The Sakura Cloud

By Rajah E Smart and Felicia M. Banks

Please allow us to introduce--THE SAKURA CLOUD—a--mystical story about the true price of love.

Rizuu, a Japanese man, knows the precise moment when his world fell apart: the instant his longed-for daughter was born and he saw her dark skin and curly hair. He and his wife, Ayami, had been trying for years for this pregnancy. Ayami confesses that she has been unfaithful, and the child is not Rizuu’s. Rizuu seethes with anger. He has spent his entire married life working hard to give Ayami everything she could ever want, and she has betrayed him. He will never forgive her or accept the baby. After taking her life in a moment of rage, he has a series of impossible events that always begin with the aroma of cherry blossoms Sakura flowers, the symbol of life and love. The dreams take him on a journey that shows him what life would be like without Ayami and baby Amaya.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665576239

Rajah E Smart

Rajah E. Smart was born and raised in Flint, Michigan. Mr. Smart has been an educator for over 15 years before turning to writing. As a child, all he and his family had for entertainment was their imagination, as well as a frequent trip to the library for a good book. Rajah has been developing his writing since 2002. His titles include All in Love is Fair (fiction, 2006), Sinners have a Soul Too (fiction, 2008), Clarity of Absence (fiction, 2009), You Were There (fiction, 2010), and Black Rain (fiction, 2012), and Souls of Pier 35 (fiction, 2014). The novels are written from a social context. Mr. Smart is socially conscious and believes that WE as people have to be more willing to face the social issues that shape our experiences. He is currently completing his doctorate in Educational Administration from the University of Michigan.

Book preview

1

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R izuu sits in anticipation of the birth of his first child. After an initial premature loss, he feels great about going full term. The loud fluorescent lights heighten the shine on his white teeth, as he smiles from ear to ear on this joyous day. The sun has faded, and the last rays of light break through the glass to create a perfect view on this busy afternoon. Rizuu stares through the glass, fighting the beams of fluorescent light that reflect from the panes prevents him from seeing. The sterile feel of the environment and the lingering hospital smell don’t affect him as he clutches his wife’s hand. Finally , he thinks. With the loss of my parents, I finally have the family I’ve always wa nted .

He watches the orderlies and nurses walk past the door, tending to their duties. The nurse assigned to their room enters and closes the door with a light push, cutting off his view of the hallway. He stares at the sweat pouring from his wife’s brow, takes her favorite washcloth to dab at it gently. Rizuu notices her long black hair clinging to her neck, while her bangs are glued to her forehead from the sweat. A huge smile forms on his face at his beautiful wife.

The pain is greater, and he can see it in her face. Her grasp on his hand feels painful. The sweat from her tired and dehydrating body is on the white pillowcases, along with strands of thin black hair. It’s all so busy as the nurse and doctor talk to one another, but Rizuu is feverishly focused on his wife. He’s worried, anxious, and nervous about the birth of his child due to their previous pregnancy. The pain in her eyes keeps him anxious, but she carried full term.

For a moment, he thinks about where they are now in life. He has his best friend as his wife. They met in freshman year and became best friends that shared everything until they decided to date in their senior year and marry soon after. Rizuu is a successful tax attorney and enjoys his planned life. Ayami, his wife, worked as an accountant for a corporation. According to Ayami, they have the perfect boring life. She always says Rizuu has a plan for even going to the bathroom, clearly a bit unsatisfied with the monotony. He has planned their life together down to the birth of their child.

He’s one of the youngest lawyers and appreciated for his attention to detail. I’m a successful young man in my own right, working as a tax attorney for a corporation. Who could ask for more? The plan worked, and my life is exactly the way I need it to be. Granted, Ayami and I are a little distant since we’ve been trying to get pregnant, and she’s been dishonest at times, but this will make us a family again. My parents would be proud of me if they were still here. I gave up silly dreams ranging from being a soldier to a cartoonist to be responsible, and it worked out.

