So you want to marry me?: Before we say “I do”, we need to talk!

By Edwin C. Bass

How many times have you said to yourself, “If only I could have a do over with what I know now.” In the process of living, you have learned many valuable lessons that, had you known earlier, would have had an impact on your decision making. An important area of life that concerns many people is marriage. Failed marriages are very painful because often in retrospect the parties come to realize what could have been if only they had been more thoughtful in choosing. For those who have experienced the anguish of a failed marriage or those who wish to enter into a fulfilling marriage, learning from your own experience or that of others can help you in choosing a spouse. This book presents important questions that should be carefully considered before getting married. The questions are derived from my observations as a pastor counseling many couples both before and after marriage. Candid answers to these questions will give you critical information, which, if taken into consideration prior to the marriage, will lead to better decision making and ultimately fewer divorces.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9798385002047

Edwin C. Bass

Edwin C. Bass has served as the Senior Pastor of The Empowered Church, Church of God in Christ for thirty years. He has also served at times as Senior Vice President, Sales & Marketing, for Alliance Blue Cross Blue Shield as well as Chief Operating Officer of the Church of God in Christ, Inc. In each role, he has witnessed the devastating effect on marriages when partners fail to communicate fully prior to entering the marriage covenant. On the other hand, he has observed that when partners start out the marriage with open communication, they have set the standard for how they will communicate throughout the marriage. He is committed to providing pre-marriage counseling that facilitates intentional, in-depth communication between individuals contemplating marriage.

Book preview

Copyright © 2023 Edwin C. Bass.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from King James version of the Bible, public domain.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scriptures marked (ASV) are taken from The Holy Bible, American Standard Version (ASV), public Domain.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0202-3 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0203-0 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0204-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023912350

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/25/2023

CONTENTS

Dedication

Foreword

Preface

Chapter 1:The Wedding Was Beautiful!

Chapter 2:The Must Have Conversations

Chapter 3:Case Studies in Pre-Marriage Counseling

Chapter 4:Pre-Marriage Counseling

Chapter 5:What If We Decide to Cancel or Postpone Plans?

Chapter 6:Coming Together with Faith

In Closing

Appendix I:Pre-Marriage Counseling Steps

Appendix II:Pre-Marriage Discussion Guide Worksheet

Appendix III:Table for Capturing Issues to be Resolved

Appendix IV:Our Mission Statement and Marriage Vows

Appendix V:Budget for Our First Year

Acknowledgments

About the Author

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my wife of 52 years, Jessie Miller Bass. Like the Psalms, Jessie has been a faithful and constant source of encouragement as we traveled life together. And, dedicated to my children, Sean, Craig and Courtney along with my grandchildren, Kyng, Paige and Hannah. The privilege of being husband, father and grandfather is the greatest honor of my life. Finally, to my beloved parents, the late Bishop Joseph E. Bass, Sr. and Missionary Mary V. Bass, I offer up my gratitude for being a model for holy matrimony throughout their nearly 50 years together.

FOREWORD

Rabbi Barry R. Baron, University Chaplain, Colgate University

Of the many transitions which people are tasked to navigate in the course of a lifetime, marriage is surely one of the trickiest, as two prospective partners, each with their own background, needs, and desires, enter into a union, intended to last a lifetime. The couple that emerges will now face life together, in a joint entity intended to provide the mutual love and support that should magnify joys and triumphs while cushioning the blows of challenges and tragedies.

Clergy in all traditions are privileged to bring partners into this sacred union while having to help people pick up the pieces of their lives in cases where that union dissolves. When a marriage fails, it often does so because the couple entered into it with insufficient knowledge of themselves and each other while lacking awareness of the mutual sacrifice and work that a marriage actually entails.

In So You Want to Marry Me? Before we say I do, we need to talk! Bishop Edwin C. Bass has written a concise handbook for prospective marriage partners which can also serve as a valuable tool in the hands of clergy who counsel them and solemnize their unions. In six concise chapters (The Wedding Was Beautiful; The Must Have Conversations; Case Studies in Pre-Marriage Counseling; Pre-Marriage Counseling; What If We Decide to Cancel or Postpone Plans?; Coming Together with Faith),