The Weird and Unexpected World of Ronald Taylor: The Weird and Unexpected World of Ronald Taylor, #1

By Jack T Canis

Wondering what he was going to do with his retirement, Ronald Taylor need not have worried. Discovering one morning a Brownie releaving himself in the hedge next to his bungalow.will lead him to a world of adventure. His wife, Evelyn, on the other hand thinks he may well be suffering from early onset dementia and, therefore, perhaps a visit to the local sanitarium is more in order.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jack T Canis
• Release date: Nov 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223833963

Jack T Canis

Jack T Canis lives in South Wales, UK with his wife and three neurodivergent children. He started his professional career as an archaeologist, but through the years has also been a self-employed armourer; an administrator for the NHS and in recent years a qualified person-centred counsellor specialising in bereavement and loss, now retired. Currently he is a full-time carer for his youngest child who has additional emotional & physical needs and carer for his eldest child who is autistic. He is a part time writer. He is published in a number of publications including: Purple Wall magazine (honourable mention & co-champion), Datura & Sledgehammer Literary magazine. He is in four anthologies and has been longlisted in the Cranked Anvil monthly competition (2021) & Bridport Flash Fiction Competition (2021). The collection of dark short stories, 'Horrific Tales for a Horrific Year' published by Abergavenny Small Press (ASP) is available from https://www.asppublishing.co.uk/ or https://books2read.com/horrifictales2020 He can be found on Twitter (daily): @jackcanis. & Facebook (rarely): @jacktcanis.

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The Weird and Unexpected World of Ronald Taylor.

By Jack T. Canis

Text copyright © Jack T. Canis 2023

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The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted according to the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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All Rights are reserved.

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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without prior permission in writing of the publisher and copyright holders.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The Weird and Unexpected World of Ronald Taylor

‘W hy is there a plastic fork in the hedge?’ Ronald called over his shoulder to his long suffering wife, who was just disappearing in through the back door of their bungalow.

‘Your guess is as good as mine,’ she replied. She went into the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle. They always liked a pot of tea after their morning cigarette.

Ronald looked down at the offending object sticking out of the bottom of his hedge. He bent down and pinched the four white prongs of the fork that protruded out of the roots. What happened next could only ever happen to Ronald, it was all so unexpected.

‘’Ere, what the friggin’ ‘ell do yer think yer doin’?’ cried a shrill voice from behind the fork handle.

Ronald paused his pinch and squinted into the depths of the vegetation; if he didn’t know better, he would have said there was a half-naked Brownie squatting behind the fork.

‘I was about to remove this fork and put it in the bin,’ he said by way of explanation.

‘Well, don’t! ‘Ow am I expected to get any friggin’ privacy if yer takin’ me fork away? Tch!’

‘My apologies, didn’t know you were there. Is this a regular thing, or can I remove it when you’ve finished? Doing whatever it is you’re doing.’ Ronald straightened up and rubbed the small of his back where the muscles had started to seize. His back, like him, was old and didn’t like doing anything much for any length of time. Certainly not bending over on a cold, damp morning.

‘I’m having a dump, if yer must know,’ said the brownie.

‘I see,’ said Ronald, ‘In my hedgerow?’

‘Well as I see it, it’s my ‘edge, cos I’m the one living in it. Don’t see you livin’ ‘ere.’ It said affronted by Ronald’s tone.

‘Yes, I can see how you might see it like that. And no, I don’t live in the hedge,’ he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, ‘don’t need to as I live in the bungalow. My hedge surrounds my property.’

‘Your ‘edge? YOUR ‘edge? Tch! It’s my friggin’ ‘edge; yer people don’t ‘alf get my goat sometimes, with yer ‘ighfalutin ideas. Your ‘edge indeed.’

The brownie grunted and finished squatting; it pulled up its frayed ragged trousers and then stepped out from behind his fork.

‘Right, well I’ll be off now, now that yer’ve interrupted me morning dump. I mean, if that’s alright with you?’ The brownie glowered at Ronald as if to dare him to gainsay him. Ronald merely shrugged and watched the brownie stomp off into the depths of the hedge.

Back inside the bungalow his wife had finished making their pot of tea and had already settled at the kitchen table. She had laid out his paper and was just opening her magazine. She looked up and saw that faraway look on her husband’s face that meant he was away with the fairies again. He sat down at