Aligned Leadership: Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success

By Jay Colker

Resistance Is Everywhere!

When leaders and employees are misaligned, work satisfaction diminishes, and business results suffer; this is the reality in many organizations today. Despite leaders' efforts to hold employees accountable, employees may dig their heels in, resist, and feel helpless to address their frustrations. They may do just enough to stay below the radar, or they may leave the organization altogether. Loss of talent means a loss of key knowledge about the business, which can cause customer relationships to suffer. Leaders and employees can avoid these pitfalls by becoming realigned.

Aligned Leadership will show both leaders and employees how to:

· Gain a deeper comprehension of oneself and the diverse styles of others.
· Build lasting relationships using a range of foundational skills.
· Identify points of resistance.
· Improve confidence in reducing resistance and becoming more aligned.
· Achieve better outcomes.
· Develop more innovative and creative solutions.
· Foster more engagement.

Better approaches can be learned. Don't wait another day to gain new skills and be more effective!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jay Colker
• Release date: Aug 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9798988594611

Book preview

Aligned Leadership

Building Relationships, Overcoming Resistance, and Achieving Success

An Adlerian Approach

Jay Colker

Copyright © 2023, Crowdsourced Coaching, LLC

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical (including any information storage retrieval system) without the express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations for use in articles and reviews wherein appropriate attribution of the source is made.

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ISBN: 979-8-9885946-0-4

ISBN: 979-8-9885946-1-1 (E-book)

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Jay Colker

[e-mail]

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The content of this book and all expressed opinions are those of the author and do not reflect the publisher or the publishing team. The author is solely responsible for all content included herein.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023912050

Cover design by Saheran Shoukat

Edited by Elizabeth Arterberry

Interior design by Jetlaunch

FIRST EDITION

WHY THIS BOOK MIGHT BE USEFUL FOR YOU

This book is for employees at any level. While the title implies it is for leaders, in reality, any employee can be a leader and effectively address the needs and challenges presented at any moment.

Individual contributors and associates want to feel valued and included and have leaders who understand the value of their work and its role in helping the organization achieve its mission goals and objectives. These associates experience work at its most fundamental level and often have ideas on how to make work more efficient and innovative. When leaders in the organization provide opportunities for associates to engage in and collaborate on best practices, there are likely to be more feelings of alignment and more motivation to engage. Where work conditions are less than ideal, associates can check out, feel frustrated, and are more likely to disengage. The culture of some organizations substantially inhibits these employees from constructively partnering on achieving best approaches and best outcomes. While many associates feel like victims and may walk on eggshells around their managers and those more senior, in reality, these employees often can utilize a range of skills and approaches that lead to better outcomes with no additional support needed. This book provides tools and a mindset that can help employees take effective actions.

First line supervisors are often promoted from line positions. They have built many relationships with their peers and, when promoted, they are sometimes challenged to take on the supervisory role while still maintaining those relationships. This shift in perspective for both the promoted supervisor and for their former peers can present a range of challenges. If a first line supervisor is hired externally, building and sustaining relationships become even more important. This book offers skills and a perspective that can help first line supervisors better walk that tightrope.

Middle managers may feel squeezed between the expectations of senior leaders and first-line supervisors and employees. They often are burdened with achieving business unit goals while being sensitive to front line needs and concerns. Middle managers often aspire to more senior roles. The better they know themselves and the mindset of senior leaders, the more likely they are to be visible and on a fast track to being promoted. This is especially true if they master the skills of alignment offered in this book.

Senior executives set the culture of the organization and the strategy for human capital overall. This book offers a philosophy and a set of practices that can be employed throughout the organization. The more familiar these executives are with the approaches outlined in this book, the better they are at reinforcing critical human resource practices and having all parts of the organization in better alignment.

