Finding Strength in Diversity From Trauma to Triumph: How My Christian Faith and Multicultural Background Helped Me Thrive After a Traumatic Divorce

By Chioma Chelsea N. Oleka-Onyewuchi

The onset of divorce is often viewed as a cyclone of hostile conflicting differences within a marriage. With both divorcing parties unwilling to work things out due to incompatibility and irreconcilable differences, divorce in its entirety is a dangerous force of destruction in a class of its own—and overwhelming to everyone involved.

Finding Strength in Diversity From Trauma to Triumph: How My Christian Faith and Multicultural Background Helped Me Thrive After a Traumatic Divorce helps readers gain a better understanding of themselves and is a powerful healing aid, both during and after a divorce. With positive mind-redirecting affirmations and healing exercises, Finding Strength in Diversity From Trauma to Triumph eases the pains and pangs of divorce. Bolstered by her own faith and lived-experience, author Chioma Chelsea N. Oleka-Onyewuchi, MBA, helps readers find new confidence to move through one of life’s most difficult phases.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Oct 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662941191

Book preview

Introduction

My book, " Finding Strength in Diversity, from Trauma to Triumph: How My Christian Faith and Multicultural Backgrounds Helped Me Thrive After a Traumatic Divorce ," recounts my personal experiences as a young girl named Chioma. I was raised in a strict Christian household by my parents, who provided me with a loving and nurturing upbringing. Despite growing up in a sheltered and well-cared-for environment that emphasized Christian values, I was still vulnerable to the pain and challenges of going through a divorce.

Despite enjoying a childhood that exposed me to diverse, multicultural identities from European, American, and African heritage, life can suddenly shift one’s journey. In my case, a happy beginning was transformed into a troubling and emotionally challenging middle-aged divorce, leaving me feeling millions of miles away from my immediate family, childhood friends, and relatives across the Atlantic Ocean. Mentally and emotionally broken, I felt disillusioned and disenchanted with the institution of marriage, despite being raised in a happy home by both parents during a great childhood. This experience has left a lasting impact on me, with sunken eyes as a testament to my struggles.

The question then becomes whether I can ever reclaim my sense of wholeness and joy in life. This and several other questions will be addressed by this spiritually uplifting book. Should I make a recovery through the love and grace that Christ showers on all of us as children of the Almighty God, and the biblical teachings that assure us that He is our ever-present protector who never sleeps nor slumbers, I would feel called to do God’s work and channel my energy into regaining my vitality and zest for life once again. This experience has taught me that with faith and perseverance, I can overcome even the toughest of challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.

As a Fixed Upper Diva Star, I offer a candid account of how embracing my diverse cultural identity, which combines my Nigerian heritage, my German birth, and my all-encompassing American upbringing, helped me redefine myself and find healing after experiencing the heart-wrenching pain of a traumatic divorce. This experience occurred outside of my home country, very far away from my parents’ love and nurturing support, and the communal bonds of my Nigerian heritage. Through this journey, I discovered the power of resilience and strength that lies within all of us. By tapping into my cultural roots and leaning on my faith, I was able to heal and emerge stronger than ever before. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others to find their own sources of strength and resilience in times of hardship.

This book will resonate with anyone who has experienced or is currently going through a divorce, especially those navigating a divorce while living overseas, away from their home country, state, or city, and without the support of their parents, family, relatives, and friends. I share my story with the hope that it will offer solace and inspiration to others who are facing similar challenges. Throughout this book, I draw upon the lessons I learned during my healing journey, offering practical advice and strategies for finding strength, resilience, and hope in times of adversity. Whether you are currently facing a divorce, have recently experienced one, or know someone who is struggling, this book is ideal for anyone seeking comfort, guidance, and reassurance.

Furthermore, if you are part of a cultural or ethnic group that associates divorce with shame and stigma to the extent that discussing it is considered taboo, this book is especially relevant. In such societies, the lack of support and open dialogue around divorce can exacerbate the emotional and mental distress of those who have gone through it. In severe cases, individuals may develop depression, mental health issues, or even suicidal tendencies, turn to drugs or alcohol, or engage in other dangerous behaviors if they do not receive appropriate care and guidance. As a fellow member of such a cultural and ethnic group, I understand the unique challenges of navigating divorce and the need for a supportive community and faith-based guidance to overcome the trauma and stigma of divorce. Together, with the guidance of God, we can overcome the pain and emotional turmoil of divorce and emerge stronger on the other side.

Note: If this narrative connects to you in any way, this book is for you.

This book is thoughtfully designed to provide therapeutic healing through reader engagement, utilizing positive thoughts to stimulate a restorative healing process that promotes healthy bounce-back strategies following a divorce. It is spiritually inspired and aims to align the reader’s sensory receptors with uplifting messages that foster a renewed sense of well-being. Through this engagement platform, readers will be encouraged to understand that resorting to suicide, alcohol, or drugs to cope with a divorce is never a viable solution and will only lead to further harm and destruction. With practical tools and actionable steps, readers will learn to take control of their healing journey and emerge from the darkness of divorce with a newfound sense of strength and hope.

