A Journey From Anger to Peace: Be Angry but Do Not Sin

By Patrick Coman

This book is a story of a journey from anger to peace. On this journey lessons were learnt in the crucible of life and appear here to help others who are affected by an angry spouse or who suffer from anger problems. It explains the process of anger, its causes and effects, and ways to overcome this condition. A chapter by his wife is included, about living with an angry person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Nov 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781779413765

Patrick Coman

Patrick Coman began pastoring in 1984 whilst still in theological college. Patrick pastored with the Christian and Missionary Alliance in Canberra, Melbourne, Perth and Kalgoorlie. He retired in 2012 and lives in Wodonga, Victoria, with his wife Veronica, where he spends his time helping refugees and the less fortunate. He has three married adult children and eight grandchildren.

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Reviews

I have been a pastor now for more than fifty years and have long since learned that every single one of us is broken and in need of restoration. The hurts we receive as children both in the context of our families and in the wider circle of our lives, shape us in ways that are often harmful, and sometimes devastating to our emotional and spiritual health. And the ways we learn to respond to the circumstances and people that hurt us, form life-long patterns that are not easily broken.

I have also learned that many (maybe most) of us are unwilling or unable to do the very hard work of identifying those destructive patterns and replacing them with healthy ones. That is most unfortunate because as we all know: Broken people break other people. Dysfunctional behavior patterns replicate themselves and get passed from generation to generation.

Over the past four decades, since I first met Patrick Coman as a student of mine at the Alliance College of Theology, I have watched as he has done the hard work of allowing God to change him from a great friend with some anger issues into a wise man, who by God’s grace has been transformed into a guide who can help others who are struggling to understand both who they are now, and what it will take to become the person they really want to be.

This small book is an honest record of a journey from bondage into freedom- a freedom that ultimately only God can give. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

John F Soper

Pastor/ Professor/ former Vice President for Church Ministries of the C&MA, Executive Director of mission119.com

This book is good medicine, both therapeutic and prophylactic, when dealing with the problems presented by our anger. I have known Patrick for 30 plus years and have walked some of this journey with him in my roles both as Area Coordinator for the WA churches of his denomination, and as a fellow-prayer minister in Victorious Ministry Through Christ (VMTC). What he has written on the topic of anger, and the way he has related it to his own, and his family’s, experiences is very insightful and helpful to someone who genuinely wants to deal with their own anger or help others deal with theirs. Patrick has been refreshingly honest about his own experiences and has appropriately included a valuable contribution from his wife; she also has been open about her own struggles and speaks strongly to many who have repressed anger in the ways that she has done.

Ian Cullen

Retired pastor

A Journey From Anger to Peace

Be Angry but Do Not Sin

Patrick Coman

(with Chapter 8 by Veronica Coman)

A Journey From Anger to Peace

Copyright © 2023 by Patrick Coman

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-1-77941-375-8 (Hardcover)

978-1-77941-374-1 (Paperback)

978-1-77941-376-5 (eBook)

Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1: My Journey

Chapter 2: Anger

Chapter 3: Responses to Anger

Chapter 4: The Bible on Anger

Chapter 5: I Don’t Know Why I Get Angry

Chapter 6: Anger and Demonisation

Chapter 7: Dave’s Story

Chapter 8: Living with an Angry Person

Conclusion

References

Appendix 1: A Flow Chart of The Anger Cycle

Appendix 2: A Bible Study on Anger Triggers

Appendix 3: More Information on Demonisation

Appendix 4: Scriptures Used in This Book

Appendix 5: Receiving the Gift of Eternal Life

Foreword

Patrick Coman is an honest bloke who speaks from the heart, sharing his own journey of pain, brokenness, violence, and anger into self-awareness and self-respect. Patrick readily acknowledges his failings, and points to the grace of God in Jesus Christ that has over his lifetime brought him into a place of wholeness and peace.

