Greek Myths: A Compilation of the Life and Times of Eros Phanes

By Harrison VanDernoot

A collection of short stories following the life of Eros Phanes, the primal deity of love and emotion from Greek Myth. Follow his adventures as he interact with his divine (literally) family, mere mortals, and even a grand evil monster (or two). With an extensive appendix for anyone new to Greek Mythology, laugh at Eros's wit as he confounds oth

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dukes Publishing
• Release date: Jul 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218166854

Book preview

Greek Myths

A Compilation of the Life and Times of Eros Phanes

Compiled by Harrison Vandernoot

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Greek Myths - A Compilation of the Life and Times of Eros Phanes by Harrison VanDernoot

Copyright © 2023 by Harrison VanDernoot, Elisha Dukes.

All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law and fair use. For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to [e-mail] or to Permissions, Dukes Publishing, Bridgeton, Missouri 63044. Originally published as an ebook in the United States by Ingramspark.

Cover © 2023 by Elisha Dukes. Inside design by Elisha Dukes.

Reasonable credit goes to John Ronald Reuel Tolkien and his estate where such credit is due - for names or references to his brilliant works. Requiesce in pace.

The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility or endorsement for the author or any of his legal claims, views, or opinions, based on the information contained in this ‘ere book, as the views and opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the publisher; nor does it claim any responsibility for any content other than the forward; nor does it claim any endorsement for any hrefs in HyperText nchors, or other forms of aforesaid linking when in print, nor Ecmascript. Links are provided as a convenience and for informational purposes only; they do not constitute an endorsement or an approval by the publisher of any of the products, services or opinions of the corporation, organization or individual. The publisher bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality or content of the external site or for that of subsequent links. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content.

Print ISBN: 979-8-218-16686-1

Ebook ISBN: 979-8-218-16685-4

Printed in the United States of America by Ingramspark

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:

Greek Myths by Harrison VanDernoot.

Summary: The collected memoirs of Eros, who was sometimes known as Phanes, which were later compiled by Harrison VanDernoot. Eros and his relations go and have adventures as Greek primordial deities, while dealing with family issues.

[1. Magic—Fiction. 2. Greece—Fiction. 3. Households—Fiction. 4. Friendships—Fiction. 5. Olympus—Fiction. ]

2023 [Fic]

V3.031

[printing details including paper type, font faces, art materials, and such]

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental, or is used fictitiously.

To All the Primal Gods

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Preface

What Experiences I Had With This Book, Even Though No One Asked

Ah. The preface. The part before the book. The part where the reader hasn’t read the book yet but they need some background information. [1]  The part where another famous author writes about their experience with the book, then finishes writing, walks out of their room, and is immediately paid a billion dollars by the author. [2]  The preface is the part of the book where the author will write about writing the book for WAY too long.

You look at the preface and think, That’s not too long, and, I better read this if I’m serious about the book. You then flip through the pages, reading all about every single detail of the book’s creation, only for the author to spoil the entire book in a way that’s subtle enough to not be pointed out when skimming, but explicit enough for you to realize it is a spoiler when you read it.

Nobody likes the preface. I myself didn’t plan on writing a preface when I finished my memoirs. My memoirs were just going to be light-hearted tales of things that have happened to me.

But, when I went down to the publishing house, they were all like, You gotta write a preface. If the readers aren’t bored out of their minds at the beginning, what will entice them to read? So they made me write one. And here it is. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, which I did not.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah; blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah; blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah; blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah; blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

RANDOM TABLE:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah phanes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah kills blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah kampe blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Inspirational Quote From a Childhood Hero

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah bla-blah bla-blah,"

Blahed by Eros Blah Phanes.

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Forward

An Introduction by Elisha Dukes

A h. The forward. That part of the book where I brag about knowing the author, how greeeeeat the book was, how it impacted my life, and where I provide some authority and credibility for the author and tell you why you HAVE to read this particular  book … I’m only doing this because I’m a friend. And the publisher, which is probably the only reason this random deity let me ferret out the truth needed to blackmail him into keeping this. And I’m kinda embarrassed about the preface, which completely broke convention. I’m sorry about that boring mess. Blah blah blah. Blah. It’s, well, kinda bland. And really similar to the epilogue, which is definitely an issue. However, I do think that if you enjoy slapstick humor and strange inside jokes for which you are not an insider, you may possibly want to read this book. Maybe not, it’s up to you. You want to read it, do. You don’t, don’t. This book changed my life, by making me a prosperous publisher, (at least, I hope it has if you’re reading this) and I hope it does the same for you.

