When The Honeymoon is Over: Secrets to Rekindling the Fire & Keys to Fan the Flame

By Henry Phillips

When the Honeymoon is Over

 

A love that lasts a lifetime... is what men and women long to experience in marriage. But for many, the marriage certificate is being torn apart because it did not have sufficient wisdom to make it last. 

 

Every day we are being bombarded with pop c

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hy-Point One Consultant, LLC
• Release date: Jan 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9781915147875

Book preview

When The Honeymoon

Is Over

By Henry Phillips

© ٢٠22 by Henry Phillips

When The Honeymoon Is Over

Printed in the United States of America

All Scripture quotations and paraphrases are taken from the King James Version, Amplified Bible, New International Version, New Living Translation, God’s Word Translation, J.B. Phillips New Testament, The Living Bible, English Standard Version and the Good News Translations – Today’s English Version of the Holy Bible.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – for example, electronic, photocopy, recording, without prior written permission from the author.

ISBN – 978-1-915147-87-5

Request for more information should be address to:

Henry Phillips

Power of Change Christian Church

P.O. Box 1514

Cahokia, IL 62206

Content

Acknowledgements

Trouble In Paradise

Marriage: The Original Intent

The Blueprint for Happily Ever After

Marriage From The Inside Out

The Best of My Love

You’ve Got Personality!

You’re on a Role!

Can We Talk?

A Date with Destiny

Study Guide

References

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my gratitude to the many people who directly and indirectly shaped the making of this book. First and foremost, I would like to thank God, who has given me the passion for helping people in relationships. My life journey has taught me more than mere book knowledge ever could.

To my dad, the late Henry Phillips Sr., and mom, Mae Belle Phillips, you lit the candle of love and relationship in my heart, and it has never blown out. Thank you for stretching me in the area of my kingdom assignment and my understanding of covenant love.

To my wife, Patricia, this book is a tribute to the love we have shared and our journey of becoming one for over 30 years. Thank you for your support, your unconditional love, and seeing the best in me.

Ricky, Demetrius and Corey, thank you for allowing us to grow together. To Kim, Anissa, the entire Phillips and Brewer families, and to my covenant brothers Lamont Rich and Maxx Frank, you all have been a true support to my purpose-driven life, I am grateful.

To the great men of honor in my life, Pastor Curtis Nunn, the late Pastor Samuel Gilmore, to the late Pastor Ruben Hall, Bishop Richard Rose, and Bishop E. L. Warren, blessings to you gentlemen.

To Felicia Keener, without whose help this book would have been difficult to accomplish, I extend my appreciation. Special thanks to Joyce Meyer for speaking into my life and marriage many years ago. To Patti Amsden and Sharon Rich, I thank you both for your prophetic words and guidance.

To my dream team, David Tullock, Vincent M. Newfield, Valerie Brown, Masa Massenburg, Sandra Williams, Anna Warfield, and Eduardo Heinrichs, thank you all for helping me with drafting and editing. To all my proofreaders, to many to name, forever love.

To my covenant son and daughter, Courtney & Rachel Logan thank you for helping me resuscitate this dream project because of you I was able to finish strong.

Last but not least, to my church, Power of Change Christian Church who has allowed me to grow into the minister that I am today, I am forever thankful. To God be the glory for the things He has done!

Many marriages end in disillusionment or, even worse, divorce because the parties involved enter the relationship with unrealistic expectations, not because they are evil or even irresponsible. Each expects the other to meet their deepest needs. When they realize this is not happening, the real trouble begins.

—Jimmy Evans¹

Chapter 1

Trouble In Paradise

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge….

—Hosea 4:6 AMP

It’s their fourth date, and for Jason and Antionette, everything comes together like a scene from a romantic novel. The candles flicker, and their warm glow lights the room. The waves of smooth jazz create an atmosphere for two lovers’ souls to connect.

This was getting serious.

Everything needed to be picture-perfect, and Jason had carefully planned all the details, music, menu, and ambiance and devoted his full attention to Antoinette.

Throughout the evening, their eyes locked.

In a whispered tone, Antoinette found herself saying, This is the one I’ve been waiting for. It was worth the wait!

Does this sound like a scene out of your story?

The details may be different. It may have been a quiet walk in the park, a night out to see a movie, a concert, a church fellowship, or even long online chats. At some point, you met someone and said the words, This could be the one for me.

Hollywood movies and romantic love songs portray a magical relational experience that makes you feel like you are in Paradise. Those surreal romantic moments convince you that you have found your one true love.

I will never forget when I first met my wife, Patricia.

When she walked into the room, it seemed that time had slowed down. The sunlight streaming through the window became brighter, and a halo appeared around her.

I remember what attracted me to Patricia was how she personified grace, elegance, and natural beauty. She was no diva, putting on a display. She was a role model for others and earned their admiration because of her genuine character and beauty. She demonstrated her love for God, her family, and others. These qualities are what made her attractive.

