Visions

By Maggie Fetzer

After years of feeling sorrow and entrapment, Ellie Grayson makes a bold move to better herself, enrich her life, and begin again. Guidance and inspiration envision Ellie in new adventures through the blessings of an eight-year-old child known as Julia. Julia's gifts are wrapped in love with all the mystical scents and shades of purple. Ellie, her family, and her friends will relish in all the transitions instilled through Julia. Be among the many visitors to Oak Ridge Bed-and-Breakfast and witness an awakening in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 5, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644246740

Book preview

Chapter One

Ellie Grayson, short in stature but towering in the love of life, has always been very closely connected to her family and shared all aspects of her life openly, with no reservations of being judged or dismissed. It was that connection to family which allowed her to welcome every adventure with open arms, an open heart, and an open mind.

There is no need to be judgmental, Ellie’s mother would say. Judgment is left up to the Lord. We are here to do our very best, live decent lives, and to fulfill the destiny set inside each and every one of us.

Fellow classmates viewed her as the girl with an answer to just about any problem, be it algebra, biology, or remedies for the all-too-common teenage dramas. Ellie’s youthful years blessed her with the nickname Little Miss Happy Pants, which made her laugh, never finding any offense that the children might have intended.

The weight of a friend’s troubles was easily carried on her shoulders, drawn deep into her heart, and readily consoled by her words or actions, because Ellie’s own life was hassle-free. In secondary school, bringing out the reputation as Little Miss Fix-It always found Ellie thrilled with the impressions she herself had made upon people and, soaking in all the admiration she felt, resulted in a self-gratifying nature, carrying Ellie through life with no scars of self-doubt.

Experiencing all the education she was determined to digest, Ellie was filled with the satisfaction of knowing she would be able to positively impact a child’s life. By example, just as much as by desire, Ellie dreamed of becoming an educator, destined to guide children in the realm of life, with all the positive visions she herself had experienced throughout her formative years.

All my success, all my happiness, all my visions are rewards given to me by my family, Ellie spoke these words as she sat at the window bench, stuffed with plush pastel pillows made by her mom, in her upstairs bedroom. Words not only spoken out loud in thought but logged in the journal she has been keeping since the day she could write.

Ellie scripted every day in her journal, if only a thought or an expression of the day she experienced. She believed she was a better person knowing that her day was etched in black-and-white but never locked or hidden.

Scripted in her journal were all the memories of her first encounter with Bradford Smithe, an upperclassman she met on a hayride organized by a mutual friend. Young love being blind and so empowering, this began to set a course for the small town boy to sweep this city girl off her feet.

***

Ellie was an only child, born to successful, wealthy, but moderate, loving, and devoted parents. Maternal grandparents were a constant part of her life. Living all together in their Manhattan home, Ellie never felt the absence of a doting family.

Love, devotion, and happiness had sheltered her from the real world stained with deceit. With eyes wide open, heart pounding, welcoming new roads to travel, a young woman’s soul could be found as defenseless as a newborn kitten.

Bradford Smithe, being so well-liked by everyone they encountered, seemed to be the man of Ellie’s dreams. Everyone commented on what a wonderful couple they appeared to be, and magically Ellie fell into a trance of believing a small town life was in her very near future. A wedding announcement came as no surprise to family or friends.

Dreaming of teaching in a small town, building a new life with new adventures, and starting a family found Ellie envisioning a bright future with Brad. Her thoughts of a close-knit community, people helping people, Oppie in Mayberry, filled her dreams with visions of blissful happiness.

Wedding plans surfaced and exploded into timeless dimensions, not leaving much time for a reality check to settle the nerves of this bride-to-be. Ellie did not feel doubt at this time but a sense of rush, as her life seemed to be flying by too quickly.

I’ll be fine. It’s just the excitement.

***

It was the night before her wedding to this well-liked young man from a very small town in Upper New York State that found her questioning her future. Feelings of backing out at the last call were drowning Ellie in fear of the unknown.

What will it be like to share the rest of my life with what really is a total stranger?

Spinning about her heart and her mind were butterflies of nerves and doubts.

Surely everyone feels a bucket of nerves spilling over at such a time were consoling words from her mom. But believing in yourself is where you need to be, because there is where you will find me, darling, always believing in you.

A restless night broke into a virtually happy day as Ellie found her family surrounding her, as they have always done, with the most sincere, loving devotion everyone should experience.