Table of Contents:

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Prologue

Eros stared down his menacing opponent. As his mind teetered at the brink of insanity, he shook his fist at his dastardly foe. He fought valiantly for hours, and many songs will be sung of his glory, [3]  but each time he attacked his foe threw his own mind back at Eros, shattering his soul to its innermost depths. Eros, weak and tired, was barely able to defend himself as his enemy seemed to laugh at his futile attempts to master it.

Empty scroll, you shalt not best me. Eros sat at his desk once more and hung his fingers above the scroll, pen ready to write. Yet he could not think of anything. His mind was a whirlpool of thoughts, and he kept grasping at empty straws. [4]  Then he had a thought. Magic burritos, [5]  lizards, and little pieces of paper all fighting a bottle of evil hot sauce who rules his galactic empire with an iron cap. He was about to begin writing when the smart [6]  part of his brain chimed in.

That’s a terrible idea, dude. You know that.

No, it’s not, Eros said out loud to his brain. It’s a great idea. It's got it all: a basic plot, characters.

Does it have a theme, backstory, or even an ever so slightly sad part?

We’ll cross those hurdles when we get to them, brain.

Hmm… his brain responded. How do you even plan on having them defeat the evil hot sauce? Is there even a climax?

Of course there’s a climax. They defeat the hot sauce with an ancient magic that the heroes discover at the last minute.

But is there any lore or hints that suggest that that might happen? Any exposition between the characters that might set that up?

Eros sighed. No, brain, there isn’t.

Let’s explore other options, then.

Fine. Eros fought with the empty scroll and his brain until he had one brilliant idea that would change everything.

Brain! Brain! I have an idea!

What?

I can writ an autobiography!

Did you just say ‘writ’?

Maybe! So?

Brain thought about it for a second.

Okay. Go for it.

And I’ll write the whole thing in third person omniscient!

Wait, what-

And so Eros began writing.

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That One Time the Universe Got Made

D arkness. A void of nothing. It was as big as a house, or maybe a skyscraper, or maybe a flea. Too dark to tell. The darkness was all engulfing, everything and nothing all at once, though it emitted an almost lonely aura. Out of this nothing formed a consciousness. The consciousness glowed, shedding the first light on the universe. [7]  The dim light revealed to itself that it took the form of endless turmoil, stretching forever and ever in a pit of- CHAOS, it thought, and so it was called until the end of days. Chaos set his form and wandered the universe, endlessly searching for who knows what. He suddenly tripped on a rock, falling down into the  endless void. How did he trip on a rock if the universe had not been created yet? How did he trip if he wasn’t a malleable thing? I don’t know, but when he did, the curiosity of what happened to him sparked the first being, Gaia, the earth. Gaia looked around at the darkness around her and said her first words.

This is boring. Now, with the invention of language, a little piece of air got displaced in the cosmic equilibrium. Thus, a different amount of air was breathed in by Chaos, causing the god [8]  to burp. That’s when everything got interesting.

HEY EVERYBODY! shouted a tall Greek man with golden wings and hair. HOW ARE YOU DOING!? Erebus and Tartarus [9]  materialized behind him as Gaia and Chaos came to investigate.

Hello, said Gaia, Who are you?

I AM EROS! he yelled. NICE TO MEET YOU!

"Why are you yelling? [10] " Gaia asked.

BECAUSE MY VOCAL CORDS ARE AD-justing. Eros settled down as Chaos scoffed and started to float away.

You guys are loud. I’m out, Chaos said as he floated away.

Okay, bye, Dad! Eros waved at Chaos as he floated away. What a great guy.

Nyx manifested near them as Eros hovered and looked around.

What do we do now? Gaia asked. Tartarus and Erebus appeared near them. Crickets would have chirped, but that wouldn't have made sense. Crickets hadn’t been invented yet.

Nyx answered that quickly.

Umm? Let’s just… uh… I don’t know. What should we do? wondered Nyx.

We could ask Dad, Eros suggested, but Chaos had already left.

"Maybe we should make something