Character Assassination: How to Survive the Bullying Epidemic and Heal your Heart

By Kieran Bridger

Learn how to overcome the devastating reality of bullying and re-build your life.

Character Assassination is the harrowing story of Kieran’s traumatic experience of bullying at an all-boys high school. Facing hundreds of physical, emotional, and cyber attacks every day, his life was ripped apart as the bullies attacked his self-worth through a horrifying and targeted assassination of his character. With no help from his school, the experience came very close to completely ruining his life. From severe depression to a fulfilling life as a youth motivational speaker, his story is a very real and vulnerable insight into the bullying occurring in our schools. Character Assassination gives hope to anyone wishing to overcome the devastation that is caused by merciless bullies in all areas of life.

With a wide range of strategies for victims and anyone wanting to make a difference to those being bullied, Character Assassination is a practical hope-giver that teaches you how to overcome the trauma of bullying, and build a life of inspiration for yourself and those around you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Mar 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9781398497320

Kieran Bridger

Since he was young, Kieran always felt called to help people. Following his graduation from a welfare degree, Kieran has facilitated dynamic workshops in schools and organisations through his company Speak Life and other work. He has worked with over 100,000 youth and young adults in the areas of leadership, mental health, anti-bullying, and resilience. He has worked in over 500 schools and organisations across Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, and Europe, helping people to discover their calling and live out their potential. In his spare time, Kieran loves spending time with his family, good coffee, and the beach.

Book preview

Character Assassination

How to Survive the Bullying

Epidemic and Heal your Heart

Kieran Bridger

Austin Macauley Publishers

Character Assassination

About the Author

Dedication

Copyright Information ©

Acknowledgement

Preface

How to Read This Book

Part One Character Assassination

1 Extraordinary

2 Motive

3 Infiltration

4 Threat

5 Suspension

6 Aftermath

7 Change

8 Character Assassination

9 Death

10 Life

Part Two Resurrection

11 Encouraged

12 Empowered

13 Loved

14 Helped

15 Forgiveness

Part Three Survival Guide

16 To You

17 Basics

18 Mental Health

19 Finding Your People

20 Overcoming Trauma

21 Mindfulness

22 Hope

23 Self-Talk

24 Service

25 A Final Note

Part Four How to Help

26 Epidemic

27 Understanding Mental Health

28 Understanding Grief

29 Understanding Trauma

30 Risk and Protective Factors

31 Vulnerability

32 Encouragement

33 Schools

34 Mentoring

35 The Greatest Gift

About the Author

Since he was young, Kieran always felt called to help people. Following his graduation from a welfare degree, Kieran has facilitated dynamic workshops in schools and organisations through his company Speak Life and other work. He has worked with over 100,000 youth and young adults in the areas of leadership, mental health, anti-bullying, and resilience. He has worked in over 500 schools and organisations across Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, and Europe, helping people to discover their calling and live out their potential. In his spare time, Kieran loves spending time with his family, good coffee, and the beach.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to anyone who has, is, or will experience the epidemic of bullying. Know that there is hope, and that your situation does not have to define your future.

For my four beautiful kids, that you never have to experience anything like this.

Copyright Information ©

Kieran Bridger 2023

The right of Kieran Bridger to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

The story, experiences, and words are the author’s alone.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781398497313 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781398497320 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank my amazing family, for all the love, support and encouragement you have unfailingly shown me, and my dear friends from Rising Generations and NLC. You are the reason I made it out the other side. You not only saved my life from a horrendous path, but you gave me hope and empowered me to find my voice. I am forever grateful for you all.

To Loren, thank you for showing me I am worth it.

To Sinead, thank you for helping me to overcome my trauma.

To Colleen, thank you for teaching me to truly forgive.

A massive thank you to my friend and editor Claire Ryan. Your support throughout the years and assistance in preparing my work has helped me immensely.

Preface

I want to heal, I want to feel,

Like I’m close to something real.

I want to find something I wanted all along,

Somewhere I belong.

Somewhere I Belong—Linkin Park

It has taken me eleven years to process what happened to me at school to the point that I can write it in such detail. I have shared my story with thousands of young people across Australia, but never to the level of detail as this book. My hope is that my story will be a testimony to young people that bullying does not have to define their future.

While it has taken me a long time to deal with my own challenge, it is truly possible to live a life free of the oppression that comes with targeted character assassination. The song lyrics above are some of the truest for me, even to this day. Bullying robs us of our safe place, the one in which we truly belong and know our value. My life is living proof that despite the robbers who come to strip this away from you, that you can heal, you can feel, and you can find somewhere you belong.

This account of my experience in high school contains all that I can remember. Many specific incidents have been blocked from my memory, but I have worked hard to include all that I can. I have shared as vulnerably as I can, and hope that this will encourage you to do the same.

The testimony of the challenges we overcome in our life is the most powerful tool we are given to help others. If we can find our peace and focus on using our trials as a springboard for investing positively into the lives of others, we gain the capacity to truly influence the world around us for good.

If you are reading this, and were at all involved in these circumstances, there are two things I would like to say. Firstly, I am sorry for any retaliation I may have had during this time that caused you any stress. Secondly, if you were one of the perpetrators in any of these incidents, I forgive you.

