Life, Death, and Widowhood

By Ann P Carter

The loss of a spouse leaves an overwhelming void, a spatial emptiness that cannot be comprehended. Only God can see us through this time of deep sorrow. Life, Death, and Widowhood is a journey in remembering the past, living in the present, and trusting God for the future. There really is life after grief. Join Ann Carter on this personal journey to the other side of grief.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 10, 2017
• ISBN: 9781635755374

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Life, Death,

and

Widowhood

Ann P. Carter

ISBN 978-1-63575-536-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63575-537-4 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Ann P. Carter

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

All proceeds from the book will be donated to the Second Baptist Church 501(c)3 Community Center.

In the memory of my beloved husband, Robert Carter.

I could not have continued the journey if it were not for the love and support of my daughters, Lynn, Renee, and Kimberly, and my son-in-law, Troy. Thank you for being there for me. I dedicate this book to Bob and my beloved parents: Elder Joseph and Muriel Carter and Deacon Pearl and Effie Smith.

Foreword

I am delighted to write the foreword to this book on life, death, and widowhood.

Recently, I have come to know the author after visiting in her home. Ann Carter lost her husband in 2015. Lt. Col. Robert A. Carter, US Army, was a renaissance man. He was a scholar’s scholar, with impeccable credentials from Central State University. He possessed an ability to motivate, inspire, and challenge young people to be the best they could be.

Ann Carter writes about her husband’s accomplishments to keep his spirit alive. The author writes honestly and in sometimes-painful detail about her husband’s life and interactions as he fought the cancer that eventually claimed his life. Ann Carter shares her years of experience in writing about the successful life of her husband. How proud she was then and now of his past achievements.

When the author, a Christian, was notified that her husband had cancer, she was devastated. And the pain only got worse when he died some months later. She discovered that God can help with the grief process in several ways: with spiritual comfort, with validation, and by providing a sense of oneness with humanity. Ann illustrates all of these qualities in Grieving God’s Way, the story of her own journey through grief.

This open, honest memoir will resound with anyone who’s lost someone important in their life. Readers who enjoy biographies will also absolutely love this talented writer’s look back on a life well-lived and well-loved.

The chapters include contemporary real-life stories and insights from a wide spectrum of describing the loss of a loved one. The true reader will learn how to celebrate the life of their spouse.

One of the most vital books of our time, the author captures who her husband was. They were very much in love, and she portrays the vacant spot in her life now that he is gone. In this sense the book is also like a personal journal of the author’s grief.

The stark nature of the book fits with a sense of gratitude of her husband. The author of this book writes the legacy of her husband, the character of his Christianity, and a love story.

For many who lost someone, this book is an essential guide to making a difference on learning how to celebrate the past—not just for today, but forever.

Dr. Veronica R. Watkins

Introduction

Six months after Bob’s passing, I began to write down my feelings and memories of our life over the past fifty-four years. In writing this book, I want to share with others the valley of grief that I felt over the passing of my best friend and the love of my life.

Losing a spouse leaves an overwhelming void, an emptiness that is unimaginable. No one can understand the experience except for those who have gone through it. I wrote this book in the hope of helping someone else to go through the same experience not alone but with the hope and help from God. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13, NIV)

When Bob passed away, my life was turned upside down. What I learned during this process is that God can take what is upside down and turn it right side up. I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me. (Jeremiah 32:27, NIV)

Bob will always be a part of my life. His love for his family, for others, for life is ingrained in my memory. There was his saying that he said to me almost every day before he became ill, It’s another great day, another opportunity to excel, another chance to do good, another chance to help somebody. With God, it is another great day.

January 25, 2015, my husband, Bob, the love of my life, the man of my dreams, the man God had given to me fifty-four years ago on October 15, 1960, succumbed to his one-year battle with metastatic prostate cancer. As I sit thinking of all the love and the memories, it is inconceivable to me that this man, with so much life to give, is no longer here. My mind fights the urge to say, Why, God? as my heart says to me, Why not? As I sit alone in my overwhelming grief, I know in my heart that my hope is in God. I am not alone in this earth, and Bob is not alone in heaven. The scripture says, I will never leave you nor forsake you. God’s word comforts me. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4, NIV)

The year began, December 2013. Bob had gone to his regular quarterly appointment with his nephrologist, Dr. Fried. As the routine tests were completed in Dr. Fried’s office and the doctor was handed the report, Dr. Fried noticed immediately that Bob’s creatine had been at level 2 for about a year. He had been seeing Dr. Fried for regular routine examinations. Every checkup during the year had been the same. On this day the test showed the levels had changed drastically.

Before Bob arrived home, I was called by Dr. Fried’s secretary and told that he should report to the Downtown Baptist Hospital, here in San Antonio, Texas. Bob was put on the renal ward for a creatine level that had gone from 2 to 7. He spent a week and several days in the hospital while the doctors tried to get his creatine to a normal range.

As I think back on the year, Bob had gone through a number of health problems. He had been suffering with serious back pain because of ruptured disks and finally agreed to a laser spine back surgery. He was having problems with his urine after TURP surgery in October 2013. Dr. Best, his urologist, placed him on a catheter and, after allaying our fears, explained to us that eventually his urine would flow normally and he would be taken off the catheter.

After being in the renal ward for a few days and given various tests and visited by a different doctor each day, we came to the realization that Bob had some serious health issues and would need some comprehensive care.

The doctors on the day that he arrived at Downtown Baptist had placed nephrostomy tubes in his back because the creatine wasn’t going down as fast as they wanted it to. Each day that he remained in the hospital we became