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Rewrite
Rewrite
Rewrite
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Rewrite

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It's safe to assume that a mid-tier homecoming dance isn't something you'd expect to see when you turn on your television. However, for Reese, Jenna, Nick, Diana, Jesse, and Joey, this became their reality when their sophomore homecoming ended with the six of them becoming murder suspects. At this point, the trashy decor wasn't the only crime at

LanguageEnglish
Release dateOct 22, 2023
ISBN9798218279943
Rewrite

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    Rewrite - Nora Mehadi

    Acknowledgements

    Every word in this book was written by me and made alive by my parents.

    It’s common to go your whole life looking for someone who is going to love you and support what you love unconditionally. I’m lucky enough to have been born into a family with two people of this sort.

    Thank you for always pushing me. Thank you for never letting me quit on my dream. Thank you for taking all my failures as lessons even when I insisted that they were just failures. Ma, your big heart and balanced mind lives in my consciousness constantly. I try to do the right thing because you do. Your ability to have the world’s responsibilities on your shoulders and handle it with so much grace is the most phenomenal thing I’ve ever seen. I love and appreciate life as I do because you taught me to. There is no one like you.

    Baba, your soft heart and ambition are all I’ve looked up to my whole life. Your strength and fearlessness touches the hearts of everyone you meet. Thank you for everything you do for this family, and thank you for the sacrifices you’ve made your entire life. I love bragging to people about how brilliant my dad is. You’re my inspiration for wanting to move boulders in this world, and you’re the reason that I believe that I can. Thank you for believing in me and for uplifting me. I hope you know how deeply I believe in you too.

    To both my parents, thank you for not just amplifying my voice, but appreciating it too. Love u ma & baba.

    Nihan, you are the greatest little brother that I could’ve ever asked for. Your kind heart and sweet soul make me want to become better. Even though I’m older and taller, I look up to you more than I’d ever like to admit. You are the most precious thing in my life. Four year-old me was right to beg for a brother. I hope you continue to grow, and I hope your heart never ever changes.

    To my 16 first cousins (even Antho, Sameen, Ahraaz, and Zaf even though you guys bully me), thank you being my voices of reason . Growing up with you is what keeps my heart filled to the brim. To make you proud is my greatest driving force through life.

    Alvee, thank you for being my sister. There’s no one else in the world that I’d want to share everything with. You are the first person I want to call about my successes, and the first person I want to tell about my failures. Thank you for always setting me straight. Thank you for reminding me of who I am when even I’ve lost sight of myself. Thank you for letting me learn your heart in and out our whole lives. And mostly, thank you for being my safe place. Your happiness is my own.

    Bhaiya, thank you for being my big brother. Thank you for taking all the lessons you’ve learned and using them to help me become better. Your willingness reminds me what family is about. Also I hate you for being the fan favorite in the family lol.

    To my little sisters Zuni, Sameen, and Mayra, I’m so proud of the incredible people you’re becoming. I love you in every stage of life, good and bad. I hope you know that wherever in the world you are, no matter how deep a hole you’ve dug for yourself, there’ll always be me somewhere running to bring my rope to you.

    Thank you to Akash bhaiya and Wasif bhaiya for being my big brothers and dealing with my attitude and supporting my dreams. Seeing you excited about my dreams makes them feel so much bigger.

    Shanta and Jouty api, thank you for being the big sisters I never had. Your big hearts are the brightest in every room you walk into.

    To all my mamas, khalas, fupis, mamis, chachis, and chachus, thank you for showing me how selfless love is. Thank you for showing me that happiness is meant to be shared. Your stories and strengths inspire me every day.

    To Samiha and Mahera, thank you for always being all ears even when I sound crazy.  I’m so happy that we learned to love being girls together. Blasting music, doing our makeup, and gossiping together is for some reason my favorite thing ever. The fondness I have for both of you is immeasurable and I love you both more than you know.

    To all four of my grandparents, knowing you is one of the greatest blessings of my life. Your wisdom and stories carry on with me no matter what I do. Thank you for teaching me about my culture, and reminding me to love it even the world insists that I shouldn’t. Your warmth stays with me always.

    Wamia, there is no one more thoughtful and more real than you. Growing up next to you by chance makes me believe in fate. I’m happy that we grew out of our bikes with training wheels and drive cars now. Well, you can. Which reminds me, thank you for trying to teach me how to park. I love you.

