I Want Out: A Woman's Guide to Finding Peace Through Divorce

By William C. Gentry

Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Scary

What’s holding you back from leaving your failing marriage? If you’re like most women, the answer is probably fear. Fear over where you will live, what will happen to your children, how you will support yourself, and more. Just what will you have to give up in order to finally have the peace you want and deserve? The rumors and misinformation around divorce can be enough to scare some women into staying in marriages that aren’t working—even when those marriages are abusive. But you don’t need to let fear force you to settle for an unhappy life. You can escape your marriage without giving up the things that matter most to you. I Want Out: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Peace Through Divorce will show you how. I Want Out is written by Bill Gentry, A Georgia divorce lawyer with over 35 years of experience helping women escape failing marriages for better, happier futures. While the book focuses on Georgia divorce law, it provides a comprehensive overview of how the divorce process works in any state, illustrating what happens at each stage, what to expect, and what you can do to ensure the best possible outcome for yourself and your family. Packed with emotional stories of real clients who’ve endured the challenges of divorce and created better lives for themselves, this step-by-step guide will empower you with everything you need to know to take control of your life and find the peace and happiness you deserve.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Forbes Books
• Release date: Sep 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887500157

William C. Gentry

ATTORNEY WILLIAM C. GENTRY has been practicing law in Georgia since 1986. He is a founder of the Gentry Law Firm LLC in Marietta, with a primary focus on divorce and family law, including high-asset property division, child custody, and alimony cases throughout the greater Atlanta area. During his 35+ years as an attorney, he has represented thousands of women in divorce proceedings, helping them escape failing marriages and create better lives for themselves. Gentry graduated Phi Beta Kappa from University of Virginia with a BA from their Economics Honors Program and received his JD from the University of Georgia. He has served as the President of the Cobb Country Bar Association and was on the Executive Committee of the State Bar of Georgia Board of Governors. This is his first book.

Book preview

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Sarah is a forty-five-year-old stay-at-home mother of three. When she and Michael got married, they had agreed that Sarah would stop working when they had children and devote herself to her family and supporting Michael’s career. That’s kept Sarah out of the workforce for almost fifteen years. So much has changed over the past decade and a half that she knows she can’t possibly step right back in and pick up where she left off, or somehow make up the level of experience and earning potential she would have reached by this point in her life if she hadn’t stopped working. This leaves her in a vulnerable position—not just professionally but emotionally and financially.

Especially now that Michael’s bad conduct has forced her to look into taking steps to end their marriage.

For years, Sarah’s marriage has been going downhill. It seemed like the more successful her husband became in his career, the more he belittled her and tore her down. Today, living with him is like listening to an endless list of Things That Are Wrong with Sarah. She’s gained too much weight, he says. She drinks too much wine, he says. She spends too much money, he says. She no longer feels attractive or interesting or fun to be around.

On that note, Sarah no longer has many opportunities to be around anybody other than her husband and children. Somehow, over the years, Michael managed to separate her from most of her family and friends. It started when Sarah’s best friend, Erica, said something to Michael that offended him. After that, Michael didn’t want to spend time around Erica. Then Michael didn’t like something her friend Christine said, so Sarah and Michael stopped getting together with her and her husband. Over time, Michael seemed to get offended by or find something to dislike about all of Sarah’s friends, and even her family, until it was just easier for Sarah to let those relationships fade away. As a result, Michael has made Sarah fully dependent on him for everything—money, shelter, clothing, and even her own self-esteem—and her self-confidence has all but collapsed during their relationship.

And why wouldn’t her self-esteem be low? She’s been taken for granted, neglected, emotionally abused, and possibly cheated on. She’s had to walk on eggshells around Michael, and worse than that, she’s had to teach their children to walk on eggshells to keep Daddy happy, all while watching them slowly become indoctrinated into Michael’s way of thinking about marriage and family and their place in the world.

