Shh... Don't Tell

By Michelle Moorer

Shh...don't tell-these words, spoken by her father, mark the beginning of a cycle of abuse that darkens the author's childhood and teen years.

The men in Michelle's life were supposed to love, guide and protect her. Instead, her father, Jacob, a heroin user and alcoholic, begins molesting her when she is just a small child. Once he has gon

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book Vine Press
• Release date: Dec 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9781960063021

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Copyright © 2022 by Michelle Moorer.

ISBN 978-1-960063-01-4 (softcover)

ISBN 978-1-960063-02-1 (ebook)

Library of Congress Control Number: xxxxxxxxxx

Disclaimer: This novel is a work of non-fiction. The incidents described are true but any references to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales have been changed in order not to involve real persons. Some of the other names, characters, and incidents are fiction as well.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Printed in the United States of America.

Book Vine Press

2516 Highland Dr.

Palatine, IL 60067

I have always had a passion to write, ever since childhood. I worked in various jobs for several years, trying to find my niche in the world. Faced with much adversity, in addition to being a single parent, I was trying to achieve my goals. In 2006, I stepped out on faith and relocated my family from Michigan to Illinois for growth and opportunities. A year later, I received an MBA degree from Davenport University, Dearborn, MI. After achieving this accomplishment, I now have peace within myself to reach new heights!

Michelle A. Moorer

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Acknowledgements

Special thanks:

To my mother, Pamela Wright, thanks for the encouraging words of wisdom and truly understanding the triumphs and fears I’ve faced. As I grow older, I understand the meaning of a mother. A mother is not perfect nor does she profess to be. All mothers make mistakes in life! Acknowledging and forgiving a mistake is important in order to nurture, maintain and continue to grow within relationships.

To my children, Martinez and Harmoni, you’re my bridge, my rock, my determination, my drive. You’re my everything in this life. Thanks for being the best kids a single mom could ever have! I appreciate your patience, support and compromises while I was writing this book.

To my siblings, Cimarron, Michael, Octavia, Seneca, Anastasia, Ursula and Artesian, thanks for being supportive, encouraging, and understanding the personal triumphs I have faced. It’s truly a blessing to have great siblings such as all of you in my life!

I thank all family and friends who were supportive to me while I was writing this book. I appreciate each and every last one of you very much!

This book is dedicated to all the women in the world who have experienced some form of abuse in their life.

Always believe in yourself! Never give up!

Why should you watch your thoughts?

Because they become your words.

Why should you watch your words?

Because they become your actions.

Why should you watch your actions?

Because they become your habits.

Why should you watch your habits?

Because they become your destiny.

Frank Outlaw

Introduction

I want to talk to all abused people in the world, especially girls becoming young ladies and young ladies becoming women. So many women in the world have experienced some form of abuse; whether it’s verbal, physical, mental or spiritual, from a love one, the betrayal of a friend, parents, boyfriend, husband or relative, it is all hurtful. The abuse I experienced came from love ones I trusted. I felt betrayed, deceived, hurt, and had a lot of agony inside. It was hard for me to face myself, family, friends and other people in my life!

I prevailed against my abuse and adversities by talking about what happened. I spoke to a counselor and friends, but not family because I felt judged by them. My friends did not know my family and therefore could not be biased to the situation. There were several times I shut down and ignored the abuse that happened in my life, because of the embarrassment and humiliation I felt. In order for me to get over the abuse, first I had to acknowledge it. I started talking about the abuse to others, and finally to the family members involved in order to get over the agony. After I spoke to the family members involved, my mind, heart, and soul became clear, enabling me to move on to a healthier, fulfilled and wonderful life!

Overcoming these obstacles in my life gave me the perseverance to become the person I am today. I took all my bottled hurt and turned it into a positive in my mind! This was the only way to escape the pain and humiliation I had experienced as a child. I wrote all my dreams down and crossed them off as I achieved them. It was difficult at times trying to reach my dreams! But I did not give up, no matter how long it took. At times I lay down at night and cried because I wanted to give up! All I could think about in my life was my children. I knew my children had no one to depend on but me. If I failed my children, then I failed myself.

I strived hard, day after day, through different phases in my life, pushing through adversity. I finally reached my dreams. I now have peace within myself.

If you have experienced some form of abuse in your life, never get discouraged. Fulfill your dreams! Remember, it’s not your fault! Take all the abuse you have experienced and turn it into a positive! Don’t give up, no matter how hard the situation may be. Put your faith and trust in your Higher Being and in yourself. Always put your best foot forward and keep achieving your dreams! If no one believes in you, you believe in yourself. You can do it!

