Hidden Treasures I: Finding Beauty in the Trials of the Wilderness

By Carolyn White

There is a lesson, a treasure, a jewel, and an opportunity for growth in everything we go through. Even in the bad things that happens to us, there are what I call "jewels" or "hidden treasures." Yes, in the most horrible experiences in life, hidden treasures! But who can find them? How do we discover them when all we can see is the hurt and pain of the trials and tribulations we have faced? By reminding ourselves that we are the apple of God's eyes and everything that was meant to harm us, God will turn it around for our good. He will give us "the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that we may know that the Lord, called us by name!" We are a marvelous work, a holy people, set apart, predestined, made in the image of, created by, loved by God. But oftentimes, that is not how we view ourselves! We have spent too many years wandering in the wilderness of shame, defeat, heartache, and pain. It is time to come out and unearth all the treasures that the enemy has stolen from you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 21, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098006112

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Hidden Treasures I

Finding Beauty in the Trials of the Wilderness

Carolyn White

Copyright © 2019 by Carolyn White

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

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Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

His Plans, His Purpose—Fear Removed

The Birth: The Beginning of the Journey

Let’s go back to the beginning, when we entered into this world untainted.

It Started Early

The Wilderness

The prodigal years (Luke 15:11–32, NKJV)

It’s not safe to run. Jonah, Elijah (Jonah 1:1–5, 7–12, 17; Jonah 2:1–3, 5, 7–10; 1 King 19:1–5, 9–15)

The Second Time I Decided to Run Elijah (1 King 19:1–5, 9–15, NKJV)

Dealing With the Issues. Woman With the Issue of Blood (Luke 8:43–48)

Forgiveness Is for You. Jesus and Joseph

Dealing with Church Hurt

It’s the Principle of the Matter

Introduction

Why this book? Why now? Because God said move! God said now is the time for my children to come out of bondage, out of the wilderness and to live the life which they were called to. Because now is the time for God’s voice to be heard! It meant that now is the time to be hope for the hopeless, and a visual portrait of what God can and will do when we ask, knock, and seek Him diligently. Now is the time to be the voice for those whom the devil had silenced with turmoil, trials, tribulations, setbacks, and stumbling blocks. The voice that shouted, "Yes, you can! Yes, you will! And, yes, you are more than what society and the enemy has deemed you to be. Now is the time to be the voice to the voiceless, to bring you out, me out, us out, of bondage to a life of freedom from all that has held us back from being who we are—a holy people, set apart, predestined, made in the image of, created by, loved by, and protected by God.

Yes, once we were in a life of bondage, locked in sin, because of the actions of another and partly because of our own actions. So, in our life of bondage, we became broken, battered, bruised, and afraid. Filled with fear and condemnation, crying out for help in the darkness of the wilderness. Our voices drowned out by the weight, tactics, lies, and fear of the enemy—feeling no one heard us or understood us. But God heard your cry and sent me to tell you that you are no longer defined by your past. You are healed, renewed, restored, transformed, covered, loved, cured, redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb who died and gave His life for you, me, each of us. Now is the time to unveil the hidden treasures that are deeply embedded and ingrained within us because we were ordained to go through the valley, not stay in the wilderness and definitely not to return to a life of bondage. Though born in bondage, we have been redeemed, bought with an incomprehensible price. Freedom from all that has held you back, drowned you out, and stolen your sound. Do you want it? Are you in need of it? I do, and I am!

However, this requires work on your behalf and mine. It requires us recognizing who we are—Children of Israel. No longer can we remain in the place of brokenness and defeat. It’s time to take a journey, trusting the Lord to provide for us, to guide us and restore us. God never disappoints. But during this journey, be prepared to be purged of your infirmities and anything that will hold you back from becoming, achieving, and receiving what God has in store for you, a Promised Land, beyond the wiles of the wilderness. A promise filled and overflowing with abundance beyond anything we can hope, dream, or imagine. However, the journey will require us to endure and address the afflictions of the wilderness and prepare to battle in the stroll of the valley.

