Vital Guidance for a Lasting Relationship

By Carnell Moore

Vital Guidance for A Lasting Relationship is a book for those thinking about marriage, have been married, are currently married, and want to stay married by learning from others who are committed and thriving in their marital relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543976014

Book preview

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Introduction

Many times I have heard the motivational phrase, You can be whatever you want to be. I didn’t pour that thought into the minds of my children or other kids when I spoke at schools or coached sports teams. I wanted the kids to know, You can be whatever you PREPARE yourself to be.

Everyone wants a great marriage, but not everyone is prepared to be a great husband or a great wife. Being in love is not preparation, taking a few weeks of pre-marital counseling just to get married is not enough preparation, and watching TV or Hollywood interactions are not enough preparation for what will be one of the most important relationships of your life.

We are taught to win, never to give up, and to finish strong if we want to have success over our challenges. However, based on the stories in this book and other interviews, no one was teaching that about marriage to us. We’re learning if you’re not happy, get a divorce.

We need to enter marriage with that same winning focus to finish strong. Your Fairy-Tale-Cinderella-Happily-Ever-After marriage will have its challenges, and with proper preparation, your relationship can push through those challenges, so you can enjoy the ups and downs of life together with the person you have chosen to love.

In this book, you will read my interviews with five couples who have been married for more than 40 years. Finances haven’t kept them together, romance hasn’t kept them together, being friends and having fun haven’t kept them together. It has been their commitment and promises made to each other before God that have kept them together:

"I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife,

to have and to hold, from this day forward,

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

till death do us part,

according to God’s holy ordinance…"

That’s a significant promise, a big commitment, and one you should strive to keep because marriage is a big life-changing step. None of the couples interviewed for this book explains marriage as being easy, but they all speak about the rewards and joy of spending life with their spouses. The friendship, memories, trust, security, and more profound love they have for each other cannot be duplicated any other way than living it out to the end of your life, or your spouse’s life.

For the past few years, I have seen many acquaintances, as well as some close friends, follow through with a divorce. I’ve been fortunate enough to hear some of their real feelings about their divorce versus the general responses they give in public, so they seem fulfilled in their new life.

Never give up on your wife and children, one warns me. I wish I had hung in there to make it work because the divorce didn’t fix all of our issues. My ex and I still have to deal with some of our issues when we communicate, but now I miss having my family together every day while we still work past the things that separated us.

After all this time, it’s still awkward for me, says another divorced friend. We try to make it work with him and his girlfriend and me and my boyfriend, but it feels awkward when we’re all at the kids’ homes sharing family memories that were supposed to be mine and my husband’s, yet we have these two other people in the room who were not there.

Every couple I interviewed for this book said a divorce was not an option and was never threatened. It’s a mindset where few married couples are at because no one has truly taught us the work it takes to keep a relationship going strong. Many kids are growing up in single-parent homes or with divorced parents that promote the idea that leaving your spouse and children may seem like the right thing to do when the going gets tough – it’s not. Your family needs you.

Enjoying a lasting marriage will take your full commitment and work. The honeymoon will come to an end. It could take months or a few years, but it will end. Being in love will not be enough because you are still two people who have to now deal with life together. You must learn how to disagree, learn how to support each other, and, most importantly, learn how to communicate for enjoying good times and managing challenges.

Vital Guidance For A Lasting Relationship annual book series allows happy couples who have reached certain milestones in their relationships to share their journey. The journey isn’t always beautiful, but you cannot experience the destination any other way. Their relationships are now stronger than ever through forgiving and serving each other, as well as others. They are enjoying life together – from taking walks to traveling the world – and their stories will better prepare you for marriage or help you grow more abundantly in your current relationship.

"Let Us Not Become

Weary In Doing Good,

For At The Proper Time We Will

Reap A Harvest If We Do Not Give Up,"

Galatians 6:9

New International Version

Ken and Ginny Whitten on their wedding day in 1976

Chapter 1

LEARNING TO L-O-V-E EACH OTHER

In 1998, my wife and I drove around Tampa, Florida trying to find a church home. We had grown tired of attending this one or that one on any given Sunday. It was time for us to seriously improve in our faith and make connections with people on the same journey.

The Sunday we visited Idlewild Baptist Church, I learned that this was not the typical Baptist Church. I grew up in a little town called Mayesville, SC, where you still can’t get cable TV. I didn’t attend church every Sunday, mostly on special occasions. Yet, everyone seemed to know each other at St. Mark Baptist Church because many people grew up there and stayed in the area. Idlewild was different. It was a big campus, with people from all walks of life, and we didn’t know anyone.

Each Sunday we came to church we tried to sit in the same spot, hoping to build a connection just by sitting near the same people each week. However, there always seemed to be other people in the area – sometimes already sitting in our spot! The seating strategy didn’t work in our favor, but the pastor sure could hold our attention. His focus was strictly on the Bible – not his opinion – with a little mix of humor. So we made Exciting Idlewild our home church and have enjoyed growing in our walk with the Lord, along with Senior Pastor Ken Whitten and his wife, Ginny.

Ken and Ginny have been married 42 years and have raised two sons and two daughters. That alone could hamper romance and make life too busy because they had active kids. Yet, Ken and Ginny welcomed 19 more people here and there into their home as they did life at church and home.

Ken was born in the southern part of Illinois in a little town called Vandalia but grew up outside of Decatur, IL. Ginny grew up in Rockford, Illinois, which is in the northern part of the state. The two would meet in college at Eastern Illinois University. Their upbringing on the opposite sides of the state should have been an indication that the opposites were attracting. However, the two had a common bond – sports!

Ken has always had a passion for baseball, but Ginny playfully chimes in with, All sports. He likes all sports. Ken played little league, high school, and D-II college baseball where his favorite game would bring him and Ginny together.

Ginny was the first female athletic trainer in the state of Illinois. So we met in the locker room, came out as a very fond memory for Ginny. No we didn’t, we met in training and not in a locker room, Ken says. However, holding onto her fond memory, Ginny quickly interjects with a smile, But they were connected.

After 42 years of marriage, you can see the fun is still in their relationship. Ginny’s passion has always been interacting with people, and she jokes Ken is still her main hobby even though she also loves spoiling her grandchildren. Growing up, her family spent a lot of time together, which is probably why her passion is people.

They both grew up in two-parent homes but later learned their childhood homes operated very differently. Ginny is the middle child of five children and the first born girl. She enjoyed a very fun, loving and outgoing family upbringing. They spent a lot of time together but that time was not based on the church.

It was a quantity of time, maybe not quality time knowing what I know now from a Biblical standpoint, Ginny recalls. We did a lot of creative and fun things together as kids because we were close in age versus having input, dialect, and conversations that would guide and direct instead of only when a crisis arose. Then there was a punishment or conversation.

Overall, Ginny had a well-disciplined family life. Her parents stayed married, and all five kids got married and have stayed married. Her family attended church, but at some point, Ginny realized her parents were only taking them to church because it was the right thing to do. However, she would later change that as she led her dad to Christ