The Book of Gouval: The Castle Part Three: The Books of Gouval, #7

By Lord Gouval

I am Lord Gouval. This is The Castle Part Three. This begins where the second Castle novel ended. Dee just sneezed. I own Iceland. Tweet that.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gouval Inc. Press
• Release date: Aug 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201833992

Book preview

I don’t remember what time it were, likely sometime after midnight. We were all feasting outside as they remodeled the kitchen, Doc were still letting off fireworks, and Franz had finished the Darth Sharko tattoo.

MIKE!! I heard Tanya yelling behind me—her glaring face poking through the sliding glass door. Hey Tanya.. oh shit we sent you to Switzerland.. did the Swiss not want you? I were drunk, and only recall this shit cause Jenny had morphed into some fiend for filming everything. It were an epic occasion—a night of celebration and change—a shifting of the epochs. I refuse to spend a night without that energy apparent.

Ten feet bitch. Hailey glared at her while brandishing the cattle prod. Tanya whimpered a little at the sight of that thing. What’s procedure here? I asked Isabell—who were enjoying a delicious curried chicken pot pie. That banquet table were full of food. The chefs were to our left in patio chairs—getting bombed with sore feet and hands—though also smiling as we raved over the grand feast before us. Candice had even crafted a pickled plum pie—a last minute use of Jackie’s homemade pie crusts and my preferred onigiri stuffing.

I mean.. you did kinda kick her out randomly. Isabell shrugged—curry smitten. Yellow tongued for life. I got up with my whisky fifth and stumbled towards the door. Hailey followed. Daisy told Jenny to film everything. Jenny were coked out of her fucking mind and just zipped to us with those epically long legs.. her father were a spider. Her mother? A baboon. Maybe. She still hasn’t told me about her mother.

Ok so.. deal, we work out.. here. I poked the dining table before it bursted into flames. I jumped to my left while Iggy blasted it with the fire extinguisher—claiming that were procedure. I trusted him, though had a lot of memories with that dining table.. oh well.

You can’t just kick me out cause of her! Tanya gestured at the sliding glass door—Hailey glaring over my shoulder. I really wanted a hot wing. There was a big bowl of them out there—though Lex seemed possessed by some wing demon and they were disappearing quickly.. my own wing demon couldn’t tolerate that. Well what you want? I had to yell over the explosions.. christ this is no place to have a discussion.. but it were happening, and I wanted to stay close to the wings.

You know what I want. She glared with the intent of a woman who knew damn well what she wanted. Jenny why are you filming this?.. nevermind. I put a hand up before she could babble. The Archives.. and.. you.. uh.. I zipped around and poked my head out the sliding glass door. Hey. I waved Isabell over. She gestured at her pot pie. It did look good. You can bring it in with you. I said while Hailey menaced Tanya with the cattle prod. I can’t say for certain, though I assume Tanya’s past few hours went like this: She woke up in the airport terminal, went into a fit of hysteria driven rage and demanded a ride to the castle. The cab driver she accosted likely found that absurd. ‘I’ve been living with Bobby Steels and Lord Gouval for over ten years!!’ I’m sure a lot of women would like to think that, though I’d require some proof before believing you. ‘Just fucking take me there!!’ She screamed before socking him in the jaw with a furious right. Insane, beautiful women have some odd pass in life. Ask Ann. She runs my chain of sex toy stores—The G-Spot. She could murder your mother in public and get away with it. Anyway, Tanya were back, and Amy were likely sighing in relief.

What’s she asking for? Isabell asked while I closed the door behind her. I gestured at Tanya. Get that fucking thing out of my face!! Tanya foolishly tried swatting the cattle prod away—only to be jolted again. Hailey laughed to herself. Isabell offered me a pie bite—featuring the shredded chicken, a couple peas and carrot cubes drenched in that decadent creamy curry sauce. I savored it. That’s delicious.. Tanya why are you on the floor? Is she drunk too? I were glancing at men bringing insulation and metal in for the walk-in fridge. I wondered how many turkeys we could fit in there. Certainly a few cows. We’d need more chefs. I poked my head out the door and alerted Steels we’d require sous-chefs. He looked at Jackie. She were getting wine bombed—though nodded giddily at the thought of having someone to wash the potatoes. Steels made a note in his journal, then returned to the cabbage and shredded chicken salad which were currently witching his heart—dashed with chili and lime powder and there’s some sliced almonds for that desired crunch with the carrot slivers.