The Promised Land is right before your eyes, a few steps away. But first, we must uncover and value the treasures of the trials of the wilderness before we will be prepared and able to appreciate the table prepared for us at the end of the valley’s journey. Can’t see it? Is your vision blurred by lies and defeat? Lies that make you feel small, impotent, insignificant, and unable to do that which God has called you to do? I understand completely because the enemy has stolen your identity, just as he stole mine. I was wounded, broken, and defeated, in need of healing—forty years it took for me to uncover the treasure of who I was called, chosen, and predestined to be—a child loved, gifted, and made in the image of my Father.

Then one day, my daughter was that voice that spoke to me, just as I am speaking to you. Out of the blue and in direct obedience to God, she called me and said that God had laid it on her heart to tell me that He has something in store for me, but I need to write the book. I was speechless. She sent me a text that read:

I just want you to know that I believe in you and your dreams. I believe that God has something big in store for you, but sometimes I think you forget to believe in yourself! How do you expect God to work wonders if you have doubt in your heart? God got you! He’s always had you since you were a little girl. You just have to believe in Him and believe in yourself.

Those powerful words were like a knife piercing my heart. I could not sleep that night. Lord, I really did have doubt in my heart. Doubt of who I was, who He had created me to be, and to whom I belonged to. I had second-guessed every promise and everything God had shown me and spoke into my life. Though my heart was in the right place, my mind was still wandering in the wilderness. I was still afraid of who God had called me to be and doubted that God would bring His promises for me to pass. I had to realize that God’s plan required me to prepare for a journey, to gather myself and follow His path for my life. But first, I needed to be purified and cleansed. I had work to do. Just like the enemy depended on me to remain afraid, silenced and broken, my life depended upon me coming out of bondage, breaking free of the wilderness. And others depended on my voice for me to allow God to use me as a vessel to do a mighty work for Him. As I wrote this book, I realized I was being molded, chastised, rebuked, corrected, and healed. Giving birth to a child is painful, but spiritual birth is excruciating. When God wants to birth something in you and through you, it requires labor, pain, and transformation. You’re never the same after giving birth!

That is the reason for this book. To give birth to what God has called me to do. To give and breathe new life into His people who are stuck in a place of darkness. People who open their mouth to cry out for help, but whose voices have been stolen, silenced, muted by the enemy. You have spent too long in the bondage of Egypt, the land of lost hope and despair, lack and poverty. It is time to come out! The wilderness is not your home either—it was/is a place of preparation for the journey ahead, a place of identification—for in the course of bondage, who we were called to be has been obscured by what we have endured. The wilderness is a place for us to uncover the treasures buried by the torments of our past.

It is time to take back all that the enemy has stolen from us so that we can be prepared for the battle for the Promised Land. The valley lies ahead, but there is work to be done. Brace yourself; it will not be easy, but it will be rewarding. You will go through a mixture of emotions: anger, pain, rage, crying, despair; but in the end, you will come out white as snow, a clean heart, a renewed mind, and right spirit filled with treasures—priceless, immeasurable treasures. So let’s prepare for labor!

His Plans, His Purpose—Fear Removed

For years, from the age of ten until 2010, I was lost and confused. I missed the moments of God and myself. I remember as a child when I would curl up in a ball in my bed and cry my heart out and talk to the Lord. I would feel a warm embrace as though I was being hugged and comforted and would fall peacefully asleep. I would awaken with the reassuring peace that everything would be all right. I cannot tell you when I lost that peace or connection. I will tell you that it was stolen from me, but I wanted it back. I wanted that closeness and comfort of resting in Him. I wanted more of Him. I needed more of Him. I wanted to understand who I was to Him. Why all the events in my life had occurred. What is my purpose and how do I walk in my destiny. What I did know was that my happiest moments were when it was just God and I, when I was alone and He ministered to my soul. To know that He wanted to talk to me elated my soul. Just to be in His presence. How do I get to where God wants me to be? How do I get back to those times of just my Father and me? How do I relate to people the joy that is found in knowing and understanding God? Where do I start?