    And lastly, this story would have never come into fruition without my writing mentor, Rama. Thank you for making some sense of my jumbled ideas and believing in my story. Your patience and inspiration throughout this whole process has been my biggest motivator. Thank you for reminding me of why I love to write. And most of all, thank you for writing with me.

    1

    Rewrite

    Reese

    I think the thing that’s always gotten me through life is that I choose to believe that the sun shines brighter for the people that need it. I believe it rains harder for people who cannot live in silence. I believe that the wind blows longer for the people who just want to breathe. I believe the stars in the night are the most dazzling to those who pay attention, those who want to ease the heaviness in their heads and erase the bags under their eyes.

    I believe the moon is for dreamers.

    I understand that all of this sounds dumb and corny, and usually in my mind it probably would be, but I can’t help that I think of my friends in such poetic aspects. I mean after all, I am an intellect.

    Well, in my opinion.

    I'm looking down at these pictures, watching our faces change over the years.

    Ever so slightly.

    Diana’s eyes aren’t as tired and her face looks more youthful somehow.

    Nick’s teeth are straight and his smile is bigger.

    Joey’s arms are way bigger, and his confidence is much clearer (probably has something to do with the arms).

    Jess lost the glasses, and the braces, and ditched her khaki shorts, which is really a shame considering how much money we all made when she had us sell them together, because she was determined to get hot. It worked obviously, but I just wished she stuck with them a little bit longer, because I want new shoes.

    And lastly of course, there’s me.

    I’m a little bit taller, and tanner, but I think what I’m most proud of is my change in perception.

    Of course as we all grow into young adults, and into the minds we sculpted for ourselves as children, we start to perceive the world a little bit differently. We understand the evil things that life has to offer a little bit better. We lose hope in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and every other childish dream we had, and with it, our optimism for what life has to offer.

    For me, I didn’t just change my perception of life, I changed my perception of me. In this old, faded photograph, my uneasiness is clear, and I’m so obviously trying to hide who I really am.

    I don’t do that anymore. Pretending is no fun.

    I put the last of the photos in my folder as I get a call from Nick.

    Nick

    I’m half asleep and squinting at my phone, failing to understand a word of this extremely long text message. I’m scrolling and scrolling and it still DOESN’T END. I check the time.

    9:05 a.m.

    9 a.m.????

    What the hell? Nope. Too early. I’m not doing this.

    I pick up my phone and click on Reese’s name in my recent calls.

    "Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup"

    Wow. Hilarious. 7th grade Reese and I could’ve sworn we were comedians.

    (That dream died when we lost the talent show that year, badly.)

    He picks up on the second ring, eager as ever.

    What’s up?

    I do not want to read your charts.

    Nick you-

    No, just tell me over the phone.

    I hear him sigh, which means he’s going to give in.

    Fine, Monday morning we wake up at 9, then-

    9 a.m.??? On vacation? Are you serious? That’s too early. I’m only awake right now cause I had to pee.

    Well we need to wake up early if we want to hit all the spots that day. Keep in mind Nick, there’s traffic, and-

    Where are we eating?

    Is that really the only thing you care about?

    Yes.

    Fine, well mostly restaurants that are local, one of them is-

    Do they have pizza?

    Yes, Nick.

    Okay that’s all I needed to know.

    Are you serious? Oh my God, bye.

    Bye. Oh and by the way, I ran out of coffee pods at my house, so I took some from yours a few days ago. Forgot to tell you.

    *Beep* *Beep*

    I love getting on his nerves.

    Diana

    The last few drops of my coffee finish brewing as I finish reading the last couple of words in Reese’s text.

    No.

    Essay?

    Lord, it was so long. And you know he had grammarly check it over too, because there wasn’t a single misplaced comma. Not ONE. I’ve lectured Nick about his inability to place commas in the right place our entire lives.

    I mark up the important points of his text in the calendar on my phone, skipping over the timed bathroom breaks, and as I do so, a reminder pops up on my screen.

    Reese’s Place @ 12

    I check the time

    9:20.

    Perfect.

    Enough time for me to go on a run, fold my laundry, shower, and pick up Nick by 11:40.

    I text Nick,

    I’ll be outside at 11:30.

    Everytime I pick up Nick, I tell him I’ll be there ten minutes earlier than I will be, because for some reason, he lacks the human capability to be on time to literally anything.

    He had a record breaking 97 tardies junior year.

    There are 180 days of school.

    That is over half the school days.