I believe in you. Never give up, no matter how hard it may seem!

Yours Truly,

Michelle Antoinette Moorer

Chapter 1

My first memories are from staying on Congress Street on the westside in Detroit, MI in a four-family flat. Brenda, my mother’s friend, a short, long-haired dark woman with missing teeth, an alcoholic who stumbled every day to get home, stayed downstairs. May, another friend of my mother’s, was a full-figure dark woman who smiled a lot and quoted bible verses to everyone who passed by. She stayed upstairs and we lived next door. My parents, Patty and Jacob, were young and happy as can be. They had met over at a relative’s house a few years earlier on the eastside of Detroit. Jacob had just been released from the county jail where he had done thirty days for breaking and entering and stealing shrimp with a friend. At the time, my mother had my brother Scotty, who was one month old. My mother was a tall, full-figured woman, brown skinned with brown eyes and a medium build who wore her hair in an Afro. It was love at first sight, when she saw Jacob!

Jacob was a short, dark-skinned man, with hazel eyes and a muscular build, known as a lady’s man, prone to playing dice in the streets. He adored a full-figured woman. Opposites definitely attract, because if you saw Jacob and Patty, they were an odd couple! They had dated for a while and then became a couple. A year later, I was born in a cold month, November. My parents named me Michelle Johnson. My mother said that when she had me, she knew there was something special about me! She said I was different from other babies. Once I could talk, I could understand questions asked by adults and answer as if I had been here before. I had a sharp memory and could remember my numbers, colors and ABC’s the first time she taught me! I even started walking before I was a year old, chasing after the pots and pans in the cabinet.

My father was like a comedian. He loved to make people laugh! He had a very distinguished laugh that would make people laugh even harder when hearing him. Often my father would take Scotty and me to the park. I would get on the swing and swing so high my head became dizzy and my stomach would feel ticklish! I would stop, just before throwing up. I enjoyed spending time with my father. It was the greatest time in my life! After we were done playing at the park, we would race home to eat. Three years after I was born, my parents were married at Apian Baptist Church, joined by close family and friends. After the ceremony, family and friends served dinner in the basement of the church.

A couple weeks after they were married, Jacob and Patty received a notice in the mail that another company had purchased the four-family flat where they were living, giving them only thirty days to move. We moved off Congress Street to my Grandma Mae’s house on Cassidy. Grandmother Mae was a short, slim woman, dark-skinned with grey eyes. She could be very mean. With a firm but deep voice, you knew she meant business when she called you to do something! You had better do it or else there would be a whopping! When going to visit Grandma Mae before living with her, it was boring. So, can you imagine living with her? We stayed with Grandma Mae for two years. When I got older, I had the most chores in the house. Grandma Mae made me clean up the whole entire house every day! I began wondering if all grandmothers were as strict as this. For some reason, I don’t know why, my grandmother would make me get on my hands and knees and mop the kitchen floor with a small brush.

Do you know how upset that made me? It would take me half a day to do the kitchen floor! If it was not to my grandmother’s liking, then I had to continue to do it until it was. When I completed the kitchen floor, I had to go to the basement and wash clothes on a washboard in a big silver bucket, then hang the clothes up on the line in the backyard. When the clothes dried, I had to fold them and put them away. After completing those chores, I had to clean all the bedrooms, wash the dishes and clean the bathrooms. By the time I finished, it was too late to go outside. It seemed as though I never got to go outside, because of my chores. My brother Scotty had brown skin and was slightly taller than I was. He wore glasses and had an Afro. He was only responsible for sweeping the kitchen floor and vacuuming the thick carpet. I thought this was not fair to me! It seemed as though I had to do everything.

I remember my mother always said, Girls are different from boys! Was she right? Why do boys always seem to have less work than girls? I just could not understand that! Why did I have to do everything in the house? What was wrong with me? What had I done? These were thoughts that rushed into my head and made me feel unloved as a child. Imagine cleaning a five- bedroom house! This was a palace to me! There were three bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. Two bedrooms and a bathroom on the main floor. The basement was a big open space with a bathroom and a laundry room. After I was done, I would go down in the basement where my parents were sleeping at the time and ask my mother, Why did Grandma Mae make me clean up this big ole’ house?

Grandma Mae loves you dearly!