Shattered

By Rip Wahlberg

Many people suffer significant pain and loss in life and don’t know what to do with it. As a result, they try all manner of things to numb the pain: avoidance, staying busy, and a variety of destructive coping mechanisms.

Rip Wahlberg shares the real and raw story of losing his four-year-old son, Aiden, to a sudden drowning accident. He identifies the ways that we as Christians typically try to cope and help people in pain – and why those we are trying to help are often left troubled, in pain, and separated from God.

He also explores questions such as:
• How can you overcome feelings of guilt after a tragedy?
• What can you do to support someone who has suffered a terrible loss?
• What steps can you take after a loss to heal your pain?

The author also shares the difficult decisions that went along with planning his son’s funeral and saying a final goodbye.

His hope is that if you have been avoiding the pains of your past, hearing this story may encourage you to finally let God touch your pain, so you can heal and thrive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Oct 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781489749499

Rip Wahlberg

Rip Wahlberg earned a Bachelor of Arts in Biblical and Theological Studies from Regent University in Virginia Beach. He has ministered to many people carrying significant wounds from their past and is acquainted with sorrow and grief in his own life, having lost his mother at age thirteen and his four-year-old son to a drowning accident in 2008. He lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, with his wife of twenty-eight years. They have four children and one grandson.

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SHATTERED

Rip Wahlberg

Copyright © 2023 Rip Wahlberg.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

LifeRich Publishing is a registered trademark of The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc.

LifeRich Publishing

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.liferichpublishing.com

844-686-9607

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Interior Image Credit: Marlin Miller

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4948-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4947-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4897-4949-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023919230

LifeRich Publishing rev. date: 10/04/2023

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part 1 The First Year

Chapter 1 When Your World Is Shattered

Chapter 2 The First Week

Chapter 3 The First Year

Part 2 The Theology Of Pain

Chapter 4 Will You Let Me Touch Your Wound?

Chapter 5 Job And The Retribution Principle: A Theology Of Suffering And Our Response To Suffering

Chapter 6 How Pain Works

Part 3 Surviving And Thriving After The Worst Pains Of Life

Chapter 7 Testimonies

Chapter 8 Our Family Tribute To Aiden

Chapter 9 Coming Full Circle

Conclusion

Bibliography

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my wife, Ann-Marie. It would have been so much easier to just give up, but you didn’t. I know it has been a long, hard road. I know you have wrestled with God, and it has not been easy. You have hung in there; you have worked hard to learn to trust God again and to give Him access to your pain. More than anyone else, I know how hard that is for you. I am so proud of you.

Thank you for giving me the space to walk out my own journey. I hope I have sufficiently done the same for you. We made it through the darkest hours together. We made it through the hardest part of the journey together. Like the prophetic word you received not long ago, we are through the darkness and the haze, and we are still together. We have been shaped by our pains but, by God’s grace, we were not destroyed by them.

Thank you for encouraging me to write this book. It means a lot. I am so glad we are partners in this walk of life. You are and always will be my favorite person on earth. This is my side of our story, but this is your book. I love you.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Mom and Dad, thank you for your unwavering love and support all our lives and in our darkest hours.

Ed and Lisa, thank you for all your efforts and love to support us in so many ways and for your sacrifices to be there for us.

Jenny and Doug, thank you for your love and support.

Brian, thank you for hours of reading the Scriptures to Ann-Marie.

Jerry and Christy, thank you for moving into our house and helping us just get out of bed some days. As pastors you are amazing servants in the body of Christ.

Dave and Darice, there are no more loyal and loving friends than you guys. You are amazing.

Jim and Sonya, thank you.

Bill and Lainie, you dropped what you were doing to support Ann-Marie in the immediate moments at the hospital. Thank you.

Bryan Connolly, you also were there to support Ann-Marie at the hospital. Thank you.

Brandon, thank you for coming after me and for carrying some of my painting work early on.

