Out the Trenches to My Destiny: Nothing in Your Past Looks Like Your Future

By Clinny Mac

This book is the testimony of a young man who will inspire you.

As a boy in New Haven, Connecticut, all Clinny wanted was peace—of his mental health, his rough neighborhood, and his broken home. He had struggled as a student in the education system and always seemed to be a troubled kid. Before things got worse, God had revealed something to him.

Upon finding his purpose after high school, Clinny decided to further his education and apply to college. But things didn’t go as planned. After dropping out his freshman year, his parents divorcing, and losing a friend to gun violence, Clinny fell into depression and was in a battle between light and darkness.

If Clinny wants to survive, he must let go of the past and develop trust in God—while not making the wrong decisions.

This amazing story, Out the Trenches to My Destiny: Nothing in Your Past Looks Like Your Future, is a self-help and inspirational testimony to the young teens and adult target audience. This story shows how it is never too late for God to turn your life around. He invites you to join him in reaching your destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889430360

Book preview

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Out the Trenches to My Destiny

Nothing in Your Past Looks Like Your Future

Clinny Mac

ISBN 979-8-88943-035-3 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88943-631-7 (hardcover)

ISBN 979-8-88943-036-0 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Clinny Mac

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Could've, Would've, Should've

Chapter 2

Clinny

Chapter 3

Dee Dee's Dance Center

Chapter 4

Junior Marine Cadets of America

Chapter 5

The Broken Home

Chapter 6

New Haven

Chapter 7

Down Bottom

Chapter 8

Trenches

Chapter 9

Pistol-Wavin' Haven

Chapter 10

Anxiety, Anger, Suicide, Depression

Chapter 11

Eat or Starve

Chapter 12

Accountability

Chapter 13

Yes and No

Chapter 14

Fit In / Change Your Crowd

Chapter 15

Risks and Sacrifices

Chapter 16

Wait Your Turn

Chapter 17

It's Never Too Late

Chapter 18

Better Days Are Coming

Chapter 19

God Said Do It

Chapter 20

Be Ready, Jesus Is on the Way

Chapter 21

Past, Present, Future

Chapter 22

June 25, 2018

Chapter 23

Pain to Purpose

Chapter 24

Testimony (to My Destiny)

Chapter 25

Bishop Jakes: I Have Permission

Self-Reflection

Riley Rose (Bonus)

The Journey of Becoming a Writer

Prayer for a Pathway to the Purpose

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Front cover photo of myself, taken by Savannah Garcia (taken on iPhone)

Back cover photo of myself, taken by Savannah Garcia (taken on iPhone)

Scripture quotations are marked (NIV), from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

I do not own copyright. I Have Permission!—Bishop T.D. Jakes. Sunday, February 13, 2022. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMx

BkxWA_Y4.

Front book cover: Welcome to New Haven sign, taken from http://rumneyassociates.com. Yale New Haven Hospital, taken by Yale Daily News Publishing COA, INC., 202 York Street, New Haven, CT 06511, https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2022/02/15/yale-new-haven-health-system-purchases-three-hospitals-in-connecticut-transitions-them-to-nonprofits/. Yellow tape behind house taken by Mark Zaretsky, January 12, 2021, 9:44 p.m., https://www.nhregister.com/news/article/New-Haven-cops-ID-victims-in-double-homicide-15864397.php. Bottom right photo of myself taken by Bonnie Dingus, director of Curriculum Services and in-house photographer, Albertus Magnus College dean's list and president's list ceremony.

Introduction

Oh, you as well? Have you lost someone to gun violence and dealt with depression and anxiety? Felt like you'll never succeed in life? Or felt stuck in your situation? Guess what? Me as well. We all have similar stories. My mental health destroyed me for a while. But here I am now, decided to write a book to help you move on from your issues. To help you find your destiny. I'm just your typical kid from the Trenches. This is not just a story written about my life. I'm also here to be your mentor.

I realized that nothing in my past would look like my future. And you should also! We all experience certain things for a reason. I had to think about why all these things happened to me for some time. I had to listen to God's voice and put the puzzle pieces together. It all makes sense now. This is why I chose to write this book. Someone out there needs to read my story. I don't care if you're black, white, yellow, Latino, living in the hood or suburbs, or of a different religion or in the LGBT community. Whatever or whoever you are, this story will inspire you.

*****

For the first time, I was getting ready for a school ceremony. This was the first time I got recognition for my hard work. I remember deciding to dress formally instead of wearing essential clothing. I got a haircut that morning. My barber cut down my waves with a number two on the guard. Of course, I felt like a man. I went home and put on my outfit. Dressy black and white pants with a black long-sleeve turtleneck shirt with black Clarks. Along with my photo of my grandfather.

My mother said I looked very handsome. She started taking hundreds of pictures of me. Of course, I told her I was in a rush to avoid pictures, but there are no stopping mothers when the phone is in their hand. But I enjoyed the moment with her. It was a proud moment for her son. On my way out, I called my granny to tell her I was coming by after the ceremony. She told me, Your grandfather would be so proud of you. I was so happy to hear that. I wish he was here to witness this, but I knew he's looking down on me. I've finally arrived at school. I looked at myself through my driver's-side mirror before walking in.

