My Truth Uncensored

By Nicole Djobet

The Lord says, "Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls."

I can remember looking in the eyes of the people who hurt me in the past, and it was as if my hopes and dreams were shattered at that moment by people who I trusted. All I could think about was revenge. I didn't know how to forgive, and by the time I knew it, I was addicted to sex. I thought it was love, but it was only lust. Until I found Jesus, I didn't know how to break free from my addiction, and I didn't forgive anyone. My soul was not at rest. Since I've been saved, I've been set free from many addictions, and I have forgiven many people for the wrong they caused me. Now I have the tools I need to fight the enemy, and that's the Word of God. My life and my purpose were at stake. The Lord has defeated my enemy, and He is always working on me. If I can come out of darkness, so can you. Seek God, and He will direct your path always.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9798886852899

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My Truth Uncensored

Nicole Djobet

ISBN 979-8-88685-288-2 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88685-289-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Nicole Djobet

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

My Truth Uncensored

In the summer of 1978, my abuse started. I was four, and most of my family was living together at the time. My sister, my cousin, and I had to have a babysitter whenever all the adults were out of the house. At that time, the youngest male adult would sit for us while we played outside. The problem was that he would call either me or my sister in the apartment so that he could molest us. He made me get undressed, and he would also get undressed. I remember the red bumps on the bottom of his stomach as he lay on top of me with his penis between his and my stomach. As I leaned backward on the bed, he thrust up and down. I imagined that he did the same thing to my sister whenever he would get her to come in the apartment instead of me. There was never any penetration, but the act alone traumatized me. I distinctly remember the smell after everything was done. After he came, he told me to put my clothes back on, go back outside, and play. I can only assume that he did my sister the same way. When I got back outside, I was picked on because of the horrible smell that was on me. It was the stink of it all that embarrassed me so badly that whenever that happened, I had to shy away from my friends so that they could not smell me.

I was very close to my dad back then. He would come over sometimes to see me and my sister. I remember he had a motorcycle and a Corvette. I remember the motorcycle because I burned my leg on it, and I remember the Corvette because I wrecked it. One day, my dad came and picked me up in his Corvette and sat me on his lap to teach me how to drive. He stopped at someone's house and told me to stay in the car and to not touch anything. Needless to say, I wanted to impress my dad by showing him that I knew what I was doing, so I took the manual shift stick and put it in neutral, and the Corvette rolled and hit the car in front of it. I could tell my dad was angry, but he didn't punish me. He just stopped coming around, and I thought it was my fault. I thought that he never wanted to see me again. Later on I found out that he had gotten locked up and would not get out for a long time.

I had another guy in my life, and it was my cousin. My male cousin and I were very close; we were more like sister and brother. We played together and went everywhere together every day. We resided in various apartments together with other family members. When we lived in a complex called Kimberly Projects after leaving my grandmother's apartment, we were still young. We had many good times there, and I finally didn't have to worry about being molested anymore. While playing outside, I met a boy name Co-Co, which was just his nickname, and we basically fell for each other. Even after I moved away, I would go back to visit my aunt so that I could see Co-Co. We were so smitten with each other I just knew that we would be together when we became older, but that didn't happen. I would never forget him, though. My cousin Tyrone wasn't having me hang around anyone else, just himself. So for any boy to be around me, he had to be around my cousin too.

A few years had passed, and we moved in with my cousin Tyrone and his mother and brother in a place called Fairchild Apartments. This is when all the excitement began with me and Tyrone. We use to go to the creek to catch crayfish and, of course, release them back into the water. There were some other young people that hung out with us when we went to a place called the ponderosa. It was a deep part of a creek that we could basically swim and play in. I don't know how we came up with that name. Tyrone and I discovered a warehouse on the other side of the ponderosa, and it had scrap wood. We would go over the metal pipe to get to the other side to get some wood and build ourselves a bush house and not a tree house. Only a select few people knew about the bush because we would never let people see us go into it, which was behind the bush. Tyrone and I would also go to the dog pound and release some of the trapped animals.

One day, we went to the park where we would often go swimming, but we knew the pool was closed because it was the fall. The park was empty except for this one guy who was a little older than us. He approached us and was trying to talk to me and touch me, so we began to fight him. Although he got the best of us, these older girls came to our rescue. They held him as I kicked him where the sun don't shine, which hurt me to do because he had kicked me there first on my bone. That same afternoon, the girls told us not to be in that park without an adult with us because children were known for coming up missing from there. I became angry and devised a plan. I told my cousin that if the park didn't exist, then children would not come up missing. So he and I waited for everyone to leave before we found some matches and set some leaves on fire. Then we went up the street to watch the park burn, but wouldn't you know it: the fire trucks came and put out the fire. I was upset, but we walked back home.

Fast forward some years until I was twelve and, of course, still a virgin. I was a tomboy, so I didn't think about boys like they thought about me. I saw boys as playmates to play tag and football with or climb trees with, run down the street and race, and whatever else boys would do with other boys. Boys saw me as some cute girl that they wanted to get with in a boyfriend-girlfriend type of situation. Eventually, I moved away, and Tyrone and I became apart for a while.