The answer is all things start at birth. Your life is your testimony and a journey. God predestined our lives before we were even created: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… (Jeremiah 1:5, NKJV). All my life, I asked Why me, Lord? No matter what I went through, that question was always at the front of my mind. That is what started my search to find myself, the question why? Psalms 139:16 (NKJV) reads, Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. In that search, I was awed to know that God knew me, He knew all about me all the days of my life, even before I had lived one of them. Surely, God did not plan a life of pain and suffering, misery and void for me. Surely, God’s plans for me were greater than that—there must be something better than emptiness. There is. We just have to see it, accept it, and walk in His anointing.

It may sound easy, but it is not. It takes making a conscious decision and being diligent in your efforts. It means being criticized and judged, and even shunned by those who are supposed to love and support you. It means putting self aside and being open to change and transformation. It means removing the words can’t and ain’t from your vocabulary. I did not understand fully the term take up your cross and follow Me. I thought it meant holding on to every burden and problem that life had thrown at me and carrying it every day everywhere I went. I was wrong. It meant that I had to let go of all of that, let go of self and relinquish control to God. It meant that I had to put self on a shelf and pick up His Word on a daily basis. It meant denying me and accepting Him. To deny me was to love Him, and in loving Him, I would learn to love myself and be open to living a sacrificial life for Him. It was not easy, but it is all worth it!

I am not going to tell you that my testimony or journey will answer all of your questions or solve all of your problems. I am not God. Only He has that power. I am simply doing what He has asked of me and that is sharing with you my journey through the wilderness, into the valley, and into the Promised Land. Revealing to you the treasures that can be found along the paths that we travel.

Some of us have to wander through the wilderness until we find our footing. We reject guidance, authority, and often expect something for nothing. We forget where we come from and what God has brought us through, so we often repeat the same patterns. We exist in life, wandering aimlessly from day to day instead of truly living life. To make it clearer, wandering means to be without clear direction or guidance. It is being lost, confused, disoriented, and unsure of the direction we should go with moments of lucidity but backtracking and repeating the same actions over and over while getting the same results. It is being lost and refusing to accept directions or even refusing to ask for guidance. I was one lost puppy! If wandering could cause a rash, I would be covered in hives! I was book smart but lacked spiritual intelligence.

Thank God that those things which are lost can be found. He never lost sight of me, though I lost sight of who I was, to whom I belonged, and what my purpose was. If life were a daydream, I would have to say for the last thirty years, I have been daydreaming or sleepwalking, lost, wandering in agony and defeat, drowned in sorrows and despair, misery and pain. But God! It was in studying God’s word that I realized that I was just like the Children of Israel:-delivered and set free, yet mentally and spiritually trapped in bondage, lost and confused, paralyzed in fear. Fear of a thing, entity that had no authority over me but used the hurt and harms of my past to hold me in a state of perpetual horror and desolation. Lost! Wandering! Aimlessly! Hopelessly!

How long you wander in the wilderness is up to you. It depends on when you get tired and decide to surrender to God. It is the moment that you realize that you have no given direction in life that your plans are not taking you in a new purposeful direction, and when you have become tired of being tired. You cannot change you! You cannot fix the broken pieces of your life. You are powerless and lost without God. So often, broken children grow up to be broken adults who pass on the cycle to their children.

