Not Over Yet: A Single Mom's Guide to Reclaiming Hope

By Stephanie Bartelt

Are you stuck in the worries and challenges of being a single mom? Do you think you've strayed too far from God to turn back? Are you struggling to see any hope for a brighter future for yourself and your children?

 

Stephanie invites you to find hope in Christ.

 

Stephanie has walked this single mom road for ov

• Language: English
• Publisher: 5 am light Press
• Release date: Oct 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986770819

Stephanie Bartelt

Stephanie is a relentless cheerleader for single moms from all walks of life. She has been a single mom for over a decade and has experienced the challenges and beauty of this crazy, amazing life. Stephanie wants to give those behind her on this journey a head start, with encouragement that was missing during the early years of her own journey. She has been writing for much of her life and has been putting her words out into the world for 15 years. Stephanie had one biological child when she became a single mom and has since adopted a child from Uganda. The three of them live in Wisconsin with their dogs, Bella and Keva, and three fish.

Book preview

Praise for Not Over Yet

Stephanie is beautifully transparent with her journey, offering practical solutions, encouragement, hope, and God’s truth to single mothers everywhere. A must-read! ~ Ammie Bouwman, author of In Over My Head, Finding Joy Again, The Hidden Door, and more

Not Over Yet is a beautiful, easy read. One that made me feel positive and powerful! It was like putting on God’s love and grace.~ Sara Clark, single mom

©2022 Stephanie Bartelt

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means –– electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other––except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without prior permission of the author.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Where noted, Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Where noted, Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Interior Design: Stephanie Bartelt

Cover Design: Stephanie Bartelt

ISBN: 979-8-9867708-1-9

All websites listed herein are accurate at time of publication by may change in the future or cease to exist. The listing of websites and resources does not imply publisher endorsement of the site’s entire contents. Groups and organizations are listed for informational purposes, and listing does not imply publisher endorsement of their activities.

Certain names and details have been changed to protect privacy. Permission has been granted for use of real names and stories with some individuals.

5 am light Press, Waukesha, WI

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022916403

Not Over Yet is dedicated to my mom who was my backup driver, meal dropper-offer, and biggest cheerleader. She loved all of her grandchildren relentlessly. We miss you, Mom.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,whom he has redeemed from trouble. Psalm 107:2 (ESV)

Prologue

The day my husband came back to get his things was worse than any day I could imagine. I had spent weeks carefully dividing up our belongings and packing all his into boxes; now, I helped him carry the boxes down three flights of stairs to load in his car. My feet felt heavy and awkward, as if I was trying to walk through shifting sand.

After he left, I willed myself to hold it together until our then three-year-old daughter took her nap. I quietly closed the door to her room and the floodgates opened. I slid down the smooth plaster wall and sat sobbing on the floor in the hallway, willing myself to grieve soundlessly.

I was devastated. Panic flooded over me. My mind raced with questions as I shook with grief. Could I support us? Where would we live? How could I raise a child all on my own? Would she ever see her dad again? Why didn’t he want us?

I was raised in a Christian home and had fully planned on being married forever. And here I was, suddenly a single mom, living hours away from my family, disconnected from friends. I had never felt so alone.

That day, as I had helped him load the car, he had said, with great disdain, Sorry I ruined your life. In that moment, something stirred deep inside me. Something that had survived the years of neglect. And I heard myself say, quietly and firmly, My life isn’t over yet.

My life isn’t over yet.

And neither is yours.

No matter what dire situation you are in, there is One who is waiting to carry you through. To hold your head up as the waters rise. To be the barrier between you and the flames. To hold you and heal your deep wounds.

Jesus carried me through and used my desperate circumstances to mold me and shape me and prune me into who He created me to be. He’s still working on me. My prayer is that the truths He revealed to me will help you find that place deep inside where you know that your life isn’t over yet, either.

In truth, maybe life is just beginning.

Chapter 1

Not Forgotten

I see you. Even now. Hiding under the covers, curled up on the sofa, hiding in the closet with chocolate.

I see your deep hurts and fears. I see the pain of trying to get up each day and keep moving for your kids. I see you holding back tears until little hearts are tucked safely in bed.

I hear your fears for the future bouncing around in my own head, as I heard my own fears years ago. And I am here to tell you that you can do this. You can do this thing that seems impossible. With God’s help, you can pick up the pieces of your life and move forward. You can build a bright, amazing future for yourself and your children.

You may feel powerless, uncertain, and forgotten right now. Emotions can get the best of us, and our fears and thoughts can run wild. It’s critical to remember the truths found in God’s Word. God’s power is in you. God knows your past, present, and future. God has not forgotten you. He could never forget you. It’s not in His character to forget His children. Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! (Isaiah 49:15).

He knows exactly where you are, what you’re going through, and where He’s going to take you. He promises He won’t ever leave you. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Right now, that may be hard to imagine. If you’ve been hurt or left by someone who promised to love you forever, you may feel completely forgotten and abandoned. It might be hard to imagine being safe and secure in God’s love. But His love is infinitely better than any human love. He is filled with compassion for you. His love for you reaches to the heavens. He is the ultimate promise keeper. He can’t do anything other than what He says He will do.

