The Book of Gouval: Ghetto Magik Part Two: The Books of Gouval

By Lord Gouval

This is Ghetto Magik Part Two--the second installment in the series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gouval Inc. Press
• Release date: Mar 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215702635

Book preview

Thali were blowing me when someone knocked on the bathroom door. She turned the hair dryer off and, What?—me sitting on the counter in my towel—in need of a drink, a meal, and to know that hundred grand in the van’s glove box hadn’t been touched.

Hurry up, I’m starving. Aggie groaned. Thali rolled her eyes. We’ll be ready in ten minutes. She said, then lipped ‘so annoying’ before starting up the dryer again.

I really liked that Vegeta ‘Lord Gouval??!’ tank, and decided to just rock my apparel of old. It didn’t smell all that bad. Alfonso were mixing a mint julep in the kitchen when I walked out—leaving Thali to fix her makeup. What happened? I asked. He pulled another glass down and poured me up. Lenny nuzzled my arm. I patted his head.

Dipshits One and Two drove the armored van up to the Oakridge place, and.. I think the girls went up the street. The van’s still here. He shrugged while filling the glass up with Wild Turkey. I inwardly sighed in relief. You know.. we can get away with anything here, right? I asked while he handed me the tall drink. Anything that doesn’t draw federal attention.. I’d say the cap would be bombing elementary school cafeterias. He chuckled to himself. Would say.. opening drug stores cross that line? Imagine how much money we could make selling coke? I caused his eyes to bolt open—the tumbler against his lips. "..that might be pushing it.. feds are one thing. Those plain clothes cocksuckers are the real problem, and we can’t exactly close the borders.. if anything, we could sell weed. Alfonso grimaced—wishing we had sovereignty over our own land. I mean—compared to anywhere else in america, Calaveras were an isolated country, though we were already pushing it, and attempting to make coke legal would’ve brought the DEA into our nest. I’ll ask Daisy and Hailey about it.." I said, causing me to recall Pandy. When did I become so busy? Shit, sure as hell beat twiddling my thumbs at Ghetto, losing a buzz around midnight and listening to those transformers hum above my head.

Bring them into the fold.. if we were gonna sell weed—it’d be best to dominate the county—buy out those hicks in San Andreas and have their growers sell to us.. hell we might as well open dispensaries all over California. Your name’s out there now, so, let’s strike while the iron’s hot. He reminded me we’d entered the Lexicon. Had Jenny done her duty and posted some form of teaser trailer? I had faith in her.. then realized she were probably with the others at Amber’s place—getting bombed. Well, she deserved it, as once we got the lighting equipment—I’d be shoving speed down her throat so she could film all night.

I can’t believe we’re about to eat gas station fried chicken.. Aggie slumped over while making a face—wearing a thin yellow jacket—‘Gouval Girl’ in the classic OE typeface on the back and a matching GG along the left breast. Alfonso opened the fridge—finding it oddly empty. Well now I’m hungry.. hold on. He pulled his phone out and dialed for Jackie. He waited.. then slammed the counter. Why the fuck is my fridge empty? He glared. Lenny glared at the phone. Cici were sleeping on the couch. Sports Center were on the TV—something about soccer. It must’ve been late. ..I don’t care how many feasts I host. I’ll pay you a week’s worth for some midnight snacks.. I’m willing to rob the grocery store.. alright well stay awake. He cut the call. I dialed for James.

FUCK!!! James threw his controller on the ground. Doug chuckled to himself after winning at Super Smash Bros. as Ness, then glanced at James’ new burner on the coffee table. Get your panties out your ass and answer. Doug tossed him the piece. James rubbed the rage from his eyes—then saw it were me. What’s the action? He asked—tapping cigarette ash into what he thought were the ashtray. It were his whisky. Doug shook his head while packing a bong bowl.

We’re gonna rob Mar-Val. You in? I asked while Aggie rolled her eyes. Alfonso were calling The Sheriff. The Sheriff, The DA and The Principal had taken the former’s boat out to Lake Hogan—drinking and flashlight fishing under the moonlight. The Sheriff reminded him of the nightshift guys. Alfonso said they’re all drunks easily paid off. The Sheriff stroked his chin, then asked Jefferie how he felt about robbing Mar-Val? Jefferie netted a can of Budweiser out the water, tossed it back, then asked if we’d be robbing the entire store? Pizza Factory, Vizions and Vista Grille were one thing. A whole fucking grocery store were way too much. I did have a new house to stock though—and Mar-Val featured a decent liquor aisle.

Damn right! We could use some coffee. James glanced at the kitchen. And a coffee maker. Doug added that to his list of necessities. Well we might as well rob Starbucks while we’re at it. I shrugged—causing Aggie to gasp and look at me as if I’d just stabbed a baby with an ice-pick. You wouldn’t dare. She glared while grabbing me by the tank straps. Alfonso swatted her away. We need coffee makers.. and they do have beautiful furniture. It looked like genuine leather. I’m not picky, though would prefer knowing what I sit on came from an actual cow.

And—and—we could jack all their cups. James sealed the deal. Alfonso were calling Deputy Snuffles. Snuffles were parked near the gym—sipping coffee while staring languidly at the road, and quickly answered his phone—anything to get him out of that boring traffic watch. Highway 26 is generally empty until dawn, though—once in a blue moon, a drunk will be barreling down it—trying to reach an apex in the night magic. Most cops would dart after them. Snuffles would watch for a moment. If they made it past the gate to Gold Creek without crashing—he lit a cigarette.

Well there goes my night. What’re we taking from Mar-Val? I texted Pandy that something had come up, though I’d make it up to her. Aggie were shoving her glaring face against my left cheek. Rich girls and their fancy coffee.

Whatever we can fit in the van. Aggie you’re driving. Alfonso tossed her the keys. I finished my drink as Thali walked out—wearing a thin black and silver plaid shirt tied above her belly button, the matching denim shorts and black flip-flops—her brunette curls in a bun.

"Change of plans. We’re gonna rob Mar-Val for food, and we need two coffee makers.. you’re gonna have Starbucks at home now. I squinted at Aggie—still looking as if she were building up steam to push out her ears. That’s not the same as going there.. but I guess it’d give me more time in the morning.. She shrugged. And save you about fifty bucks a week.. I said, then answered a call from James. Ay you still at their place?" He snuffed while starting up the armored van. I knew they must’ve been wasted, though had faith in James’ driving ability.. that, and they were pushing a bulletproof van through empty suburban streets. Short of crashing into a house, they were fine.

