Frema: The Lost Asante Girl

By Opanin Kwabena Mensah

Frema and her husband, Opanin, spent half their lives in Ghana before moving to the United States of America. They were determined to maintain the culture and values that they had always known. Like so many others before them, each day they spent away from the mother of civilization made them a more-westernized union.

Frema, who would quietly endure her loveless marriage in Ghana, was still bitter that her family would not allow her to be with her love, so she acted out her bitterness. Years and three children later, Frema decided she had had enough. She needed to end the relationship by any means necessary.

After confiding with her neighbor, Destiny, who befriended her in New York City and made her a project, Frema learned that it's much easier to end a marriage in America than she thought. Unfortunately for Destiny, she did not get the opportunity to learn that she should stay out of other women's affairs, especially marriages. Destiny created a volatile environment that spiraled into an unwanted and secretive affair between her husband, Kyei, and Frema.

Secretes, lies, plotting, scheming, and actions totally contrary to the traditions and values they brought to America are all we see once the couple became more and more Americanized. How would the American justice system sort out this sordid mess when all the people involved had no clue what was on Frema's mind as she tried to achieve her independence and freedom?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: May 16, 2022
• ISBN: 9781639857685

Book preview

FREMA

The Lost Asante Girl

OPANIN KWABENA MENSAH

Copyright © 2022 Opanin Kwabena Mensah

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2022

ISBN 978-1-63985-767-8 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63985-768-5 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Prologue

Chapter 1: Let Bygones Be Bygones

Chapter 2: Do It for the Children

Chapter 3: From Meager Beginnings

Chapter 4: He Said, She Said

Chapter 5: Tough Love

Chapter 6: Opanin Weak Man

Chapter 7: Almost a Dropout

Chapter 8: Child Support

Chapter 9: Money

Chapter 10: The Root of My Anger

Chapter 11: Infidelity (Part 1)

Chapter 12: Reparations to Gyanea

Chapter 13: Infidelity (Part 2)

Chapter 14: Work Ethic

Chapter 15: Community-Driven

Chapter 16: Triumph

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

This book received unusual care and attention from all involved in it. I am very grateful to Kwabena Chereh Adomah, who had been a source of inspiration and kept the original write-up on a disc at a time when all seemed to be lost. I am proud of Nancy Baah-Danso, Lydia Torgbor, Eric Owusu, and Ofori Annor for their critical review of the script. I appreciate the contribution of Senior Enerst Atta Amoyaw and his colleagues at the New York public library, Yonkers, Dr. Vladimir Antwi Danso of the University of Ghana, Legon, Dr. Kwame Acheampong Karikari of Baltimore City Community College, and Professor Obeng Mireku, Vice Chancellor, Wisconsin International University College, Ghana, for their input to this work. Thank you especially to Ofori Mankatta and Angelina Akiwumi, who believed in this work from the start. I owe a debt of gratitude to Margaret Sheffer, Eric Johnson, Mendel Laguerre, Bruce Hansley, Larry Early, Jesse Carr, James Nolan, and David Rosenthal—all employees of the City of New York. I am indebted to The Very Rev. Dr. Yaw Frimpong-Manso, moderator of the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of Ghana (2006–2010), for his invaluable advice. I would be remiss not to mention Owusu Robert (Ayi), who made the final product possible. To all who helped me in diverse ways, I say, Thank you.

Foreword

Rape, attempted or completed, is a very serious sexual offense with severe consequences. Although, in the legal system, one is presumed innocent until proven guilty, individuals accused or suspected of rape are deemed guilty in the court of public opinion. In fact, even among professionals such as psychologists, it is not unusual to view such allegations as increasing one’s risk for future sexual offense. Little wonder that perpetrators of such heinous crimes often deny or minimize their role in them.

It is therefore my pleasure and a pleasant task to acknowledge the contribution of Opanin Kwabena Mensah to the understanding of the ordeal of being accused of spousal rape. The candid and open manner with which he narrates this story is refreshing. It is my hope that readers of this novel will understand that not all individuals accused of rape are guilty. This understanding, however, should not in any way be taken to mean that one should condone such a brutal and heinous crime which robs victims of their dignity and inflicts on them emotional and psychological scars that may never heal completely.

Pius K. Essandoh, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Prologue

Frema

Stop lying! Destiny said to her Ghanaian friend, Frema. A year? You haven’t had sex with Opanin for a year? And he’s your husband? That could never happen in my house. Joe is all over me like white on rice every chance that he gets.

And you like that? Frema asked. I cringe every time Opanin looks at me. It sickens me to my stomach the second he lays a hand on me.

But don’t you love him? Destiny asked. You’ve been married to him for over twenty years.

Marriage in Ghana is not the same as here, Frema said. It wasn’t about love. I loved Kutu. It seems like an eternity thinking back. But Kutu’s family didn’t have nearly the amount of money and prestige as Opanin’s. My father forbade me from having any dealings with Kutu. He forced me to marry Opanin so that my family could get a large dowry.

Hell no, Destiny protested. That’s not happening here. Women do what they want to do and be with whoever we want to be with.

