From the Dark into the Light: How I Came to See the Positive Side of Autism

By Callum L Gamble and Rob Potts

Fed up with his frustrations, feelings of failure and self-imposed loneliness and resenting his autism, Callum L Gamble was at his breaking point. He decided to write down everything that had gone wrong in his life and was surprised by what he found out.

On his raw and honest journey of self-discovery, Callum takes you from being an anxiou

• Language: English
• Publisher: KreativeInc Agency Ltd
• Release date: Mar 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9781739356804

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

I was so fed up with my frustration, feelings of failure and self-imposed loneliness. Resenting my autism and being different had brought me to my breaking point. That’s when I decided to write down everything that troubled me.

As a result, this book and the story it tells is very raw and honest. I talk to you about my family life, friendships, dating life, educational struggles and triumphs, employment disasters and my business journey. You will witness how doing so has forced me to reflect on what has happened to me and what my part was in it, and how it allowed me to transform my mindset. And by adding a few helpful tips throughout the book, I want to encourage you to do the same.

I’ve had some truly unique experiences in my life, such as work experience at a Formula One team at 15, trying my hand at being a racing driver (also at 15), or finding myself utterly uncomfortable in dating situations and in a lap dancing club on my 18th birthday.

I will take you with me on a journey that leads me to the realisation that being different is not all doom and gloom. While we may face painful obstacles, I now believe that our lives wouldn’t be as interesting if everything came easy. We can be successful not despite but because we are different.

Believing that I can help some of you by encouraging you to reflect on your triumphs and shortcomings to get to a better place gives me a warm feeling. I also want my story to contribute to changing any negative perceptions about autism into positive ones.

Before you start reading, I must emphasise that autism is a spectrum, and everybody with autism is different. This means some autistic people need little or no support, whereas others may need a lot of help daily. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s (or Asperger syndrome), which is a term that describes high-functioning autistic people.

Everything you read in this book is my personal view, so please do not generalise it or be offended if you feel differently. This also applies to the helpful tips and the terminology I use throughout the book.

So, let’s get into it!

CHAPTER 1

HOW AUTISM HAS AFFECTED MY LIFE

Being autistic has presented me with the same ups and downs as an endless ride on a rollercoaster. On top of the slope, I’m gifted with a unique perspective of the world that benefits me in my work life. At the bottom, I’m often misunderstood, especially in social settings, as people still see autism either as a mystery or a problem. For me it felt like a ride in the dark with only flashes of light here and there.

Millions of other autistic people can relate to this and are experiencing the same peaks and troughs. It’s sad and unfair that we are all given the same label, as we all have very different personalities, abilities and ambitions.

If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.

Dr Stephen Shore (2018) ¹

One autistic person can be a computer programmer who can figure out a coding problem in seconds that the people around them take days to solve. Another could be an accountant who loves working with numbers and provides his clients with outstanding service. They could be authors or artists whose work could easily sit beside any celebrated masterpieces. Yet, another one could be a builder who is fascinated by putting up new homes and dreams of building an architectural masterpiece one day. I could go on, but the number of their abilities and ambitions is endless, and you have no idea they are autistic.

Look at it this way. When walking in a busy city centre, you probably wouldn’t have any thoughts about most people walking past you if they appeared and behaved normally. However, I could stick my neck out and say many of these people could also be autistic. The World Health Organisation (WHO) reported in 2022 that 1 in 100 children have autism in the UK alone. ² This does not consider the increasing number of undiagnosed adults that have lived with being different most of their lives. In the UK, more celebrities are opening up about their late diagnosis, TV personalities like Christine McGuinness, Melanie Sykes and Chris Packham, for example. ³ They are role models, and you wouldn’t consider them abnormal people. My point is that there are far more autistic people among us than we think, and there is no normal or abnormal. We are competent individuals, and our autism doesn’t define us. I became fed up with the negative stigma surrounding autism. It made me struggle to accept myself as I built up resentment towards my autism. For most of my life, I strived so much to be seen as normal, but it was pointless as I still felt I was excluded and left in the dark in a lot of situations. I eventually let go and began a journey of transformation. I wanted to figure out how to see the positive side of autism to rid myself of its negative power over me - like moving from the dark into the light.

So, let’s start with answering the fundamental question, What is autism? It’s likely that you’ve not heard of the terminology neurodivergent and neurotypical. Neurodivergent refers to people with different brain wiring, such as autism, dyslexia, ADHD, etc., whereas neurotypical relates to people with standard brain wiring. We currently live in a world where we must conform to the neurotypical or standard ways of thinking in social settings to be generally accepted and respected. To help you understand what I mean, I like to use the analogy of operating systems for different computers. Neurotypical people function like a Windows or Apple operating system (the computers that most households are familiar with). In contrast, neurodivergent people (and perhaps more specifically autistic people) operate like individual custom-coded programmes that only make sense to a few. The autistic brain works differently and is less commonplace. To me, the analogy highlights that neither the autistic nor neurotypical brain has superiority over the other. The focus should be on accepting what works best for each brain. Unfortunately, the common view is that having autism is problematic rather than advantageous. An excellent way to combat this view is to imagine it the other way around, where we all would have to conform to the autistic ways of thinking. Even though neurotypical people would be capable, they would be seen as disabled just because they think differently from the autistic norm. My point is that a lot of the barriers autistic people face daily could be removed if we would stop following these narrow social conventions and open our minds to a new inclusive perspective where we accept and embrace all ways of thinking. Therefore, one of my first aims with this book is to remove the crippling misconceptions currently weighing autistic people down and excluding them from living happy and successful lives. I would like you to have a more balanced view and a broader perspective of what is acceptable in society. To achieve this, I go into the specifics of outlining some of the benefits and problems that autistic people have. As these are compiled from my own experience, please remember that they are only a sample of examples. Autism covers a broad spectrum of abilities, behaviours and, yes, brain wiring.