    My phone dings and I pick it up. I see that Nick’s responded,

    11:40 then? Sounds good :)

    Shit.

    Jess

    I finish reading Reese’s text and respond, "Sounds Goods. Thanks Reese :)

    Whatever, I expect nothing less from him.

    I get up to make breakfast for my niece and nephew, Liya and Jay, and the thought of eating eggs this morning kills my appetite.

    I open up the fridge and grab the overly priced organic eggs mom has delivered to our house when Liya walks into the kitchen.

    Who are those for?

    You and Jay.

    No.

    What?"

    No.

    "Lia, didi told me that you don’t eat enough protein. You’re eating the eggs."

    My didi, which means older sister, is Liya’s mom. And shehas always been big on all this nutrition stuff.

    But Malik uncle gave Jay so much breakfast money. Can’t we just go out?

    I have money, but if my brother gave us breakfast money, then I’ll have an excuse to tell didi when she tries to yell at me for feeding her daughter inorganic food.

    What? He did? Jay, come over here!

    Jay walks to the kitchen with his blanket still on him,

    Yes.

    My brother gave you guys breakfast money?

    He nods.

    Oh, I see. So, how do you want your eggs? Scrambled? Omelet? Sunny side u-

    We’re going to IHOP. He says, barely holding in his gags.

    I laugh. The poor kid hates eggs.

    Yes! I’ll drive. Liya says.

    I smile, Mm nope. I’ll drive. Since, you know, I’m of age.

    I’d also like to be alive for lunch. Jay says.

    Liya rolls her eyes and throws the keys at me, "It’s not like massi is any better at driving."

    I catch the keys and laugh at the insult, Shut up. Just get dressed guys. We have to be quick. I have to be at Reese’s house by noon.

    Joey

    I walked to Reese’s house today. I like the sounds the birds make early in the day. I’m actually really excited for the trip.

    Proxy, our hometown, has truly been our hometown. My friends and I, along with basically everyone at Proxy, have lived here all our lives and therefore, we know it in and out.

    It’s beautiful, filled with successful people in big, fancy houses who came here for a better, well-deserved life, and just want some time off. It’s layered with pretty bookstores and coffee shops that you have the menus memorized of but don’t care to try any place else. It’s lit up by big fancy buildings that have the same bikes lined up on them that you can’t help but smile at because you know exactly who owns each one.

    I know what every house on this street looks like, and even though they’re customized completely differently, to me, they all look the same. With the same stones and big windows and fancy porches, I know who lives in every one of them. Not in a creepy way of course, simply because time has provided the information for me. The house three doors down from Nick’s is Grady Spencer’s house. I know this because I went to his 11th birthday party and they still have the same broken hammock on their porch, and because I know Grady, I know the houses six doors and nine doors down from Reese’s, because those are Barry’s friends, Imran and Trent. It seems complicated, but it’s really not. At some point, you just get around to knowing everyone. As sweet as it is to know every happy (and unhappy) family in every stone house, it’s also kind of congesting? We’re all so drowned in the safety of something familiar that no one bothers to go somewhere or do something different. I never cared how impractical Reese’s idea was about the trip; I was all for it from the beginning. I think we’re all a bit overdue for a risk.

    I count the houses, the huge white one with the marigolds on the lawn is Reese’s. Even though I know which one it is, I count.

    1,2,3,4.

    I take a peek inside before ringing.

    *Ding Dong* *Ding Dong* *Ding Dong*

    Okay! Okay! Coming, calm down!

    Reese, what took you so long?

    It took literally three seconds for me to answer the door.

    Exactly.

    Reese rolls his eyes and smacks the back of my head.

    Ow!

    Come on, I’ve been waiting for you.

    Reese

    Joey is two hours early, which is pretty standard of Joey, and it also means he has to help me set up, so I don’t mind.

    After about an hour of watching T.V, we go upstairs to grab snacks.

    Why so early, Joey?

    He takes the Oreos out of the cabinet and gives me a weird look.

    What?

    You didn’t need to be here until noon.

    He smiles and pops an Oreo into his mouth.

    I know. I just finished practice this morning so I came early.

    Joey has been a dancer since he could walk. He can do all kinds of dance, hip-hop, contemporary, modern, jazz, even ballet. He’s also really good at the salsa, but nobody has any idea where he even learned salsa dancing.

    But I can tell that what he loves most is choreographing, and he is gifted. His talent seems to be clear to everyone except him.