Human resource, learning and development, talent management, and industrial organizational professionals can use this book to support them in enhancing their leadership skills and facilitating change.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Foundation Adlerian Principles

Basic Concepts

Social Embeddedness

Subjectivity

Self-Determination and Creativity

Goal-Directedness or Teleology

Holism

Summary

Chapter 2: Formation of the Lifestyle

Introduction

Key Components

Psychological Birth Order

Only Child

Oldest

Second Child

Middle Child

Youngest Child

Special Circumstances

Childhood Abuse and Neglect

Other Influences on the Lifestyle

Final Conclusion

Earliest Memories

Final Thoughts and Recommendations on the Lifestyle

Summary

Chapter 3: Establishing and Maintaining Positive Relationships

Key Relationship Competencies

Mutual Respect

Choice

Mutual Responsibility

Acceptance

Trust

Feeling Understood

Empathy

Active Listening

Encouragement and Strength-Based Approaches

Summary

Chapter 4: Understanding and Dealing with Resistance

Tools to Maximize Relationships and Minimize Resistance

Offering Choices

Guessing

Using a Group as a Maximizer

Using Oneself as a Model

Solicit Specific Examples

Conflict Solving

Feedback

Summary

Chapter 5: Practical Applications

Introduction

Military Example

Power Generation Company Example

International Manufacturing Company Example

International Consulting Examples

Manager Alignment Process

Crowdsourced Coaching

Summary

Chapter 6: Guidelines for Employees at All Levels

Associates

Supervisors

Senior Leaders

Summary

Final Thoughts

About the Author

References

Acknowledgments

INTRODUCTION

This author began studying Adlerian psychology in the early 1970s and was trained by many students of a colleague of Alfred Adler, Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, who expanded Adlerian philosophy in the US and internationally.¹ The principles of Adlerian philosophy will be explained in the first chapter of this book. One basic tenet that resonated with the author was the simple and yet far-reaching definition of resistance, which is a misalignment of goals.² A goal in this context is not a narrow definition of a task but the holistic way in which an individual interacts with the world. This includes their foundational beliefs, which are conclusions about self, life, and others, and decisions about how to reaffirm what is most important to them. For example, an individual may have the following beliefs and conclusions:

I am unsure of myself and wonder about the best ways to do things. I should be strong and capable and handle things on my own. I should be strong and capable and handle things on my own. Others seem to know better how to handle things. Life can throw curveballs, which leads me to feel even more uncomfortable. Therefore, I should rely on others for guidance and reassurance.

An individual’s belief system is also influenced by the interactions between each person’s wants or needs in a given moment. In the above example, this person may look to a colleague or a boss to provide guidance, direction, and reassurance. Where there is alignment, things proceed in a comfortable way and there is a sense of collaboration and cooperation. If the person in this example has others responding in the ways they need, then their goal is achieved. When misalignment is experienced, then each individual must decide how to proceed, whether to work through the differences in a cooperative manner to ultimately align, or to use a range of coping behaviors that could work, but that also could create additional challenges in the relationships.

Action to Consider

In work interactions, ask yourself what the individual might need at this moment, what you might need, and what you can do to facilitate alignment.

If the colleague or boss feels pressured to provide guidance and support, then, at some point, expectations change. This will need to be addressed or there is a risk of problems and conflict in the relationship down the road. By utilizing approaches to realign themselves, the interactions between the boss and employee may eventually be much more positive. Alignment can be defined as moving cooperatively with others and consistently behaving in line with the needs of the situation. As a leader, are you more effective if things are aligned? If so, in what ways?

Adler called these foundational beliefs the Lifestyle,³ which is formed by the age of five or six and then becomes self-reinforcing. As individuals grow, they also face what Adler described as the tasks of life,⁴ including work, social relations, and intimacy. The Lifestyle becomes the ultimate goal projected out in front of a person and reveals itself in all interactions (if one knows how to see it). Growing up, an individual may have had an extremely strong need to be liked and accepted, and this goal pervaded all his interactions with friends, at work, and even in intimate relationships. This individual was so consumed with achieving this goal that he pushed people away by trying too hard to please others. He was focused on himself and, as a result, was often insensitive to others’ needs and concerns.

Lidiya Sicher, a medical doctor and psychologist who worked with Alfred Adler, described two types of movement: vertical and horizontal.⁵ Individuals moving vertically are more concerned with personal superiority and prestige. They live in a state of constant tension, fear, and anxiety at the thought they could fall, and of somehow being less than. They are vulnerable to criticism from others or themselves, and they believe that making mistakes or revealing imperfections may lower their status and open them up to ridicule and humiliation. Harold Mosak⁶ told a story about a centipede moving along, all its legs beautifully flowing. The centipede stopped and all the legs came to attention. A beetle complimented the centipede and admired the way she moved, and then asked if her 57th foot moved before or after her 56th foot. The centipede became so busy watching her own feet that she could no longer move, and she starved to death. This is the plight of vertical movement.

Action to Consider

Look at your interactions with others. Are you more focused on your own needs and concerns or are you focused on the needs