When Fathers Don't Hug

By James Kirkwood

Growing up, I never thought about if my father loved me. Of all the examples I have thought about to suggest that he did or did not love me, it came out that he did love me and cared about my well-being.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662437717

James Kirkwood

James Kirkwood (1924-1989) was a prominent figure in the theater world as well as the author of several novels. He's best remembered as the co-author of the long-running musical A Chorus Line and for P.S. Your Cat is Dead.

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When Fathers Don't Hug

James Kirkwood

Copyright © 2021 James Kirkwood

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2021

ISBN 978-1-6624-3770-0 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-3771-7 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Learning to Work

Learning to Survive

Little League Baseball

Hunting with the Big Boys

Learning to Drive

College Days

Army Days

Being a Grandparent

His Humorous Side

When He Got Old

My Hope for You

Foreword

If you have a father that does not hug or a father that did not hug, I’m writing this book in hopes that you can reflect on my relationship/experiences with my father and realize that your father does/did care and loves/loved you, even if you did not get any hugs. Each chapter in this book is an experience that I had with my father. I hope this book will help you look at your past relationships/experiences with your father, and if he is still living, start, rekindle a relationship with him and if he has passed, find that one experience that you can hold on to that lets you know that your father did care and loved you.

After I wrote my first draft of this book, I sent a copy to my cousin, Carl Young. He is a gifted, I mean gifted speaker and author. He spent a lot of time with our uncle, Rev. James (Uncle Bubba) Smith. I think a lot of Uncle Bubba rubbed off on Carl. He recommended that I include some lessons learned after each chapter. I thought about it and decided that I would include them. Then I started really thinking about those experiences and what would be some lessons learned. I think lessons learned are not where I want you to go; I want you to really think about the same or similar type of experiences with your father. So I included what I am calling Reflective. Reflective by definition is relating to or characterized by deep thought, that is what I would like you to focus on.

I think it is important for you to understand where my head was when I was growing up. We are all a factor of our environment; that’s no debate. Like my longtime elementary, junior high, and high school classmate, Larry Buzzard Johnson says, We did not know we were poor until they told us we were. We had food to eat, clothes to wear, and a place to stay; everything was good from our viewpoint. The only thing I had to compare my childhood to were the other kids in the neighborhood. And from that standpoint, I was doing well. I did not have to share a room with a brother, and I had a way of making money.

One thing that stuck in my head from all that time Mama made me go to church was Honor thy mother and father for thou days will be long. So I did 95 percent of what they said. I made sure I did not get caught doing that 5 percent. I just thought that all those things I did growing up were things I was supposed to do. I never gave it any thought. Well, let’s get started.

It was during marriage counseling with my second wife, my third marriage, that gave me the idea for this book. I married my first wife twice. During one of the sessions, the counselor started asking about my mother and father, but more about my father. The questions centered around, Did he have a temper? What kind of relationship did we have? Did I receive hugs from him? And was he a mean person? The counselor and my now ex-wife (who has a master’s degree in social work) concluded that I was deficient in the caring area because of the answers I gave to the questions. Well, things went south from that point on during the counseling session. I could have saved those seventy-five dollars. I understand that each one of us is a product of our mother and father, and who knows how far back in the generations a person goes to pick up traits. Oh, the answers I gave to the questions were: Yes, Great, None, some people say Yes (he was never mean to me, but I did on occasions see him get very upset with people). They really freaked out when I