So you go against the elder’s counsel? Frema asked.

What do you mean? Destiny inquired.

The elders, Frema said. We go to them with discrepancies in our marriage, and they direct us on how to handle things.

Say what now? Elders do? Destiny asked. I mean we go to the elders in the church for advice maybe or the pastor, but ain’t nobody directing anything in my household. When it comes down to it, unless we decide to go to court to get a divorce, the only people with control in our marriage are me and my husband. And to be honest, he has very little say. I’m the queen of this castle. The only reason I keep him around is because he slings the ‘rod’ so well.

Ugh, Frema said bashfully. I cannot believe how you talk about sex so openly. It’s taboo in our country.

I can see why you ain’t gave your husband none in a year, Destiny said. You’re too uptight and timid. I know he’s so backed up he’s about to bust wide open. Doesn’t he even try to have sex with you?

Our work schedules barely allow us to see each other, Frema said. But most of the time, I linger outside of the house so that when I get home, he’s already gone or at least about to go. That way, there’s less confusion.

Wow, you really don’t love him, do you? Destiny asked.

Not in the least, Frema said. I’ve been trapped in this marriage for over twenty years, and it hurts my soul that I can’t get out.

Actually, I like Opanin, Destiny said while she was in deep thought. But at the end of the day, you are my girl. And if you don’t want to be with him anymore, you don’t have to be with him.

But the elders— Frema began before being cut off.

Damn the elders, Destiny replied. You just sit here and listen to me and let me tell you how to end a relationship here, in America, in BX, the boogie-down Bronx, New York. We’re gonna get you out of this marriage and have you happy in no time. Just leave it to me.

*****

For weeks I sat and waited for my chance, frustrated, thinking about what Destiny told me I needed to do. But today the weather was ridiculously cold, bone-chilling even. I knew Opanin wasn’t going to be able to work in those temperatures.

After taking an abundance of deep breaths and drinking a couple glasses of wine, despite the fact that I never drank, I went in the room and threw on sexy lingerie that Destiny had purchased for me.

Just throw this outfit on, and once he sees you, I promise you he isn’t going to be able to control himself, Destiny had said. I remembered the words just like it was yesterday.

Once I got my sexy vibes on, I sat on the couch, putting my leg up, trying to look seductive and uninterested at the same time. Just as I thought, I heard Opanin at the door about to come in. It was game time.

Look at you, my beautiful Frema, Opanin said when he noticed me on the couch. It has been a very long time since I’ve seen you early in the day.

Opanin, I said with a nod, sounding distant.

No, no, no, Opanin said. This is a special occasion. The kids aren’t home. I finally get to spend some time with my lovely wife. He sat on the couch next to me and started rubbing his hand on my legs.

No, Opanin, stop, I said firmly while pushing his hand away.

But we are a married couple, he replied. Why else would you dress so appropriately for this occasion? I haven’t seen you looking so good for your husband in years.

I beg your pardon, I said. I always look good.

I know, baby, Opanin said while putting his hand back on my leg. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it seems like you dress in a way where I won’t pay attention to you at all. But you’re my wife, and I love you. It’s a pleasure to see looking like this.

Well, I’m glad you’re happy, I said, but can you admire me from a distance and stop fondling me like I’m a piece of meat? I pushed his hand away again.

You’re not just a piece of meat, he said while grappling my leg again and massaging my thigh more vigorously. With his other hand, he grabbed my hand and touched my wedding band. This here says that you’re my piece of meat.

Opanin, you don’t own me, I said sternly.

Where is all of this coming from? Opanin asked. This would have never happened in the homeland. When are you going to start fulfilling your wifey duties?

He let go of my ring finger and started massaging my breasts. His other hand was still exploring my thighs.

Opanin, dammit, stop, I yelled, pushing him away from me.

You talk to me like this in my home? Opanin said. You treat me like this in my own home?

Please, you want a round of applause because you have been back to work for barely a month, I said snidely. I apologize. There are no gold stars to give you. Here I was, thinking that you were just trying to do better at your job because, for a while now, you’ve been sucking at it royally.

Oh my god, Frema, all of this disrespect in my home, Opanin said. I just want some love. Can your husband get some love?

He started rubbing on my chest and thighs more vigorously. I could see him starting to work himself up pretty well.

Agyei! Buei! Agyei! Buei! Obi mmraa ooh! Help! Somebody, help! Somebody, help me! I started screaming like a wounded lion, like a stranger had attacked me and I was trying to defend myself.

What in the world are you doing, Frema? Opanin asked. This is me, your husband for over twenty years.

Oblivious to what he’s saying, I kept pushing him with all my might. Then I reached for the radio and tried to hit him. He moved out of my way in a nick of time, then he finally got up from off the couch and stared at me like I was crazy. He appeared as if he was about to walk away, so I realized that I’d gone too far. I had to do what Destiny told me to do. I had to give myself to him even though it sickened me to allow it to happen.

Wait, Opanin, I apologize. I said. Come here. He stayed put, so I adjusted my lingerie to reveal my breasts to him. Come here. Come have your wife.