Keep this in mind: your experience with divorce can be seen as a necklace that adorns you, symbolizing the provision of God’s grace that gives you the strength to face even the most difficult future challenges. As 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9 states: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but never destroyed." Despite the adversity of a divorce, it is possible to emerge with newfound resilience and a deepened faith in God’s provision and protection. This book will guide you through the process of discovering that resilience and deepened faith, providing practical strategies for healing and growth that draw upon the wisdom of biblical teachings and personal experiences. With this book as your companion, you can navigate the tumultuous waters of divorce and emerge stronger and more empowered than ever before.

Divorce is an experience that can be incredibly difficult and distressing. It is not something that anyone would even wish upon their worst enemy. However, it is a challenge that many of us face during our time on Earth. While it may be a painful reality, we must face it head-on and do our best to overcome it. This book is a roadmap for that journey, providing inspiration, guidance, and practical strategies to help you move forward in a positive and healthy way. With the support of God, family, friends, and a community of fellow divorcees, you can turn your pain into purpose and emerge from the darkness of divorce with a renewed sense of hope and purpose.

Prologue

Before a hurt person can openly discuss their issues with others in a collective setting, they must first gradually move past the transient, emotionally charged, and hurtful stage of their experience. As someone who has gone through a traumatic and challenging divorce, along with associated social stigmas, I understand the importance of sharing methodologies and approaches that can accelerate emotional healing through therapeutic means. It took me eight years to fully comprehend the progressive and regressive nature of the emotional roller coaster I was on after my divorce. At times, it was difficult for me to determine if I was making progress or not. As someone who has worn those shoes, I can say without a doubt that the healing process was slow, agonizing, and painful.

These stories are not just mine; they are yours too. You are not alone in your struggles, and I offer my experiences with the hope that they will help others find the strength, courage, and faith to face the challenges of divorce head-on. Whether you are currently going through a divorce, have gone through one in the past, or want to learn how to be a better support system for struggling people, this book offers something for everyone.

Dear reader,

I invite you to take a journey with me through the pages of this book, "Finding Strength in Diversity, Trauma to Triumph: How My Christian Faith and Multicultural Background Helped Me to Thrive After a Traumatic Divorce." As the author, I share my personal experiences, challenges, and triumphs with the aim of providing therapeutic healing to those who have gone through or are currently experiencing the pain of divorce.

Divorce is a common experience that affects individuals from all walks of life. The emotional toll can be devastating, and in severe cases, can lead to tragic and fatal consequences. It is crucial that we address this societal menace collectively and offer support and guidance to those who are in need. This book offers practical advice and strategies for finding strength, resilience, and hope in times of adversity.

Through therapeutic reader engagement and involvement, this book promotes healthy bounce-back strategies and aims to help individuals regain their sense of self. The stories included in the book are captivating and presented on a case-by-case basis for each divorce, showing the progression of different life cycles from young to old. The ultimate goal is to ensure that a targeted emotional healing approach is implemented in a progressive and sustainable manner.

Sincerely,

Chioma Chelsea N. Oleka-Onyewuchi, MBA

Being in a relationship should not feel like being in prison. –Angel Moreira

Chapter 1:

What Do We Consider a Divorce?

"Therefore, now change your ways and your deeds and obey the voice of the Lord your God; then the Lord will relent and reverse His decision concerning the misfortune which He has pronounced against you." Jeremiah 26:13

Defining Divorce

Divorce in layman’s terms is considered the legal separation and dissolution of a marriage. A marriage is said to happen when two people come together under legally binding clauses with the primary aim to build a family. Divorce usually takes place after the two partners have put in a lot of their time, and hard-earned resources and they possibly planned to procreate in a union or in some instances, adopt children together. Nothing during this divorce fallout can be more nerve-wracking than the legal dissolution of their marriages. The dissolution of a marriage brings about emotional and mental torture, heartaches, financial drain, psychological pains, children’s custody battles, and the final splitting of assets and liabilities.

After investing a significant amount of time, money, emotions, and resources into a marriage, it can be incredibly difficult to cope with the aftermath of a divorce. The thought of starting over, rebuilding, and relearning how to live as a single individual can be daunting. However, it is important to remember that divorce does not have to be the end of your story. With the right tools, guidance, and support, it is possible to turn the pain and heartache of divorce into an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and a new beginning. This book is designed to provide therapeutic healing through reader engagement, offering practical advice and proven methodologies that can help individuals bounce back from a divorce and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before. It is my hope that his book will serve as a source of comfort and inspiration to those who are struggling in the aftermath of a divorce and that it will provide a roadmap toward a brighter future.

Some say, I wish I had a way of turning back the clock, while others say I’m better off without him or her. Whichever way you look at it, it’s one’s calling, for we know this is a delicate and painful experience for any divorcee knowing that he who wears the shoes knows where it hurts, and we are not here to apportion blame. Rather, we are here to help each person reading this book to heal and bounce back through an open symbiotic connection with the stories outlined in this book infused with your personal experiences as well as the positive energies rebirthed after lessons learned from divorce specifically.

Have you ever asked yourself, at some point and time in your life or at the peak of the strife in your marriage,