Yeah.. bring some weed. I cut the call, then dialed for Jenny.. I waited while Thali went to put some shoes on.

Mike’s awake!! I heard Emily answer—and some woos!! in the background. Where’s The Photographer? There’s a mission at hand and it must be documented. I said—and Alfonso seconded this while leading Lenny outside. Lenny went to take a leak—thankful the golf course sprinklers were there to help him.

Jenny!! Jenny.. Emily laughed while stumbling around the loud music and madness.. they were having a little rager over there. Aggie had an ear angled to the phone.

Is she even remotely conscious? Tell her we only need her for an hour or two—and if that VX isn’t charged, she’s demoted to the groupie who builds our completes. I burped—thinking I’d steal a bag of pork rinds from Mar-Val as a snack. I loved those things as a kid.. I didn’t know they were fried pig skin—and quite frankly doubt I would’ve cared.

Jenny.. no it’s Mike. He says there’s a mission. Emily had found Jenny somewhere apparently. I assumed Amber were trying to trash her apartment as a ‘fuck you’ to the landlord before moving out.. that or she felt comfortable going nuts for the first time since high school—getting drunk with adolescents she’d soon be living with. Why not? Sounds better than watching Boondock Saints for the ten millionth time. She loved that movie.

What mission? Jenny sounded as if she were on a bathroom floor. We’re gonna rob Mar-Val and Starbucks. Get the VX ready. We leave in five minutes. I said—then waited to gauge her reaction. I needed to know just how much speed I’d have to feed her. Fuck.. alright. Is this hush-hush? She asked while pulling herself up by the half-bath’s sink. Yeah don’t tell them. We wanna do this shit quick and clean.. I’m starving. I grimaced. Aggie put her head on my shoulder—sympathizing. Jackie were smoking a joint in her backyard. Alfonso told her we’d be back in an hour tops. Jackie rubbed her left index against her thumb. Alfonso tossed her a roll. She said she’d be waiting. Jefferie told The Sheriff we really need that private restaurant. They were tossing their supplies into the Deville’s trunk. The Sheriff assured him he were looking for the proper chefs and crew. This restaurant will be open 24/7—mind you. Jefferie said he’d secure the land across the street from Shell. Some rich goon owned it.. he had a big sign on that plot featuring his name and I’d passed it like ten thousand times but can’t recall it now.. anyway, he could be shaken down.

I forgot we have our own house now.. I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk for so long. Aggie said while I refilled my glass. Alfonso walked in and started checking just how much space the cabinets offered. Hopefully Doug had done the same for the Oakridge base, and the Spyglass house I planned on assuming were empty.

You’ll get used to it.. we should probably plan what we’re gonna take ahead of time—so we don’t just linger in the aisles. I rubbed Aggie’s back, then told Alfonso as Thali stepped out in some black suede Gouval Inc. Kicks with silver laces.

Better yet—we’re gonna have those nightshift fucks steal everything for us. He announced while grabbing some stationary and a pen. Genius.. don’t forget there’s the Spyglass house too. I reminded him we were stealing for three fridges. I assumed Doug and James had eaten through some of what we stole from Vista Grille. Alfonso nodded while jotting rapidly. The Sheriff tossed an empty can of Copenhagen out the window while speeding towards us. James hit the Jameson while doing the speed limit—turning right on Vista. Doug were trying out his torch. There was a big ol’ safe in Mar-Val—and I mean big. It were James’ height and situated near the cigarette cases in plain sight. We’d be fools to not take whatever they had in there.

What’re the hoes doing though? Thali asked while opening a water. Having a party in Amber’s apartment. I said while answering a call from Emily. Mike.. Mike.. Oh god.. I rubbed my face. Emily. We’re gonna be busy for a couple hours, but I have faith in you. I said while Jenny were hobbling down the street—carrying her VX and laptop. It were a crisp enough July night—none too humid with a gentle breeze flowing from the east.

Come join us though! She smiled towards Alfonso’s while leaning off Amber’s balcony. Jenna grabbed her and dragged her back in. I’ll keep you posted. I shook my head while cutting the call. They were too far ahead of me at that point. By the time I caught up, they’d be crashing all over the floor.

Well now I’m glad we passed out. Aggie said, then went to poke her head out the front door. Alfonso said he were feeling steak sandwiches, then called The Sheriff and relayed this craving. The Sheriff said he’d heard rumors of a prime rib sale at Mar-Val. Fuck sales—we’re gonna steal everything.. but prime rib sandwiches with sautéed bell peppers, the fresh bakery rolls.. I’ll have Jackie make a unique sauce. Alfonso ran out to alert her of the plan. I grabbed his phone and told Harold I felt a few sides were in order. He stroked his chin while drifting around the old Victorian house crowning the apartment section, then said he felt some grilled asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes would perfectly compliment the prime rib sandwiches. I nodded while adding to Alfonso’s list. Aggie were helping Jenny in. Thali were wondering whose handwriting were worse—mine or her father’s. Mine’s pretty fucking bad. My teachers all hated me.

You’re lucky you’re good at typing. Thali shook her head. My brain moves so fast my hand can’t keep up. So I use two and it works out on a screen.

Speaking of typing.. I checked my sixty-eight unanswered texts. There was this girl a year older than me. We took Beginners Typing together, and she blew me in class everyday. Mary—all sex and angst. She’d called me five times and ten of those texts were from her—increasing in anger with my neglect. I called her.

You fucking asshole. She glared in her hammock—situated in the backyard facing nothing but dead grass field. Mary lived way past James—in that seemingly endless expanse of suburb. I could’ve walked up there, though it would’ve taken two hours of scaling hills. For her, it were worth it.

I’ve been busy.. what’re you wearing? I rubbed my frenulum. Thali rolled her eyes while Aggie sat Jenny at the breakfast nook. I snapped my fingers at the sink. Thali grabbed a thick glass cup from a cabinet, filled it with cold tap water, then tossed it at Jenny’s face. I laughed. The moon sheened off Harold’s white leather boot as he stepped out the Deville. Jefferie glanced back at James driving up casually enough. Doug perked at the action radiating from Amber’s place. Bunch of drunk chicks acting like fools. Not a good scene.