Let us all work together in eradicating the bullying epidemic from this country, and ensure that no young person ever doubts that they are a valuable and important member of this world.

How to Read This Book

I really wanted to start by saying with your eyes, because I’m a bit of a smart arse, but that’s probably not overly helpful.

I’ve written this book in the hopes that it gives a holistic approach to helping people who are going through bullying, but also wanted to cover what needs to change on a larger scale. The hope is that anyone with any level of experience with bullying can pick this book up and learn something from it, because until we shift our mindsets nothing will change.

If you are reading this book, either as a victim of bullying, a bully, or someone trying to help someone else, I highly recommend reading the whole thing together. While the book is split into different areas (my story, my recovery, how to help yourself and how to help others), these recommendations all work better when done with someone you can rely on or trust.

So if you’re experiencing the bullying, read the final section with the people trying to help you. If you’re trying to help, read the section for people being bullied so you can gain a wider understanding of what helps.

I debated with myself for a long time whether to censor some of the language that was used against me. I decided not to censor it, as I’ve realised that the bullies who attack our kids don’t censor theirs, and to me, this is the reality of the world we live in.

Each of the chapters of my story starts with lyrics from a song, because music is the way I unwind and make sense of the world. Whatever it is that allows you to relax, make sure you take things slow and be gentle on yourselves. It’s tough to fix everything overnight, so remember that this is a slow burner.

Above all else, don’t ever forget that there are people to talk to even when you feel alone. If anything in this book or your own life triggers you, please reach out to someone who can help. The following page lists some awesome free resources that are available for you.

Emergency Services—000

Lifeline Australia—13 11 14

Kids Helpline—1800 55 1800

Beyond Blue—1300 22 4636

Headspace—1800 650 890

Suicide Call Back Service—1300 659 467

Part One

Character Assassination

1

Extraordinary

Well, I guess this is growing up.

Dammit, Blink 182

The assassination attempt on my character began somewhere during the early months of Year 11. I was your typically average sixteen year old boy, who was immensely ordinary in every way. I was a good student, achieving decent grades. I was learning the guitar. I played Australian Rules football and cricket with moderate success.

I had a good group of mates who had been with me since Year 7. I battled pimples, added frosted tips to my mop haircut, and dreamt of gaining my P plates in the pursuit of ultimate teenage freedom. I moved to my school in Year 6, following a few moves in my younger years that saw us jump from the hills of Perth to Port Stephens, before settling in Canberra.

My parents divorced when I was quite young, and mum had remarried not long after. As a now-military family, the reason for the moves were my stepdad’s postings, but the shift to Canberra saw an opportunity elsewhere, and so there we stayed. I moved schools at the end of Year 5 with the idea of settling into my new school before high school began.

The school was a K-12 Catholic boys’ school, and my aunt was on staff. Initially, the shift was good. I had great teachers who supported my academic pursuits, and I flourished in sport and music for the first time in my life. It was through the Aussie Rules team at school that I became friends with my group.

The comradery of hours of training, physical matches and the ultimate prize of a premiership in Under 16s made us a solid group of mates. At about the same time, following my first ever concert with some of the guys (Blink 182), I decided to learn bass guitar so that I could join their band. I met my first girlfriend through friends of theirs, and life seemed pretty great in the midst of what are typically very troublesome teenage years.

Perhaps the greatest achievement at that point in my life is something I cannot take credit for; the love and encouragement of my family had allowed me to develop into a secure, gentle, and friendly young man.

~

My first experiences of teasing had begun in primary school, as is the way for so many of us. Before class at our little school in the hills of Perth, we used to play large games of Aussie Rules, pretending to be our favourite players from the West Coast Eagles. My choice was always Chris Lewis, an indigenous star playing for the Eagles during that era.

I still remember one morning when I arrived to school slightly late, to find that the game had already begun. When I asked the boy whose ball was being used which team to join, he told me I was too late and couldn’t play. I was excluded from the game for the rest of the week until my teacher discovered what was happening and quickly rectified the situation.

Isn’t it funny how even the most subtle forms of exclusion stay in our minds? I am by no means scarred by the incident, and I am sure many of us can remember times at school that we were excluded from games.

I had a more serious incident with my friend Brodie when I was in Year 1. He was one of those friends who was up and down, and would often change the way he acted towards me depending on the day. I have many good memories of being his friend, including driving in his bush basher car around his family’s property that had been set up like a dirt race track. I had a short turn of driving the little car and ran it straight into a grass tree that were extremely common in the Perth hills.

One day at school, Brodie and I had a more severe argument. We both collected basketball cards that came in chip packets, which I would often buy with my pocket money from the corner store near school. I had all of my cards in a nice folder, and my prized card was a rare golden card featuring the world’s most famous basketballer, Michael Jordan.

I wasn’t an avid fan of basketball and never watched the games, but that shiny card influenced me to become a pseudo-supporter of the Chicago Bulls. Brodie had wanted to trade me for that card since I got it, but I never wanted to part ways. On this particular day, he had brought a folder of his own cards to school to show me what I could trade for. I was once again adamant that I wouldn’t be trading with him.