With his boyish looks and large smile, he glances at the nurse staring at him. Rizuu smiles, feeling proud of the job his pregnant wife has ahead. Rizuu stares at her jet-black hair, round open eyes, and soft features. He notices she doesn’t look her best, especially since she’s been in labor for some time.

Taoru o onegaishimasu? The nurse asks slowly.

I speak English, Rizuu responds.

Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Would you like a towel?

Rizuu smiles at the nurse.

No, thank you, but where did you learn to speak Japanese? Because she’s a small Colombian woman, he’s curious as to why she chose to learn the language.

Years ago, I took up the language in college and actually studied in Japan. The culture is just fascinating, and so were the landscapes, at least where we were staying.

Okay…Anata no onamaehanandesuka? He asks her name to try to be personable.

Natāsha, she responds.

Thank you, Natasha, for your help...hope to talk to you again.

Rizuu notices Ayami is in greater pain and uncomfortable in bed, tired as the doctor begins to deliver. Seeing her discomfort and anguish, he takes the washcloth to rinse it, to place it across her sweat-beaded head. Going into the bathroom, he’s almost sure there’s another one not so sweat-ridden available somewhere, considering that this hospital is like a five-star hotel. Grabbing another washcloth off the stainless-steel rack, he sees the little fountain sink finds the right mixture of cold and hot water to soak the washcloth. Wringing it carefully, he can hear Ayami calling him to come back. While rinsing, he glances in the mirror, thinking, I’m going to be a father. Wow... I’m actually going to be holding a daughter in my arms after all this time. This has been too long a road and I did it with my best friend after all the hurt.

Rizuu refers to the fact that it has been difficult for the two of them to conceive. A loss in the second month of pregnancy paralyzed his plan. The difficulty has caused some distance in an otherwise decent relationship. They have been lucky throughout their relationship, lucky to have one another. They don’t laugh like they used to or cuddle on the weekends as much, but he loves her so much. Rizuu! The yell is much deeper than before, which snaps him into reality and back to her side. With the towel in hand, he moves quickly to her side and dabs the damp washcloth upon her brow to cool her slightly.

This hurts so bad, she says to him in all the chaos.

Rizuu places the palm of his hand on her forehead and pushes her hair back, placing a small kiss upon her brow. Ayami stares into his eyes, as he locks on to the roundness of her left iris, exposed by the bright light.

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People explained childbirth to her, but she never expected it to be this way. Ayami lifts and drops her head back, staring at the ceiling as a contraction begins to take hold. She clinches Rizuu’s hand again in reaction to the intense pain. Their life together flashes before her eyes as she thinks about the past five years, and how tough it has been to follow his plan. She loves him very much but often feels under so much pressure and stress under the plan. The last two for her have been very tough, as even now she contemplates leaving because of the staleness in their relationship. She could tell him anything and enjoy the smallest things with him, but that faded. She has always wanted a child and knows they have that in common, but lately, that seems to be all due to the plan. Luckily, money isn’t an issue for them because of their success. Once Ayami became pregnant, she took leave from a very prominent accounting firm in Toronto to avoid risking any complications or causing stress-induced labor. Work in itself is like a kid due to all the silly people who act like children, Ayami always says.

She watches her husband filled with excitement, but then chooses to stare out the large window that runs the length of the room to take her mind off the pain. She is not only in pain due to labor but also something she’s been keeping a secret. The panoramic view of Lake Ontario is her focal point. She doesn’t feel Rizuu knows she’s unhappy or that something is bothering her. In all the labor chaos, she thinks he interprets her mood as labor pains talking. Ayami feels a contraction coming faster. The pain is almost unbearable. The finale of the pregnancy is here.

The time has come for their child to come into the world. Intensity surrounds the room with Ayami screaming at the top of her lungs, intensely pushing the baby out of her small body. She hears the doctor gently talking to her, but it all sounds like babble with the pain she’s experiencing. She feels Rizuu wiping the sweat off her forehead and clutching her hand. The words of encouragement that have been missing from their relationship, she hears now.