One day, I was giving myself a birdbath so that I could go outside and play. But on this day, while I was bathing, I went into a daydream, so I wiped myself a little too long. A sensation came over me, and the next thing I knew, I was on the bathroom floor, twitching violently. That feeling was so profound to me that I desired it again. Around that time in my life, there were so many guys around my age and a year or two older trying to have sex with me that it was ridiculous. Eventually, I did get into an innocent relationship with this boy name Antonio who wanted to call me his girlfriend. One day, he called me and wanted me to meet him at his aunt's house so that they could meet me and he and I could spend some time together, so I did. When I arrived at the house, his family greeted me and gave me compliments, which embarrassed me, the way they went on and on about it; so I was ready to get away from them. Antonio took me to the backyard so that we could be alone to talk, laugh, and spend some time together. I was so gullible and naive back then; I didn't know what I was in for or what his agenda was. There was an older-model truck parked in the backyard, and the doors were unlocked. At first, we were in the front seats, checking out all the buttons, and we ended up in the back seat, where there were more buttons behind the back seats. The next thing that happened changed my life forever.

We closed the back doors to the truck and began talking some more and laughing and joking. The next thing I remember was the look on his face as he looked at me. To me it was strange because I had never seen him look like that out of all of the times we hung out in his neighborhood. Antonio began to kiss me and grab me, which made me very uncomfortable, so I pushed away from him and tried to get out of the truck. But at that time, he overpowered me. I screamed and screamed, but no one came to my rescue. Antonio force himself upon me, and I remember that it hurt so badly. After he raped me, I was able to get away from him because he had become weakened after he came. I fell out of the truck and pulled my pants up, and I noticed that they had blood on them. I was so hurt and embarrassed I began to cry. I ran into the house to inform the adults of what had just happened, but they weren't there. I went outside and sat on the front porch, still crying and in shock. He came out there to comfort me. When he tried to hold me, I pushed him away, screamed at him, and began to walk home. After I calmed down some, I went to Antonio's mom and told her what her son had done to me. She told me that we were going to have sex eventually, and I angrily told her that being raped was different from having sex. Since I could not get his mom to discipline her son, I told some of my cousins and friends who lived in the same neighborhood as he did. Antonio still desired to be in a relationship with me, and he felt like the relationship was stronger now than before. I didn't stick around to watch the fight, but I heard about it later. That revenge wasn't enough for me because what he had taken from me, I couldn't get it back.

That same year, I was riding a friend's bicycle and got hit by a car, so I ended up with a broken leg. I had a cast from my toes to the top of my thigh. Needless to say, I got picked on in school because I could not take a bath because of the cast. They didn't realize that the cast could be covered with a plastic bag, and I could take a shower. I was in a cast for months. I thought I would never get out of it. Finally, the cast came off, my mom's man purchased me a bicycle, and I was good to go again. A year later, I was hanging out with my female friends, and we were walking along a dirt path on the side of the road. It was dark outside, and this drunk driver came flying around the curb and struck me on the same leg that I had broken a year prior. This time I had fractured my knee. After healing from that, I went on a path of life destruction. I started hanging close with my older cousins and their friends who were openly having sex with their boyfriends. One day, while hanging out at the community pool, I met a guy name Mike. He was handsome, to say the least, and around my age. After me and my girl left from the pool, he followed us out because he wanted to talk to me. So we sat at the park and talked until my hair air-dried, and I told him that we had to get home. Then we exchanged numbers and left. My girl talked about it on the way to the house and told me if Booby found out, he was going to be mad, and I told her that I didn't care. Eventually, I went back home to my neighborhood, and Mike would come over there to visit me. And we talked on the phone a lot. I loved kissing him. His lips were so soft and moist, and he smelled so good. Mike wanted to take our relationship to the next level. But I wasn't ready, so I shied away from him and started going to the skating rink to meet my girls and other guys.

I met a guy name Tracy at the skating rink, and he was older than me but was very smitten with me. My girls found out, and some of them became jealous while the others took me to hang out in his neighborhood at the recreation center. While hanging out in his neighborhood, we ran across Tracy, and he was very excited to talk to me and convinced me to hang out with him. Of course, since I had gone through a rape, I was not going to hang out with him alone. At first, he wondered why I was like that, but after he found out what happened to me, he understood. After some time had passed, he was ready to take our relationship to the next level. He was very careful not to force himself on me; instead, he took things slow and easy and remained sensitive to my needs. He had the right music and lighting, and the mood was set. This time I knew what was about to happen, and a part of me welcomed it. Tracy made me feel so special that night while two of my cousins slept downstairs. Tracy, with my consent, slowly undressed me. Then he began to kiss my body as I moaned in ecstasy. He took my body to a place it had never been. I enjoyed his level of experience, and he enjoyed my level of nonexperience so that he could mold me into what he desired. We became so close I was enjoying everything about our relationship. What I found out next devastated me. One day, while hanging out with my male cousin, I brought up Tracy's name, so he asked me about his last name. I told him, and he informed me that Tracy was my cousin. How could we have not known? How could we have missed that? I was so upset, and I had to break the news to Tracy. When I told him, he didn't believe me or even want to. I explained to him how, and he wouldn't hear of it. We both cried as I was leaving, and he came after me and told me that we should still be together. But I couldn't do it. He would call me at my cousin's house and try to convince me to change my mind but to no avail. Tracy was very handsome and popular, so eventually, he came to his senses, especially since one of my girls seduced him into being with her instead. How did you find out? you ask. I went to his apartment to talk things over, and she was there, half dressed. Although he apologized about the whole thing, I was still upset.

This further sent me into a life of destruction. Now that I had gotten a taste of good sex, I desired more. By this time, I had plenty of guys' phone numbers—guys who wanted to have sex with me or even have a relationship with me. I met a guy name Rico at the pool hall, and he was handsome. Apparently, he was interested in me, so we began hanging out at his house. Yes, he was older than me. He and I started dating, and I was going over to his house on a regular basis as well as hanging out with him at the pool hall and the recreation center. After we engaged in sexual activity, Rico became head over heels for me and obsessive. I better not think about another man or even look at another. I didn't mind him