You fucking suck at texting though.. how busy can you be you don’t even answer your phone? She glared while smoking a Red. I’m taking over the county.. what’re you wearing? I asked while Jenny shook her head out and got in the game. Aggie handed her a dish towel. Harold wiped his feet before walking in. Thali grabbed the bourbon and started pouring them drinks. James and Doug parked to the palm tree’s left. Alfonso assured Jackie we’d secure a premium cut of prime rib. She nodded, flicked the roach aside to the wet grass, then went to craft our steak sauce. Lenny summoned some ancient emu energy from under his tree, then ran behind Alfonso to peep the inside scene.

Your black shirt and panties. She smiled while I were all but humping the breakfast nook. That girl were something else. Can I kidnap you? I were willing to kidnap her, kill her parents if need be. Maybe. She smiled at having my attention—finally. Maybe? That’s horseshit.. I’ve got something going here. You’re either in or depriving me. I said while James and Doug stumbled in. James were wearing female gas station sunglasses, and bashed Jenny with a flyswatter. ‘Where the fuck have you been?’ Doug glared at her. James said we should just feed her to rabid goats. ‘We’ve got the goats.’ Doug glared while Jenny dried her face off. Aggie shooed them away. James menaced her with the flyswatter, then Alfonso motioned them outside to go over the plan we wouldn’t follow.

I’m in! Come kidnap me. She smiled while rubbing herself. I groaned and mashed my dick against the counter’s wooden base. You’re not fair.. can I kill your parents? I asked while Jenny checked the VX. She’d filmed the girls partying—which were completely useless—a waste of tape. The company’s name is Gouval Inc. Not drunk chicks at a house party.

..could you do that? She whispered. Oh yeah, I can get away with anything around here now. I wanted to fuck her so bad, I were willing to slit her parents’ throats myself. And where would I live? She pulled a fresh Marlboro out and sparked up. Mary.. I have a stern feeling shit’s gonna get crazy here.. but I own several houses, and you can still live there after we have your parents’ bodies dragged out. Precum were staining my boxers. Alfonso asked Jenny if that camera were charged? She were only half awake and glanced at the battery meter. Aggie snatched the charging cord from her pocket and plugged it in, and Alfonso shoved some speed down Jenny’s throat. James said he felt some chips and guacamole were in order. Harold assured him Mar-Val had the guacamole.. but what kind of chips? James said he’d settle for nothing less than the good organic blue corn. He’d been poor for so long and looking at all that tantalizing food—just out of reach—he were bound to steal it all.

Alright well come up here and kill them.. they’re asleep. Mary whispered while playing with her clit. I were sad and deprived and throbbing. I planned on crippling her father and fucking her while he watched. I’d bust on her stomach, then shoot him while sighing in much needed relief.

I dragged Aggie towards the Audi. Alfonso handed me a silenced nine. I cocked it back before reaching into the plain van—grabbing my hundred grand.

Who’re we killing? Aggie asked while backing out—the top down. You know Mary? I asked. She nodded. Her parents.. in fact I wanna kill Emily’s parents. I said while Aggie cruised us past the Victorian.

Are they home? Aggie whispered while we idled near the house. They’re home.. just ease behind the Mustang. I whispered while she pulled into Emily’s driveway. I kissed her for luck, then hopped out with my nine. I made sure the silencer were on tight, then tried the front door.. it were open—as they expected Emily to be home at some point. I fell into the shadows—knowing her parents’ room were just down the hall. Aggie didn’t bother calling Emily. She were too drunk to rationalize anything but a fountain of vodka. I crept down the corridor lined with family photos—hearing her father snoring in the master bedroom. I opened the door silently and stepped in—the two of them secure under silk sheets. I walked casually over to her dad on the left side—shot him twice in the forehead, then nailed her mom twice in the right temple while she snored ever so slightly. I liked killing people, I decided. It’s a decent late night activity—especially when you can get away with murder. I left the bodies there, and walked out.

Well? Aggie asked while I hopped back in. They’re dead.. hold on. I hopped out and went to kill Jenna’s parents. Aggie kept it running. Jenna’s front door were locked, so I broke a small window to the right and crouched under it. Her dad ran down in his underwear with his own gun—frantically looking around for an intruder. I popped up, capped him twice in the chest, then carefully stepped over the stalagmite shards of glass. I stole his nine, then ran upstairs—their bedroom door on the left wide open. I found her mom screaming on the bathroom floor—clutching her skull in pure terror. I put the gun to her throat and shot twice.. fucking bitch. Screaming her head off as if I’d bother to rape her.. no I just.. wanted to kill you. I still had to get off really bad and wanked off into their toilet and came a boat load. I sighed in relief, then flushed the sperm. I felt Jenna’s mom’s fake tits, then walked out casually.

I just came in her parents’ toilet. I chuckled while hopping back in. Aggie wiped a hand down my grill while backing out.

You’re weird.. why didn’t you ask me? Aggie were offended. I texted Emily and Jenna that their parents were dead, then asked Snuffles to have someone drag the bodies out.

Well we’re on a mission.. and Jenna’s mom had those fake tits. I shrugged while Snuffles asked about loose cash? I said I didn’t have time to grab that—but would secure it later. Emily called me.

Really?? She smiled at the thought of me finally killing her father. I have to assume it’d been a fantasy of hers for a while. He’s dead, and your mom, Jenna’s parents.. I figured they were asking you to come home. I shrugged while Aggie turned right on Vista. Mary were packing her things. She didn’t have a cat. I wish she did, I really do.

Yeah they were and it were really annoying.. so is that house mine now? She smiled at the thought of lounging drunk in her pool after midnight. Yeah. I’m having the bodies removed. I said while Doug called. Have fun, love. I told her, then switched lines. Dude, Jefferie says he can get us the names of the richest people in La Contenta.. past Alfonso and our parents. Doug alerted me. Dude, I really like killing people. I say we break into houses, take all their money and cats. I said, causing Aggie to laugh and shake her head. I rubbed her knee. That’s what we’re thinking.. that’s intense action man, but apparently there’re millions at play. Doug hit his bourbon. Thali asked where I were. Doug said I were on the move. Thali grabbed the phone. Where are you? She asked while I told Aggie to stop at Shell. I could’ve gone for some beer.