Putting a Band-Aid on a wound does not heal it. Concealing your past will not make it go away and will not heal the wounds that have been created. You must address, undress, and apply medicine (God’s word) to the wounds in order to heal. The moment you come humbly before God, wounded, broken, weary and lost, is the moment your life will began to take on meaning. Don’t come to God with a plea bargain or deal. There is only one deal: accept or reject Christ. Don’t come before Him thinking that you can hide things from Him or that you do not have to reveal everything to Him. He already knows, has seen and sees everything that you have and will do and go through. You cannot fool Him. You can play games with yourself and man, but not with God. What purpose is there in seeking out a physician if you don’t tell him the truth about what is going on? None! And stop wondering about should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, if, what if, suppose that, hypothetically, you think, imagine if, and all of the other buddies that come along with them. They are just speculations that do not have the power to bring about change. They are illusions meant to draw you away from here and now. There is a difference between a promise and a speculation: one is guaranteed to come to pass when the requirements are meant; the other is just conjectures, guesses, or ideas of what might happen, not considering the facts as they are presented. One is a guarantee; the other has no assurance! One requires you taking the course of action in order to be fulfilled; the other has no requirements because it cannot come to pass. Promise versus speculation. Promises contain the benefits and protection of God. Speculation contains the consequences of sin and disobedience.

Ready to put this book down and stop reading! Don’t! But, hey, you think you have made it this far on your own because you know everything, and you got this thing figured out! Your mind is saying, I don’t want to listen to this mess! Or, yeah, even better. Oh, you think you are strong and don’t need anyone because of everything you have been through. You are only lying to yourself. Oh, my momma didn’t have no twins, or I don’t need no body. We even lie and tell ourselves that everything I have been through has made me who I am today. A truth and a lie mixed together, but nonetheless, a lie. It is God’s grace and mercy that has made you who you are. It is His grace that kept you in the midst of your mess and allowed His unmerited favor to fall upon you even when you were in sin. It is His grace that allows us to receive mercy. It is the sacrifice of Jesus Christ that allowed us to receive God’s grace and mercy. God understands all that we have been through and has empathy and sympathy for us. And because of Him choosing to walk on this earth in the form of Man—Jesus Christ—we are able to face the trials of today and receive His mercy. Mercy is Jesus keeping us from what we deserve as a consequence of our sins. It is Jesus intervening on our behalf to keep God from laying the full wrath that we so justly deserve because of our disobedience and our willful choice to walk in sin. However, it is only when we come before Him with a humble heart that we are able to receive His grace and mercy.

I am not just speaking words; they are biblical!

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14–16, NKJV)

It is nothing that we have done to deserve anything from God. His promises are not speculative; they are factual! They are a gift guaranteed because of our faith and obedience. He promised because He loved us. It is because of His love for us that He gave us the greatest gift of all: Jesus Christ, and through Jesus Christ, the gift of Grace. His Word says, "For God so loved the world (us) that He gave His only begotten Son (Jesus Christ) that whosoever believeth in Him (Jesus Christ) should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16, NKJV). For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8, NKJV), and not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5, NKJV). So how long will you continue to wander alone in this life? How long will you lie to yourself that you don’t need anyone, including God? How long do you think you can do it by yourself? How long will you say you don’t need help? How long? Forty years? Twenty years? When you are on your deathbed? One day is too long.

Thirty years of wandering is a long time to wonder if things will ever change. Heck, ten years is a long time. But it took me a long time to get it right! I can only speculate on the number of blessings I have missed out on. I thought I was living life and doing what God had called me to do, and I foolishly thought I had life figured out. I was in school full-time, working full-time, being a mother and a wife, but to be honest, all I was doing was existing. Until one day, as we were driving down the road, I looked at my husband and said, I don’t remember seeing beautiful days like this during the summertime. I don’t even really remember the last four years. He looked at me dazed and confused and asked me, Where the heck have you been for then for the last four years? I realized that I had not lived life, but life had passed me by. I began to examine my life, purpose, and goals. I needed to face me, and the fact that though I thought I was drawing nearer to God, my heart was far from Him.