Being a daddy’s girl proved to have more rewards than expected, because Ellie’s wedding was held in the grandest of halls in all of Manhattan. Surrounded by family and friends, Ellie rode the dreams all girls constructed of their wedding day. Her day was showered with love and best wishes directed to the beginning of her new life. The hall carried all of Ellie’s love for flowers and for color and for candlelight. The air was exploding with soft scents of flowers, carried by the breezes of celebratory rings of music. It was the most memorable wedding a young bride could envision.

Ellie’s wedding night covered her innocent and sweet nature in a blanket of fear, weighted with her first visions of weakness. It were as though leaving home, for the first time since her college years, was an awakening to a nightmare.

Where was all her inner strength, the strength she shared with everyone around her throughout her life? She has been a devoted daughter, teacher, and now the sound of the word wife just terrified her.

This is so silly. I am just awakening to a bad case of the jitters.

Ellie told herself as she brushed her silky blond hair into her well-known, comfortable ponytail, tied with a scrunchie Momma had made, one for just about every outfit, squeezing a little bit of home into her attire. With an angora sweater, jeans, and hiking boots, she was determined to make the best of her new little town of Edges, New York. Bradford was waiting downstairs to show her, her new hometown.

Being mid-September, the air was crisp, refreshing, and instilled a bright opening to a new adventure with a new partner. Positive thinking, Ellie murmured to herself as she felt left in the back seat of the SUV, while Bradford wallowed in self-adoration to whomever they met that day. Oh yes, he was very well-liked, and Ellie was beginning to realize that no one felt more affection for Bradford than Bradford himself.

Self-confidence is one thing, but Brad has taken it to a whole new level.

Ellie loathed herself for even thinking so negatively about her new husband, realizing a call to her Momma just might help stir her back to the reality that being a wife requires dedication to her spouse.

Ellie, dear, you are learning quickly that a marriage requires devotion to one’s spouse. Be patient, Bradford may just be showing off to impress his lovely, new wife.

Kathryn Grayson always knew just the right thing to say to put Ellie’s mind at ease, but there appeared to be something in her voice that caused Ellie to ask, Momma…is everything all right?

Kathryn’s answer did little to ease her mind, so Ellie decided to ask Brad if they could spend the weekend in Manhattan. His reaction, calling her Momma’s baby, led to their first huge fight, sending Bradford straight to the local bar.

A call on Sunday night led to Ellie packing an overnight bag, catching the next train out, and vowing never to let Bradford keep her from her family again.

My dad is gravely ill. Come with me or stay. I am leaving now.

Ellie arrived at the hospital, alone, meeting her mom just about ten minutes before her dad was to begin preparations to undergo a heart bypass surgery. Charles, a man of positive beliefs, smiled at Ellie, proclaiming, Now we can proceed with the bit of repair my heart is requiring, because my baby girl is here with her heart full of my love.

Tears flowed, hugs were bountiful, never wanting to let go, and kisses sealed the love they all cherished.

God be with you, my love. I will be here, waiting for you.

Brave words spoken by Kathryn.

Daddy, I love you so very, very much.

And streaming tears were all that Ellie could find to bestow upon her dad. Whisked off to surgery and down to a waiting room were their final, separate destinations.

***

Charles did not survive the surgery. The doctors explained that Charles’s heart valves had obtained irreparable damage, and his heart was not strong enough for revival after the heart and lung machine was disconnected, waiting for his heart to kick-start on its own.

We are so sorry. No one could have foreseen the results of this inevitable surgery. There was nothing else any one of us could have done. Please rest assured, Charles did not suffer. He parted peacefully, Kathryn.

Dr. Steven Beck, a longtime family friend and a brilliant cardiologist, spoke from his heart, parting with sincere embraces.

Our love was with him, Momma. It will always be with him.

These were the words Ellie spoke softly as they sat in the waiting room spilling with sunshine from the oversize windows, comforting each other and trying to devour these last few hours, as more families came and went with sadness, heartbreak, or satisfied elation.

***

This man was dearly loved by family, friends, coworkers, and this entire community.

Words spoken by Father O’Malley at the services.

Is that it?

Ellie thought of the man that knew her father for more than forty years. Father O’Malley did speak for more than fifteen minutes, but that was the sum of it, in Ellie’s eyes.