    You didn’t have dance today. You told me weekend practices are cancelled this week since your coach is getting married, I say, folding my arms.

    In response, he gives me an awkward smile, which means I’ve caught him.

    I sigh, Why have you been so early to everything lately?

    His face falls quickly, and his mouth brings itself back up even quicker.

    His eyes fail to keep up with the charade.

    "Well, like you said, there was no dance practice today and I was bored at home. Plus, I just like being early to things. You know that thing Mila always says, ‘being early is on time and being on time is late.’ It’s kinda weird that she says that since she’s late to everything but-’’

    You don’t want to be home.

    This time, his mouth falls too.

    I guess not.

    I walk away from my place on the counter and sit next to him.

    Do you wanna talk about it?

    No. I mean, sort of? I don’t know. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s day by being in a bad mood.

    Joey’s always had a hard time articulating his feelings, and knowing what he’s feeling, and how to react to said feelings, and just feelings in general.

    I’m here for you whenever you find the words.

    I wrap my arms around him and pet him on the head.

    He laughs, This is so weird, man.

    Shhhhh.

    *Ring* *Ring*

    Nick

    Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. WHERE ARE MY SHOES. It’s 11:39, Diana is going to be here in one minute and I still have to pee, and change my shorts, and turn on the alarm system, and WHERE ARE MY SHOES?? Usually, being late would not stress me out in the slightest. In my mind, being five, ten, even twenty minutes late is fashionable for any occasion, so much so that half the time when I am late, I don’t even realize it. I find it quite charming. The attendance office at school does not.

    And Diana? She finds it, in her own words, ridiculously infuriating.

    But, last week I bet my friends $50 and my laptop that I was capable of not being late for two whole weeks. It’s day three and I’m already failing.

    *HONK*

    NO. God, where are my shoes?

    I throw on the first pair of shorts in my drawer, run down to the garage, and punch the numbers into the alarm system without thinking. I then run to the car, trying not to flinch at every step, because I still have to pee.

    I get into the passenger seat and Diana smiles at me.

    Awww. Such a pretty smile.

    You’re on time! Well done Nicholas. Oh, and nice shoes by the way. She says, smiling again, smug as ever.

    I look down at my feet, and I’m only wearing socks. In fact, two different socks.

    "Damn it. Please Diana, I’m Desi, being late is in my blood. Please let me go get my shoes?" I plead.

    She smiles and starts driving anyway.

    Nope! At least you weren’t late though! Maybe if you end up winning this bet, you can buy yourself a new pair of shoes with those $50. Some crocs maybe? They’d be cute with those socks.

    Very funny. Gimme aux. I’m tired of this.

    Diana

    I hand Nick the cable and he reads the title of what’s playing in the car currently.

    Mr. Perfectly Fine- Taylor Swift

    Diana? Seriously? I thought you- Oh my god wait, are you mad at me?

    He is so dramatic.

    He’s literally the one who put me on Taylor Swift.

    It’s the big sister influence.

    Nick what? No.

    He pats me on the head and I bite back a laugh.

    He puts in my password and scrolls for a minute.

    Where’s our playlist?

    It’s under my RnB playlist. Actually wait, no, under my sad playlist.

    He stops scrolling and looks up at me, Awww, from that one time we broke up.

    Yes, such a great time.

    Didn’t you cry?

    "Didn’t you cry?"

    He grins and sinks into his seat, Yeah, yeah, whatever.

    Jess

    I can feel myself getting more anxious at every step Jay takes, as he walks the pancakes to our table. I love the kid, but he is so incredibly clumsy.

    Okay, birthday cake pancakes for Liya, blueberry for aunty Mila, and chocolate chip for me.

    I should probably clarify, Mila is my birthname. But most people call me Jess.

    Thaaank you. I say, trying to hide my panic as I see how big my pancakes are.

    They start to eat their pancakes and all I can do is stare.

    Guys, move closer together.

    They drop their forks and shoot me the same irritated look I know all too well.

    Not this again. Jay says.

    Do we have to?

    Yes. You guys are just getting so big. Your parents used to take me out like this when I was a kid too. Please, just one.

    Yeah, okay fine. Just one, Jay responds.

    *Click*

    I give them a thumbs up and let them finish eating. I love being an aunt. Lia’s mom, Mariya, is my older sister (16 years older in fact). Jay’s dad, Malik, is older than me by 15 years, so it’s safe to say that I was a bit of a surprise. Mariya and Malik bring over Jay and Liya whenever they can. They say it’s because they know the kids love me and want to spend time with me, which I know isn’t particularly not true. I think it’s mostly because they think I get lonely at home all by myself, which also isn’t completely untrue.