She doesn’t want him to feel useless, but the pain is too great for her to care deeply about his encouragement. The doctor asks her to push again, as Ayami screams. She hears the doctor instructing her softly but ignores his words as her focus is on seeing a head emerge. With one last successful push, the baby emerges, covered with fluid. Ayami rests her head on the pillow, exhausted from the ordeal, crying and sweating. Taking a breath, she lifts her head to see this blessing that has been bestowed upon her family. The baby has beautiful thick, ebony, curly hair and a darker complexion than expected, which changes the emotion on Ayami’s face. Rizuu looks at the baby and Ayami’s face. She feels like the look on her face is telling him something, so she takes his hand to say something. She realizes that he is oblivious but is sure she needs to be honest. In pain, she pulls him close to whisper something in his ear. What she whispers in his ear changes his whole life in an instant.

She finally must answer the question of whose baby it is? It has been on her mind since pregnancy. As the nurse moves the baby to clean the residue off, Ayami’s eyes are locked on the child. She could have waited, but Ayami feels she has waited enough. The guilt has been killing her. Glancing over at Rizuu, Ayami notices his face. She can see shock, embarrassment, sadness, and discomfort with every blink of her eyes. He snatches his hand away from hers, leaving her hand bare. Tears begin to develop, and she realizes that their marriage has been merely a habit instead of a relationship. She thinks about her extramarital affair and wonders what’s on his mind.

Ayami never told her husband about the affair when she found out about the pregnancy, hoping it would change things. While the doctor and nurse take the baby over to the warmer and examine her, Ayami can feel tension. At some point, she knew he would finally have to face it and stop pretending things were okay in their relationship. The doctor watches Rizuu standing in the corner. The doctor interrupts to congratulate her on the successful delivery. Ayami produces a fake smile and watches him leave the room accompanied by the nurse.

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Rizuu drops his head and stares directly at the floor to avoid looking at his wife. He was enjoying emotions of happiness and joy, only to now be shocked and disheartened. Ayami looks at the baby and back at him, hoping she can find the right words to say. After minutes of silence between the couple, the nurse brings the baby. Ayami is crying, and Rizuu’s emotion has gotten the best of him. To his credit, he tries hard to fight off the emotions, but It’s such a despicable way to find out, he mutters to her.

Naze, is all he can ask while the tears gather in his eyes like those of a child.

I don’t know why… I really don’t, Ayami says, with genuine sadness in her heart and pain in her words.

Rizuu rises after asking why and walks out of the room to find peace within a hot cup of coffee. Walking slowly down the long, white corridor, he can barely stand. The distress is eating at him from the inside out as he uses the wall as a crutch. He can barely breathe, as if the life has been sucked out of his body. The deviation from his life plan and the betrayal are paralyzing. Rizuu struggles to make it up the hallway to the elevator. Going through the huge double doors, he receives stares when he falls against the wall again. He can hear the elevator arriving ahead and moves faster, running out of breath and trying to come up for air. At the elevators, he pushes the button several times as if this will make the huge stainless-steel doors open faster. Finally, the door opens, and he moves swiftly to get inside. Leaning against the wall of the elevator offers him some relief. Shifting his eyes from the floor to the panel, he presses the first-floor button to go to the cafeteria. The elevator arrives but closes as he is unable to enter.

Returning to the room, Rizuu knows the decision he makes will determine their future. What am I supposed to do? He turns away from the room and continues pacing. Rizuu’s shadow casts slightly on the wall as he walks back and forth in the hallway, intermixed with the tan wallpaper. Arriving at the elevator again, he pushes the button and sees his reflection in the doors, but with a slight difference. The image he sees reminds him of his father, but broken, tired, and beaten. It is the look his dad always had because of his cancer; yet, Rizuu didn’t understand that as a teen. Seeing his reflection, he instantly thinks about something his father used to say. If you allow people to destroy your beauty in the world, they will. Every time. The bell chimes, indicating the arrival of the elevator. The door opens, allowing a few people to exit. Rizuu steps aside the elevator so people may exit. He props himself against the wall. Alone in the hall, he looks down the hall, realizing that his best friend is not who he thought. The hall seems to extend for miles. He begins his slow walk down the corridor to a future of which he’s unsure. Arriving at the two double doors, Rizuu presses the button to enter the maternity area. His steps seem to slow the closer he comes to the entrance of the room of his wife and her new baby. Placing his hand on the stainless-steel handle, Rizuu stares at the thick, steel door, wondering if he’s up to talking with her about this situation. He feels a stream of anger developing inside. How could she wait till the birth of the child to tell me? he thinks.