We’re pulling up to Shell.. I might kill the clerk. I thought about it.. I mean.. he were just standing there vapidly.. murder is an addictive drug—especially when you have rogue cops to drag the bodies away.

Mike.. Thali rubbed the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Well if he just gives me the beer, he lives. I cut the call and hopped out. Aggie asked for peach rings. I walked around, kissed her, then strolled in through the automatic door. I gave the clerk a look. He nodded at me. I grabbed my wallet, pulled out a hundo and slid it against his palm. He reached back for the Newport Menthols. I secured Aggie a couple packs of peach rings.. then the sour apple rings (Mary’s favorite) and some gummy sharks. I squinted at something new in the beer fridges.. Lagunitas. I pulled out a couple cases, and asked the attendant if this were good? He assured me it were strong, then handed over the bag of smokes, and bagged the candy up. I asked for a lottery scratcher. He ripped the most expensive one off a wheel and slid it across the counter. I worked a penny over it, and.. Holy shit.. dude.. I won a fucking million off that scratcher. He said obviously some champagne were in order. They didn’t have that, but we grabbed some wine and he had an opener with him. I called Alfonso. Hey, I just scratched a lottery ticket with a million on it. I grinned while we hit the cheap white wine. Aggie walked in, grabbed her peach rings, then looked carefully at that ticket on the counter before me.

Are you fucking serious?? Alfonso balked.. I mean, a million weren’t much to him—but it were the odds. I had a better chance of sitting next to Depp in a lower Nebraska diner than landing a million off the lottery.

I’m serious. The clerk’s calling in the cash now. I said while Aggie tried wrapping her head around the guy she used to give money to lucking out on two commas with the aid of a penny.

Holy fucking.. he landed a million off a fucking scratcher. Alfonso alerted the others. Harold said we obviously had to steal some champagne. No shit.. tell that fucker you’re not giving shit back to america. Alfonso said, as they taxed the living hell out of lottery winners.. fucks. I want the million, straight up, fuck taxes. I told the attendant. He nodded, then assured me it were on the way. I asked about the fried chicken? He said he’d just pulled it from the deep-fryer. I said we’d take a big box. Aggie rolled her eyes. I went to pour us some blue slushies.

I like the red slushy. Aggie said while I poured myself an extra-large of the blue. I gestured at the cups. She grabbed an XL and poured up the red kind while the attendant packed up our fried chicken. He asked if we wanted a sauce? I shook my head. That fried chicken required no sauce. I grabbed some pork rinds and a bottle opener while suited men hauled my money in duffles. I pointed at the Audi. They tossed the bags into the backseat, then checked the scratcher. The attendant assured the goons it were legit. They nodded, then left casually enough.

Where’s Mary gonna sit? Aggie looked into the backseat full of duffles and beer after we hopped in. I shoved the envelope with a 100K in a duffle, then opened the fried chicken. Up here. I shrugged, as there was room on the bench seat. A fucking million, just like that though. Aggie smiled wide while speeding towards Mary’s. The fried chicken? Fulfilling. Alfonso were teaching James and Doug how to use guns. Harold added bullets were expensive and hard to come by. Make each shot count.

I know right. I grinned while calling Dee. Hey mom? I just won a million off a scratcher. I grinned while hearing a vacuum in the background.. I squinted at that. The maid had already vacuumed the house earlier that week.

Kate he won a fucking million off a scratcher!! Dee smiled wide in her maid costume. Kate turned the vacuum off with widened eyes—wearing her own maid costume. So you’re in a good mood? Dee asked in the spare room they were fixing up. Kate angled an ear to the phone. Yeah, the night’s going pretty good.. why? I asked while pointing out where Aggie should turn.

You have a step-sister!! Dee smiled wide, and I choked on fried chicken—reaching back for a beer. What?? I balked while prying the cap off.. step-sister? How? Where? When? Well Kate’s sister just died.. she killed herself after her husband did.. and now Tanya’s gonna live with us!!.. cause she has nowhere else to go. She’s Canadian. Dee smiled. Dee and Amy are Canadian. Kate’s Russian. Well alright.. fuck her parents really both offed themselves? I made a face.. that’s fucked. Yeah. Her dad drank himself to death, and her mom were a junky.. Tanya sounds nice though, and she’s your age.. we were hoping you’d be nice to her.. Dee looked at Kate. Kate were still wondering why her sister had been in Canada. They hadn’t spoken in well over a decade. Yeah without a doubt. She’s family.. when’re you guys picking her up? I had no blood family, and the notion of having a sister were.. I don’t know, like peeking into a life I’d been blocked from.

Oh good.. and tomorrow. Can you be here to meet her? Dee asked while dusting the dresser in that room. Yeah of course. Let me know when you guys get back. I said—knowing they’d be picking her up from Sac International—about a two or so hour drive up north.

Thank you for being so good about this. Dee said, then glanced at Kate pulling the bed back—finding huge blotches of green and blue mold on the wall and baseboard. That room were seldom even entered—and they’d never bothered to check for horrors behind the bed. Kate made a face while grabbing the spray bottle of bleach. Dee went to fetch some more paper towels.

Did you expect me to protest about having another orphan friend? I chuckled a little. Well you’ve always been an only child.. anyway I’ll let you know when we pick her up, and I love you. Dee kissed the phone while grabbing a roll of Bounty from the pantry. Love you too mom. I cut the call while Aggie pulled up outside Mary’s driveway. It were a comfortable one story house—all the dwellings back there were appealing—a relatively private area.

My mom’s sister just committed suicide, and her daughter’s coming to live with us. She’s my age and Canadian. I said while texting Mary.

Is she hot? Aggie pictured a beautiful foreign girl with a sexy accent sharing a bathroom with me. What? She’s my step-sister.. I’ve never even had a cousin before, so.. it’s just nice, having a relative my own age. I shrugged while Mary said she were ready, and her parents were passed out drunk. I made sure there wasn’t any lingering chicken grease on my digits.

Keep it running. I told Aggie before hopping out with my silenced nine and the two packs of sour apple rings. Mary slipped out the front door with her bags.. she were a fucking angel—long, thick natural blonde hair, dusky mint-green eyes, D cup tits, curvy hips and the nicest legs I’d ever seen. She were my height—though her thighs were so thick, when she wore shorts, they puffed against the frayed hems like rising dough. She were demure—yet radiated sex uncontrollably—a nice girl with tallies along her wrists. She hadn’t cut herself since we started fucking. My dick’s better than Zoloft.

