Inside the Mind of Suicide: A Survivor's Story

By Brooke Rhoades

According to the World Health Organization, almost seven hundred thousand people attempt suicide every year. Of every one thousand suicide attempts, approximately seventy-two ultimately die of suicide. It is the tenth leading reason of death in the United States and sometimes even higher in other countries. Death by suicide also has no one particular type of victim; it affects everyone from the seemingly happy and successful movie stars, rockstars, country music singers, beauty queens, celebrity children, reality TV actors, promising college athletes, to the veterans returning home from the horrors of war. Unfortunately, the problem is only getting much, much worse.

Medical experts believe that deaths by suicide could be dramatically reduced if the new generation truly understood and embraced the importance of life. My thoughts and experience on the matter go way deeper than just that, which is why I have chosen to share my story. I am a suicide survivor. It is an absolute miracle that I am alive. I survived a gunshot wound to the head. This experience helped me to truly understand what it actually takes for a person to willingly choose to permanently end their life, like the things that drove me to do the unthinkable, and also what happens to their loved ones left behind--the pain, the guilt, the sorrow, the suffering, the inability to move forward, the very same emotions that I saw in my own family immediately following my near-death suicide attempt, even though I had miraculously survived.

My story gives readers a rare glimpse "inside the mind of suicide." My hope is to prevent suicide from happening because the pain does eventually go away, and "bad things happening to good people" is only a temporary condition in a long, happy, prosperous, and meaningful life. I also hope to help all the devastated suicide loss survivors understand why their loved one ultimately chose death over life so that they may eventually heal and feel peace again in time.

I survived to inspire others to live and thrive. This is my own personal journey "inside the mind of suicide."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886161403

Book preview

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Inside the Mind of Suicide

A Survivor's Story

Brooke Rhoades

ISBN 979-8-88616-139-7 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88616-140-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Brooke Rhoades

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

About the Author

Chapter 1

Imust have been a fright to see. All bloody, outside, and on my knees. How did I get there? Why had my life come to this? Hopelessness. Now, how do I get hope back? We'll circle back to that.

On September 25, 2017, I put a gun to my head. It had already been almost twenty years of health issues, including chronic insomnia and anxiety. Every day was excruciatingly painful for me, both physically and mentally. I had already tried to commit suicide many times as my life was spiraling downward out of control. But this would be my final attempt, literally and figuratively.

I had no idea what I was doing. I had only shot a gun a few times before at drunken parties. Someone had always loaded the weapon for me. But how difficult could it be? It looks pretty easy on TV and in the movies. Because I had tried to commit suicide so many times before, I wasn't even allowed to own a firearm. But a friend of mine had one in his long-haul truck cab, just in case he needed it on the road. He mentioned it in a casual conversation. When he wasn't looking, I found it. I thought, This has to be it. No more failed attempts. This time I was going to succeed at suicide, as ironic as that sounds.

It was so heavy when I held the gun in my hands. That is what I remember the most—the heaviness of the gun in my hands. Afterward, they told me it was a 9 mm handgun. I had no idea what that meant. I just assumed it was loaded, so I lifted it up to my head and pulled the trigger. Nothing. What the heck? So I examined the gun a little closer. I saw a hole at the bottom of the handle. How could I have been so stupid? Then I remembered the scenes from the movies of slamming this part in the handle. I don't even know what it is called whatever was missing. So I looked back in the case. There it was, the place for the bullets. This was taking me too long to figure out. My friend had to leave to start a trip. I would have to sneak the gun and