My daddy’s gone. My momma’s heartbroken.

Ellie was feeling bitter and found herself fighting to stay strong for her mother in the weeks following her father’s death.

Ellie, you need to go back to Bradford. He has been back home since the day after the funeral. You must move on with your life, as I will.

Two weeks had passed, and Ellie found herself dreading her return to the life she felt Bradford was building with her as an afterthought.

When I talk with Bradford, I will tell him I’ll be on the next train. Are you sure you will be all right?

Ellie’s concern for her mom was so deep inside her being it created a weakness in her soul.

I will be just fine. You know I still have your grandparents that need me to care for them, and they can keep me hopping.

A smile and laughter lit Kathryn’s face.

You know, your daddy will truly never leave us.

Hours later, Ellie received a call from Bradford. He was elated when she told him she would be on the next train to Edges.

I have been so busy making plans for our future. You will be thrilled to know I will be the talk of the town, as soon as Edges learns of what my plans include.

Ellie listened intently, but she could not dismiss the singular reference to himself, although it was their future he was speaking of.

Momma, I have spoken to Brad, and I will be catching the 9:00 a.m. train tomorrow. Are you sure you no longer need me?

Kathryn tackled Ellie’s question with the motherly grace she possessed.

Darling, I will always need you. But you must move on, back to your new husband, back to your students. I am sure they are missing you so very, very much.

***

At Phillipee’s just down the street in downtown Manhattan, Gramps, Grams, Momma, and Ellie shared dinner the evening before her departure. Ellie shared only positive articulations of her conversation with Bradford.

He is so thrilled and definitely excited about starting his own business.

She emphasized her elation, along with her support and dedication to making this a joint venture.

Of course, I will return to teaching, after all it is my first love, but I intend to provide all the encouragement Brad will need.

Dinner was a success in more ways than one. Ellie has always enjoyed time with her family, and she was beginning to believe in her own little pep talk, wanting to truly overlook Bradford’s arrogance.

***

The train ride home created visions of what just might be a new beginning for her marriage. Although he was not there to support her during her father’s departing, Ellie was determined not to be bitter.

A sweet smile, a sweet hug, and a sweet redo. We’ll just start all over.

Words written in her daily journal, while riding the bumpy rails.

Words to live by, right, Daddy? I miss you, I love you. Please follow me and help me. You shall forever be my rock, my hero. I will always rely upon you.

Ellie spoke directly from her heart, fighting the lump in her throat.

Bradford was willing to welcome Ellie back but not willing to put himself on hold for just one minute to ask about her or her family. He rambled on for what seemed to be hours, while she nodded in agreement and swore to ignore her inner protest banging against her heart.

Breathe, Ellie. Breathe, darling. It will be fine.

Chapter Two

The next two months were a blur. Sure, she was back to teaching, back to the students she loved, but she felt lost in the world surrounding her, not being hers. She continued her close contact with her family but never shared her inner struggles, fearing she would be burdening her mom, who seemed to be becoming very quiet during their recent phone conversations.

I am just so tired, Momma would say and then promising to get more sleep.

Nothing seemed real. Nothing seemed right.

***

Ellie had awakened to the ringing of her phone on a cold but bright and sunny Saturday morning to learn the devastating news of her mother’s and grandparents’ deaths.

Appears to be carbon monoxide poisoning, the deep, emotionless voice stated. Not unusual on these cold nights, but not seen too often in these nice neighborhoods.

Ellie could envision a stocky, bearded man in his late forties, feeling no empathy, ready to go home after a long shift, just delivering a message. Yes, it was a message of death, but he didn’t know the victims. Ellie was numb and did not respond.

Hello? Anyone there?

Moments of silence, then Ellie spoke, Thank you, sir. I will take care of all the details as soon as I arrive in Manhattan.

That was it. Short, dead silence. A voice heard, a voice lost, and what soon followed, a scream of distress. Bradford ran to the source of the screech ringing through their home, to find Ellie lying on the floor in a fetal position, crying uncontrollably.

Ellie, what is it, tell me what is hurting you?

Mumbled, whimpers of words.

My family is gone.

***

Bradford drove Ellie to Manhattan immediately, never leaving her side, realizing she may never be able to recover from her loss. His signs of concern came unnoticed, as Ellie continued to suffer endlessly in silence, feeling so very alone.