She kissed me hard—her bags behind her. Go ahead and hop in.. they’re out cold? I whispered while holding her close. She glanced at Aggie, then nodded. I kissed her again, then put my face in her neck. She rubbed my back, then I motioned towards the Audi while handing her the candy. The front door were open ajar. I left it that way while slipping into the dark living room. The AC were blasting. I stood under a ceiling vent for a minute, then crept towards her parents’ room at the far end of a hall. They were blackout drunk—two dull sybarites out on local red wine. I looked at them, wondering how I should make these kills. I rummaged through his nightstand and found a decent sized hunting knife in a camo sheath. I pulled the blade out and slit his throat deep with it. His eyes bolted open just as quick the life left them. I went to look at her mom.. she weren’t even half as alluring. I were disappointed, and shot her twice in the dome—two unmarked bullets transpiercing the frontal lobe and destroying a sense of life. I looked at the hunting knife, then tossed it between them before walking out to look through the fridge. I grimaced in the cold light.. Coors Light. I shotgunned a couple cans, tossed them aside, then walked out.

Well? Mary asked while I hopped in. They’re dead. I kissed her, then dialed for Alfonso. You almost done? Jefferie’s getting all the info we’ll need for one helluva night. He grinned while Jefferie went through the networths of everyone in La Contenta. Jenny asked how the fuck he could do that? Jefferie said it were easily accessible to the DA. James grabbed the phone. Ay dude, one of those fuckers lives just down the street. He snuffed while looking over eight digit figures. Harold said we still needed the prime rib. Bobo said he’d pick it up. Alfonso handed him his list. Bobo pondered over it.. then said he felt a salad were in order. Harold said he’d actually been craving Caesar salad for the past eight hours. Bobo added he’d pick up some sweet Hawaiian rolls, then grabbed the van keys. ‘How the fuck can he read your handwriting?’ Thali squinted. Alfonso shrugged, so long we got dinner going before Jackie passed out.

We’re on our way back now.. I need more bullets. I checked my clip—sitting between Aggie and Mary. Mary put a Marlboro between my lips and sparked me up. Good woman.

How many people have you killed? James squinted. Alfonso angled an ear to the phone. Emily’s parents, Jenna’s, Mary’s.. so.. six. I shrugged. James did the math. Alright well this fucker’s some stock market geek, but he’s loaded. Iggy built his house and apparently there’s a secret hatch in the closet full of cash. You know that one with the old school Benz out front? James said, and I perked up. Dude, he has a pool in the backyard. That house were ours. I know, and two bedrooms and bathrooms.. apparently he doesn’t trust his wife or the bank.. he doesn’t have a gun either. James read over our info on this guy. "He doesn’t have a registered gun.. no kids though? Just him and the wife?" I motioned Aggie to floor it back towards La Contenta.

No kids. Bobo’s gonna hit up Mar-Val for the food and we’re gonna raid that fucker and this old broad who lives kinda down the hill from you. Apparently she’s a millionaire. James said while looking over her profile. Fucking step on it!! Do not make a move until I get there. I will castrate you fucker. I glared while Aggie drifted onto Vista—Mary holding onto me for dear life. I kissed her head.

How far away are you?.. also I say we rob Fusion Grill. I have a stern craving for fried rice. James said, causing Harold to grab the phone and tell me Chinese beer were amazing. So is killing rich old fucks before robbing them.. make sure Jenny’s adequately perked, and we’ll do whatever we can until dawn. I said while we passed The Terrace. I glanced up there—nothing happening. We’re on Vista and Aggie’s flooring it. I cut the call, then answered Dee. Frosty time. She must’ve been in her comfy pajamas, making popcorn and Kate were pouring the wine—Frosty in the DVD player. Is Tanya down with Frosty? I asked. We always drank wine and got baked while watching Dee’s favorite giftmas movies. She better be. Dee shook her head while pulling some hot coco from the microwave. It were the mid of July. Well she can get used to it.. we’re busy right now though. Heavy action. I said while Aggie drifted onto LC Drive. Mary were nervously clawing into my bicep. I assured her Aggie were a professional. She’s a damn good driver.. better than me. I can drive drunk well, though don’t like being behind the wheel. Emergencies only.. and even then I’d rather hand James the keys.

Don’t eat the yellow snow. She warned me, then cut the call. I chuckled to myself while Aggie did 120 MPH down the sleepy street. She drifted past the Victorian—and our first target were three doors down on the right—just across from Amber’s place.

So we just kill the guy and take his money? Aggie asked while we cased the house. He doesn’t even have a dog, and keeps most his money under some hatch in the closet. It’ll be like taking candy from a baby. I readied my gun, then hopped out the car. Aggie drove Mary to her place while I crept towards the front door. Snuffles, James and Doug pulled up in Thali’s cart and tip-toed behind me. Snuffles produced a lock-picking kit from his pocket and got to work on the door. Are you seriously a cop? I whispered while squinting at him. Snuffles shook his head—saying he’d been a repo man in Stockton before meeting Alfonso, and Harold had been a golf hustler who dabbled in politics. I chuckled to myself while Doug handed me a fresh clip. I pocketed the old one, cocked back and Snuffles had the door open in ten seconds flat. He pushed it gradually—with a professional touch. I ran in silently—searching for the master bedroom. It were at a hall’s end to the right—past the average sized living room. I kicked the door open—causing the occupants to bolt off their pillows—perfect targets in the faint glow of a TV screen. I capped them twice in the head each, then walked out and checked the fridge. They had fresh strawberries in there. I grabbed a couple while Snuffles called Alfonso—assuring him I were a fucking natural. ‘Of course he is.. there’s 11.9 million in that hatch.’ Alfonso said while looking over Jefferie’s notes upon this guy. I showed James the fresh strawberries. He grabbed one, then nodded towards the bedroom the others were raiding.

Snuffles flicked a switch and cut a square in the carpet—exposing the hatch. He opened it—revealing all that cash—neat stacks bound with white paper bands. I grinned while Doug grabbed their luggage bags. Snuffles said we’d need more than that, then went to find some grocery bags. Bobo were paying off the nightshift guys at Mar-Val—adding he only wanted.. everything on this list. One of those guys assured him the prime rib were local, and fresh. Bobo said he’d take it, all the bakery’s baguettes, the asparagus, ten russet potatoes, organic blue corn chips, guacamole.. he showed them the extensive list—including the Caesar salad fixings and the sweet Hawaiian rolls. The nightshift guys pocketed their money and ran to fetch our feast. Bobo glanced at them, then started working on the safe.

