Faith, God, My Story

By Corrinne Rene

Faith, God, My Story A woman that was broken by life's struggles and felt that she had no one to help her or to talk to but finds GOD through the pain, hurt, a husband's drug addiction, divorce, a gun at her head, prayer. This is real life that found hope, faith, and trust, not in herself, but in GOD. Corrinne shares her story to give hope to others that may struggle with similar things in life, to show that all things are possible a career, a home, to love herself as GOD loves her. Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644580776

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Faith, God, My Story

Corrinne Rene

Copyright © 2018 by Corrinne Rene

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

The quiet surrounds me as I think and pray. I hear a faint waterfall in the background somewhere, and it brings me back to my surroundings and why I am here, to try to get my head straight. GOD, the loneliness tugs at me and I don’t want it to.

I fought the loneliness so long and now it’s creeping up on me again. My eyes swell with tears again for the hundredth time coming out of nowhere. Why can’t I stop the tears? Why can’t I stop the thoughts of loneliness or the loss of my husband? After all, it’s been since 1993 and it’s 2012 now; what is wrong with me?

I really don’t think it’s the loss of him; it’s the what if. I had tried harder or what if things would have been different in my marriage could we have made it.

Was it just that we were so young at twenty, we wanted each other so much, and I know we loved each other deep down, because we would have done anything for each other; and we did.

I can’t stop the tears; they keep swelling in my eyes. My nose is running, and I am a mess. I thought I was over these feelings a long time ago. Now my head is starting to pound. I don’t like this feeling of being lost to my hurt, but I can’t stop it. Why can’t I stop it, GOD, why can’t I stop it? I thought I had forgiven and let go of the hurt, the past, and moved on.

I push back the thought of Chuck and try to think about other things, but the thoughts just keep coming back. I try to think about how much I have been blessed in my life and how I have a beautiful daughter that I brought up since she was thirteen by myself. Truthfully, I wonder if I was or just became the rock in our marriage from day one, but I always thought if I could just make up for Chuck’s childhood it would make things better and we would have a great marriage.

I remember the day I met Chuck, he was six-foot-one, slender (176–180) with blondish hair, blue eyes; there was this crookedness to his nose with a small scar; his smile was infectious and his laugh even more; everyone who met him loved him. Chuck was funny, kind, loving, and caring. Sometimes I can even hear his loud laugh.

My tears won’t stop, and my heart is ripping out of my chest. I’m trying to put these thoughts away, but something is stopping me from letting go of them.

This is not what I wanted to do today. I wanted to go out shopping to celebrate my retirement; instead, I’m sitting here crying like a baby. I haven’t cried like this over him since; this is not just tears. It is a deep sobbing—so deep I can’t control it and can’t stop it. I haven’t known or felt this for years.

Chuck was my first love. He had strength, love, and pain in his eyes all at the same time. I should have known the first night I kind of met him. I was on a double date with my brother, his girlfriend Barbara, and a friend. We were headed to the races when we saw an ambulance headed down the street toward another one of my brother’s friends, so we followed it. It turned out to be Chuck’s mom and stepdad’s house, which was Chuck’s sister, my brother’s friend.

When we got there, it was Chuck, his car into a telephone pole; he had gotten into an argument with his mother and had been drinking. That should have told me something then. I was young, what can I say?

Chuck was taken to the hospital to be checked out, and we went on our way to the races. I didn’t think much of it at that time until the next day, and I saw him working on his new used car, a 1969 Blue GTX, which his grandma and grandpa had just bought him. Grandma always spoiled him because he was the firstborn grandchild.

Chuck and my brother Tom were in the shop at my dad’s business looking for something or fixing something, but I really think Chuck was looking for me. Of course I was attracted to him right away and shyly tried to go about my business; ya right, I wanted to get to know him.

Chuck’s stepdad owned the Chevron service station across the street from my dad’s car lot, and I needed gas in my car, so where do you think I started going to get my gas?

It’s funny, Chuck had told me after we were married that he always told his best friend Jay that he was going to marry me every time I went into the station.

But I thought I was all that and a bag of chips because I had a burgundy Chevy Camaro, which was new with mage wheels all around with wider tires on the back; it was a hot car for that time.

I was five feet, three and a half inches, but I always looked taller with my three-inch platforms, dark hair just past my shoulders, hazel eyes, a pretty good shape, and working as a legal secretary since I graduated out of high school.

I was spoiled, never wanting or needing anything because my parents did very well in their many businesses and provided very well for my older sister Lou, myself, and my younger brother Tom.

Life wasn’t always without complications; just ask my sister. Wow, she went thought a lot with my parents because of her boyfriend, now her husband Pete of forty-years plus.

Not just that, but all the family stuff we went through as we grew up, I have put all that behind me and forgiven if it was needed.

I have found you have to forgive the person even though you might not agree with what they did. You have to forgive them; it might take more than once or even twice. You don’t even have to tell them you forgive them, but you need to forgive, or you don’t move forward, and GOD doesn’t want you to hold on to hurts, hatred, or unforgiveness; after all, he has forgiven us for our sins against him.

So I have found forgiveness but don’t put myself back into the situation to be hurt again, and yes, that has taken a long time to learn; it’s not just relationships. It can be may different aspects of life.

Sometimes if you carry the unforgiveness, it becomes the weight/baggage or like a bag of rocks you’re carrying or dragging around that keeps getting heavier and heavier. But if you can forgive and let go of the hurt, that weight/bag of rocks gets lighter and lighter every time you forgive or let go of a part of the hurt until it is empty. Because most of the time, that person that hurt you doesn’t even know or care. All it is doing is weighing you down and stealing your happiness and peace.

Unforgiveness becomes existing not living but merely going through the movements of the day, month, year, and before you know it, life has passed you by, or at least waived at you as you were standing still. I have stood and waived back and wondered what on earth I was doing and still couldn’t get out of my own way.

It seemed like Chuck was around my dad’s business all of a sudden, plus asking my brother lots of questions about me, and finally Chuck asked me out and we started dating.

Chuck