Did I love God? Sure, but I did not love Him enough to make Him my focus, the Head and not the tail. I would fit Him into my life when it was suitable for me. I wasn’t living life to bring Him glory. I just existed! I lived life with emptiness, thinking I had an advantage because I did little things, thinking foolishly that I was appeasing God. What a wake-up call. God was not fooled by anything that I was doing. I was so blind and lost in the Band-Aids of life that I forgot on the inside was a wounded girl who had grown to be a wounded woman who needed healing. I was capable of medicating and helping others, but never myself. I needed the Great I Am to make me over. I needed to let that little girl on the inside of me heal. She needed peace! No longer could I apply a Band-Aid or self-medicate the wounds that life had inflicted. I needed the Blood of the Lamb to wash me and make me whole again. That is when I began to understand that the wounds I sustained during my battles were not meant to be concealed but revealed so that others may be healed as well. My wounds held valuable treasures that were concealed by scar tissues and Band-Aids.

I am not a doctor, a psychologist, or a pastor or one who has been to school and studied the Bible intricately. I am just a nobody trying to do what God has called me to do. Sounds cliché, but it is the truth. I just want everyone to know about a God who changed my life. Who gave me a gift so precious that no price could ever repay what He has done for me and through me. Everything that I am writing is from my heart, my experiences, and from God’s guidance. I am simply going to tell you what God speaks to me and open up my life and testimony to you. I am putting my overflow to use instead of wasting it. This walk is not about bashing those who hurt us. I am not about that! The events in which I share with you are those events that emotionally scared me and spiritually divided me. It is those events which brought me to my knees: heart-aching, mind-confusing events which impacted my life in a traumatic way and other events that brought unfathomed joy.

This journey is both a personal one for me and, hopefully, medicine for you. I pray it eases the pains of life, opens your eyes to the joy of living a faith-filled life, and opens your heart to forgiveness and accepting God’s purpose for you. There is no quick fix remedy for any of the issues that life throws at us. There is no guarantee of wealth and riches. No hidden agendas; no schemes, rituals, or sacred routines to follow. All I have is God, His Word, and my testimony to offer you. So let’s begin to understand the purpose of the wilderness so we can venture into the valley instead of fearing the valley, and how to enter into the promises of God. Always keep in mind that there is nothing to fear, for God is with us (Ps 23:4, NKJV). Let’s hunt for the treasures that God has embedded in the battles we face. Take those treasures, polish them off, and let our light so shine.

If you don’t keep a journal or prayer log, start. Writing is very therapeutic. If you get stuck along the way, do this simple exercise below. I learned the technique in law school, but I altered it to fit the issues we face on our daily journey: IRAAC.

Issue = What subject, issue, or problem are you dealing with? What has you bond? What are you struggling with?

Rule = What Bible verse is applicable to your issue?

Application and Analysis = How does the rule apply to the issues? Take God’s word and apply it to what you are dealing with? What can be changed? What steps need to be taken to move forward? Draft a prayer request that states the issue, God’s Word, and request that God take action based on His Word.

Concentration = Focus on God’s word and not so much on the problem/issue. Meditate on the verse until God moves! What treasures can you pull from what you are facing? Are you magnifying the problem, or are you glorifying your God?

With our tools in hand—Bible, book, and journal—let’s go treasure hunting! This time, the treasures are real and obtainable. No map needed, no hidden chambers, no obstacle course except for your own mind-set. Priceless treasures await you, and the great news is that no one else can claim them; they already belong to you.

The Birth: The Beginning of the Journey

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations. (Jeremiah 1:5, NKJV)

For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. (Romans 8:29–30, NKJV)

For you are a holy people to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. (Deuteronomy 14:2, NKJV)

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. (Psalms 139:14, NKJV)