What’re you doing? Thali walked in while we bagged the cash. I handed her a leather Louie duffle with about two hundred grand in it. Take that to your dad.. we’re gonna need a bank. I said while we dug out more crisp stacks. Doug announced this guy’s sport coats fit him perfectly. Thali shook her head while grabbing her cart key off the counter. Mary asked Aggie if this were an emu? She nodded with a smile. Jackie walked in with her secret steak sauce. Alfonso said Bobo were on his way with the prime rib. She’d brought a big bag of seasoned plantain chips to tide us over.

Hey, now we’ve got too much cash to hide in a closet.. we need a bank. I called Alfonso while James and Doug hauled the money out. Snuffles were sampling the strawberries. They were damn good—in season too.

I’ve got the private bank. Any cash you gather—take it to that building near the donut shop—across from Chevron. Alfonso explained while they enjoyed the plantain chips—seasoned with lime juice and chili powder. No questions asked? I asked while kicking a duffle out the bedroom door. Snuffles picked it up and walked towards the front. We could hear the music coming from Amber’s place. There were still dickhead cops around, and chances are—one of the environing old people were gonna make a call about drunken teenagers causing a ruckus. I had twelve bullets in my new clip.

None. I’ll get you guys some debit cards.. also, you might wanna tell those girls to turn the fucking music down.. Harold says Ramirez is on his way over here. Alfonso warned. Ramirez were the worst—some anabolic steroid guinea pig they gave a gun and badge to. He’s dead. I cut the call, then dialed for Amber. Hey, turn the music down. You’re drawing cops into the area. I warned her while waving James towards the front door. Snuffles were cocking a .45 in the kitchen. He fucking hated Ramirez—as he were the guy who assigned him to boring traffic duty. Snuffles said he’d handle it. We could hear the sirens coming from down the street.

Fuck.. Amber turned the music off—the block now quiet. The deputy cruiser were blaring (douche) while he drove towards us. Snuffles started firing at the windshield. I shot out the tires and James glanced down the street. People were looking out their windows and gawking.. James and I ran up and down the row and killed them all—jumping through windows and kicking down bedroom doors. I paused outside Jackie’s—my heart racing—the past two minutes a vicious blur of widened eyes, short shrieks and one old guy fumbled his gun before blood ricocheted off his lamp shade. I looked back. James hopped out a window up the street and nodded while Snuffles dragged Ramirez’ corpse from the squad car. Courtney kicked his ribs in. Kaycee asked if he wanted to get brolic? Jefferie ran over, and asked if we’d killed everyone? Everyone on this side of the block, including a drug dealer. I said—knowing one of E’s friends lived two doors down from Jackie. James were jumping through his window and looking for the stash. Jefferie said we should probably kill all the small time dealers anyway. Hold on.. ay James—find out who were supplying them. I yelled into the broken window while James rummaged. James—find out who were supplying him and E. I yelled again. James handed me a couple 16 OZ jars of weed, a freezer bag of shrooms and about five hundred in twenties. I’ve got a contact. James showed us that dinosaur looking fucker’s flip phone—some recent texts on the screen from someone named Ken. Jefferie said that were the guy. Ken’s last name were very common in Calaveras. He came from a big family. Show that to Harold. I said while Thali drove up in her cart. I walked over with the drugs and cash, and James hopped on the back with Jefferie. Snuffles waved Courtney and Kaycee away while jacking a tactical shotgun and some ammo from the trunk, then went to grab the likely available gas can from the house we’d just robbed. Emily asked what happened to the music? Jenna told her to shut up, then looked out the door as Thali made a quick U-turn towards Alfonso’s. Amber hopped into the squad car and drove it—blown tires and all—around towards the park out back. We could torch it safely behind her garage. The crack heads and drug dealers would applaud us—and hopefully keep an eye on LC Drive for Ramirez’ possible backup.

Jefferie said this Ken guy had just been released after spending six months in jail on illegal guns and explosives charges. He’s a heavy? I asked while Thali parked behind the armored van. Jefferie said he were the biggest dealer in town. Alright you get the info from Harold, James we’re gonna go kill E. I said while Thali carried the money and drugs in. Jefferie followed her and James hopped in to my right. I backed out while Snuffles were running across the street with the gas can. Doug were still fucking trying on shirts and coats.. that guy were on the shorter side, and his business casual attire fit Doug perfectly.. but still. James called him.

Get out here you fuck. We’re about to kill E. James said while I paused outside our new abode. Doug ran out in a sport coat—cocked his gun then hopped onto the back.

You fucking goon. I shook my head while flooring it towards E’s.. that cart could only go ten MPH, but still. I were flooring it.

Hey, this is premium tweed. Doug showed me the sleeve of his sport coat. And we’ve got the number of whoever were supplying that dinosaur looking fucker and E. Apparently he just got out of jail, after being charged with illegal guns and explosives.. Jefferie says he’s the biggest dealer in town. I explained while turning left. Snuffles were dousing the squad car and body with gas. Amber and Janice had candle lighters. Emily were blind drunk—stumbling around and asking about me. Jenna dragged her back in. Snuffles shook his head, then glanced around. Amber assured him there were nothing but drug dealers and addicts nearby. Snuffles said there was also a cop in the lower section. That fucker had done a damn good job at concealing his presence. If he’d made his ‘profession’ known.. well the dealers likely would’ve asked us to meet them at Shell, rather than the park. Now we were about to torch a cop car within eyeshot of his garage. Snuffles told Amber and Janice to burn the car, then cocked the tactical shotty back and went to deal with this fuck and his wife. Benny asked Janice what she were doing? Janice tossed the candle lighter into the burning Crown Vic, then picked her cat up and went to make sure he had food and water. Amber glanced around, then ran inside and told the other girls to stay quiet for a while. The cop car exploded. The drug dealers applauded and the addicts sighed in relief. Ramirez had arrested them all at least once—even if they were riding a bike home drunk. He were that much of an asshole.