    But the kids love my company and I love theirs, so it all works out.

    Mom and Dad weren’t around much; always out of the house for a business trip, fundraiser, closing deal, whatever it was, it was never parenting. Mariya and Malik made my birthday cakes and went to all my parent teacher conferences.

    Growing up, I often thought of my parents as these airy figures. Sometimes, I felt like I was imagining them, like I could stick my fingers right through them and they’d vanish.

    I knew they were paying for school, buying my food, sending me gifts, but I never rushed to the bell with them in the mornings, never went back-to-school shopping with my mom, or played ball with my dad.

    I’ve never even fought with them.

    Such a strange thing isn’t it, to wish to fight with your parents?

    But maybe if I’d fought with them a couple of times, gotten yelled at, and cried into my pillow, I wouldn’t have thought of them as ghosts. Maybe they’d be people to me, and I could’ve touched them as a kid without being worried that they’d fade away.

    Sometimes, I still think they might.

    Mariya, Malik, and I never had real parents, and I think that’s why they became such great parents to their own kids.

    They know no kid wants a birthday wish over the phone.

    Growing up though, they only had each other, so really, I’m the lucky one.

    I got them both.

    Are you gonna eat those? Jay asks, eyes fixed on my now-cold pancakes.

    Have at ‘em,’ I say, sliding my plate to him.

    I ask for the bill and make Jay and Liya share the pancakes.

    They both still hate sharing.

    I drop them off at their houses and drive to Reese’s house.

    The air feels refreshing today and I’m hit with a weird sudden sense of hope? For my future and everything to come? It’s super odd. Might just be pollen.

    This happens a lot when I’m in my convertible that my parents bought me. I love having the top down and the wind in my face; it almost makes me glad that my parents try to buy my love.

    Joey

    I don’t want to be home.

    I can’t stop thinking about what Reese said to me so casually, like it was the easiest thing in the world for him to figure out.

    You don’t want to be home.

    You don’t want to be home.

    You don’t want to be HOME.

    I didn’t realize I felt that way, and the fact that I couldn’t figure it out on my own fills me with a weird irritation that I can’t explain.

    It happens a lot really, that I have someone articulate my own feelings to me with their words.

    As a kid, my mom used to joke that sometimes, my mouth would sew itself shut.

    I thought about that a lot, how my mouth wanted to be able to open up and say the things I was thinking and feeling, but it refused to open. It was as if my brain and mouth couldn’t communicate, they couldn’t connect the way they were supposed to.

    In my mind, it’s always been a constant war between the two.

    My mouth chickens out, loses, it won’t open, and in turn, makes my mind frustrated.

    So really, I lose regardless.

    And there’s no one to blame but myself.

    I think someone just pulled into the driveway, Nick says, peering into the window, and taking me out of my daze.

    Mila?

    Only I call Jess by her birth name, Mila, and it’s only fair since she calls me by mine which is Finn. It’s been this way since kindergarten, but I’d be lying if I said that being the only one who calls her MIla didn’t make me feel slightly special.

    No, it’s Nick and Diana.

    I’ll go get the door, I say racing down the stairs, We’re going down to the basement right?

    Yeah, and if you could please grab some hand sanitizers from the bathroom cabinet and put them on the tables near the couch, that would be great, Reese yells from above.

    I shake my head, Reese has been a neat freak since I met him back in Kindergarten.

    I find it funny how little someone can change, and how thankful I am that he never has.

    He’s always been the same guy inside, but he just became prouder of who he is; more unafraid.

    I’m so proud of him, there is no one more deserving in being proud of who they are. Reese has always been incredibly giving. Even when the world gave him nothing, when everyone fell short for him, he always went above and beyond for them.

    Always managed to give when he had nothing to give, which is something I still fail to fathom.

    I make it to the bottom of the stairs and I see Diana yanking Nick’s hand away as he goes to knock on the door for the hundredth time.

    I unlock the door and Nick immediately falls forward and wraps his arms around me.

    Joey! Happy Saturday! I haven’t seen you in so long, He says, now also burying his head into my shoulder.

    Weirdly enough, I sink into the warmth. Suddenly, I understand this town’s obsession with familiarity.

    I saw you two days ago Nick, we went to the mall.

