Perfectly Broken

By Tinisha Isom

It's Time To Discover Happiness In Your Own Journey
 
They say there is scientific proof that happiness is simply a choice you can make. That however, couldn't be further from the truth.
 
As you will discover throughout the course of this book, happiness is more than a mere decision. It's taking life one step at a time, adjusting your mindset and your choices as you travel through life's journey.
 
In fact, most people seem to think that they will be happy when they manage to distance themselves from all "the bad" and surround themselves with all "the good". The truth is however, that you can never really be happy if you do not learn to embrace EVERYTHING around you.
 
Embrace your entire world, including the good, the bad, the ups, the downs, the joys and the disappointments and only then you can truly hope to be free.
 
Tap Into Your True Source Of Strength
 
Want to know what's holding you back from being at peace with who you truly are? Simply put, it's your mindset.
 
Up until now, you have been making decisions that stem from "Stinkin Thinkin". When your actions are a result of negative thinking and sourced from dirty places within your mind and heart, it's inevitable that the outcome of these actions will be fruitless and disappointing.
 
What you desperately need to do, is embrace the strength of Christ and trust in Him to help you create a world that you have never experienced before. When you finally open yourself to the might of a being that is far beyond your own, you shall finally become more aware of those distractions that keep you from being centered and hinder your progression and personal evolution.
 
More than that, this book will help you gain more control over your thoughts and create a mental environment of positivity while defeating the triggers of anxiety, stress and ultimately failure.
 
Know That The Happiest Version Of Yourself Is Just Around The Corner!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tinisha Isom
• Release date: Jul 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9780692162668

Book preview

One

The Beginning

I find myself revisiting the pains of the past. Why? I have no clue, but Lord, I need you to make me strong enough to fight off the enemy. In one moment, I want to see if there is a spark left in a 12-year-old flame, and in the other moment I wonder if it would be possible to rekindle a new. The problem is, I don’t trust either. They each have work to do to regain my trust. They’ve damaged me so much that I’m beginning to damage myself. Lord, please cleanse and heal my soul so that I may live in your love, with your peace. Yes, I am angry and disappointed. I’ve given so many years of my life to men who don’t care about anything but themselves. Who don’t know how to accept or even appreciate a good woman.

There are so many parts of myself that I see in this entry that need growth, understanding, and healing. To begin, when you know who you are in Christ your perception will become biased to seeing yourself and people the way Christ sees you. I can’t help but wonder to my previous self, what exactly was I looking for in the past? The lesson perhaps? Why on earth would anyone want to revisit anything that brought pain in the past? I was looking for change. As William McDowell states, The change I want to see, must first begin in me. To make change, we must first make ourselves aware of our patterns. If I can change my perception, then maybe I can change my reception. In this moment, my heart is looking for a change I have never received. A change that I could not perceive for myself. So, I asked God for help. For Him to do within me what I did not have the awareness to do within myself. What is so amazing however, is the amount of confidence and faith that I have in Christ to deliver.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

This was the beginning of my healing. This was the moment that I said to myself,If I only touch the hem of his garment, I will be healed. (Matthew 9:21 NIV)

I’m having mixed emotions and I’m trying to find the balance. I’m seeing him more frequently than often and honestly don’t know how to feel. I’m wondering if it’s even foolish to wonder. I’ve noticed that I love them all in different ways. They each have a piece of me. There was the one that I thought I’d love forever. There was the one I thought was the ideal man. The epitome of what the perfect boyfriend would be. There is also the current that is to be determined. I am learning to slow down and live for this day. At the end of the day, I’m ready to move forward, meet new people, do different things, and grow. Lord, I really want to dive into this new season with all blessings. Anything keeping me from experiencing this next level of blessings like I need to, please help me to clean it out.