Todd, thanks for being there and being a lifelong friend.

Steve and Michelle, who can ask for better neighbors and friends? Thank you for putting your lives on hold to help us through the early days.

Everyone at our church, Lancaster Vineyard, thank you for all the meals and support.

All our neighbors, we live in the best neighborhood ever. Thank you for the continuous meals and support.

Thank you to many other unnamed and anonymous people who supported us financially. We could not have survived our journey without your help.

Steve and Johnna, we are so grateful that we made it through this intact; not every friendship does. All of us Wahlbergs love you Dineleys.

INTRODUCTION

I spoke at my son’s funeral. I had something I wanted to say. I knew how I wanted to frame the event, and I knew no one would dare try to persuade me not to speak. I have since lost the notes from Aiden’s funeral, but what I said seemed to make a significant impression on people. Ever since that time, I have known I wanted to write a book about it. Many people write books after they have lost a loved one. Perhaps the most famous of them all is A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, which he wrote after the death of his beloved wife. I knew I wanted to write a book about my experience because, just as I did at the funeral, I knew I had something I wanted to say.

Two things have held me back over the years. The first was that, although I knew I had something to say, I did not know what it was. Many of the books on grief, while helpful, say the same things: it is hard, God helped us, and we have made it through. What I did know was there were plenty of good books that serve that need already, and I did not want to play in that space because it is already full enough with good and helpful material. For years, I just did not know exactly what it was that I wanted to say. So, I have waited. I was really in no rush. I knew clarity, understanding, and words to express the message in my soul would come in time. I knew that God had me on a journey, and that He would unpack it in His time if I was patient enough to let him.

Around nine years after Aiden’s death, the message and the language started to take shape. As it began to crystallize in me, I knew the time was getting closer, so I began to ask God to help me see how this book would be organized. God has graciously answered my prayer for that.

The second reason I waited so long was insecurity. How would I, with no credentials or name recognition, make an impact in an arena of books written by recognized experts? Why would anyone be interested in what I have to say about this issue, even if what I have to say has value? In Matthew 16, Jesus asked His disciples, Who do people say that the Son of Man is? (16:13). They answered him by saying what others were saying, and I paraphrase: Well all the important people, all the educated people say, John the Baptist or Elijah or one of the prophets. Then Jesus asked them an amazing question: But who do you say that I am? (Matt. 16:15). It is as if Jesus said, I know what others, whom you think are more important than you, are saying, but I want to hear what you have to say too. Considering that past insecurity, that thought really speaks to me. I know what I want to say. Plenty of other people have written good material on surviving the loss of a child, but Jesus wants to hear what I have to say about it?

I know clearly, now, what message has been in my soul for years. This is what I have to say about surviving the loss of a child and who Jesus is in the midst of my greatest pain. This is how I say it, and I hope it blesses you and glorifies God.

I have written this book in three parts. The first part tells our story through the first year. The second part is more theological; I explore some key concepts surrounding suffering and how we respond to it as Christians. The third and final part weaves in other people’s stories of how they addressed their own pain and found lasting healing and freedom.

All of this comes together to form what I have to say about God regarding the worst pain in my life; there is hoped to thrive and not just survive after the worst pains of life, if we let God touch our pain.

PART 1

THE FIRST YEAR

CHAPTER 1

When Your World is Shattered

The Beginning

Rip, you need to come to Connecticut now. Aiden just drowned! These words from my wife Ann-Marie forever changed my life. By God’s grace, she and I have walked through any parent’s worst nightmare.

Dave, I said, the beginning of the notch is twenty-three inches in, and the far side is thirty-one and three-quarters. It was the hottest day of the summer, and I had been putting the finishing touches on the addition that I had been building to our house for the last year. My wife, Ann-Marie, had taken the children to visit friends back in Connecticut for the weekend, and when they got back, I was going to have all the rooms rearranged so the kids could all sleep in their new rooms for the first time. The day before, my wife