During class, I needed to go to the toilet. Our bags hung on racks outside our classroom, and for some reason I felt compelled to check on my basketball cards on my way to the bathrooms. I’m glad I did, because I found very quickly that Brodie had sneakily swapped my prized Michael Jordan card for one of his very common and underwhelming cards. I was furious.

I immediately swapped them back, and decided to ask my teacher to guard my folder for me so he couldn’t swap them again. He realised very quickly what had happened. If looks could kill, I would have been dead on the spot.

Later that day, I needed the bathroom again during class. Unbeknownst to me, Brodie had also excused himself several seconds later and followed me there. He confronted me out the front of the bathroom blocks. Within seconds, he had my pinned to the ground.

I still remember the feel of the cold, rough asphalt against my cheek, and the tears running down my cheeks as he pressed my face hard into the ground. My tears turned to screams several seconds later when I realised he had opened a pocket knife with his other hand, and was holding it above my head, making stabbing motions in the air.

Thankfully, there were teachers nearby. They rushed in to grab the knife, and I was freed from his grip quickly. I don’t remember much of the follow up from that event, but as I reflect on that now, I realise how lucky I am that he hadn’t accidentally or even intentionally stabbed me that day. It would have been a tragic event, and all over a basketball card.

~

When we moved to Port Stephens from Perth, I was faced with the challenge of beginning again with school and friendships. As a quiet boy, I didn’t find it the easiest to make new friends quickly. I was in a composite class made up of Year 3 and 4 students, and being in the younger year group looked up to the older boys in my class.

That was until one afternoon, straight after school, when I was in the bathrooms. Two of the boys from my class had climbed up the side of one of the cubicles and seen me in the toilet.

‘It’s Kieran!’ One of them yelled. They proceeded to start throwing toilet paper and water on me as I was in the toilet, laughing and yelling names at me as they did so. I still have no idea why they did it, but thankfully in that situation my school was quick to deal with the issue. I was given the choice in the principal’s office to punish the boys or let it go, and I chose the latter.

I remember jogging back to class with them afterwards, both of the boys thanking me profusely for not doing more.

~

My younger sister, on the other hand, became friends with the whole school in about three minutes. About two weeks after the year had begun, I found myself on the oval by myself. A group of boys in the year above me decided to take advantage of the situation, and had me quickly surrounded. It was the typical primary school taunting, so insignificant now that I don’t remember their words.

Thankfully for me, my younger sister was playing on the courts nearby with her friends. Fiercely loyal and incredibly tenacious, my sister was definitely the tougher of the two of us as kids. She noticed what was happening on the oval and wasted no time.

I like to think she decided that nobody was allowed to tease her brother (except her)! She marched right into the middle of the group of boys and glared angrily at them.

‘Oi. You freckle faced fart machines. Leave my brother alone or I’m getting a teacher. If that’s not scary enough, you can deal with me.’ She clenched her fists, and the five boys, almost twice her size, took off running and screaming in fear. It is one of my fondest memories of primary school, although slightly embarrassing to admit that my little sister had to fight my battles for me!

My early experiences of teasing were very similar to what most children experience at school. There are occasional cases of nasty words, exclusion and judgement that all cause us to have a bad day. In many ways, it is the ordinary experience of growing up, faced by almost everyone I know.

While they can hurt at the time, these isolated incidents do not constitute bullying, or a character assassination. They are unfortunately common, but this story is about something much more sinister and damaging. As I approached my teenage years, what I knew of the cruelty in others was restricted to this minor situations. Sadly for me, that was all set to change.

2

Motive

Cos she’s the girl all the bad guys want.

Girl All the Bad Guys Want, Bowling for Soup

As is the case in many dramatic tales, my teenage troubles began with a girl. I had broken up with my first girlfriend, Shelly, earlier in the year, and my friends had begun mixing with a new crowd of people. We first met at an after party for her Year 10 formal. At the time she was dating a guy from my school who I didn’t really know, but my best mate was dating her best friend, and so we were invited.

It was the first time I ever had a drink at a party, and before long I was playing Wonderwall on guitar to fulfil the most annoying stereotype for a teenager party-goer. A few weeks later at school, I was washing my hands at the end of the day when her then-boyfriend, Tim, came into the bathroom. He was checking his hair in the mirror and looked incredibly nervous.

When I looked across at him, he divulged that he was going to break up with his girlfriend, Zoe, that afternoon and asked if he looked okay. I said yes, and he left to go and see her. It was the first time I’d had an actual conversation with him. My interactions with him up to that point had been minimal but predominately negative.

We weren’t in the same friend group, but most people in our year knew him as the guy who would crack one-liners (mostly at the expense of others). He knew the girl I had dated the year before, and my only interactions with him at school were him saying offensive and dirty things about her, usually in the PE change-rooms at such volume that the three classes of boys getting changed there could hear everything.

He would make up songs, tell me sexually explicit things that he/other people had supposedly done to her, and mostly told me over and over again that she was a slut. His favourite song was ‘Kez is dating Shelly, doo da, doo da, everyone