Insight Without Change is Meaningless

By Dorothea Baker Gates

Insight Without Change is a book about dilemmas that individuals have to deal with in their daily lives. The question-and-answer book is quite entertaining. It’s as if you’re taking a look behind a curtain or eavesdropping on some pretty sticky situations people find themselves in.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781645448211

Book preview

Foreword

What seems to matter to many of us is to not be alone. If you allow this all-consuming feeling to absorb all of who you are, then nothing in front of you may seem real, or your accomplishments do not light you up because what you are really striving for is a relationship. To experience that feeling takes away the whispers inside you that makes you feel whole and complete, so if that is what the anxiety is all about, you are wasting precious time. By not being willing to invest in you, you are not discovering you’re actually beautiful. You are relinquishing all those doubts, fears, and disbeliefs that are clouding your real intentions. You need to trailblaze ahead in full force with confidence to be your best self.

In my practice, I see all types of individuals; many, many come back to give me updates and testimonials all regarding our session together. One, in particular, was intriguing: I had a client that said everything I said in our talks had happened verbatim. In our conversation, I told this woman she would meet an oh-so-wonderful guy, and he would completely sweep her off her feet. Everything she ever thought about, such as going on romantic trips and surprises of all kinds of jewelry, friends, and boat loads of money flowing into her life, came true.

After her messy divorce five years ago, she met him. He was the CEO of a company, and she was a scientist of infectious diseases. If Cinderella existed, she was definitely her. She was proposed to with doves and men singing while onlookers jumped for joy in amazement—an outdoor proposal brandishing festive lights of Christmas on display, a horse and carriage waiting with champagne for when she said yes. My client was everything her new fiancée desired because she was so easy to be with and never complained during the whole courtship. He fell in love with her because she allowed the magic to happen without interjecting an opinion. So he poured it on thick because he was a hopeless romantic and extremist. He never wanted the bubbles to end. Nightly gatherings and weekend functions were continued while trying to plan a wedding.

The wedding ended up costing $250,000, and yes, her fiancée didn’t mind or break a sweat to pay for the entire wedding with all the bells and whistles for his bride. At her wedding, none of the bridesmaids had to purchase their dresses or shoes, and they got to keep their dresses after the wedding. Throughout the day and night the wedding was magical. They had the best-tasting food and lavish cocktails you could have imagined. You can view this wonderful wedding on YouTube. She was extremely beautiful. This client of mine was coming to me for help. She did not want to be alone for the rest of her life, neither did she want to raise her kids being alone. I told her, No, never the case of you being alone for the rest of your life. You have so much to offer, and you are beautiful.

When you shift your thinking and start the practice of forgiving and releasing, happiness unfolds—to forgive and not forget as so many people do—it ultimately always leads to unhappiness. So my client started the process to forgive and release by writing a gratitude letter. She wrote on a sheet of paper names, circumstances, occurrences, and the understanding of why this individual was a part of her life lessons. She got the lessons in full effect and no longer needed to repeat the lesson over again. She ended it with the rituals of forgiving herself for taking so long to get the lesson. Then she forgave herself, proceeding to give thanks to the individual that put her though some difficult changes (what she calls hell and back).

After writing the letter that had almost twenty-five people on the list, now she is capable of moving forward. This is one of a few tactics to help individuals to move on to the next level of their lives. Well, it’s not always a one-stop shop; sometimes you need a maintenance visit to get you back on track.

I have foreseen more weddings during my practice than the individuals I helped have seen for themselves of the hope of ever getting married. I have had at least 180-plus clients get married over the years and got invited to five of them. I went to give my support to the couples, but only five; I am not mad. I’m just saying.

What is Love?

My answer is, the complete absence of fear. If you are in a relationship looking for escape clauses to use just in case, then you have moved into doubt zone, acting on a disbelief in real happiness, and now fear is firmly in place. These emotions will surely bring in absolute reason to have an escape clause, which will be used. The questions that have been presented to me in whole or part were answered completely.

What I saw that were left out of some of the questions were given an extensive pulling out. I usually can see the whole scenario of the question, which undoubtedly are usually left out of the given questions. Questions are asked, which is fine, but the issue of the question is not what the questioner wants to know. The questioner wants a happy, positive solution to the sometimes-unthinkable problems. The real issue has not been given, so to better understand my answers given to the questioner, I may have to interject what I see, which adds more to the answer than the individual anticipated. To not confuse you, you may not actually understand why I have asked the question that I am bringing into the fold. Normally, I go in deeper to address the question because some issues, in order for the questioner to get all they should out of the answer, I need to excavate the scene around the issue and pull out some truths and untruths that were conveniently left out. I hope you understand that.

Allow me to answer your issue.

Issue 1: Love Caribbean-Style

My name is Shanell. I am so happy with my life. I got a promotion, and I am now traveling more with my girlfriends. We are having lots of fun on our girl trips. I used to be the type of person that is all work and no play. Finally, I am taking some time for me. My three-year relationship was in need of an overhaul. His name is Jack, and I told him that I am not going any further in the relationship once the new year comes in. I put up with his three teenage kids and two baby mommas for three years, and I am fed up. I told Jack that we needed to take our relationship to the next level, which, for me, is marriage, of course. I told Jack about my thoughts on marriage at the beginning of the year.

However, I have some concerns. It is now August, and I am having the time of my life. I met a young man in Nassau, Bahamas. Although I know this relationship with the young man is not going anywhere, my relationship with Jack had me thinking. Lately I have been feeling sexy and free. I want to be in a drama-free environment with effortless communication while being in a relationship and not being taken for granted. I want to have a regular sex life. Hell, I am forty-two years old, and I am not dead. To sum up this story, my boyfriend, Jack, bought a ring and is going to propose to me. I am pretty sure he will ask me to marry him soon, but I want to break up with my boyfriend. I desire to be with someone who is more attentive and does not have the baby-momma