Seven Mind-Boggling Short Stories

By Roy D Perkins

This is a book of seven short unbelievable stories entailing personal tribulations of the characters involved. The book consists of approximately ninety-seven thousand words. Each story is a thriller in its own right. This septology is filled with science fiction, unbelievable exploits, fantasy, and strange and unusual events. Story 1 concerns a woman who is falsely accused of embezzlement. Her beagle dog keeps her out of jail as they travel through time and other dimensions to avoid the law. Story 2 is about the three Americas—the United, Confederate, and African States of America. Here, there are very different histories from the traditional United States of America. It involves world wars, nuclear fallout, radiation, destroyed ozone, and near extinction of the human race. Story 3 concerns alien abductions, hybrid species of aliens and humans, and an inept law enforcement agency of local police and the FBI. What will become of the human race? Story 4 is about three people from different walks of life who are given second chances at deciding their ultimate fates in eternity. Do they heed the warnings? Story 5 is one of human metamorphosis. This main character can change his molecular structure at any time into anyone or anything. He is devoid of compassion and love. Story 6 is a writing of a woman who needs a shining white night. What she gets is an albino rhino that kills evil people. The cops are blaming the woman. Story 7 is about a worldwide blackout that lasts for ten months. It reveals how people resort to primitive ways and evil. It's a story of rape, murder, mate swapping, cannibalism, and self-preservation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645844471

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Seven Mind-Boggling Short Stories

Roy D Perkins

Copyright © 2019 Roy D. Perkins

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc. 2019

ISBN 978-1-64584-446-4 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64584-447-1 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

The Perils of Irene and Reginald

The Divided States of America

We Know Where You Are

Second Chance

The Transmutant

Alice and the Albino Rhino

Who Turned Out the Lights?

The Perils of Irene and Reginald

It’s a dark and moonless night. There is a light rain. Reginald and Irene are seemingly traipsing through a wooded area filled with underbrush. Reginald and Irene Winters live together in an apartment on Sycamore Street in a small New England town called Fargo. Irene is a lead teller in one of the prominent banks in town. She is single and is a member of the local Pentecostal Church. Although she is single, she is not involved with anyone at the moment. Irene considers herself rather homely and has already decided that male companionship for her is not in the cards. Reginald is a beagle dog that has some rather uncanny abilities. For one thing, Reginald is able to talk. Another unique ability of Reginald is the fact that he can travel dimensionally. This ability can come in handy from time to time, especially when one is being chased by a foe.

Reginald: Come on, Irene. You’ve got to keep up. We’re only a few yards from a dimensional border. We’ll be safe when we get across the border.

Irene: Reginald, my legs won’t carry me much farther. I am not going to make it to the border. I’ve got to rest.

Reginald: Here, Irene, let me carry you to the border.

Irene: Reginald, I am ten times heavier than you. How are you going to carry me?

Reginald: There, you are levitated where I can push you through the air to the border.

Irene: I am floating and moving through the air. I thought you were just a beagle with a canine IQ that could talk.

Reginald: Irene, I am more than you can imagine. Ah, we’re at the dimensional border. Here’s the point of entry. We’re on the other side. They can’t get us now. Those bozos think that we disappeared into thin air.

On the other side of the border, it’s daylight, not nighttime. Although it’s cloudy, there is a partial sun visible. It’s not raining. The authorities arrive at the dimensional border. The dogs have lost the scent of Reginald and Irene. The authorities are not able to travel dimensionally. Reginald and Irene have escaped the posse that was chasing them.

However, in this other dimension, they face new dangers.

Reginald: Let’s go hide out in that cave over there.

Irene: Reginald, I thought we were safe here.

Reginald: We’re only safe from the authorities over the border. Here, we face other foes. This dimension is earth about a hundred and fifty million years ago. Here, dinosaurs roam the earth and will do so for millions of years.

Irene: We just traded one danger for another.

Reginald: Let’s get moving. A Tyrannosaurus has spotted us. He’s one big carnivore. I had better carry you to the cave. This guy looks hungry. Ah, we’re here.

Irene: Just how the hell are we going to get out of here?

Reginald: When it’s dark, we’ll sneak back across the border. The Tyrannosaurus is too big to get us in this cave. He will soon give up on us and go look for easier pickings. He must weigh six or seven tons.

Irene: It’s dark out, and I think that big guy is gone.