No one could feel the emotional baggage Ellie was carrying or imagine how she would be able to move on with what remained in her young life. Everyone that loved Ellie loved her strength, her devotion, her dedication to family.

Everyone is gone.

***

The holidays had come and gone without notice in the Smithe house. Brad was so involved in creating his path in life it seemed as though he buried Ellie in the back of his mind. Time was precious, and she required too much from his arrogant demeanor.

After four years of dedication to the children she mentored, Ellie was desperate to create a family, to welcome a soul she could cherish and bestow her blessings upon. Time had passed slowly, never healing the loss of her family, never sealing the heartbreak she carried daily.

Absolutely not. I have no time and no desire for such nonsense, Bradford bellowed this statement, crushing Ellie’s dream of a family.

Buy yourself a puppy, and just leave me alone to finish my ledger. You have a helluva lot of nerve pestering me about babies at a time like this. I’m busy. Get over yourself and just grow up.

Time no longer mattered. Ellie just existed.

***

With all the misleading tales and promises that were never intended to be fulfilled, Ellie had found herself living an existence of doom as day by day flowed into week by week tumbled into month by month and vanished into years. Decisions needed to be made, actions needed to be taken, and an awakening needed to be experienced. What a blessing it would have been if Ellie still possessed her self-confidence rather than becoming smothered in her own self-doubt.

While journaling that evening, Ellie reminiscently saw the confident soul she once was, recalling the guidance of her devoted family. But now her family was gone, all so suddenly in such a very short time. Emptiness was eating at her heart, and she questioned herself constantly.

Have I lost all my strength?

***

Ellie’s marriage to a successful businessman brought her more loneliness and emotional scars than any sort of glorified success her husband dwelt upon. Oh, there were plans for dinners, conferences, business trips, and community pride, based on the concept that she would be an equal partner.

All her dreams were set aside to pledge her devotion to her husband’s desire of starting his own business. This adventure actually appealed to Ellie in the beginning, because she was a creative soul, very willing and capable of putting in a full day’s work.

The willingness to back up Bradford’s plans and support his ventures faded quickly when Ellie realized she was becoming more of a bother than a partner.

Since Ellie possessed the will to please everyone close to her, she continued to shake the cobwebs of neglect out of her mind. She desperately wanted to be the wife her mother believed she could be. Ellie wanted happiness, worked to find it, and mourned the fact that she could not feel it.

In the beginning, all of Ellie’s business plans, suggestions, and ideas were accepted with enthusiasm, but they were tossed aside as soon as her back was turned, and she had been diverted to perform some meaningless role her husband claimed vital to his business. No financial decisions were ever made by anyone but Bradford. Including investments and all moneys coming in or going out on the business’s financial accounts. Ellie’s signature was required for banking purposes but never her input or her visions.

Ellie felt like a foreigner in this small town setting. Everyone knew everyone, including everyone’s business, making some of the old-timers walking encyclopedias regarding the morals and whereabouts of all the locals.

Volunteering to do just about anything, joining community clubs, and starting a children’s reading program at the local library did very little to help her fit into this tightly molded community. This was her husband’s town, her husband’s life.

No matter what was opened to Bradford, doors closed quickly on Ellie. Never regarding herself as a failure, remembering her successful years before her marriage, she found herself determined to override the power trip Bradford seemed to be riding.

Bitterness was ruining Ellie’s heart and soul.

Chapter Three

Loneliness was smothering her like a goose-down quilt wrapped tightly around her face. Fear of being strangled in the life that was no longer hers sent Ellie into a whirlwind of self-doubt.

Dreams brought her into scenarios that frightened her to breathless gasps, awakening her in cold sweats. Prayers seemed to be going into the vacancy of space, never being answered. Faith was never a weakness but one of Ellie’s strengths. But now what was she to think, to feel, to believe, to envision, or to expect?

I have lost everyone that I have ever truly loved, Ellie murmured one quiet night alone at her home. It was a gorgeous home, designed and decorated with her special touches and visions of creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere for everyone. Everyone but the loved ones she so dearly missed. Ellie’s family had never seen this house or come to know the man she married, and this still made her heart so sad. She missed their guidance, their support, their love.

Why are you all gone? Why must I be the only one still here? To fulfill what, to do what, to become what?

Tears poured down her face, leaving swollen red eyes, a heart ready to explode, and a realization that this was not the first time she had asked these questions to an unanswering universe.

