Amazing Chaos: The Poetry in Testimony

By T. A. Jackson

Amazing Chaos--God's preparation for my more. When you can look back at the chaos that was your life and see it through God's eyes, it all falls into place. The life you have led becomes clear to you. You can see how He brought you through it. You can see how He brought you to the place He wanted you to be. You can see His design for your life, His deliverance at every turn and be amazed at the turnout.

Amazing Chaos is a chaotic life turned into a catalyst for the future God wants you to have. It is the catalyst for more love, more forgiveness, more joy, and more peace. It is amazing how it turns your life into a testimony and lifts the name of Jesus to the world. His amazing grace can be that for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781639031849

Book preview

cover.jpg

Amazing Chaos

The Poetry in Testimony

T. A. Jackson

ISBN 978-1-63903-183-2 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63903-184-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by T. A. Jackson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from Holy Bible, New King James Version, copyright 1982 Thomas Nelson. New Living Translation copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 60188. All rights reserved. The New International Version (NIV), Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc., Used by Permission of Biblica Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Message Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 200, 2001, Eugene H Peterson by NavPress Publishing

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Preface

Introduction

A Look Back

Aftershocks

Journey with Jesus

Lost

On the Run

Choices That Restore

Freedom through Forgiveness

Love That Heals

Amazing Chaos

Creative Soul

Notes

To those women who have yet to tell their story and to those who did not live to tell theirs

Preface

I never intended on writing my story and sharing it. Although I have been writing it for years, I was not ready to share it with anyone. It was just therapy for me. Then I was encouraged to tell my story because what God has done in my life was not just for me anymore. It is for anyone who can benefit from my experience.

God gave me a gift of writing when I was at my lowest, but it was not about me but about His glory. When God gives you a gift, it is always to be used for His glory; otherwise, it is just a waste. I did not want to share my abuse because I was ashamed. I did not want the people in my life to know that I had suffered so long alone. I was too worried about what my family, friends, coworkers would think. I did not want them to judge me.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1–2, MSG)

God gave me hope for a new beginning. It was with my surrender to Him that He was able to pull me through.

If any woman out there is suffering from the horrors of abuse and the effects that abuse has had on your life, I just want you to know that you are not alone in your suffering. There is hope. If you think you have tried everything and it has failed, try Jesus and let Him be your guide. If you think that you have lost everything, then you are concentrating on the wrong thing. God is always near those who are suffering, waiting for you to reach out to Him.

Introduction

You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy, but I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust, For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do so?

—Matthew 5:43–46

The things in life that weigh you down such as unforgiveness, bitterness, resentments, disillusionments, fear, shame, and insecurities keep us from serving God with our whole life. When we encounter the true gospel, our spirit responds, and we change. In Jesus, we find the most powerful tool in healing the deepest personal wound of having your heart broken.

Our heart problems are Jesus problems because He can and will heal you, but you must be open and willing. You must open your heart to forgiveness so you can receive the blessings God has in store for you. You cannot do that when you have things weighing you down. Let go of the past so that you will have room for the future. Let go so that you will have room for God. Let go and watch God work in your life. Let it go and watch miracles happen in you and for you.

My life was very chaotic. It was a life of bad choices that kept coming back to haunt me. Very early on, I was hurt, and that hurt kept me entangled and ensnared for what seems like most of my young adulthood. I was lost. I was lost until God gave me a voice and showed me another way to express that pain. It opened my heart, and my soul took flight. I was free. On the other side of that amazing chaos was an amazing freedom that allowed me to now pray for those who hurt me, a freedom that allows me to look back and be amazed at God’s grace.

A Look Back

A Look Back

My history tells me where I have been

As I allow myself to take this look back,

I can feel echoes of a yearning that was so deep

Because of all the things I lack.

However, there was a feeling of safety

That I felt once upon a time,

I was a child and it was a necessity

My Grandma provided it for me in-kind.

There was a sweetness

In the way my aunt told the stories of old,

Stories of our lives between intertwined

With the stories of our ancestors were pure gold.

There was love in the way my uncle held me

Knowing that he was my very first love,

He twirled me around the room

Held me so close we fit like a glove.

There was strength in my mother

Like none I had ever known,

She loved me like crazy

But she was long away from home.

My grandmother now in Heaven

My aunt moved out of town,

My uncle in the wind

My mother working around town.

Security is something that I lost

When my grandmother died,

We all seemed to scatter

Moved on to live separate lives.

It was not long after

That my world would shatter,

I would lose all hope

That my life would even matter.

I began to search for that Security again

For it was something I longed for,

Only to find it out of my reach

As though it walked right out the door.

I was too young to understand

What it was I was searching for,

I was too young to know what I needed

The search went on because there had to be more.

The search went on for years

As I floundered through this life,

Carrying a burden too heavy to bare

On shoulders not strong enough to stand up under light.

The search was as real as you and I

The struggles in between search and real life,

Kept me