Reginald: Let’s head for the border. Okay, we’re over the border. It’s daytime here now. We’ve got to avoid the authorities. They think that you embezzled $800,000 from your bank.

Irene: Reginald, I am innocent. Someone has framed me.

Reginald: I know that, but the cops think that you are guilty.

Irene: Reginald, who really embezzled the money?

Reginald: The vice president, Mr. Kildare, embezzled the money. You worked closely with him. He rigged it so that you were the fall guy or gal. Right now, he’s in the proverbial cat bird seat, but not for long.

Irene: Why me?

Reginald: He made sure you had the knowledge and opportunity for embezzling the money. He was planning it for several years.

Irene: Reginald, what should I do?

Reginald: We’ll give the Almighty time to work on Mr. Kildare. In the meantime, we will remain on the run.

Irene: What’s the Almighty going to do to him?

Reginald: Well, actually, the Almighty has assigned him to me. When the Almighty gives me the word, I will begin to work on him. However, for now, let’s work on getting something to eat. Here’s a hundred dollars. There’s a small grocery store up ahead. Go pick up some food like hamburger, cheese, ice cream, and a pizza.

Irene: Do you want any dog food, Reginald?

Reginald: Hell, no. I hate dog food. You know that. I’d rather pig out on a pizza covered with some Land O’Lakes cheese. Ah, we’re here. Let’s go in. I will be invisible while we are there. Grab that pumpkin pie and that cheesecake. Here’s another hundred. It looks like we have everything. Pay for everything, and we will vacate the premises.

Irene: We are outside the store. How are we going to carry all these groceries?

Reginald: Well, let’s see. We’ll use that motorcycle with the side cart over there. The owner is in the bar across the street. He won’t be leaving for a while.

Irene: I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle, Reginald.

Reginald: Well, I do. Let’s see. Get in the cart, Irene. We’re off and running. The steering is kind of tight. I am having trouble changing gears. What gear are we in now, Irene? I think that we’re going too slowly for high gear. The bloody gear shift is too far below my paws. Uh-oh, I think I just ruptured myself. My testicles are inside my abdomen somewhere. I just squished my penis. It’s a good thing that this motorcycle has a hand brake. My paws can’t reach the foot brake. Okay, we’re at your apartment. Let’s unload the groceries. The cops will never think that we went back to your apartment.

Irene: Reginald, the groceries are all put away. What are you going to do about the trike? You just can’t leave it here.

Reginald: I’ll get rid of it right now. I’ll be back in a while.

Moments later, Reginald returns to the apartment.

Irene: So, Reginald, what did you do with the trike?

Reginald: I dropped it off at police headquarters. I had a couple of accidents on the way though. So I left $1,000 and a note.

Irene: Did you sign the note?

Reginald: Yes, I signed my name as Clark Gable.

Irene and Reginald have supper. Reginald has four hamburger patties less the bread and condiments, a half pound of Land O’Lakes American cheese, two slices of pumpkin pie, and four slices of cheesecake. Irene has some macaroni and cheese and a dish of ice cream.

Irene: We should get out of this apartment. This is the first place the cops are going to look for us.

Reginald: First of all, the cops have already looked here. They are not coming back. Second of all, they are looking for you, not us.

Irene: Reginald, how am I going to clear myself?

Reginald: I told you. When the Almighty gives me the word, I will clear you by brow beating the shit out of Mr. Kildare. I will be his worst enemy.

Irene: How did you get the power turned back on?

Reginald: I called the power company. I said I was Clint Eastwood and that I was moving in tomorrow. By the way, we have to leave in the morning. Your nosy landlady is snooping around. She’ll be calling the cops in the morning. They have an all-points bulletin out for you. Rumor has it that you are traveling with a beagle.

Irene: The cops have a dragnet out for me.

After a night’s sleep, Reginald and Irene awake to another day. They have breakfast. Irene takes a shower and changes clothes. Reginald takes a nap and is wearing the same old outfit. He likes smelling like a dog.

Irene: How are we going to escape, Reginald? I’ll be going to jail while Mr. Kildare reaps the benefits of $800,000.

Reginald: We’d better leave now. Your landlady has finked to the cops. I’ll take us to another dimension.

Irene: Just where are we going, Reginald?

Reginald: You don’t want to know. But wear a jacket. Ah, here we are. Come on, Irene, we’re crossing another dimensional border.

