Dad's Journey: The One That Taught Us How to Love

By Jill A. A. Gilson

Dad's Journey tells the story of one family who rely on each other to endure a life-changing event. When Arnie Kustka became a paraplegic from a blood infection, his life turned upside down. The list of things that he would no longer be able to do grew. The challenges that he needed to overcome increased. Many emotions were felt as Arnie's health became the family roller coaster, but the family's determination to give both Arnie and his wife, Shirley, the best life they could possibly have remained constant. The four children did their parts in caring for their parents. Arnie experienced the end of his life from the height of a wheelchair. Even though his legs would no longer work, his sense of humor and love for a good joke were never lost. His journey was not an easy one, but with Shirley by his side, they learned to accept his condition. The family's faith and love for each other grew stronger, even after Arnie's passing. They realized that God had a plan for Arnie. Read about the man whose family learned how to love in the midst of a tragedy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 7, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646288779

Book preview

Chapter 1

Why Is This Happening?

Mom (Shirley) and Dad (Arnie) enjoying their favorite music at a family celebration. Music and dancing were lifelines for our parents growing up.

Shock, denial, astonishment, numbness, anger, rejection, detachment—these are only some of the words that came to mind that cold December day in 2008. How could this happen? Dad’s surgery was supposed to bring his health back, not take it away. How could a man who rarely spent any time in the doctor’s office, much less a hospital, spend eight months in five medical facilities only to come home on that August day as a paraplegic? How would Dad feel worthy of anything if he would never be able to spend time in his sawdust-filled sanctuary? How would he feel about never dancing with Mom to his favorite polka music? How many more nevers would there be in his life? How was Mom going to take care of her paralyzed husband in a two-story farmhouse? Was this the beginning of the end? Were we going to lose Dad? I had so many questions and not many answers. As all these thoughts raced through my mind, one source of comfort was the book Tuesdays with Morrie. The author Mitch Albom presents a series of conversations with his former professor Morrie Schwartz, who is dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Through Morrie, the reader learns how to live a happy life, even with death knocking at his door. As I quickly learned, this book has many life lessons and so many that I decided to teach it in my senior English classes. Since I found great comfort in Morrie’s words, I only hoped that my students would as well. The book would not give me specific answers about Dad’s health, but it would give me great comfort on this journey.

At times like these, an incredible amount of strength is needed, and what is the best source of strength? Faith. Before this, my faith had been a natural part of my life. My husband and I dated for almost four years before marrying, visiting almost every Catholic church in our county each weekend. Our three children each grew up knowing that mass was a regular part of our weekend plans. That faith taught me to be thankful for the people in my life, and I had never experienced any challenging adversity, especially nothing as life-changing as this. Was God testing my faith? Would I cave and blame Him, or would I turn to Him for that needed strength? Little did I know that God had a plan, and Dad was chosen to teach all who knew him how life should be lived.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

—Psalms 31:24

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

What Is a Father?

Back row: Jim, Dad, Mom, Jack

Front row: Nancy, Grandma Reneta, Jill

Many people have pondered what makes a father, but I don’t think anyone’s answer is ever wrong. Just like beauty is identified by its view master, the definition of a father is composed by any child. When I was a kid, I always thought of my dad as strong, traditional, and strict. Like anxious teenagers who sit in the driver’s seat demonstrating their ability to handle a car, each of us kids took our turns earning Dad’s approval to operate our riding lawn mower. I will never forget his multistep process of teaching me how to cut the lawn. First, I had to watch him cut a path or two around the outside perimeter of the lawn. This was the modeling step where I was to learn how fast I could go as well as how careful I needed to be. Then it was my turn to try. After I hopped on the riding lawn mower, Dad gave me the lessons on where the controls were, reinforcing his informal speed limit. As he stood at the corner of the lawn, Dad watched if I was following his instructions. This was more nerve-wracking than my driver’s test! I only knew that I was doing it the right way—in other words, his way—by him returning to his latest project in the workshop. If I wasn’t doing something correctly, he would stop me as I made the next path, turn off the mover, shut down the throttle, and proceed with the correction. Dad was the kind of parent who didn’t have to say much because his looks did all the talking. Mom didn’t need to say, Just wait until your father gets home more than once because we kids knew that Dad’s reaction was going to be a stern one.

I saw a different side of Dad when his second crop came: Jim, my brother, who is eleven years younger than I. Our family dynamics are a little out of the ordinary because when Jim came along, Nancy was seventeen, Jack was sixteen, and I was eleven. Now with a newborn in the house, I saw a bit of marshmallow ooze from Dad every once in a while. Dad was still the rigid, distant father figure when Jim was a baby, probably too afraid to show his love that we knew was there. Eventually, it was shown more often, and we valued its display whenever it surfaced. Looking back, I can see how Dad’s transformation was subtle but so precious as Jim grew from Jimmy, that little boy whom everyone spoiled, into Jim, the quiet Kustka boy. Little did Jim know, but he was the reason both Mom and Dad stayed young. As parents of three teenagers, they were raising a toddler who had different interests than their older children.

Dad helping his grandson Philip with one of Jim’s sheep.

Jim became the pioneer of the family because he was able to get Dad to do things that none of us imagined. Even though all of us kids were 4-H members, Nancy’s interest was in horses, Jack preferred to show cattle, and I steered clear of animal projects all together. Jim, on the other hand, ventured into raising sheep which, in turn, gave Dad a new project. Dad’s carpentry skills were superb and greatly utilized when the barn needed to be modified to fit the needs of horses versus cattle, but now with this new four-legged animal, we all saw a fresh side of our father we thought we knew. Dad was always creating new projects