To be honest, I was pretty nervous. I didn't know what to expect. This was when my anxiety kicked in, but I walked in. I was greeted by staff and my favorite English professor. There I was, waiting in line to get checked in on the list. Good evening, Mr. Bolden, I just wanted to congratulate you. Your name is checked off. Go ahead and treat yourself to some food and snacks. And so I did. And there I was, surrounded by students and fellow classmates.

We were so happy. Smiling and laughing. I sat down at the table. We all said a prayer, and the ceremony started. The president of my school told us how proud of us he was. That this was a huge accomplishment knowing that the majority of us were working full-time jobs and had other responsibilities. My two favorite professors gave their speeches, and then it began.

Now it's time to give deans and presidential certification out to these hardworking students. There were claps and cheers. I was waiting for my name to get called. I was getting very eager. But I was also cheering for everyone else. I'd seen the look on people's faces and how happy they were.

Next up, I am so proud to announce this kid's name. Everyone, welcome and clap for Mr. Clinton Bolden Jr. There I was, walking up to the stage. Trying to walk as properly as possible. All eyes and cameras were on me. This felt unreal. I grabbed the certificate and turned around to take a picture. I was smiling so hard under my mask, as if anyone could see me. I walked back to my table almost in tears.

I looked down at my dean's certificate. With my name on it, with my accomplishment on it. I really did that! All the hard work really paid off. I instantly FaceTimed my mother and sister to show them. They were so proud of me! I noticed I had an extra certification. I decided to let my grandma frame it. She told me, Go all the way. Finish for me and grandpa. But most importantly for yourself.

Who would've thought that I'd get this far? My family didn't see any of this coming. They didn't see the miracles coming. Was I still dreaming, or was this reality? After everything I had gone through in the past, who would've thought? I had never thought any of this would happen. God is amazing! A kid that suffered so much depression and guilt all his life. A kid that never wished for any of this. A kid that had seen so much growing up in the inner city. How did he manage to survive that? How did God lead him to his destiny?

Chapter 1

Could've, Would've, Should've

Let's start from the beginning. You're probably wondering why and what made me choose to write this book. I bet a lot of people are shocked that this even happened. Well, back in April 2021, I tweeted, One day, I'm going to write down my novel. Not knowing how or when I'm going to begin. But it was something that was always in the back of my mind. I knew that one day it would become a reality. But something just kept holding me back. Back in January of 2022, I watched a Bishop Jakes service on YouTube. You noticed the name of my first chapter is Could've, Would've, Should've That was part of his message. Its purpose was to inspire people to live their dreams and not die with regrets.

Bishop Jakes inspired me to visit the graveyard. It sounds kind of weird, I bet. Just read where I'm going with this, though. So one day, I decided to visit the nearest cemetery. I stepped out of the car and started walking down the path. I still didn't fully understand why I was still there, but I decided to keep walking. Looking at different stones, I wondered how many dead people didn't go after their goals. How many dead people didn't see the potential in themselves. How many dead people died with regrets and hurt. But even worse, how many people alive also feel the same way. This is when my chapter title comes in.

There are many could've, would've, and should've people. As I was sitting at this graveyard, I thought to myself, This is not how I want to continue to live my life. I refuse to let my gifts and hidden talents go to waste. I will no longer live with fear! This was the moment I knew God was speaking to me and telling me that it's time to go after my dreams and that he'll take care of the rest.

I could've done this, I would've done this. I should've done this differently. That was me for a very long time and not realizing how much it set me back in life. Every day I would walk around with anger and pain. Every day I would wake up and tell myself that I would try to do this or that tomorrow would be a better day than yesterday. But time after time, it felt like I was reliving the exact moment. As if the calendar didn't flip pages. What made it even worse was knowing that I was still young and still had my whole life ahead of me. But I still felt like it was too late. I still felt stuck.

Every day I would make myself feel bad for dropping out of college. I would still regret doing poorly back in high school. I would hate myself for making poor decisions. I would hate myself for being scared to take advantage of new opportunities. I was still living in the past instead of focusing on the present. It's pretty amazing what a human mind can do and how much negative force can damage and control you.

I'm pretty sure you know that feeling of waking up first thing in the morning and thinking to yourself what you could've done differently in the past. Or how you could've handled that situation differently. Or even telling yourself every single day that you're going to chase your goals, but you never put them into action. I know that feeling—that was me for years. I lived with fears, regrets, and embarrassment.

I knew I was filled with potential and gifts, but I kept reliving the same day. I would sometimes go on social media and down myself because I saw other people accomplishing their dreams and being successful. Yes, I was happy for them, but I was also jealous in a way. What kept holding me back? Why wasn't I going for my goals? Am I not smart enough to do this? I can go on and on about the things I kept questioning myself.

But, my friend, let me wake you up and tell you. When God is ready to show you something, you must be prepared, because when the spirit of God moves, your circumstances must change immediately, or you will miss out on your calling. From the moment I watched that Bishop Jakes service from the time I sat at the graveyard, I no longer had the could've, should've, would've mindset. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went for my number one goal.

Today is the day that you stop having negative thoughts. Today is the day that you find yourself. Today is the day that you wake up and tell yourself that you are going to do something that you've always wanted to do. If you want to make that song, do it! If you want to make a movie, do it! If you want to go back to school, do it! If you want to get that certification, do it! Doesn't matter how small or big it is. Stop being stuck on what-ifs and maybes. Just do it!

You must understand that you won't get to where you want in life until you find the courage to get up and go