Patricia became a member of our church and the choir. As the choir director, I was glad that she had a beautiful soprano voice.

I did not pursue Patricia, but our relationship developed as a friendship.

In fact, as a friend, Patricia was giving me advice on how to win the hearts of other girls. Thankfully none of those relationships worked out.

I laugh as I think back on those days. Was my dating counselor, Patricia, giving me bad advice?

As the friendship between Patricia and I developed, our bond went past the superficial, and our hearts began the journey toward genuine love. It was a journey orchestrated by God for His purposes.

From our courtship days to the wedding altar was like a scene out of a romantic movie. I wrote a song entitled Be My Reality and sang it to Patricia on our wedding day.

HOW CAN’T I LOVE THEE...

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS

Now let’s fast forward, and allow me to take you to another scene.

I don’t mean the picture-perfect Hollywood production. What I’m now referring to is the scene being played out repeatedly in real homes and restaurants in your neighborhood.

A married couple is physically sitting a few feet apart, but they are miles apart in reality. They may be staring off into the distance or scrolling through the social media feeds on their smartphones. Very few words exchange as they sit through another meal at the table. The promise of a perfect life portrayed in many songs and movies has faded like the closing credits in a film.

Many people know the famous line from Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet 43: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Unfortunately, while relationships often start with all the emotions of this sonnet, a relationship is ever-evolving. As a result, couples often experience deep regrets and a lack of relational wisdom years later.

The new sonnet becomes, How CAN’T I love you? Let me count the ways.

I have been in awe in recent years, watching numerous tropical storms and hurricanes hit some of the most desirable Caribbean Islands. The impact of these storms has left a lasting mark on the beautiful tropical locations. Yet, just as cleanup and rebuilding were needed in these devastated areas, storm-ravaged marriages not built on sound, tried-and-true covenant principles require total restoration.

One of the biggest reasons for the relationship’s breakdown is pursuing long-term companionship without cultivating essential relational skills and selfless readiness. With poor relational skills and a limited ability to share life beyond personal needs, wants, and cultural comforts, relationships don’t stand a chance against the tropical storms that are normal on Paradise Island.

One of the biggest reasons for the numerous breakdowns in relationships is pursuing long-term companionship without cultivating key relational skills and selfless readiness.

After more than twenty years of pastoring, counseling, and life coaching, I’ve witnessed countless married couples who were once convinced that their relationships had what it took to succeed but eventually found themselves on the road called Paradox Boulevard. Paradox simply means the opposite of what was expected. Unfortunately, they began to experience too many contradictions to their expectations in their relationship, which ultimately led to trouble in paradise.

Again and again, the matrimonial unions of these beautiful couples suddenly took a tailspin into chaos. They experienced emotional disappointments, personality conflicts, communication upheavals, sexual frustrations, and financial wars. Despite their deep love for one another and hope for a successful marriage, they were ill-equipped to address the unknown root issues that were the silent storms in their relationships.

As stated earlier, tropical storms in paradise are normal. But in the context of a once-happy union, what makes them dangerous is the lack of proper relational principles needed to ride out the storms. Once they reach an impasse, many of these couples, unfortunately, consider separation. Or worse yet, they resort to the finality of divorce before changing their approach to marriage.

Learning from Unauthorized Sources

Let me take you on a journey back to your growing years in elementary, middle, and high school.

Truth be told, life lessons didn’t stop at the end of the school day. On the contrary, your home life and neighborhood setting became your after-school program teaching you about culture, society, family, communication, relationships, finances, and the opposite sex.

Unfortunately, the problem for many is that patterns of relating to others were learned from unauthorized or dysfunctional sources. Marriage, or the lack thereof, that was modeled in the home made an impact by subconsciously transferring certain concepts and practices regarding relationships. Thus, these faulty principles began to be imitated in personal relationships. What you and I were exposed to during our formative years impacted our lives, whether good or bad.

What you and I were exposed to during our formative years impacted our lives, whether good or bad.

Let me go deeper.

You learned not only from your parents but also from your peers. What you saw and heard in the school locker rooms, at pajama parties, in pornographic magazines, and through sexual experimentations created a mental and emotional framework shaping how you would approach life, love, and relationships. Worse yet, some people are victims of rape, incest, or other forms of physical and sexual abuse. These perversions can have lasting adverse effects on personhood, and ultimately on marriage if not replaced with a healthy perspective on sexuality. If you have been a casualty of unauthorized sources, I have good news for you: There is nothing impossible for God! He can heal and restore you if you seek Him, embrace His success principles for relationships, and receive His grace for strength to become a better you.

The Never Again Vow: Born of Fear

Another factor to consider is that past hurtful and negative experiences will cause you to approach your relationships from a disposition of fear. Fear limits your ability to relate to others from a place of