Can I Have a Chuckle with that?

By James Snyder

What the world needs more than anything else these days is a chuckle. The source of that chuckle may not be that important but the reality of that chuckle is. For many years, James has written a newspaper column across the United States entitled "Out to Pastor." His articles are filled with humorous snippets of banter with his wife, horseplay with his grandchildren, observations on today's politically correct culture as he mourns the good old days, and reflections on his own peculiar (so some would say) personality and preferences. Included is a verse from Scripture and a reflective thought at the end of each article. This book is a collection of fifty-two "Out to Pastor" articles-one for each week of the year. James hopes you will enjoy them and maybe even laugh sidesplittingly on occasion as you read. Most of all, he hopes you will find a fresh joy and an uplifted heart in the reflections of this country pastor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781646707447

Book preview

Preface

As pastor of a small country church, husband to the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, father to three, grandfather to nine, and great-grandfather to one, I take great delight in finding the funny side of any situation. My wife doesn’t always delight in my sense of humor (I think she doesn’t understand it, but I won’t say that aloud). But then we have enjoyed more than forty-five years of wedded bliss, so she has obviously found a way to abide my sense of hilarity.

For many years, I have written a column for newspapers across the United States entitled Out to Pastor. These articles are filled with humorous snippets of banter with my wife, horseplay with my grandchildren, observations on today’s politically correct culture as I mourn the good old days, and reflections on my own peculiar (so some would say) personality and preferences. I include a verse from Scripture and a reflective thought at the end of each article.

This book is a collection of fifty-two Out to Pastor articles—one for each week of the year. I hope you will enjoy them and maybe even laugh sidesplittingly on occasion as you read. Most of all, I hope you will find a fresh joy and an uplifted heart in the reflections of this country pastor.

Is the Cup Half Empty or Half Full?

Many things in life have me in a tangle of confusion. I try to put on a good face so nobody will know how confused I am at the time. I think I get away with it, at least most of the time.

The only person I cannot fool is the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. According to her evaluation, I am confused all the time. I would like to set her straight sometime, but I am really confused as to when would be the right time.

If I do not pick the right time, my confusion will be accelerated to the point of no return.

There is one thing, despite my professional confusion, I have not been able to understand, and it just bugs me to no end. Why are some things more confusing than others?

There is a positive side to confusion.

For example, when someone is trying to explain to me something that is rather boring, I can say, That’s too confusing for me.

What that does is help the other person think they’re a lot better than I am, which is not a bad thing to get out of some boring situation at the time. Believe it or not, this is not too confusing for me.

Another side of this would be when somebody wants me to explain something, and I am not really in the mood to do a lot of explaining. I say many confusing things, and the person comes to the point where they say, That’s too confusing for me.

Winning is so wonderful.

Not long ago, I overheard somebody say, Is that cup half full or half empty?

For some reason, I just cannot get that out of my head, and it has confused me like nothing else in my life.

If, for example, a cup is half full, is it not also half empty? And if it is half empty, is it also half full?

I do not know if this is intentional confusion or if it is not supposed to make any sense at all.

I think the half empty/half full scenario is just for plain, ordinary fools. In my experience, I have never met a half-fool. Either they are all fool or they are not a fool at all. Just when you think you’ve met a half-fool, they spiral into a complete fool. There is a question whether any fool can be complete or not, but that is too confusing for me.

Several times, my wife will look at me and say, Are you acting a fool?

I would like to set her straight sometime, but I am a little confused as to the right time. However, I am not acting a fool. I have absolutely no skill in the thespian art of acting. Of course, when she addresses me with that question, I act like I am not a fool, which I am not sure qualifies in the thespian arts category.

The confusion here is, if I am not acting a fool, how can I act like I am not a fool? What is the real difference here? Is there any difference at all? Oh, how confusing it all is.

I am afraid that confusion runs very deep in my life.

If I wanted to get out of the confusion syndrome, all I have to do is approach my wife and say, I don’t understand this. Could you explain it to me? After that, I am too confused to really understand that I am confused about it at all. Thanks, of course, to my wife who is confused about nothing that I know.

With her great skill in this area, she has helped me out of many confusing situations.

Perhaps that is the primary difference between a husband and wife. The husband is afflicted with the confusion syndrome, and the wife knows how to unconfuse her husband. She has a remedy, according to her, that will cure him immediately.

It is a great joy of my life to be able to ignore my confusion and trust my wife’s judgment in this area. I can balance the checkbook, but I have a hard time balancing these confusion elements in my life. Thanks to my wife, I do not have to worry about it.

At my present junction in life, I do not know if I am really confused or not. It is rather a confusing aspect to think about right now. Am I confused, or am I not confused? If I am confused, what are the symptoms? If I am not confused, how will I know?

Perhaps the most comforting aspect of life, at least for someone my age, is knowing you are confused. Accept it and get on with life. Nothing is more satisfying in life than knowing what you are and being able to accept yourself as you are and then enjoying the rest of your life.

With so much to do in the world today, it is always comforting to know there is something you do not have to do. I like what the apostle Paul said: And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him (Col. 3:17, KJV).

In the midst of all your supposed confusion, sit back, take a deep breath, and give thanks to God for His grace in accepting you as you are.