He proved it in my life. God knew the struggles that were coming my way and the isolation I would experience. He knew what every day would bring, and He allowed it, but He didn’t leave me alone in it. He prepared people ahead of time, connected me to others again, and had a plan in place that I couldn’t have written if I tried.

Looking back, I can see His fingerprints everywhere. But in those moments, I was blinded by the thick fog surrounding me. You may be in that same place—not knowing what the future holds or how you can forge a path ahead. And let me share with you that your future is worth the effort. Worth putting bare, worn feet, one in front of the other. God promises to be the light for our path, but He never says He will light it up all at once. Sometimes it’s our job to keep walking as He lights up one more step.

Once I turned to Him, this God who loves us enough to send His son on the ultimate rescue mission—the only rescue mission that is able to fully redeem a life—began filling my mind with His truth: the great God of the universe had not forgotten me.

You are the apple of His eye.

His treasure. His beloved.

He hasn’t forgotten you, either. He chose you. He wants you. He thought of you before the beginning of the world and decided to make you for His pleasure. To be His companion. You are the apple of His eye. His treasure. His beloved. No one on this earth can ever love you as much as He does.

Maybe you have been hiding from Him, ashamed of your choices or of what has been done to you.

Maybe you have been running from Him, not knowing how to turn back. None of that, nothing in the world, has changed His love for you. He is waiting with open arms.

As you walk through this valley, this struggle, remember that you are never walking alone. He is everything we could ever need, and He will provide for us. He met me in my darkest moments and never let go. I promise He’ll hold on to you if you let Him.

Let’s follow Him together.

Connections

Are you feeling abandoned or forgotten by God or others?

First Step Forward

Search out three Bible verses that remind you that God has not forgotten you. Write them out and put them up around your house to help you remember His love for you.

Chapter 2

The Slow Fade

Let me tell you a bit of my story.

Our little family is just me, my two daughters, our dog, and an ever-changing number of fish. My older daughter was born eleven years into my marriage, and I adopted my younger daughter from Uganda several years after my marriage ended.

I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents and attended Faith Community Church, a wonderful, Bible-believing church, in a beautiful brick building with intricate old lights and windows. We went to church three times a week: Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. For several years I won all of the Sword Drills in Sunday School (a contest to see who could find a Bible verse first). I remember looking up to the older generation (literally and figuratively) while racing around the church after Sunday morning service, entertaining myself while the parents talked for what seemed like hours. I didn’t really mind because I felt so safe and happy in that place. Anywhere I wanted to play was okay. And everywhere I went, there was an adult who would lovingly put me in my place if needed.

I loved Pastor Powell’s voice and Mr. Sorrell’s joy when he played the piano. Mr. Sorrell couldn’t read music but played the piano like a virtuoso. I won a costume contest during AWANA one year when my mom and I made a costume of Oscar the Grouch. (By the way, it is impossible to sit while wearing a garbage can made out of cardboard covered in tinfoil.) My childhood was great.

I planned to grow up, get married, have children, and be a missionary with my forever husband. When I was eight years old, I went forward during an altar call for anyone who felt called to serve Jesus around the world. I went to youth group and prayer and praise nights and loved Jesus with my whole heart.

Then we moved and had to leave our amazing church. Middle school and high school came, and the slow fade began. I loved God with everything in me, but I had bad experiences with people in church. I grew old enough and mature enough to see that not all Christians were who I thought they were. I was not yet wise enough to look past them and keep my eyes on my Savior.

When I went to college, there weren’t any churches that I could get to easily. The one I loved was an hour away by foot. It was a treat to attend, but I certainly wasn’t committed enough to walk an hour in the freezing cold and snow of winter. So, without noticing, without intention, I took another step away from God. Eventually, I wandered far enough from Him that I couldn’t see the truth anymore.

The Long Way Home

I married my husband the fall after graduation. We eventually moved to a big city, far enough from family and friends that we couldn’t visit often, and in a time of our lives that made it hard to meet new people. Suddenly, fifteen years had passed since I had regularly attended church.

I had tried several churches in our area over the years, but I felt unsettled in every single one. I felt like I was watching a show, and they had put a spotlight on me in the audience—trapped, uncomfortable, keenly aware that I didn’t belong. I wondered if I had been gone from church for too long and wouldn’t ever feel a part of one again. But God was drawing me back to Him. No matter how awkward and uncomfortable I had felt the week before, come Sunday, I again wished I was in church.

Light started breaking into my darkness when my little girl was finally born after many years of waiting. When she was 18 months old, I mustered up the courage to walk into a church I had driven by and wondered about for many years. It was a beautiful small brick building with steep angles on the roof and lovely stained-glass windows above the doors. I felt drawn to this building and wondered if I would fit in on the other side of those doors.

I trudged up the five brick steps and in through the glass front doors. I stood frozen, barely inside, fighting the urge to run back out. I didn’t know how to find my way back to a church family after so long. I held my breath and ran my eyes over everything, trying to get my bearings.

A woman approached me smiling, asked how she could help and led me in the direction of the nursery. Since none of the nursery workers had arrived yet, she signed in my daughter and