As I reflect on my past relationships in search for the common denominator between them, with a broken objective lens, all I see is darkness. At this moment in my life, all I know is I want something better than what I had been receiving. I hunger for something great. Chewing on the shallow darkness of emptiness and continuing to be hungry is no longer sufficient. This is the place, I realize that my current level of consciousness has served me no purpose. It has given me no fuel. I was like the woman at the well, thirsty and hungry to be filled (John 4:1-25) . Through her shattered lens she could not recognize the light. She had been covered in dirt for so long that she didn’t even feel worthy to serve Christ. It was as if she was chained to her past, and she had settled with the thought that her life would be nothing more than what it was. And then Jesus said to her, " If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water." (John 4:10)

Reading her response to Jesus enlighten me with just how greatly bound she was. She is so bound and chained to her previous identity, that she doesn’t perceive Him in her presence. This made me wonder, how many times has God been in my presence, and I have not been able to perceive Him? So here I am, as the woman at the well, at the mercy of Jesus, requesting His help for change. And He says to me, The hour cometh, and now is when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship Him. (John 4:23 KJV)

This is the moment, where Christ begins to reveal Himself to me through the error of my own sin and He allows His resurrection to work through me for my awakening.

It is time to get back to the fight, but Lord I need you to rejuvenate and strengthen my spirit. Wanting things to be perfect and terrified with fear. I ask that you restore the peace and confidence that I once had in you. I honestly and truly don’t know where to begin. Lord I often wonder where did I go wrong, or furthermore, what am I missing within my spiritual walk? What is the lesson that you are teaching me and please don’t let me miss it. Yes, I have my eyes on this home and I’m really looking forward to you coming through in a major way, but I also would like to make sure that I am where I need to be spiritually, to be able to sustain your blessings. Yes, I want more for myself, my son, and my family, and I often question whether I have enough strength and resources to sustain, but I can honestly see now, that I was looking in the wrong direction. I can do nothing by myself, but through you, Christ, I can do all things (Philippians 4:13). On that note, I will continue to pray. Until then, I need an extra pour of your spiritual help.

Two

Releasing the Rage

What do we do with the hate? What do we do with the anger and disappointment that we have within ourselves?

How do I begin to find the scattered pieces of my heart, hidden beyond the bricks of betrayal? How do I begin to climb the many mountains of hurt from disappointments? Furthermore, how do I begin to forgive myself for allowing them in beyond the place where no boundaries lie. Was the error ever with them? Have I misdirected accountability? How do I begin to see myself beyond the perception of my reflection? Where did I go wrong? Can I first accept the fact that I have been doing things wrong? That to get what I have never had before, I must do what I have never even considered to do before, and that is check myself.

It’s a hard truth and a tough pill to swallow. When we have been hurt and misused, the first thing that we lose is trust within ourselves. We no longer trust our instincts to be a guide of discernment. This comes from a of lack of forgiveness. This is the perfect example of the reason it is said, that forgiveness is not for the other individual, it is for yourself. If you never forgive, how on earth do you begin to accept accountability? If there is no accountability, you deny yourself the ability to receive the lesson that God has within the situation to teach you. The lesson is the blessing. Through each lesson, we are resurrected to the knowledge of Christ. This further validates that, All things work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28) . With the revelation from the lessons that I have learned, I understand that it is also good to embrace the pain and appreciate it’s pruning. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. (Psalm 119:71)

I now understand the importance of Getting rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Being kind to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV)

Perfect pieces of the puzzle meticulously put together to create the image of perfection. I don’t understand all of it, honestly Lord, I don’t understand half of it, but this I am confident and sure is that the Glory in this present time is not to be compared to the blessings and Glory for the time to come (Romans 8:18), and for this I am not ashamed. I will be humble and gracious and grateful until your time for return. Thank you for what was, what is, and what is to come. In Jesus Name, Amen!

In forgiveness there is appreciation. Through appreciation there is learning.

I am disappointed and I have been for a very long time. I have taken test after test and have had to fight through so many things. I have been holding on to the faith that love is on the way. Ready and willing to push through to another level. I wonder if I had been too deep. I am wondering whether I have seen the supernatural. Lord I know you’re there. I don’t know how far I have gone away from your love, but I’m ready to find my way back home. I’m here learning how to experience you in a new way.

No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (Psalm 84:11)

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He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Here, I have come to a place where I have become weary, not necessarily in well doing but in fighting. As I find myself growing tired, I must wonder, what exactly was I fighting for? Was