Now, finally, after years and years of suffering all this—at the hands of the man who promised to love and cherish her forever—she knows that if she’s ever going to find peace in her life, let alone any chance at happiness, she needs to get out. And on the rare occasions she sees her family and friends, they tell her the same thing.

But Sarah’s terrified to make a move.

So many questions keep her up at night, swirling around in her head. What if he takes the children away from her? Will he take the house? He’s got all the money, all the power, all the connections … What if he manages to take everything they have for himself and leave her with nothing at all? He’s already threatened to do all these things if she even thinks of leaving him.

What if, instead of finally taking control of her life, she winds up destroying it?

I’m here to tell you that, with the right lawyer, that doesn’t have to happen. And, more importantly, it doesn’t have to happen to you.

My name is Bill Gentry, and I’ve been a divorce lawyer in Cobb County, Georgia, for more than thirty-five years. I’ve helped thousands of clients like Sarah navigate the divorce process and come out of it with their lives intact. In fact, intact isn’t a strong enough word for how these folks end up, because for the majority of my clients, life is much, much better after divorce than it was before. After years of enduring verbal and sometimes even physical abuse, these women finally get to live their lives without the pain of an abusive, absent, narcissistic, unfaithful, or otherwise horrible husband ruling their lives. They’re finally free to pursue their dreams and find the peace, happiness, and even love they deserve.

Sarah is not actually one of those clients. She’s a composite of the most common traits of the thousands of women I have helped over my three and a half decades in practice. You’ll meet some of them as individuals in the upcoming pages, although their names and some details of their cases will be changed to protect their privacy. Reading their stories, you’ll learn that, while Sarah isn’t necessarily real, her pain is. And if you’re trapped in a marriage like hers, it may also feel painfully familiar.

Maybe you’ve thought about leaving your husband but stay in a marriage that is killing you because you’re worried about what will happen if you go. Maybe you’ve been threatened with the same sort of retaliatory consequences I mentioned. You’ll never see the kids again. I’m going to hire the best lawyer in the state and kick you out of the house and lock down all our accounts so you never get a penny. Or maybe he uses your lack of self-esteem as a weapon. You’re too fat / too old / too dumb / too [insert your negative adjective here], and no one will ever want you, and you’re going to die unloved and alone.

When you think about divorce, no matter how much you want to be free of your marriage, I know that these are many of the things you worry about.

To make matters worse, there is a lot of misinformation out there surrounding divorce, especially for women. Divorce laws are complicated, to the point where a Google search can leave you with more questions and fears than you had when you started. Is alimony still standard now that more women are working? What are my husband’s chances of actually getting primary custody of the kids? You’re bound to feel some uncertainty, caught between the devil you know (your husband) and the devil you don’t know (everything that could happen to you if you divorce him). If you have children with this devil, what will happen to them? If he makes five or ten times your salary, or if you don’t even have a salary, what will happen to you?

Just what are you going to have to give up in order to find peace?

The truth, believe it or not, is that you may not have to give up very much at all. Armed with knowledge and the right kind of legal representation, you can escape your marital hell, stalemate, or just plain unsatisfying marriage and trade it for a happier, saner, brighter, and yes, more peaceful future, for yourself and for your children.

That’s why I wrote this book.

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The very first divorce client I represented was a woman—although you could almost call her a girl. She was only nineteen or twenty at the time, and she came in because her husband had abused her physically and mentally. I remember her sitting in the chair in my office, bruised and crying and scared. She didn’t understand what her rights were, or what options she had, or what she could do to just make him stop.

I remember looking at her and thinking, How can I not help this woman?

Part of the reason I felt compelled to help her was because I knew exactly how she felt. Growing up, I understood what it meant to be powerless. I was the fourth of five children, and I had an older brother who had some serious mental health issues, and one of the ways he dealt with those issues was taking his frustrations out on me, often by being verbally and physically abusive. And just like my new client, nobody came to my rescue. My parents, for whatever reason, just didn’t see what my brother was doing to me, and they did little to nothing to stop it. There was not one person in my life to step in and make the pain go away.

