God's provision in both our bank account and in my own heart.

There's something about the fullness of my life caring for Ethan that has forced me to take a bigger leap of faith, trusting God's provision. It's either that or go insane.

It's not comfortable living on the financial edge for a season. It's not something I ever plan to do. Sometimes a cut in your work and a few unexpected bills just throw you for a loop. That kind of worry can do a number on your faith and self-perception.

When life gets uncertain and I feel the old fears rise up in my chest, my first thought is, What did I do wrong?

From what I can tell, I've been right where I belong, whether hanging by a thread or thriving in a thick safety net. Faithfulness does not always lead to comfort or stability.

What really gets me is that our circumstances haven't changed all that much with my work. I used to worry about money simply because I'm a freelance writer and one good month does not guarantee another.

My world can unravel with a few e-mails. It's always a walk of faith. There's always more work to do, more contacts to follow up on.

The one change in my life has been Ethan. The best that I can tell is that God is guiding me to keep my priorities straight and then trust that the rest will fall into place. I would normally resist such a leap of faith, but I get the sense that God is quite pleased with this arrangement.

God's measure for faithfulness is our obedience, not some kind of return we can bring in as a reward for investing in God's plans. That sounds ridiculous to Americans. We always want to know what the return on investment will be.

By focusing on raising Ethan, putting my work behind him, and settling for whatever money comes in, I'm receiving the reward of peace. There is no guarantee that life will be easy, but obedience does bring its own reward of rest, even if it's not quite comfortable.

I never thought I would reach such a point in my professional career. It would seem that it took a little ten pound child to reorient my focus to trusting in God in ways I never thought possible by sheer necessity. I simply don't have the time to worry about money right now.

There's a part of me that questions the wisdom of that, but for now, I have Ethan's quizzical stare, a few steady projects, and God's promise to walk with me through the storms of life. That is enough for now.

Chapter 3

The Tragedy of Running Out of Diapers

We've never actually run out of diapers. We have all kinds of cloth diapers in our changing table. We keep disposables handy just in case. Our reserves are extensive.

Nevertheless, if we want to have enough diapers, especially the good diapers with the absorbent inserts that make life a little bit: neater, I need to anticipate the best time to toss our diaper bag into the wash.

Too soon, and we'll run out in the middle of the night.

Too late, and they won't dry in time.

The timing is critical here.

I still check my e-mail every day for news about a new book contract, but I'll be darned if I don't spend quadruple that time scheduling my loads of diapers in the wash.

Diapers have taken on a critically important spot in my life these days, but that doesn't mean I can't forget to prioritize time to pray, read scripture, chat with my wife, or take a little time to unwind in the garden. These are all important priorities that I need to pursue while juggling my writing work and an impending book release at the end of the month.

There is an art of anticipation. Planning is everything when you have a little one, but I've found that