Irene: Well, this is a cruise ship. It is a little cool out. I am glad I wore this jacket. Well, this is a lot better than that dimension of dinosaurs.

Reginald: Irene, you might be speaking a little too soon. You see, this is the early morning hours of April 15, 1912.

Irene: That date sounds awfully familiar.

Reginald: Let me give you another clue. This ship is the RMS Titanic. About twenty minutes ago, it struck an iceberg. It will be about twelve thousand feet underwater in a couple of hours from now.

Irene: Reginald, this scenario is worse than being chased by those cops. Two-thirds of the people on board are going to die tonight.

Reginald: Let’s go. The door to the next dimension will be opening shortly.

Irene: Reginald, what about all these other people?

Reginald: Irene, I am not allowed to change history. What will happen to all these people is going to happen. Our window of escape is over there. When the water gets up to your waist, we will leap through into another dimension.

Irene: Reginald, most of these people will be dead in a couple of hours.

Reginald: Irene, it’s their time to go, not ours.

Irene: This seawater is awfully cold.

Reginald: The water temperature is twenty-eight degrees. A person can only last about four to six minutes in the water before hypothermia kills that person.

Irene: Can we take some of them with us?

Reginald: No. That would be violating a prime directive. That would alter a chain of events and would change history. Whosoever is supposed to die will die. So let’s go.

Reginald and Irene leap into the next dimension.

Irene: Just where the hell are we now, Reginald?

Reginald: We’re in Africa in 1879. The British and the Zulus are at war. Here come the Zulus. Let’s get the hell out of here.

Irene: This heat is killing me. I have to rest.

Reginald: If the Zulus get a hold of you, it will be a lot hotter.

Irene: Here’s a lake. Let’s hide in the water.

Reginald: That water is full of crocodiles. Let’s keep going.

Irene: They are throwing spears at us. What would happen if we surrendered?

Reginald: I would be eaten, and you would be sacrificed to their false gods. So let’s get the hell out of here. There’s a British outpost about a hundred yards through these woods. We’ll be safe there.

Reginald and Irene arrive at a British fort. They are being shot at by Zulu warriors.

Sergeant at Arms: You can take refuge in that little hut over there. We can expect a full-scale attack at any moment.

Irene: Who is shooting at us?

Sergeant at Arms: Zulu warriors are shooting at us. They attacked and killed all the soldiers at another British fort about sixty miles from here. Even though they are lousy shots, they are still doing some damage. Go take cover. Take the beagle with you.

Reginald and Irene are hiding out in a straw hut inside the fort.

Irene: Reginald, those sniper bullets are going right through this straw hut.

Reginald: Yes, we have to vacate the premises immediately. There’s a door to another dimension about one hundred feet from here. The Zulus are attacking. There’s a bunch of them right near the dimensional door. Let’s make a run for it. I’ll shield you from the hail of bullets. Ah, we’re here. Here’s the door. Well, we made it.

Reginald and Irene find themselves in an unfamiliar place. They are in Cuba in 1962.

Reginald: Irene, the Cuban Missile Crisis wasn’t in your time. The Russians put ballistic missiles in Cuba. The Soviet premier, Khrushchev, and the US president, Kennedy, went at it for a while. Both nations were preparing for war. Finally, the Russians relented and removed the missiles from Cuba. Let’s not show ourselves to the general public. Castro really doesn’t care for Americans. Maybe we can get to Guantanamo Bay. It’s only about two miles away. If we meet up with local yokels, let me do the talking. I speak fluent Spanish.

Irene: Reginald, how is it that you speak Spanish?

Reginald: The Almighty has endowed me with the gift of speaking multiple languages.

Reginald and Irene arrive at the fenced-in border between Guantanamo and Cuba itself.

Reginald: I am making a hole in this fence with my fence-cutting pliers. Uh-oh, they are shooting at us from both directions.

Irene: Who is shooting at us, Reginald?

Reginald: The Americans and the Cubans are shooting at us. Get behind my rear end so I can shield you from the bullets.

Irene: Your hiney isn’t big enough to shield my hiney.

Reginald: Stay down. I’ve got your hiney covered. I see a portal just up ahead that leads to our own place and time.

Reginald and Irene run for the portal. Bullets are coming from every direction. They arrive at the portal. A bullet strikes Reginald, but he is unaffected by the bullet.