That young woman in my office that day gave me a chance to be that person for somebody else, to stand up for the underdog and step in and do something. And honestly, it was extremely satisfying to do that. It felt a little bit like having a superpower.

Thirty-five years later, I only remember a few of the other details of that client’s case, like how we were able to get a protective order to keep her husband away from her, and that she got her divorce and was able to get on with her life. But what I remember the most is the feeling I got from being able to stand up for somebody else. That one woman who needed me opened the door to serving people in a way I never envisioned. I was finally fulfilling my purpose. Since that time, I’ve helped thousands of women escape failing marriages and find peace without sacrificing the things that matter most to them.

I’m writing this book to help you do the same thing.

Because I’m based in Georgia, this book will focus on Georgia divorce law, although the broad strokes of divorce law are similar in many states. On a broader scale, I’ll also share the things you need to know, understand, and do to get what you want and need out of your divorce, along with the legal lessons I’ve learned over thirty-five years of watching divorce law evolve. Finally, as I previously mentioned, I’ll also share the emotional stories of clients I’ve helped along the way—women who’ve survived the many challenges of divorce and ultimately created better lives for themselves.

The book itself is divided into three sections: the Discovery phase, which covers the basics of divorce and what you need to know when you’re thinking about filing for divorce; the Analysis phase, which explains how custody, assets, and support are decided; and finally the Resolution phase, which covers the basics of a divorce settlement, custody arrangement, and how to move on to live a happier life. These sections loosely track the three main phases of the divorce process itself: Discovery, or learning about the details of your personal situation; Analysis, by applying Georgia divorce law to your situation; and Resolution, bringing your situation to conclusion, usually by mediation, settlement, or trial. That said, this is not a how-to guide to take you step by step through your own divorce process. Think of it more as a What to Expect When You’re Divorcing (in Georgia). My hope is that, if you’re feeling stuck in a broken marriage, this book will educate, inspire, and finally empower you to take control, seek the counsel you need, and start building a better future for yourself and your children.

Divorce is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. It’s a fact of life. It no longer carries the sort of stigma it had even a few decades ago, although the common belief that half of all marriages end in divorce is not exactly true.

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In both 2020 and 2021, according to the American Community Survey (ACS), the divorce rate was fourteen divorces per one thousand married women, the lowest level in forty years.¹ Still, divorce does not mean you’ve failed. In fact, it means you now have an opportunity to visualize and build your best future.

So let’s talk about how we’re going to accomplish that.

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The first part of a divorce case involves learning about (or discovering) the information you and your lawyer need to analyze:

• Your family’s financial situation

• Your children’s situation

This information is crucial to discussing a possible settlement with your husband and his lawyer. About 95 percent plus divorce cases end up settling, and diligently gathering information along the way helps provide us with the tools we need to negotiate the best outcome for you. Thorough preparation for settlement discussions, from critical financial and other information, can increase the chances of settling the case and better ensure that you will win at trial if that proves necessary. Your lawyer should help you obtain some of this information, but it really helps if you can do some of this digging on your own even before you sit down with an attorney to start your divorce case.

First, you want to figure out what the family assets are. This is any property with any value owned by either you or your husband, or both of you, and it ranges from bank accounts and cars to retirement accounts and even cryptocurrency, like Bitcoin. If you can locate the last three years of your family’s federal income tax returns, that will provide your lawyer with knowledge of the actual recent earnings of both you and your husband. If you can get the last year’s statements for all the bank accounts you and your husband have, that will give your lawyer a huge leg up on getting a handle on your finances. The same goes for credit card statements, your most recent mortgage statement, and so forth. The more information you can provide, the more complete a picture your lawyer will be able to build of your family’s assets and debt situation.

That said, don’t worry if you don’t have access to everything (or even if you don’t have access to anything). There are many legal tools your lawyer will