Hey E?.. yeah those weird fuckers on the sixteenth teebox are having another party.. but we’ve got five hundred bucks, and were hoping to.. alright yeah we’re out front in a golf cart.. is your mom home?.. aight. I cut the call, then looked at my gun before stepping out. He were opening the front door—holding a couple jars of bud. Two ounces for five hundred? His shit weren’t that good. I shot him in the face—blood spraying all over the porch—but the glass jars didn’t shatter upon dropping near his feet. James ran for the bud while Doug dragged E’s body towards his green Ford Ranger. I gently pushed the purse dog back while walking towards E’s room. He’d been playing GTA: San Andreas on his PS2. I turned that off, then reached under the bed—where he kept his stash. I found another jar and a purple spoon pipe. I pocketed the pipe, then opened his nightstand—where our old cash rested—about four hundred. I formed a roll and shoved it into my back left pocket. James jacked the Playstation. When the fuck are we gonna have time to play video games? I asked while stealing E’s lighters. I’ve never had a fucking Playstation before, and this cocksucker has one? No. Now it’s mine. James shook his head while walking out with it and the controllers. I shrugged, then reached under E’s mattress.. I found a Playboy. I sat on the bed and looked through it. Doug ran in—and said the body were waiting for disposal. I showed him the Playboy. He sat to my left and we looked at the tits. James grabbed some more games. Look at all that bush.. but why the fuck are you stealing that shit? Doug squinted—as we had the 64 at the Oakridge place. I’ve never had a fucking Playstation!! James ranted while stealing E’s TV. He’d never had a TV either. I chuckled to myself while tossing the Playboy atop the blue sheets. Doug looked at the purse dog. He nudged him back with his left foot. E’s mom were a CO. She’d likely be at the jail all night.. or Harold would have her murdered. Likely the latter.

Dude—there’s mad pudding in here. Doug said after opening E’s fridge. Vanilla Snack Packs. We grabbed those and some spoons, then ran out while James got the cart situated.   Dude.. I love this. If you wanna make it in this country—you gotta steal shit. James laid an adage while backing out. Doug and I were on the bag racks—as James’ haul took up the seat, ground and basket. I slicked my hair back in the cool night air. The nightshift guys offered Bobo a two pound bag of shrimp. He said he couldn’t possibly accept that after all they’d done for him. They asked he take it—and come back tomorrow night. They were fairly bored, and would’ve preferred we steal what they didn’t wanna stock to begin with. Bobo accepted the shrimp, and assured them he or his associates would be back often. He tossed everyone packs of cigarettes—the 50K he’d stolen from their safe resting in the van. The safe were in plain sight. You’d be paying for your groceries and glance at it to your left—between the cigarettes and firewood. The fact we were the first to rob that fucking thing astounds me.

With my lottery winnings, we’re up over twelve million for the night.. I say we get revenge against the health food store. I declared. Two weeks ago, we’d walked in there with twenty bucks—and bought their largest cups of frozen yogurt. We enjoyed it at a little wrought-iron table just inside the door—but we were drunk and making a scene. Nobody were in there but us and the desk clerk. After about twenty minutes of fuckery—we were asked to leave and never return. We were just throwing inside jokes around casually too—laughing our asses off.. but, even that were too much for this prim little health food store.. fuckers.

Like.. steal the frozen yogurt machine? James squinted, as that health food store were mostly supplements we couldn’t get high on. There was a small section of organic produce in the rear, but the main draw were the frozen yogurt and toppings.

Obviously.. and we’ll just trash the fucking place on general principle. I shrugged while he turned towards the apartments. We could see the smoke rising from that burning fuzz-mobile, and Snuffles had killed the other cop and his wife. Two dead pigs so far. The murder rate in Calaveras had never been so high in fat.

I want that house though.. and the Benz. Doug looked at our latest dwelling on the right. Dude we own all these houses now. We’ll get their bank account numbers, drain them and.. like we could probably shake PG&E down for free electricity. I shrugged while eating a Snack Pack. Yeah fuck paying bills. James waved that off while pulling up to Alfonso’s. Thali shook her head at the TV and PS2 cords spilling out—Doug and I eating pudding on the back. Why are you hating on our pudding? I asked while hopping off. James sighed at all his haters. You won a million off the lottery, yet you’re stealing TVs and.. pudding. She chuckled while I secured the bud jars. Well James wanted the TV, and the pudding were gonna go bad if we didn’t eat it. I shrugged while Doug and James drove the TV and video games to our new base.. which had three flat screens in it already, but still.

You have a step-sister though? Thali squinted while we walked towards the porch. Yeah, they’re gonna pick her up from the airport tomorrow. She’s Canadian. I said while enjoying my pudding. Harold opened the door for us. I handed him a Snack Pack. He thanked me sincerely—then announced Bobo were more than successful in his mission—walking away with a full bag of shrimp no less. Jackie were yawning in the kitchen—her light-red curls in a bun and getting her station prepared.

Jefferie asked if this were Kate or Dee’s niece? Kate’s. I didn’t even know she had a sister. I said while Alfonso glanced out at the towering smoke. Hehe.. fuck that pig. You seriously just asked for a scratcher and landed a million? Alfonso squinted. I could hear Mary and Aggie giggling down the hall—likely getting baked and enjoying their candy. Thali held me close. Yeah, not a bad way to start the night. I said while we sat at the breakfast nook—Jenny on her laptop to my left. I’ve got a ten minute trailer ready. I just need a few songs. Jenny showed me the epic collage of clips she’d assembled. It were half our fuckery, half skating—though it were beautifully strung together—an adequate introduction to our world.

Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit.. Bow Down and.. like a dope Biggie song. I said—figuring we’d try various tracks and see how they fit—but I definitely wanted Bow Down to be the intro. ‘The world is mine..’ and I Gouval Flip down the elementary school’s twelve stair. James would agree with that selection, though he were currently putting E’s little Zenith in the kitchen. Doug were hooking the PS2 up in the living room. Snuffles told Amber he hated that fucker—them and Janice watching the cruiser burn while drinking cold cans of Bud Light. Janice asked if he were even a cop? Snuffles shook his head, adding Harold weren’t either. Amber chuckled to herself. Jenna squinted at my text claiming her parents were dead. She shrugged, then went to grab her things and car. Emily stumbled out behind her. ‘You really need to learn to drink slow.’ Jenna shook her head while helping Emily along. ‘You need learn how..’ Emily mumbled while stumbling them against someone’s gated front door. Jenna shoved her back towards the road—shaking her head. Courtney and Kaycee followed them—assuming Emily had food in her fridge. There wasn’t much at Amber’s.