Irene: Reginald, you should be dead. That bullet hit you in the chest. Yet you are not bleeding. You are not injured. Just what the hell is going on?

Reginald: Irene, get your ass through the portal before you get shot. There you go. The Almighty has endowed me with a special bulletproof vest. However, it protects my whole body, not just my chest. Well, we got through the portal. How convenient! We’re in the vice president’s office at your bank. There he is, Mr. Kildare. He must be counting the money that he stole.

Mr. Kildare: Irene, what are you doing in this office? It’s late and you’re a wanted fugitive. You embezzled $800,000 from this bank.

Reginald: Mr. Kildare, you are the embezzler, not Irene. You framed her.

Mr. Kildare: Well, what do we have here, a talking canine? Well, that doesn’t matter. I covered my tracks so well that literally any jury will convict you, Irene. It took me over twelve years to steal all this money. It’s been years of juggling and altering books. And the trail leads right to Irene Winters as the embezzler. I am sorry that I can’t make your trial, Irene. I will be overseas on tour.

Reginald: You won’t get away with it, Mr. Kildare.

Mr. Kildare: Oh yes, I will. There are no checks, securities, certificates, or bonds. It’s all cash. I have been putting it in secret hiding places for years now. I’ll be living like royalty while you, Irene, will be rotting in prison.

Irene: Mr. Kildare, what did I ever do to you?

Mr. Kildare: Nothing. You were the easiest to frame.

Mr. Kildare leaves his office with his attaché case in hand. The attaché case contains the remaining balance of the $800,000. He plans to take this amount with him aboard his plane to Europe. Reginald and Irene follow Mr. Kildare out of the bank. Little does Mr. Kildare realize that he is under police surveillance. The cops suspect that Irene and Mr. Kildare are working together on this caper. The town of Fargo doesn’t have the brightest detectives in the county.

All of a sudden, Mr. Kildare realizes that the cops are after him too. He cannot afford to be caught with this attaché case full of money. He left his car in the parking lot. Mr. Kildare is on foot. He is fleeing into a wooded area with the cops in hot pursuit. Reginald and Irene are right beside him.

Reginald: May I help you with that attaché case, Mr. Kildare?

Mr. Kildare: I am an old man. I think I am having a heart attack. I’ve got to rest. I’d give this attaché case full of money to escape the cops.

Reginald: Mr. Kildare, you have a deal. I’ll show the way to escape the cops.

Mr. Kildare: If you get me out of here, this attaché case and its contents are yours.

Irene: Reginald, haven’t we been this way before?

Reginald: Yes, we’ll be going through that portal with Mr. Kildare this time.

Mr. Kildare: Reginald, you did it. We’re not being chased by the cops anymore. However, I am keeping the attaché case and its contents. Excuse me while I go relieve myself behind that large tree.

Reginald: Come on, Irene, we’re going back through the portal.

Irene: Reginald, we were here before, weren’t we, Reginald?

Reginald: Yes, now, it’s time to leave while Mr. Kildare is relieving himself.

Reginald and Irene go through the portal, leaving Mr. Kildare behind. They are in New York City in 1955, specifically at Yankee Stadium. It’s the World Series.

Irene: Reginald, is Mr. Kildare in the land of those terrible dinosaurs?

Reginald: Yes. Right now, a man-eating Spinosaurus is chasing him. He just got to the cave in time. He dropped his attaché case about fifty feet from the cave entrance. The Spinosaurus has ripped open the attaché case, and money is flying all over the place. Unfortunately, the Spinosaurus is not interested in money. He only wants Mr. Kildare’s flesh. Mr. Kildare will be safe as long as he remains in the cave.

Irene: Mr. Kildare had better beat feet through the portal.

Reginald: He can’t. He doesn’t know where the door is. He is going to spend the rest of his life being chased by very large carnivores. Meanwhile, let’s sit back in these box seats and enjoy the game.

Irene: I hate baseball.

Reginald: Would you rather be back with the dinosaurs?

Irene: Let’s sit back and enjoy the game.

Spectator: The Brooklyn Dodgers are bums. They’ve never won a World Series and never will. Maybe we should send them to another city, like Los Angeles.

Reginald: The Brooklyn Dodgers are going to win the World Series this year. And in 1957, they will go to Los Angeles.

Spectator: What are you, some talking clairvoyant canine?

