I AM MY FATHER'S DAUGHTER: Godly values from my dad applicable to parenting

By Olihe Okoro

This book is a parental guide written from the perspective of a daughter whose earthly father, in many ways mirrored the values and principles of God, our Heavenly Father. It is a call to intentional living and a parenting approach that emphasizes modelling the values we are intent on instilling in our children. We must practice what we preach and teach our children. For truly, with children, much more is caught than taught.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9781312620506

Book preview

CHAPTER 1 | INTEGRITY

Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. - C.S. Lewis, writer, literary scholar and theologian

It must have been my second or third year in the university. A mutual friend brought him to my room to seek my help. He was in his final year and had failed one of my dad’s courses. He was hopeful that I could use my ‘daughter charm’ to get my dad to change his grade to a pass, so he could graduate with his cohort. First of all, I wondered if he was actually attending classes as a student in my dad’s department. For him to even ask me to do that (i.e. plead with my dad for a grade change on his behalf), he obviously did not know my dad. It was laughable. I thought to myself, he probably has been AWOL (absent without leave) a lot! Of course, I promptly told him that what he was asking was not remotely possible.

Knowing my dad, I was not even going to broach the subject with him. No one who knows my dad would ever think of asking him to do something that is not right. And he certainly wouldn’t expect that from his own daughter. This student’s ask was not at all in alignment with the principles my dad was known for, chief among which was his integrity.  I would wager that if you ask people who know my dad, one value that is synonymous with who he is, the most frequent response would be along the lines of being a principled person, a man of integrity.

I first heard this from my mother-in-law, but it has become for me the apt definition of integrity. The very first time I met her, she said to me: As you have seen us, you have seen ‘the entirety of us. Well, that is the literal translation. She made that statement in Igbo, Arọchukwu dialect to be precise. She said Aga o I vụrụ anyi, I vụgbale anyi.  Contextually, it means what you see is what you get. She was essentially saying, we have no hidden sides to who we are, or how we are. Since then, that has become for me, the very definition of integrity. Aside God, the first person who comes to mind when I think of integrity is my father.

With my dad, the teacher the students experienced in the classroom, was the same person we experienced at home. The same values and principles he lived by in the workplace - doing his job, mentoring young minds, and working with colleagues - were the very same that were operational in our home, as a father and husband . . . and the same were also applicable anywhere else he showed up. This remains true till date. There are no hidden dimensions to him, character-wise.

How my dad would respond in any given circumstance is so predictable. The predictability that is characteristic of a person of integrity, is so comforting and reassuring because you can rely on them. You don’t need to second-guess a person of integrity. They reflect the values they live by consistently, and they don’t change per circumstance or person. I too want my children to think of me as synonymous with integrity.

Integrity of speech

Growing up and till date, I have always trusted my dad’s words. If he gives you his word, you can be sure that he will make good on it. His word is his bond. It doesn’t matter who he gives it to – whether to a child or to an adult, a student or a high-ranking administrator. It has always been about what values he lives by, not about who he is interacting with. From my childhood, when it was simple requests like wanting a recorder (musical instrument), through secondary school when I would submit a list for items to go back to boarding school with, to my days in the university, a word from my dad was all the assurance I needed.

My father is a man of few words, but his words are quite weighty. He is not frivolous with his words. If daddy (as we call him) tells you he will do something, he will do it. In the house then, amongst my siblings, cousins, et al., once you confirmed that Daddy said . . ., it settled the matter. If he said something, he meant it and had every intention of following through with it.

Of course, being human, there are times that with all the good intentions, one is unable to keep their word, perhaps due to circumstances unforeseen or totally out of one’s control. When that would happen, daddy would be sure to explain to you why he was not able to make good on his word. His word has always been a reflection who he is. Even as a child, I quickly learned that this is uncommon. It has become for me a value I am intent on demonstrating as a life principle. As a parent, it is so important that your child knows that you take my words seriously. Question is – Do you?

Integrity as a shield

My dad’s principles have always been clear to anyone who knows him. You always know what he stands for and what he has zero tolerance for. And his stance has never been dependent on person, place or circumstance. For example, daddy