SCP Foundation Agent 420 Paranormal Fun: SCP Foundation

By Fandom Books and Michael Schuerman

I'm Agent 420 of the SCP Foundation, and if you're reading this, you're about to embark on one of the wildest rides of your life. No, seriously, hold on to your hats (and any snack you have nearby).

Before I became Agent 420, I was just another regular Joe who enjoyed the occasional toke. Then one day, I realized that every time I lit up, I'd... see things. Not just any things, mind you, but otherworldly, funky entities that seemed to exist in the space between reality and, well, somewhere else.

The SCP Foundation, with all its mysterious allure, was a place I never imagined I'd be a part of. Yet, here I am, their go-to guy for all things trippy. It's a wild gig, man. I mean, who'd have thought that getting high would become a professional skill?

But it ain't all fun and games. Despite the occasional hilarity (which you're about to discover), there's a very real need for what I do. These hallucinogenic entities, while often just wanting to chill, can sometimes be a real handful (or tentacle, or pseudopod, or... you get the idea).

So, as you dive into these pages, remember, it's not just another stoner's rambling. These are real encounters, real experiences. Whether they make you laugh, scratch your head, or simply go "whoa," I hope you come out of it with a newfound appreciation for the universe's infinite weirdness.

Roll one, or just roll with the punches, and come journey with me. Peace, love, and good vibes.

-Agent 420.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fandom Books
• Release date: Nov 20, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223017417

Book preview

The Existential Pizza

Date: January 1, 2023

The beginning of a new year usually meant resolutions, fresh starts, and the inevitable surge of gym memberships. But for the SCP Foundation, it was just another day filled with inexplicable occurrences. And today, of all things, I met a talking pizza slice.

I was wandering the east wing of the Foundation, trying to recall where I had left my favorite lighter, when a waft of a familiar delicious aroma stopped me in my tracks. The tantalizing scent of freshly baked pizza. Following my nose, I entered the break room to find a solitary pizza slice levitating above a table. It was an ordinary pepperoni pizza, steam still rising from its molten cheese, but then it did the extraordinary.

Hey man, you gonna eat me? The slice's voice had a weirdly soothing tone to it, like listening to a late-night radio DJ.

Taken aback, I asked the first question that came to mind. Uh, what are your toppings?

Without missing a beat, it replied, Existential dread with a sprinkle of mozzarella. Oh, and pepperoni. Can't forget the pepperoni.

I couldn't help but chuckle. Existential dread? That's a new one.

Yeah, the pizza sighed, I'm the result of a cook with an existential crisis who happened to be a latent reality bender. Go figure.

Just then, Agent 5372 walked in, freezing when she saw the hovering slice. 420, did you... get high and conjure this? she asked, an eyebrow raised.

Swear on my stash, this isn't my doing, I defended, pointing to the pizza. Ask him.

She approached the pizza cautiously. So, you're a... philosophical pizza slice?

In a cheesy kind of way, yes, it replied, the pepperonis on its surface jiggling as if it were chuckling.

Before our bizarre conversation could continue, Dr. Bright entered the room, looking flustered and tired, probably from dealing with another SCP incident. Spotting the pizza, his eyes lit up. Food! I've been running around since morning.

Seeing an opportunity, I grabbed the plate, presenting the pizza slice to Dr. Bright. Hey, Doc. Care for a slice? Freshly baked, with a hint of existentialism.

Dr. Bright eyed the slice skeptically but seemed too hungry to care. As long as it's not another SCP, he quipped, taking a bite.

The pizza's voice echoed faintly, Chew thoroughly, my dude. Embrace the existentialism.

I grinned, watching as Dr. Bright munched away, blissfully unaware of the philosophical journey he was embarking on with each bite.

Agent 5372 turned to me, shaking her head in amusement. Just another day at the Foundation, huh?

Indeed, I replied, the scent of tomato sauce and metaphysical ponderings lingering in the air. Indeed.

Lighting Up the Lizard

Date: January 15, 2023

While most encounters with SCP-682, the Hard-to-Destroy Reptile, were met with trepidation, fear, and extensive preparation, my off-kilter approach to my duties often led to unorthodox interactions. The SCP Foundation had its protocols, but sometimes, I believed, you just had to level with the entities.

The corridors of the SCP Foundation were dimly lit as I meandered, passing by the sturdy containment doors, each one housing entities that could turn one's understanding of reality upside down. As I approached SCP-682's chamber, an uneasy feeling settled in. The air grew colder, and an eerie silence enveloped the space, only occasionally interrupted by the distant hum of machinery.

It wasn't a scheduled day to interact with SCP-682, but having dealt with some particularly intense entities earlier, I was feeling adventurous. Maybe, just maybe, a little connection could make a difference.

The thick observation glass provided a clear view of SCP-682. Its massive, scaly form sprawled across the floor, muscles twitching occasionally. Its eyes, always watching, always wary, met mine.

Hey there, I started, my voice echoing in the small observation chamber. I pulled out a joint, waving it lightly. Wanna share this and maybe chat? You know, just two entities talking about life, existence, and maybe our favorite snacks?

SCP-682's response was a long, drawn-out hiss. It wasn't the friendly kind.

Guess not, I shrugged, putting the joint back in my pocket.

Agent 3819 entered the observation chamber, looking at me with a mixture of bemusement and exasperation.