Just reading those scriptures made me feel as though I belonged in this world, that I had purpose in this life. God had a purpose for our lives even before we came into existence. A lot of people go through life and never find or live out their purpose because of the hardness of their hearts and fear. They live from day to day, thinking that God has forgotten them or is unaware of everything they have been through. Nothing that has happened to you or will happen to you is a surprise to God. You may think, Well, if I am His chosen and made in His image, why did God allow me to go through so much? You ask a question that I have asked so many times. There are several answers to that question. The first that comes to mind is that it is part of your destiny, your process, your making, the building of your character, your strength. It is preparation. Moreover, it is testing, it is part of God’s will, it is partly because we operate in His will and out of His will, it is for His glory and for our building up. There is a purpose to everything in life. There is a lesson, a treasure, a jewel, and an opportunity for growth in everything we go through. Even in the bad things that happens to us, there are what I call jewels or hidden treasures; yes, in the most horrible experiences in life, hidden treasures !

Why do I say hidden treasures? Because we try to bury our past, thinking that nothing good can come from the things we experience. We only see the negative, and not the positive. Because of the pain and sorrow, we cannot see the good among the bad. How can I say that they are jewels and treasures in trials and tribulations? Because His word tells me so: What is meant for evil He turns it around for my good! and To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified (Isaiah 61:3, NKJV), and tells us that we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28, NKJV). Not convinced? All right: I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places that you may know that I, the Lord, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel (Isaiah 45:3, NKJV).

The key is finding the beauty, the jewel that is hidden in the dark places, under all the hurt, disappointment, betrayals, failures, setbacks, and heartbreaks. Beauty for my ashes—God is able to turn something so ugly as molestation, rape, abuse, and addiction into something beautiful! He loves us so much that when we mourn, He comforts us. He adorns us with a garment of praise when our spirits are heavy from the worries of life. This tells me that when things get so heavy until I am brought to my knees, broken and aching, all I have to do is place that garment on my shoulders and praise my way out of it all. A tree of righteousness! God wants to use me, you, us that He, the Almighty, El Shaddai, Yahweh, Jehovah, the name above all names, may be glorified. He will give us treasures from the darkest times in our lives, hidden riches within us so that we may know that He is God and that He called us by name to something far greater than misery and strife.

He glories not in our misery but in our coming out! Furthermore, because I, we, are called according to His Purpose, He will cause all things—regardless of whether they are good, bad, or ugly—to work out for our good simply because He loves us, and we Him! So if loving Him allows me to receive so many benefits, why not give Him my heart? We cannot give Him our hearts because it is filled with so much filth and ugliness from trauma and pain. We cannot see the beauty in what God wants to do in our lives because of the pain. We can’t hear Him calling us out by our name because our ears are so plagued with negativity and the chaos and confusion of this world until it drowns out His still small voice! We are blinded by the tricks of the enemy, crippled by the pains of our past, and mentally and spiritually insane because we chose to believe in the lies of the one who wants to destroy us instead of trusting in a God who wants to save us. Blind, cripple, and crazy! I am not saying it to be funny or to take shots at those with infirmities but to describe the state of being we exist in without God!

It is in our human nature to observe the negative, to call to attention all the wrong things in life, but we rarely see or try to see the beauty in tragedy, trials, and tribulations. We become quick to blame God for our hurt and pain, our disappointments and setbacks, because we only see the pain. We turn our back on God because we, in our anger and hurt, feel God should have stopped certain events from happening. We take our failures and sufferings and build a wall between us and God, thinking that God has forsaken us when it is we who have shut Him out. But He, like only a Father can, waits patiently with open arms and unconditional love for us to return to Him. Everything we go through has a purpose. Our sufferings are not in vain. When things are good, oh we praise God, and we love Him. Oh, but when things are stormy, we are turncoats, and He is to blame for all our troubles. We commit treason against God because of our carnal mindedness. We are so spiritually blinded by the events in the natural that we forget that we serve a supernatural God. We never examine ourselves because we can never see or admit when we are wrong. We blame everyone and everything for the events in our lives. We have more excuses than Wikipedia, Encyclopedia Britannica, and Webster’s Dictionary combined. We can break Guinness World Book of records with blame and pointing figures at others. Never examining self, we share the blame because we are double-minded and