Party and Bullshit would work.. Jenny pondered while sipping warm coffee. Jefferie were explaining my step-sister to Alfonso. What?? Kate never mentioned a fucking sister! Alfonso slammed the counter, then called Kate. What the fuck is this? We had a deal involving total disclosure upon this shit.. are you a fucking agent? Alfonso glared. Jackie rolled her eyes while Harold sniffed her special steak sauce, then balked as she started on a gravy for the mashed potatoes. Jackie shooed him away. Harold said he just wanted to be nearby once the aroma started wafting. Jackie kicked him towards the dining table—tired and just wanting to get this done so she could put her jammies back on and collapse. Weirdo. Sounds worse than death.

You’re the agent.. and I honestly forgot I had a sister. We hadn’t spoken in years, then all of a sudden she dies and dumps a fourteen year old girl on my lap. Kate rolled her eyes—drinking wine in bed while Frosty played. Dee were smiling while sipping her coco. Up next? The Year Without a Santa Clause.

What’s her name? I want a full background check on this bitch. Alfonso demanded. He’d spent so long feeling hunted, anybody could’ve been connected to the ‘Ndrangheta. Even fourteen year old Canadian girls. I couldn’t blame him. We were fairly well hidden, but also pushing our luck from all angles—killing cops and drug dealers while robbing the houses of the rich. If we didn’t do that—I would’ve lost my mind in boredom.

We already checked her out. Both her parents committed suicide, more or less, and.. like my sister worked at a department store, and her husband were an ex-hockey player. Kate explained while Frosty rode in the refrigerated boxcar with Karen. Dee were preparing herself. She always cries when Frosty melts.

Shit.. is she prepared to enter this town? Alfonso asked, as.. well we were getting a little out of hand. Jefferie were showing me a list of all the richest people around us, Doug were putting on a suit that fit him perfectly, James were deleting E’s memory cards for the sake of starting new games, Daisy and Hailey kicked the door in and asked what the action were. I offered them some Lagunitas. They smiled while cracking the caps. Jenna told Courtney and Kaycee to help Emily grab her shit, then walked into her own house. Courtney told Emily to Maintain. Emily asked for some pool time. Kaycee said we could have pool time later. Emily puked in the driveway. Courtney groaned, then leaned her against the Mustang—saying they’d grab some water. Benny were on Janice’s shoulder. Amber sipped her beer, then asked how often he did that? Janice said he were a dope shoulder cat—then scratched behind his ear. Benny purred. Lenny were looking Daisy and Hailey over. Daisy rubbed his head. He nuzzled against her palm, then went to observe Jackie’s actions. Were Tanya prepared for all that? I doubted it.

Well.. it’s probably better than Canada? Kate shrugged, then looked at Dee. Dee were eight years old again and watching Frosty with Amy in July. Kate rolled her eyes.

If you have the stomach for murder, burning cop cars and.. whatever the fuck else we’ll end up doing. Alfonso said while glancing at Jackie’s gravy. Harold said he just wanted to sniff it. Jackie attacked him with a frying pan. I laughed to myself while he fought her off with flailing hands. Thali sipped her beer—thinking it were way better than anything she’d tried. A good IPA will ruin all cheap domestic brews for you. I had my doubts that shit were even beer. Natural Ice was moose piss. I have the FBI files to prove it.

Oh we’re burning cop cars now? Kate perked up. Dee pressed pause, then angled an ear to the phone. The girls were having a party up the street at Amber’s—blasting loud music.. someone called the cops and that fuck Ramirez rolled up. We killed him and they’re burning his body and the car behind Amber’s right now. Alfonso explained while hitting his beer. Bobo walked in with the prime rib in his arms. Jackie smiled while accepting it. He nodded while Doug and James brought the other groceries in. Harold balked at the big bag of shrimp—then asked what we were doing with it? ‘You’ll find out.’ Jackie waved him away while tearing the paper off the prime rib. Harold threw his Stetson to the tile—demanding updates on the fucking shrimp!! Hailey and Daisy told Jenny to rewind the trailer—as it were almost too dope to believe. Jenny nudged me with her elbow while rewinding it for them. Jackie said she had half a mind to forbid him from eating any of this shrimp. Harold balked at her, then adjusted his hat—asking if she wanted war? ‘Get the fuck out my kitchen!!’ Jackie yelled while kicking him away. James handed The Sheriff a beer. Harold said he’d never experienced such rudeness in a restaurant before. Alfonso had put his phone on speaker—chuckling to himself while Kate and Dee laughed.

Fuck that guy.. how many people has Mike killed? Kate asked. Uh.. twelve or so. I said. Alfonso put his phone on the counter. Jesus fucking christ.. who? Kate rubbed her eyes. Emily, Jenna and Mary’s parents, a couple drug dealers and a handful of old people. I shrugged. He killed Emily’s dad. Kate looked at Dee. Good son.. did you steal his money? Dee asked. Emily’s working on that.. probably. I said while Courtney and Kaycee jacked all Emily’s parents’ loose cash—sixty grand in unlocked briefcase safes. Emily were laying on the hood of her Mustang—suffering through the spins. Jenna were neatly folding her clothes. Her parents didn’t have much money around.

Don’t trust drunk hoes with money. She’s probably buying a monkey with it. Dee whispered. Can you do that easily? I asked—Thali laughing to my right. Daisy and Hailey were balking at the trailer’s ending—me aiming a bazooka at the elementary school’s cafeteria. Jefferie said that whole video were evidence city. Jenny shrugged, adding it’d at least garner attention. Jefferie were prepared to defend us in that likely hellacious trial. If shit came to that, I’d be in Aggie’s trunk while she drove Thali and I to Mexico. Fuck going to court over that shit. I don’t care who my lawyer was. I’d rather take my chances at the border.

I mean.. Ann has a little monkey like Space Ghost. Dee shrugged. I bolted up with widened eyes. And I’m just now learning about this?.. tell Ann I’ll be visiting them tomorrow.. I need more speed anyway. I said, then ate a greenie. Dee gasped and looked at Kate with oh so sorry eyes. "I have to be at CVS tomorrow..