I have known Patrick for over 40 years and journeyed with him, on and off, from the day he put his faith in Jesus Christ in his little farmhouse on the Darling Scarp near Pinjarra, WA.

His journey cannot be told without the presence of his wife, Veronica, who was the object of his rage at times, and yet in her own testimony of God’s grace toward her, has remained with Patrick, and served beside him as faithful pastors and ministers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—even while Patrick was still on a journey towards wholeness.

Of course, Patrick, like us all who follow Christ, is still on that journey to wholeness! He would say, along with the apostle Paul, Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me (Philippians 3:12, NIV,2011).

His testimony here is raw, honest, and undergirded by some of the powerful insights into the roots of anger and bitterness that he has learned along the way. And God has honoured the heart of Patrick to love and serve Jesus Christ—even when sometimes expressed in unhelpful ways in his early journey of faith. Patrick has always been passionate to introduce others to Jesus Christ as saviour because of his own experience of the transforming grace of God in Christ. And this passion continues to motivate him today in his senior years.

Others might not struggle with anger to the same degree as Patrick, but all can benefit from self-examination and application of principles outlined here. And most of all we can encounter the living Jesus Christ as Patrick has done. I commend this heartfelt book to all who desire to grow in grace and more and more into the likeness of the character of Jesus Christ.

Dr Kenn Iskov

Pastor & Theological Educator

Preface

In writing this book, I have shared very personal information that brought me great shame and caused my wife and her family distress and pain. Circumstances in my life have caused me to become a very angry and damaged person who then perpetrated some terrible acts. Forgiveness has set me free. Despite this, every time I see a scene of domestic violence on TV, I feel pain and regret for the times I inflicted this distress upon my wife and her family. We have talked about it and—although she assures me it is in the past and I am totally forgiven—I still have a very raw spot that domestic violence triggers, and I feel remorseful. In his 1981 book Anger: Yours, Mine and What To Do About It, R. P. Walters states there are two forces that can cause anger: external and internal. He goes on to say, external forces are conditions in our physical and social environment such as: a loss, a threat, frustration, or rejection. When these occur, even if a person appears to be coping, it is quite probable they are feeling angry due to these external forces. When people become angry, they are usually looking for someone to blame. When angry people cannot find someone responsible for their anger, they tend to blame God. They may say things like, If God was good, he would not allow bad things to happen.

For God to override, however, it would require him to take away the free will of people who act in a certain way … that causes circumstances … from which others become angry. To pursue this discussion, we would need to go outside of our subject and discuss the nature of God. This would take us away from our focus on the process of anger and managing anger.

Internal forces are feelings such as guilt, a sense of helplessness, unrealistic expectations, aimlessness, and low self-esteem (Walters, 1981). When the external conditions meet these internal feelings, the likely outcome of these combined factors is anger and some form of destructive behaviour.

For me, there seems to be too many factors to consider for us to deal with anger effectively. We need a fresh approach and a different understanding that will help us to process circumstances when we become angry. I know this from personal experience.

Since my early childhood, I had a problem with anger, and this continued into adulthood without an understanding of what caused me to become angry. I became a Christian at age 30 and a minister at age 38, but I still had anger issues. My denomination sent me for counselling, which helped a lot, but this did not deal completely with my anger problem. At age 46, I had some ministry with a group known as VMTC (Victorious Ministry Through Christ) and this gave me a final breakthrough.

As I journeyed along the pathway of healing, God was revealing to me what I am about to share with you. The central part of this teaching is a diagram of what I have called ‘The Anger Cycle.’ The phrase anger cycle comes from Walters’ book (1981, p. 43). This book was immensely helpful to me and enabled me to start changing. However, the anger cycle described by Walters is not really a cycle at all. It is more like a flow chart.

I am indebted to Walters for much of my understanding of anger, but the way God has led me is very different. If you have read Walters’ book, you will see much of his terminology in my work. However, our process is different. It is not that I disagree with Walters, I just see a different path for the cycle and a different way of processing anger. In the end, we both come