Reginald: Yes, the Almighty has endowed me with the gift of clairvoyance. And He has made it so that I am able to talk.

Spectator: I think that I have had too many beers.

After the game, Reginald and Irene return to Irene’s apartment in another dimension. Her landlady is in South Carolina. She is visiting her sister. Reginald turns the power back on. Reginald likes to watch television.

Irene: Reginald, how are you able to turn the power on in my apartment?

Reginald: The Almighty has endowed me with the gift of working with electricity.

Irene: Apparently, the Almighty has endowed you with many gifts.

Reginald: The power was only off for a little while, so the food in the ice box should still be good. Let’s watch some television, perhaps a war movie or a shit kicker. Ah, this sure is a great life, isn’t it? We have food, shelter, warmth, and television. And we’re being chased by the cops. It can’t get any better than that.

Irene: How long can we stay here, Reginald?

Reginald: Just for the night. The neighbors are going to tell the cops in the morning that the lights were on in your apartment.

Irene: How do you know this stuff, Reginald?

Reginald: As I told the bozo at Yankee stadium, I am clairvoyant.

Irene: Is that how you know where the portals to other dimensions are?

Reginald: Yes, the Almighty endowed me with a very powerful nose. I can smell the entryways to any other dimension.

Irene: I am tired. Let’s go to bed. I suspect that we can’t stay here too much past dawn. I hope that you have tomorrow planned out.

Reginald: I don’t plan anything. The Almighty just puts ideas in my mind.

The next morning, Reginald and Irene are up early. They have breakfast. Irene takes a shower and changes her clothes. Reginald takes a nap on the couch. All of a sudden, Reginald sees the cops coming up the driveway.

Reginald: Come on, Irene. We’ve got to go.

Irene: I just got out of the shower. I have to dry off and get dressed.

Reginald stops time outside Irene’s apartment. Looking out the bathroom window, Irene sees that the cops are motionless.

Reginald: Irene, I’ve stopped time, so there is no hurry.

Irene: I can see that. Is this another one of the Almighty’s gifts?

Reginald: Yes. He said that it would come in handy from time to time.

Reginald and Irene beat it out the back door and head for another portal to another dimension. After they are at a safe distance from the cops, Reginald resumes time.

Irene: Are we going back to visit with the dinosaurs?

Reginald: Yes. Mr. Kildare is crapping his pants on an hourly basis. Ah, we’re here. Let’s go through. Watch it! Here comes a Spinosaurus. He’s after us. To him, you would make a very satisfying meal.

Irene: Reginald, let’s go back through the portal.

Reginald: Not just yet. We’re going to pay Mr. Kildare a visit.

Irene: Reginald, that dinosaur is coming after me!

Reginald: I’ll get that Tyrannosaurus to go after the Spinosaurus. There, the two of them are battling it out. Come on, let’s head for the cave.

Irene: How did you arrange for those two dinosaurs to fight each other?

Reginald: I just alerted the Tyrannosaurus that the Spinosaurus was in town. I also alerted the Spinosaurus that the Tyrannosaurus was invading his turf. With their pea-size brains, they just went after each other.

Irene: Don’t tell me. This is another gift from the Almighty.

Reginald and Irene enter the cave. Mr. Kildare is quivering in the corner.

Reginald: Well, Mr. Kildare, it seems that these terrible lizards have you behind the proverbial eight ball. You don’t have an attaché case full of money anymore. So just what bargaining power do you have left?

Mr. Kildare: Show me where the portal is, and I will confess to the authorities that I, not Irene, embezzled the money. A prison is better than this place.

Reginald: The last time you made a promise to me, you reneged after I saved your ass from the cops. Why should I believe that you won’t renege this time?

Mr. Kildare: This time, I won’t renege. Get me out of here and to police headquarters, and I will confess everything to the cops. And I will acknowledge that Irene is innocent. I will admit that I framed her.

Irene: Don’t believe him, Reginald. We have no assurance that this guy will tell the truth after you show him the way out of here.

Reginald: Mr. Kildare, I will show the portal that will get you out of here. Then I will take you to police headquarters. If you do not make a full confession, I will transport you back to this cave in a split second. Do you read me?

Mr. Kildare: I agree. I will keep my word.

Reginald shows Mr. Kildare and brings him to police headquarters. Reginald and Irene are invisible as the desk sergeant alerts the lead detective on the case.