You fucking psychotic drunk.. I’ve lived here almost my entire life, and you kick me out just because she pops out of nowhere? Tanya were woozy—rubbing her head. She must be really drunk.. am I not drunk enough? Gasp! I hit my whisky—glad the resident doctors weren’t around to notice my disregard for the preferred medicine. Grammy asked Carrie what she put on her cheesy popcorn? Carrie whispered it to her. I’ll tell you—that’s my favorite snack. She doesn’t use cheese powder either. Nutritional yeast, garlic powder and a little sea salt. It’s so fucking good.. well now I’m hungry for it. What do I do when I’m hungry? Drink more. Fights off that bugger in my brain that shoots flash cravings into the mainframe.

I’ll talk to her. Isabell handed me her pot pie. I worked the fork into the quarter left before stumbling back out. Hailey glared over Isabell’s shoulder. Jenny were hiding on the couch—poking her camera over the head—wishing she’d thought to bring the boom mic. The audio quality on her camera’s sublime—though with all those explosions, I had to hire a lip reader to properly discern these conversations.

So. Isabell grinned at Tanya being at her mercy. If Tanya even twitched—Hailey would bash her with the prod again. Her life were like clay she could mold upon a whim. Me? I were assuring Lex that pot pie over there were the best I’d ever had. He gave me an askance eye—the wing bowl before him. Steels said I weren’t lying. Lex tentatively grabbed one and took the foil off. He claimed it were so divine he didn’t even mind the fact I were tossing picked clean bones into an empty salad bowl.

I won’t even talk to him—so long.. this is my fucking castle too. Tanya glared—holding her ground. Dee were waving a shame finger at Kate. Kate were too drunk to even recall having a daughter. Amber were refilling her wine glass whenever it were half-full. That’s the protocol determined by Miss Wino. Andie were having Thali refill her pouch while enjoying a simple salad—featuring kale, a balsamic vinaigrette, stove-top peppered croutons and onion crescents—a last minute addition during the fridge clearing.

And I completely agree with you.. Isabell gave Hailey a look. She handed her the cattle prod, then walked out. But.. the three of us have a certain.. history now? Isabell said while putting the prod on the couch’s head. Jenny slowly reached up for it—ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.

But you’re not opposed to me living here? Tanya wanted to get down to brass tacks. No.. I mean, you have been here longer than me, but certain conditions have to be met. Isabell said, then turned around and knocked on the door. I grabbed my whisky and slithered in silently. Did you find a solution? I asked while looking around for the zap-stick.. so it’s a peace mission now? I prefer peace, so long I come out ahead. If not it’s all out war until I win.

So.. how would you feel if it were you, Tanya and I? Isabell smiled. Grand notion.. you know, if you would’ve offered me that six years ago.. save me lots of grief.. you finger.. you finger each other under blanket right next to me while I play Thousand Year Door.. my favorite game, and it made me sad.. I went to find a corner to cry in, though they dragged me back. Are you serious??? Tanya were giddy as all hell. Only way to upgrade from her past couple years: Throw Isabell into the mix. So monogamy’s off? Good. I could fuck Kath.. oh I fucked Kath over.. I have a tendency to do that. Well she’ll forgive me.

Well.. I’m drunk.. Isabell giggled to herself a little. But.. you’re looking really good, so.. Isabell put her arms around Tanya. I demanded champagne as they kissed. Iggy told one of his grunts to fetch the boss some bubbly, and that he preferred a good Spanish red himself.

Best of both worlds.. good for Mike.. let’s go up to Tanya’s room. I put my arms around them.. if you would’ve told me when I were twelve I’d be giddy over this shit, I probably would’ve had lightning strike you before licking my incessant sores. Things change with age. I change by the hour. Sometimes by the minute. It’s maddening, though orgasms and having everything I want help a lot. I refuse anything else.

