Life Recipes from a Therapist

By Fran DiGioia McClain LCSW ACSW

Life Recipes from a Therapist is a blend of professional and personal experiences of the author in her thirty-five years as a licensed clinical social worker. Each short chapter includes insights about toxic ingredients to leave out of your life, such as shame, guilt, and comparison to others. Other topics include how to cope with main ingredients of anxiety, doubt, and fear. Mixing things up with mindfulness, the spice of friendships, and good boundaries and one may find even as life throws us many changes, it can be a savory dessert. Taking first steps to get the life you want is never easy, but the author offers examples of how to rise above the challenges.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889600657

Book preview

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Life Recipes from a Therapist

Fran DiGioia McClain, LCSW, ACSW

Copyright © 2023 Fran DiGioia McClain, LCSW, ACSW

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88960-037-4 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88960-065-7 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To my husband, thank you for your love and support and for always expanding my lens in life. I am glad you became my best friend. I look forward to more adventures.

To my children, it has been a joy to watch you grow.

To my friends who have worked with me in this profession, thanks for the journey.

In honor of my parents, Anthony and Fran DiGioia, for teaching me about love, mutual respect, partnership, and strength.

In honor of my uncle, Larry, for supporting me in all aspects of my life with unconditional love.

To my brother, I am so glad I found you.

My Own Life Recipe

The Beginning: Challenges and Losses

In the Kitchen with Children

Recipes for Disaster

My Recipe Gets Me Stuck!

When Anxiety Is the Main Ingredient

The Sweet Treat of Mindfulness

Recipe for Good Boundaries

The Emotional Salad of Relationships

The Baking Contest

Perfectionism: Make Sure the Frosting on That Cake Is Smooth!

Make Sure the Frosting on That Cake Is Smooth!

Two Ingredients, One Is Toxic

An Off-Topic Side Dish

Passing Down the Family Recipes

Friendship Adds Spice

The Hot Potato: Resentments

Do Not Let Yourself Go Stale

Fear Is like Burnt Toast

Attitude Is Your Hot Sauce

Cleaning Out the Kitchen Drawer

Ingredients I Leave Out of Life Recipes

Stir Things Up

Change Is a Savory Dessert

About the Author

To my husband, thank you for your love and support and for always expanding my lens in life. I am glad you became my best friend. I look forward to more adventures.

To my children, it has been a joy to watch you grow.

To my friends who have worked with me in this profession, thanks for the journey.

In honor of my parents, Anthony and Fran DiGioia, for teaching me about love, mutual respect, partnership, and strength.

In honor of my uncle, Larry, for supporting me in all aspects of my life with unconditional love.

To my brother, I am so glad I found you.

My Own Life Recipe

This book will be a blend of short stories of my own personal and professional experience with people who included me in their growth. I am just giving my perception or my lens as I see it. There is no right or wrong, and I am certainly not always right! There will be some repetition and concepts heard before, but I believe reinforcement pays off. If what I share helps you, great! Life is an ongoing self-discovery. Sometimes we walk on the eggshells that break. Other times, like a soufflé, we rise and meet the challenges.

I was born and raised in New York. I am a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), in practice for over thirty-five years. The New York accent can still come through. Becoming an LCSW did not define all of me, but I began to know my path around age 17. I had some idea of what I wanted to do but needed to fine-tune it. I needed to be sure I would love my career for many years. That is an important ingredient in the life recipe: do something you love and have a passion for because you will be doing it (hopefully) for a very long time.

The first psychology course in my senior of high school piqued my interest. I still remember my teacher. Then in college, when it was all about statistics and psychological testing, I realized that was not exactly it for me. In the 1980s, LCSWs began accepting insurance for providing therapy. As I moved through my last year of college, I found that was it—talking with people in a therapeutic process, guiding them as they sought self-discovery, coping, and healing. After accepting a bachelor of arts in psychology, I enrolled in a two-year master's program for a degree in social work. Even then, I knew I wanted to work with youth in a clinical capacity.

After graduate school, I accepted my first job in a residential girl's school. The girls came to the school for assessment and treatment, referred by child protective services, foster care, or juvenile probation. That experience confirmed my passion for working with this population. From there, I gained experience working with adults who were in recovery from addictions, but then I returned to working with youth in town government. I supervised other social workers pursuing their clinical license, which gave me the opportunity to teach and mentor. After seven years, I moved to Las Vegas, where I worked in private practice, hospitals, but spent most of my years in state service with children's mental health. I leaned toward being in the public sector most of my career. After some years as a therapist, then a clinical supervisor, I was promoted to a program manager, which is not a path many social workers take. I dared to take a different path.

I enjoyed program management because of the staff working with me. It felt like we all grew up together in the agency, and suddenly, we were in charge. It was an interesting experience, being a program manager for the Southern Nevada region. I learned a lot about office politics, strategy, testifying to the legislature to support change, and how to manage people who simply want to sabotage your efforts. Stepping outside of the nonjudgmental lens for a minute, I have a theory about people who are negative toward me. They are not happy at home. When I say at home, I mean inside, in their heart, and with themselves. They live in the negative lens and try to take you along for the ride.

However, I always knew my own heart. I was happiest working directly with youth. Coming full circle, in the final twelve years of my career, I did just that. Through my work, particularly with teens, I see the growth. That is what I believe therapy is. I do not give the answers but allow space and time for individuals to discover their own road, to make change within themselves.

In my work, I often shared this with adults, teachers, and mentors: you may not get to see the results of the seeds you plant with a young person. Sometimes it happens. I had experiences where a young person took the time to seek me out and update me as to their life path as an adult. It is always an unexpected gift. You never know how you touch someone's life just by believing