I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it, Opanin said. You were just screaming bloody murder. Now you give in so easily. This just doesn’t feel right. Opanin turned to walk away then stopped after a few steps to look back at me. No, something definitely isn’t right.

It’s official. I missed my chance.

Opanin

She wanted to hit me with the radio, and I held her. I saw then that she wanted to hurt me. I also realized that being of weaker physical strength, she could turn around to tell the world that she was defending herself against a deranged and abusive husband.

In the midst of what was going on, Frema unexpectedly propositioned herself, inviting me to make love to her. I smelled trouble and became suspicious of her sudden change in behavior and chose to back off. I stopped everything and told her that I knew what she was about and that I was not in the mood to be drawn into any problem.

Throughout the ordeal, I kept my cool and was determined not to lose my temper, no matter what. It was not a nice spectacle, very disturbing and embarrassing—a woman I had been married to for over twenty years, with three children, treating me like a stranger? I slumped quietly into the sofa, cursing my fate. Then came a knock on the main door. I went down to see who was there. It was our tenant. He had come to find out what had happened since he overheard us. Frema came from the bedroom and ran to him, crying that he should call an ambulance because she was having a heart attack—a heart attack, and yet she was running! Instead, he called his wife, a professional nurse.

She examined her by checking her pulse and heartbeat and concluded that there was nothing wrong with her. Frema insisted that she should call for emergency assistance since she was about to pass out. The nurse reluctantly called 911. Within minutes, two paramedics came in. They examined her and found nothing wrong with her. They asked and were told that there had been some misunderstanding in the house. They immediately made a call, and six police officers, including a female, came in.

When they found out that there were no weapons and nobody’s life was in danger, they relaxed and questioned us separately. I explained what had happened and showed the officers around the bedroom. Frema told the police officers that I had attempted to rape her and wanted me arrested. The officers questioned me as to whether I had actually had carnal knowledge of her. I answered in the negative. They told her that they needed a justification for my arrest. There was nothing to indicate that she was in danger as she had wanted them to believe.

In a moment, she said I tied her to the bed with a rope. The police found this to be credible and asked for the rope to be used as evidence. She looked at them blankly. The officers told her they could not arrest me and would not take her to the hospital since her condition did not warrant that. They advised me to leave the house and come back after some ten or more minutes. I spent the rest of the day with Adjei, a municipal employee. I could not tell him what I had gone through. I behaved in my usual manner and left before he closed for the day.

Chapter 1

Let Bygones Be Bygones

Frema

Girl, I can’t believe you had him right where we wanted him and you just stopped, Destiny said while looking frustrated. "Women have been giving up the pussy for years and years to get what they want. You just couldn’t let him have some one more time? He’s the father of your three kids, for God’s sake. What makes you better than any other woman that wants to be out of a relationship but can’t? You have to become familiar with the statement ‘use what you got to get what you want.’"

I just panicked, I replied. You have no idea how much he sickens me. Maybe if you could just imagine the worst, most evil, ugliest, man-beast that you would never in your life want to touch you, then you would understand how I feel.

Frema, stop being so dramatic, Destiny said. Opanin looks nothing like that. He’s actually kind and cute. And he’s nice as hell. I’m only going along with any of this because this is what you want. I may not agree with you, but I am supporting you. I have your back.

Well, thank you for having my back, I replied. But if you think he’s nice, why don’t you have sex with him, I said sarcastically.

Girl, don’t even play like that, Destiny said. I hear that African men have that Mandingo meat. And I could use a good working out too, Destiny continued as she flailed her head around as if to simulate rough sex. But people don’t play around with their girlfriends, having sex with their men, especially if it’s their husbands. That’s something that’s totally out of line. Never joke around about anything like that.

That’s the thing, I replied. I don’t want him to be my husband anymore. I just want to get him out of the house."

I hear you, Destiny replied. There is only one thing for you to do. You have to go to court and get a restraining order. It’s not the same as the cops that came to your house. The court does not require all that proof. You have to go out there sounding convincing, and a judge would rule in your favor, giving you a temporary order for him to leave. But they would still hear the case in court. It’s possible that they would make him leave for a couple of days, then after you go to court, they allow him to go back in the house. If that happened, it would be horrible for you. Everyone would think you were just playing games. You really have to be beyond believable. When you get him out of the house, you have to make sure that it sticks.

I have to devise a plan, I replied.

Girl, yes, Destiny said. You need a damn good plan.

I sat, quietly wondering what I was going to do. Destiny had given me some really good information. I needed to use it to my advantage. Right now, the stakes were very high. I felt like, for most of my life with Opanin, I’d been miserable. Now it’s not about him, even the kids. This was about me and my happiness. I had to start putting myself first.

I had to admit, with all this going on inside my own head, I was wondering what Opanin was up to. I could not believe that he didn’t go through with it and just had sex with me. All this could be over, and he would be out of the house. But now I had more planning to do. It was going to take more time.

"I promise you this, though, Opanin, you will get out of our house.