Lead Detective: What can I do for you, Mr. Kildare?

Mr. Kildare: I just thought that I should let you know that I saw Irene Winters and that beagle in the wooded area where they were last seen. She was carrying an attaché case.

Lead Detective: Thank you, Mr. Kildare. We’ll start another search in that area.

All of a sudden, Mr. Kildare finds himself back in the cave and trapped by the dinosaurs. Irene and Reginald leave the police headquarters. They are on the run again.

Irene: Reginald, you made Mr. Kildare disappear into the land of the dinosaurs. Is that another gift from the Almighty?

Reginald: Yes. In the past, mostly felines had that gift. But the Almighty decided that He would allow canines to also use the gift. Mr. Kildare will remain in the land of the terrible lizards. There’s another portal just ahead. We’ll be leaving this particular dimension. Ah, here we are. We’re through the portal.

Irene and Reginald are in another dimension, aboard a Japanese World War II attack bomber. The navigator threatens the both of them with a sword.

Irene: Reginald, what’s he saying?

Reginald: He says he’s going to kill us with his samurai sword. There, the cargo bay door is open. I’ll just give him a little shove. His parachute just opened. The cockpit crew saw his parachute open. The pilot ordered the bombardier to investigate. Uh-oh, an American fighter plane just fired at us. We’re going down, and we don’t have parachutes. I think that it’s time for us to leave.

Irene: What are we going to do, Reginald?

Reginald: There’s a portal to another dimension. Let’s go.

Irene and Reginald leap into another dimension. This time, they’ve leaped into Calvary at the time of the Crucifixion.

Reginald: There’s the Son hanging from the cross.

Irene: Reginald, it’s true. There really was a crucifixion of the Son. Can you intervene, Reginald? Get Him off that cross before He dies.

Reginald: Irene, He’s supposed to die on the cross. His death has to happen so that the world can be saved from its transgressions. Besides, saving Him now would dramatically change the course of history. I am not permitted to do that.

Irene: Here come some Roman soldiers. They don’t look very friendly.

Reginald: They are going to arrest us. We look out of place here.

Irene: Reginald, we are out of place here. They are throwing spears at us.

Reginald: Come on, let’s get out of here. The Almighty is going to be really angry at these people for killing His Son. We can’t afford to get caught by these Roman guards.

Irene: What will they do to us if they catch us?

Reginald: I would be okay. Rome is rather dog friendly. However, they would probably make you a slave girl. But we’re not sticking around to find out. Let me throw some of these spears back at them. I’ve wounded a couple of them. That ought to keep them at bay for a while. It appears as though the Son has just died. His task is finished. There’s a portal over there. Let’s get out of here.

Reginald and Irene take the leap. They are now back in Fargo.

Reginald: We’re going to your house for a couple of days. Now that we’re here, disguise yourself. We’re going shopping.

Irene: Why are we going shopping? Besides, I don’t have any money.

Reginald: Here’s a couple hundred dollars. Go buy us some food at that supermarket on the outskirts of town. Make sure you pick up some Land O’Lakes cheese.

Irene: Reginald, just how do I get to this supermarket?

Reginald: I’ll transport you there. Ah, we’re here.

Irene: I’ve seen this trick before. This must be another Almighty endowment.

Reginald: Yes, it is. I’ve put on a service vest. Now, I’ll lead you in the store on my leash. Just pick up what we need. Forget the crappy dog food.

Irene: I think that just about does it. Let’s head for the checkout counter.

Cashier: The total comes to $251.89.

Reginald: Here’s another hundred, Irene.

Cashier: Wow, a talking canine. Where did you get that hundred-dollar bill?

Reginald: I earned it via my part-time jobs. I believe that you owe Irene $48.11 in change. We’ll take the receipt too.

Cashier: Ma’am, you have a remarkable beagle there. Are there any more like him?

Reginald: At the moment, I am the only one in the world.

Irene: I personally trained Reginald.

Cashier: Wow. Perhaps, you could train my husband.

Irene: Sorry, I only do canines. Beagles are much smarter than husbands.

Irene and Reginald head for the house. At the house, Reginald and Irene engage in conversation.

Irene: I see that you turned on the electricity again, Reginald.

Reginald: Yes, I did.

Irene: Who is paying the bill for us using the electricity?

Reginald: Well, there are two possibilities. One, the electric company will write it off at tax time, or