2

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T he first week home yelling, thrown items, police being called due to noise, and a separation of space within the loft. A woman and man scorned can be a volatile situation. After the initial month of avoidance, fights, and constant arguments, Rizuu and Ayami remain shattered. She assured him that what happened doesn’t mean her love for him was gone. Rizuu can’t understand why she didn’t just talk to him. It has been three months since Ayami arrived home with her child. The happiness has gone, and underlying issues stay at the forefront in their day to day. Rizuu seeks to fight the feelings of anger and disappointment. Ayami seeks to explain the best she can but spends her time caring for the child she fought so hard to birth. The issue could seemingly be alleviated by someone leaving, but it’s hard because Rizuu feels Ayami is his only family and he’s scared to be without her, but he’s so angry with her.

The day begins with a familiar theme. His alarm clock blares loudly, and he hits the snooze to return to sleep. But it seems like every time he hits the snooze, it blares again. He now sleeps in the spare bedroom and office. Rizuu reluctantly turns off the clock and yanks the quilt off his body. The darkness of the room covers his eyes as if someone were behind him, placing their hands over them. Rubbing his arms like he’s hugging himself, Rizuu rises out of the bed and walks to the bathroom.

He turns on the halogen lights, feeling the shock from the wall switch. The vase that Ayami placed in the bathroom has a few cherry blossoms inside that catch his attention. The smell and beauty of them is noticeable even to his tired mind. A part of him still believes in the power of the petals, but because of Ayami’s infidelity, not so strong as before.

The memories associated with the flowers are always on his mind. Those memories include thoughts of Ayami and his parents and picnicking under the tree that was in his backyard growing up. The memories are so fresh; however, his current situation blocks the happiness he feels from those early memories. Looking at the inscription on the vase, it reads, The Sakura Flower is an emblem of life and love. Cherish it always. No doubt one of Ayami’s ways to get him to notice her, but he evades much communication with her.

Three months after the birth of the baby, the relationship has worsened. Each morning, he looks in the mirror and regrets not doing many of the things he always wanted to do before marriage. Marriage has been a crux for me and stood in the way. What a waste. Do everything for someone, and they betray you. From her always wanting to spend time together to working to give her the things she wanted, I never had time to fulfill my dreams, he thinks. Now that he knows Ayami cheated and is keeping the baby, he blames his inability to follow his sudden dreams on the time spent making the marriage work. It’s all a smokescreen for his anger toward Ayami. All this time, he lived by design with a plan that was seemingly perfect. He thought the relationship had to be perfect. He now realizes that the plan limited all the dreams he and his wife could have shared but refuses to admit it to her due to the anger. Would he have really climbed a mountain? Joined the military? Would he have really raced motorcycles or been a sniper? These are questions he’s sure to answer yes to, but Rizuu is sure he missed the chance because of the time wasted being married to someone disloyal. He will not accept any of the blame. Ayami is to blame for Rizuu working hours on hours and not fulfilling his dreams.

Eyes dead to the world, he stares into the mirror to start the process of preparing for work. With his unshaven face and red eyes, he doesn’t approach work with the same motivation. He thought he could forget and move on, but Ayami and the baby have become the target of his frustration. He refuses to accept this child.

Suddenly, he hears a voice. You know this is your fault, right? Rizuu looks around to see where the voice is coming from, but can see nothing. The whiteness of the bathroom still clouds his eyes a bit, but he continues to