    We didn’t see each other yesterday, he releases his hold on me and lifts his head up, I missed you, man.

    Diana grabs his arm and begins to take him down to the basement.

    I think he might be hungry, she exclaims.

    I nod. Nick gets incredibly sappy when he’s hungry, he’s like a child.

    I run to the bathroom and grab hand sanitizer from the cabinet when I see a figure pass in the backyard through the window.

    I open the backyard door and see Mila making her way to the door.

    Why this door? I ask, eyes fixed on the french braid she’s done on her dark hair. I’ll never understand how she has the patience for this. My hands would kill me.

    This one’s always open, she shrugs, Reese never locks it. Is Ms. Rivera home?

    Nope, Resse says she won’t be home for a while. She’s got a surgery at the vet clinic and then she has a date tonight.

    Jess stops walking and turns to me, A date? Are you serious? Oh my god, this is so exciting! Reese didn’t tell me. Do you think he’s taking her to like one of those old timey drive-in movies or maybe a picnic or, oh my god, to SEE THE STARS? she says grinning.

    This is so exciting, Finn, She grabs my wrist and starts shaking it so enthusiastically I can feel it start to get sore, Ms. Rivera deserves love. I’ve always pictured her with someone perfect.

    Not everyone gets lucky enough to get something like that, Mila, I say.

    She releases her hold on my wrist, Why are you such a downer? Have a little hope bud.

    I tilt my head and put my arm around her, You know I’m not negative. Just trying to keep you from being disappointed if this guy isn’t some prince.

    She smiles at me, I’ll be fine. Ms. Rivera always amazes, it won’t be long before another guy comes along.

    I smile at her resolve, and we go down to the basement in comfortable silence.

    Reese

    Joey walks down with three huge bottles of hand sanitizer and suddenly, I’ve never been more thankful for him.

    "Thank you," I mouth as he places them at the table.

    He smiles and grabs a pillow before sitting on the floor between Jess’s beanbag and my chair.

    Everyone’s here then? I ask, while counting the heads in the room.

    Yup. So what’s with all that? Jess replies, gesturing at my boards.

    It’s for planning, I say, turning the boards over.

    Everyone groans, except Diana, who takes out her notepad.

    I thought we all got the plans in that essay-looking text you sent this morning? Nick says.

    Obviously, that wasn't the end of it. He pulled out the boards for the 8th grade science fair, 4th grade talent show, oh and also, that one time he wanted us to get him a date with that hot barista at Starbucks, Jess says pointedly.

    I always got a bad feeling about that guy. I still can’t believe he almost called the cops on me just for interrogating him, Joey says, wrapping his arms around the pillow in his lap.

    Joey and Nick wouldn’t let Diana get the barista’s number for me until they were sure he wasn’t a criminal, or worse, straight.

    Turns out he was neither, he was just 30, and still willing to go out with me. A pedo, so maybe he was a criminal?

    Exactly, I pull these out for everything. Obviously, I’d take them out for the biggest trip we’ve ever taken, I turn the board over and watch everyone’s eyes go wide while Joey digs the glasses that he should wear but refuses to wear out of his bag.

    The board is titled Senior Trip to Hawaii, in big gold cursive stickers I found at Michael’s.

    Diana pulls out her laptop while everyone else takes their phones out. I stand there, pointing stick in hand, waiting for some sort of objection to the presentation.

    The silence in the room is filling, and it feels like its got its hands on my shoulders, taunting me for being over the top and making my friends sit through this.

    I used to feel like that a lot, except it wasn’t just silence that crept up behind me and made me uneasy, it was stares, whispers, laughs, words, phones ringing; everything felt like it was a taunt towards me, calling me a burden, begging me to apologize.

    I don’t feel sorry anymore about doing these things, so the feeling the silence gives me is surprising, like having an old friend knock on your back door.

    It’s a weird sense of deja vu I have trouble shaking off.

    Are you gonna start the presentation? Diana says, watching me attentively.

    I fall back into real time and graze my eyes over the room, and all of my friends are sitting there, patiently, waiting for me to begin, as if this is the most normal and natural thing in the world.

    No complaints or poorly hidden eyerolls in sight.

    I nod and start my presentation, making sure my smile isn’t too noticeable.

    My voice masks over the once uncomfortable silence in the room, and suddenly, the critics in the air disappear.

    Nick

    Reese finishes his presentation and my fingers hurt from typing up notes into

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