He’s having our room remodeled. Isabell explained as we started upstairs. Steels just couldn’t believe it.. Dee were making it rain money all over the place after betting I’d end up with both of them. Starks said he felt Tanya had always been a dark horse. Kate were calling Amy. ‘Amy hoe.. you are a fucking hoe.. rich slut.. you broke Dee’s snow globe.’ Andie gasped!! Dee’s obsessed with giftmas. She will be upset for an entire day if you break an ornament. If you break a snow globe, she will put a death warrant on your head. I burn giftmas trees and piss on plastic santas for sport. It’s a bullshit satanic holiday, but the happiest moments of Dee’s youth involved giftmas. I assume their grandpa raped her during the summer.

Have you two already fucked? Tanya asked in my right arm. I could feel the ground bubbling below my feet. That underground lair were bound to be epic.. I sure as shit paid enough for it. ‘..Tanya? No she no go to you.. hoe of the globe snow.. you’d fuck a raccoon for money.’ Aggie were laughing her ass off while listening to that. Dee felt sorry for raccoons. I have to assume Amy’s fine as fuck, though pissed her cousins off at some point and garnered their eternal wrath.

No. Isabell knelt her head and blushed a little. Hey this is a delayed karmatic victory for me—her first time being with both of us. She were in for a trip too.

Tanya had damn near every sex toy The G-Spot offers in her room—including a Sybian against the foot of her bed. They were on the parlor floor, in the dresser drawers she kept weed in, her desk—bottles of fake cum and lube on her nightstand.. she was a freak, and I appreciated that cause I am too. I’ve eaten a raspberry torte off a girl’s ass. We’ll get to Lucy eventually.

You stole my fucking couch? Tanya glared. I didn’t steal it. I assured her while stealing some loose lighters I were finding around the room. ..whatever.. we’re all sharing your room now though. Imagine that? Tanya put her arms around me—smiling wide while I shoved lighters into my back pockets. Odd how we fit together so well.. Tanya’s a fucking freak Isabell. Drinks fake cum and fucks herself with all this shit when I’m not around. I pushed her away with a friendly glare. She tried kicking me in the stomach, though I grabbed her foot and flung her to the ground before jumping atop her. Isabell were balking over all the dildos—holding an especially large alien green one. I assume the distinctive scent brought back memories.

You fucking bitch. I kissed Tanya hard—my cock throbbing in my jeans. I hadn’t busted one since a blowjob before leaving for LA. I were thirsty like a little bird walking along a dry river bed. There’s a sadness there.

Is it the fake cum or the dildos? She asked while Isabell started unbuttoning her flannel. Hey I don’t give a fuck what you do. Better the dildos than some douchey side fuck I’d have murdered. I shrugged. I wrecked my pussy with you and those dildos. Tanya groaned—hiding her eyes with her arms. Jenny.. Jenny’s here.. but you’re just a beautiful woman with a healthy sex addiction.. Jenny why the fuck are you filming this? She were poking her camera in through the doorway—the cattle prod’s handle in her teeth. Coke heads.. you never know what they’ll do.. Me? I’m a reliable coke head. I’m more an alcoholic. I snort coke like Germans shoot espresso in Italy.

Forget her. Isabell smiled—clad in a red wireless bra—dragging us towards the bedroom. I thought my room reeked of pussy. Tanya’s were like one big cunt post-gang bang. She were needy in that sense. Never asked for romance—just to cum. Great Swedish Mexican woman.

Jenny didn’t follow us into the dark bedroom, though I did wake up with Isabell’s perfect tits in my face—defying a bra size and gravity. Tanya had her face in that massive ass I’d eat waffles off of just to lick the syrup from her crack.

Tanya had blankets over her windows—so I had no clue what time it were. I recalled Tanya coming back, us going up there.. but what occurred in our absence? Were the kitchen finished? Were Nicky running The Empire? I needed answers.. though those tits are so fucking good I couldn’t care less so long they remained pancaked in my grill.

Isabell groaned upon waking up—her head full of dull electric gossamer. I felt around for my whisky. It were to my right, and I offered her a drink. She washed the hell away—shook her head out—eyes bolting wide, then squinted at feeling a face between her cheeks. She glanced back, Fuck.. She chuckled to herself before feeding me The Water of Life. The Irish who brought the recipe for whisky to america called it that. The hicks deemed it moonshine. Everything’s purer in Ireland.

You know Tanya’s buried in my ass?