Out of the Shadow of Silence

By Marilyn Marrero

In this modern-age account of the Samaritan woman, Pastor Marilyn reveals the truth behind her thirst for love. The raw telling of her relationship with five husbands traverses the rough terrain of abuse, identity crisis, and low self-esteem. 

Through her story, those who have been victimized can find a hope chest of heali

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Vision Publishing
• Release date: May 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9798987510445

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COPYRIGHT © 2022 MARILYN MARRERO - All Rights Reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of very brief quotations embodied in critical

reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN: 979-8-9865117-0-2

Disclosure

In full disclosure, there will be an intense subject matter that may not be appropriate for younger audiences. On these pages, you will find detailed accounts of sexual and physical abuse, drug abuse, and suicidal tendencies. Please read with discretion.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Hours:

Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to The Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741

These services are free and confidential.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Forward

Introduction

Chapter One: JADED SHADOWS

Chapter Two: UNNOTICED

Chapter Three: INVOLUNTARY SHADE

Chapter Four: TAINTED INNOCENCE

Chapter Five: BRUISED SHADOWS

Chapter Six: UNDER A GLOOMY THIRST

Chapter Seven: HAZY LIES

Chapter Eight: ECLIPSE OF THE HEART

Chapter Nine: EQUITABLE RADIANCE

Chapter Ten: CLOAKED IN LIGHT

Conclusion

Dedication

To My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Although it may seem strange to say, I wish to thank you for everything, including the hardships I have endured. If not for the grace and mercy you've shown me, my life would have ended long ago. You guided me along the way, anticipating the value of letting others benefit from my experiences. In retrospect, it seems that's what you had in mind all along. Thanks for trusting me with the gift of salvation.

To My Precious Children. 

I found the most incredible sense of pride in loving you. Thank you for standing by me even when my actions deserved to see me abandoned. It is impossible to make up for all the lost time, so all I can do is offer you the best of what I have. As my expression of sincere love for you, I carefully selected the following words and scriptures. Please accept them as my heartfelt gift to you.

Jessica Lynn,

When I had you, I was a 16-year-old girl who had never really experienced any kind of love. At that time, I was incapable of understanding what love was, let alone what it felt like. How wonderful it would have been if I had loved you the right way from the very start. But while it's impossible to go back in time, you chose to give me a fresh start when you said, Mom, I am not mad at you anymore. We all make mistakes, and you are still my mom. Those words changed my life. You forgave me for every frustrating moment where I was drawing from an empty well to satisfy your thirst for love and affection. I sincerely appreciate your forgiveness. And now that I have encountered the well that will never run dry, I promise to lavish you with love for the rest of my life.

1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)

Above all, love each other deeply,

because love covers over a multitude of sins.

******

Naryel Alexis,

Your resilience is undeniable. As the only twin survivor, you have been fighting from the womb. Your life has such a clear purpose. You simply cannot be denied! Thank you for teaching me that same determination. You were always there for me when I needed a strong person to tell me to get up, stop whining, and just do it. Your love means the world to me. Te amo!

1 Corinthians 9:24 (NLT)

Don't you realize that in a race, everyone runs,

but only one person gets the prize?

So run to win!

Lisandro Alexis Jr, 

My first-born son. You came into my life during some of my darkest days. Back then, I was too blind to see what a precious treasure you are. Hurting you has always been my most profound regret. I am deeply sorry! Rest assured, however, that I am no longer blind. In fact, I can clearly see the man you are today and beyond. Behind all the obstacles you face lies an incredible preacher and a gifted worship composer within you. One that is greatly loved by God and his mother.

Thank you for the grace you have shown me by giving me another chance. I will not squander it. So as you find your way, if you allow me to, this is my commitment to you: I will make it my lifelong mission to be the type of mother you deserve. First and foremost, my prayers will never stop covering you. I promise to be the kind of mother who empowers you by speaking life into your everyday. As long as I live, you can count on me to love and be there for you unconditionally. I will do so with great joy, never letting you forget what an honor it is to call you my dear son.

Romans 8:18-19 (NIV)

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

For the creation waits in eager expectation (and so do I)

for the children of God (for you) to be revealed.

******

Sergio Antonio, 

Just like Alex, you were also born to a version of me who didn't know how to care for you properly. In fact, it was my own fault that you were taken from me. I am so sorry for the unstable environment that I created! I apologize for all my mistakes. You deserved a much better childhood. Sadly, we lost some precious time in that process. Forever, I will regret not being able to watch you grow and tell you at every milestone how proud I am of you. So as I walk out of the shadow of silence, much needs to be said. Sergio, you are an impressively brilliant young man who can achieve anything you set your mind to. I believe in you. I am so proud of you. The enemy will try to convince you that you are alone, but know that I am here cheering you on. As God's perfect plan unfolds in your life, I will be up close, praying and watching. My dear boy, I love you beyond measure.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways, submit to Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

******

Katelyn Marie,

Just the mention of your name fills me with so much joy. Throughout your wonderful existence, you have been subjected to lies from the enemy but have triumphed over them. According to the experts, life would be better without you. How wrong they were! My picture-perfect child, you were born to bring the world closer to God. I know this to be true, for I am a living testament to your first successful mission. You're an incredibly talented, finely tuned instrument that never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I have the privilege of watching you approach God's throne in praise, you leave me breathless. Your love for me is beyond comprehension. My love for you is boundless. 

Psalms 139:14 (Personal Adaptation)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made;

God's works in you are wonderful.

I hope you know that full well.

******

Sarai Luz,

You are a beacon of light. Unlike some of your siblings, you were not a surprise. I had hoped to improve my relationship with your father through you, but God had far better plans for your existence. What a fool I was to think your light could be limited to just meeting my personal needs! My sweet freckled girl, God's calling for you is extraordinary. You cannot remain hidden. Don't be afraid to shine bright! Always keep in mind that no matter the circumstances, you can count on my love. 

Matthew 5:16 

Let your light shine before others,

so that they may see your good deeds

and glorify your Father in heaven.

******

Gabriel Caleb Nemo,

Unlike most people, the breath of life did not come easily to you. In fact, you started off at a disadvantage. In spite of all of this, you overcame. In time, you became both a preacher and a trumpet player. While I watch you accomplish everything your disability was supposed to prevent you from doing, I am immensely proud of you. Through caring for you, I discovered a fighter inside me that