It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again

New Year’s Day was filled with lots of excitement, plenty of grandchildren running around, and enough food on the table to eliminate world hunger. Actually, it did eliminate my ravishing hunger, at least for the day.

Both the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly simultaneously sighed a deep sigh. My wife sat in her chair thinking and I reclining in my chair, musing. Believe me, we both had a lot to think about and muse over.

The difference between thinking and musing is quite profound. Thinking requires a lot of hard work, while musing is closely related to amusing, although I am not quite sure about the connection. All I know is it takes less energy to muse than it does to think, and I’m all for saving energy.

I had just gotten into a rather delightful muse when my wife made a very startling announcement.

Well, she said most thoughtfully. I guess this is the start of a brand-new year.

I was too deep into my muse to do more than grunt affirmatively.

Then I began to think, which sapped me of a lot of energy at the time. Although my wife was not wrong in her observation (she is never wrong about anything), she was not exactly right. However, being the man of the house, not to mention not having enough energy to put up a good front, I did not call her on it, but I thought on it some more.

Everybody says this is a new year that has never been lived before, and I would like to challenge that kind of thinking. I have an eerie feeling I have been here before.

I am not sure if my muse got mixed up with my thinking, but at the end of the exercise, I came to several startling conclusions. The biggest conclusion is there is nothing new about the New Year.

Do not take my word for it; do some thinking on your own. Okay, it’s a little too early in the year to do heavy thinking, so maybe some light musing might be more in order.

If I remember correctly, and I must check last year’s calendar, but wasn’t it January last year at this time? In fact, I think for the past couple thousand years, there has always been a January. Nothing new about January. In my lifetime, I have seen sixty-five Januarys. At the time, everybody said it was new. What I want to know is when does the newness wear off? When is somebody going to stand up and honestly say, Welcome to another old year.

Every time I have a birthday, people tell me I am a year older, but when another January comes around, people try to tell me it is new. I think this year, I am going to insist on my birthday that people tell me I am getting newer and not older.

Then, just as my muse was catching a second wind, I thought of some other inconsistencies about this so-called New Year hoax.

If I remember correctly, last January, there were seven days in a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. What I find rather strange is this new January has the same old days of the week. This is rather curious to me. Somebody is trying to sell me some old horse medicine for tea.

Now if the year 2017 is supposed to be a new year, why does it carry over the same old luggage of the old year? I think I smell a conspiracy here.

For example, if you went to buy a brand-new 2017 car, and you opened the door, the hood, and the trunk and everything was from a 2016 car, wouldn’t you feel a little bit cheated? I know I would.

Not only does this so-called new January have the same days of the week—and you are not going to believe this one—it also carries the same numbers of the days. And these numbers are still in the same order as it did in January 2016.

I believe there should be a congressional investigation into this rather serious hoax being played on the American people. After all, if someone promises something to be new—and brand-new at that—it should be downright new.

I think I go along with Solomon, the wisest man in the world, who said, The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun (Eccles. 1:9, KJV).

This so-called New Year is simply the Old Year repackaged for the unsuspecting. For some people, it will take six months into the New Year before they realize this awesome truth.

People make New Year’s resolutions, which are simply the old resolutions from the year before. Some of them go back decades. Nothing really changes. By the time February rolls around, which is the same February as last year, those new resolutions are tainted with some serious aging.

But there is someone greater than Solomon to whom I appeal. And he that sat upon the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ And he said unto me, ‘Write: for these words are true and faithful’ (Rev. 21:5, KJV).

I will leave the creation of new to the one who knows how to make all things new.

Everything Old Is Getting Older Still

A friend of mine has a saying: I’m going to get as old as I possibly can get. From what I can tell, he has. I must agree with his sentiment. Of course, the alternative is… Well, you know.

Another friend of mine likes to tell me, Brother, you’re only as old as you feel. I am not sure how old feels or if wrinkles are involved, but I am feeling quite fine, thank you.

Just the other day, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came in from her workshop, sat down on the couch, and said, Whew, I feel like a hundred.

At the time, I did not know if she was talking about dollars, pounds, or years. Being the old fogy that I am, I know there are times when silence is golden, and this was one of those golden moments, but what does a hundred feel like? Is there some special sensation that pulsates through the body when a person reaches that age level? Or is it the absence of anything pulsating through your body?

Just this morning, I got up with a sore knee and could hardly walk to the bathroom. I complained about it to my wife who has no compunction about expressing her opinions and said, Well, you are older than when you went to bed last night.

I did not know I was aging so rapidly. If this keeps up, I will change from an old fogy into an old geezer before I know it. The difference between an old fogy and an old geezer is an old fogy walks around in a fog, while the old geezer cannot get up from his chair and wheezes a lot.

I was musing on the idea that getting old was a lot of trouble with a lot of pain involved. Then I remembered what a lot of trouble and pain it was to be young. As a youngster, I thought many times, Oh, I can’t wait to get old. I thought getting older was the panacea for all my problems.

I remember thinking when I got older, nobody would boss me around. I would do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I could not wait for that time to come. I dreamed of that mystical land. No parents to boss me around, no teachers to tell me what to do and when to do it, no siblings interfering with my plans for the day. What a life I would lead when I