THE BENEFITS OF MY AUTISM

I begin by listing the three main benefits I have experienced:

Recalling Details of Specific Events and Topics

It can be common for autistic people to be exceptional at recalling times and dates of specific events surrounding their lives or hobbies. When an autistic person finds something interesting, they’ll research it to the most minute detail to learn all about it. They soak up the facts and knowledge like a sponge and become experts in that field.

In my case, the sport of Formula One motor racing has been one of my main interests for most of my life. It all started when I watched races with my dad as a toddler in Michael Schumacher’s Ferrari era. The scarlet red of the car and the racing action hooked me instantly. There is something comforting in watching and hearing the cars going around the track. I followed every race growing up and bought encyclopaedias about the sport to learn the facts and figures. As a result, I eventually recalled all of Formula One’s world champions right from the beginning of the sport to the present day without any effort. I have often amazed people in the pub (when the conversation arose) when they asked me for information on a world champion from a particular year and I came up with the correct answers without hesitation.

Honesty, Reliability and Punctuality

Autistic people often value honesty, reliability and punctuality. They like to use more direct and literal communication to build relationships and are more likely to commit to keeping their promises to you. These could include arranging a business meeting, a casual catch-up with friends or a date. I have often found that neurotypical people prefer indirect communication. This consists of making small talk, using body language to express themselves and making empty promises. It is typical for such non-committal promises to have the real meaning of saying no or go away politely without offending the other person.

Neurotypical people often misjudge autistic people as having no empathy because they don’t understand non-verbal communication immediately and may not react. The truth is that many autistic people struggle with the ambiguity that non-verbal communication can create for them. They will always try to be as straightforward as possible to avoid the frustration, confusion, and even sadness that ambiguity and broken promises can create. I, for example, live by the quote, you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it, from Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s novel, To Kill A Mockingbird. ⁴ Empathy for many autistic persons means that we are honest, reliable, and punctual and make sure other people understand us. We treat people like we would want to be treated by them.

If I weren’t honest, reliable and punctual, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Going back to the point of empathy, I would hate to let someone down when I know full well that I wouldn’t like such behaviour to happen to me. Plus, I can’t lie to save my life. If I attempt to lie, a huge grin will appear on my face, giving the lie away. I read Ant Middleton’s book, Mental Fitness, where he talked about how telling lies can have grave consequences, which makes me glad that I don’t have a choice but to be honest. I also like to think I’m a man of my word, and not being reliable or punctual is against my principles, making me lose my bearings of who I am. You can always count on me as a trustworthy person who will treat everybody equally and honestly.

Structure and a Great Sense of Direction

Autistic people often have very structured mindsets. It provides them with the compass their minds need to find their way around the neurotypical, often confusing, world we live in. They like to make detailed plans of how they will meet every single one of their aspirations to achieve a safe and satisfying sense of direction. They often approach each challenge from a fresh perspective. Due to the different designs of the autistic brain, they have an ‘out-of-box’ perspective. Having a plan also removes the fear of the unknown. This sense of structure and direction can make autistic people great employees. As long as their employers don’t have unrealistic expectations and are willing to make some adjustments for different thinkers, autistic people will excel. I thrive on having a structured mindset. Every night before I go to sleep, I plan the next day by adding tasks and exactly when I need to complete them in my calendar. I fully control my schedule, work towards realistic deadlines and record my daily and monthly goals in spreadsheets. I even factor in unexpected-event time to avoid getting overwhelmed by unexpected tasks. It vastly improves my sense of direction and fills me with confidence that I will achieve each goal and succeed within a particular time frame.

I know that including just three benefits may not win you over on the first read, but look at the bigger picture. Whether a person goes far in life should be regardless of whether they have autism. As I said before, autism doesn’t define us. Viewing us as capable and talented different thinkers will make it easier to ignore the stereotypes engrained in our society and help to create a more inclusive and understanding world. Autistic people must feel accepted to fulfil their true potential. But I don’t want it to seem like a walk in the park. As I said earlier, I want to take a balanced approach. I know that making suitable adjustments to make us feel comfortable can sometimes be tricky. But, when carried out correctly, the benefits to autistic people and those making the adjustments can be enormously rewarding.

THE CHALLENGES OF MY AUTISM

I do have a lot to feel proud about being autistic. I wish I could skip the struggles I’ve had in my life, but it wouldn’t give a fair reflection if I wouldn’t tell you about how autism has affected my life in a not-so-great way. Drawing on my experience, I want to list four challenges autistic people can have and will add constructive comments to show how easy it can be to make reasonable adjustments.

Slower Processing

One of the main reasons it takes autistic people longer to feel comfortable in a new environment or situation is the slower processing of information. The modern world is fast-paced with expectations of meeting tight deadlines, answering complex questions promptly and making quick decisions. Due to slower processing, autistic people often struggle in these areas. As a result, it is easy for neurotypical people to underestimate these individuals and mark them down as stupid. Some autistic people are hypersensitive – super sensitive to other people’s emotions and thoughts – and suffer greatly when they sense misjudgement. This has a devastating effect on their confidence.

I’ve found that I struggle when people give me instructions for a task with a tight deadline, expecting me to quickly answer a question or do something as simple as giving me directions to a location. They speak too fast for my mental processing speed and make it impossible for me to understand straight away. Often, they don’t have the awareness or patience to consider that some people, with or without autism, need information relayed in many different ways before they can understand it. I sometimes even