Leaving her den, where she loved to read, Ellie strolled through her post and beam home, alone again, and spoke as though her mom was there to take part in this open and pleading conversation.

What should I do, Momma?

Once again, the tears flowed freely just at the sound of hearing herself say Momma.

First, my dear, you must dry up those tears before you soak your beautiful floors with salt meant for the seas.

It was a sweet, soothing suggestion that found Ellie feeling her momma’s love and remembering all the Irish settled in her heart.

It seems as though I am always crying but praying for answers too, because I do not believe I was destined to live like this, so full of loss and bitterness.

With questions flying through the air and answers never seeming to land anywhere close to a hearing ear, Ellie readied herself for bed in a way that seemed too ritual.

Ellie awakened very early the next morning to find herself alone and a bit bewildered. A sense of relief flowed through her when she realized her husband had not been home all night. A strange but gratifying feeling.

Could this be a sign? Should I be exploring options in regards to change?

With a glass of grapefruit juice in hand, Ellie sat on the back porch reveling in the silence of the early morning, her favorite part of the day, and the stillness of her world.

Somewhere out there is a place for me.

A ringing phone drew her back into the kitchen adorned with all her favorite colors and the warmth of the fireplace’s hearth.

I had to fly out on urgent business, with no time to explain all the complications with this new contract. I should be back in a few days, love.

Ellie’s husband’s voice was short but sweet.

Isn’t it just like him to be so quick to decide that I could not possibly understand a contract, let alone a complication?

She stormed out of the kitchen, still ravaging over the fact that he could not even give her a chance to respond.

No time for phone calls, texts, e-mails, or Lord forbid, a note?

A deep inner screech bellowed out of Ellie’s loins.

Fearful of what the rest of her life would unfold, Ellie hurried to the attic to retrieve all the material she had been collecting for years. Boxes of books, cut-out pictures of decorating ideas, and a ledger that proved to her a bed-and-breakfast could and would be successful if managed correctly.

Ellie dragged the boxes from the attic to the kitchen table, still in her pajamas, but now dreaming of a chance for a change.

Among the books and brochures, she came across photos of her father on one of the glorious fishing trips he had taken, traditionally every other year, with a group of his closest friends, in the mountains of Virginia.

They are a warm, open people.

Ellie remembered what her father had said, and she also felt the reminiscence of one special family vacation, years ago, that took her to the beautiful state of Virginia as a young girl. Ellie recalled the visions of happy people, loving their land, cherishing their clear blue rivers and lakes, and thinking, I could touch heaven atop those mountains.

Ellie spent the next few hours reveling in dreams and wondering if her dreams still had a chance of resurrecting out of all the material sprawled about her kitchen.

Why not? What do I have to lose, my sanity? It just might be a bit gone.

A few hours of silence bounced off the walls of that too big, too empty, too costly house, when Ellie sprang to her feet and decided.

This is the day, I shall make a move to change my life, or I will remain here in this small, snobby town, alone but married to the town’s big businessman, to die of loneliness.

With a quick joy in her steps, Ellie dressed for the day and spent hours organizing the disaster she created with her boxes filled to the brim with dreams. The day was passing quickly, with every minute, every hour, struck by a mood for change.

Is it a mood, or is it a decision? Oh, when will I ever stop questioning myself?

Ellie felt sure exasperation with herself, sighing to help lighten her own spirit.

I have to make a plan for the rest of my life. There is no one on the face of this earth that will help me in the simplest of requests.

Waiting for a bolt of energy to shower her, Ellie flopped into an oversize recliner and found her mind was draining her but offering no solutions.

Okay. It is getting late, and I do not want to chalk this up as another wasted day in the boring, unfulfilling life of Ellie Grayson, the want-to-be-whatever.

She released a huge breath that felt as though it emptied all her negativity.

Mollie? Mollie? Where are you? There you are. Walk with me, Mollie. We have a bit of planning to do.

Ellie spoke these words in earnest belief that her feelings and inner being could only be shared with her closest confidant. Harnessed and leashed, Mollie’s tail wagged in agreement, and with excitement bubbling in overdrive, the pair walked the trail around the town’s reservoir.

How do I begin to make such huge decisions on my own?

A tight knot began to form in Ellie’s throat as she walked, talked, and contemplated with, for the past three years, her best friend and her closest companion. Mollie, a gorgeous collie that