Healing Church Hurts

By Basilel Woodside

The Kingdom of God is designed that good and bad people might have an equal opportunity for receiving salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord. I wish to show that church hurts can happen because there are all kinds of personalities in these assemblies. Do not be discouraged because the church has element

• Language: English
• Publisher: URLink Print & Media, LLC
• Release date: Oct 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781684862788

Basilel Woodside

Apostle Basilel Woodside is the founder and pastor of the Kingdom Culture Dominion Ministries, Inc. Int. This Ministry has been in existence for twenty-four years. He is a retired educator from the Board of Education, City of New York, where he taught Language and Literature. Apostle Basilel Woodside has studied at SUNY and CUNY Colleges of New York and St. Johns University where he has achieved AA. BRE. MS. MA RES. He is a Clinical Reading Specialist. Basilel is the author of three books, Until He sees Himself in Me, Kingdom Culture Dominion and Healing church Hurts, and has written a number of articles including The Seven Principles of the Vicarious Apostolic Evangelism, the apostolic doctrine of the Kingdom Culture Dominion Ministries, Inc.

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HEALING CHURCH HURTS

BY APOSTLE BASILEL WOODSIDE

Healing Church Hurts

Copyright © 2022 by Basilel Woodside. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of URLink Print and Media.

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Published in the United States of America

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022918714

ISBN 978-1-68486-277-1 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68486-278-8 (Digital)

02.12.22

CONTENTS

Disclaimer

Introduction

Hard Wired Part One Fight or Flight

Hard Wired Part Two the Five Stages of Grieving

Knowing Your Emotions

Father Forgive Them

The Evangelist

The Robe

The Book

The Two Churches

Who Exactly Owns the Church?

How I Almost Commit Spiritual Suicide

The Sit Down

Party Dress Goes to Church

Preacher’s Kids

Infidelity

Infidelity in the Pulpit

The Letter

DISCLAIMER

As painful as these stories will appear, I feel they should be presented in absolute moral honesty. I wish to inform the reader, that every story is a true-life experience with the most accurate representation of the events even to the most minute detail of the actual dialogue the time and setting. There is, however, one major attrition, and it comes with great regrets, the solutions or handling of these traumatic events as depicted were not available; and as a result, the perpetuation of agonizing effects of these instances might be felt unresolved, allowing certain emotions to persist beyond the necessary duration. But that the reader will not have to undergo enduring of relapses of these horrible emotions; I offer credible biblical solution to these painful and traumatic experiences by the grace of God.

Please note that for this author prayer is an essential first step in the process of grappling with traumatic injuries real and imagined. Jesus reminds us that without him we can do nothing. He is our spiritual head and the healer of our hearts. Before undertaking to seek healing or even resolution, we will do well to bring our Lord into the picture. The prophet Isaiah presented him as (For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller… 9: 6.kjv.)

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

John 15:5. kjv.

The names of people that appear in the stories had been substituted to avoid conflicts of interest. But the depictions of characters settings, time and emotions are all very real. Basilel is committed to capsulating the scenarios as they were played out.

INTRODUCTION

The word hurt has far-reaching dissimilarities. In this discourse, I will use hurt as a synonym along with trauma which is intended to include any physical, mental, or emotional damages. An emotional wound is intended to represent any mental traumatic abuse; even a shocking experience we classified as mental trauma. The duration of time does not classify an event as traumatic. Whether the experience is for a moment or lasting for an extended period, there are people who deal with hurts in different ways; these people may experience a brief or an extended time of suffering; we recognize the effect of the event upon the individual as traumatic.

The breaching of a person’s emotional barrier can trigger many different emotional effects. These sensations can manifest themselves through many emotional tributaries, for example, the mind, thoughts, emotions and even the bodily responses. This study is intended to direct help and support a speedy recovery for those who have been hurt in their church. Emotional, psychological, and physiological trauma occurs when a person experiences a disturbing event that interrupts the normality of daily functions. These hurts can be potentially devastating, crushing our sense of well-being, which will eventually lead to a spirit of insecurity, the result can be riveting leaving one to feel ashamed, isolated, helpless, and even hopeless in a treacherous world. Psychological traumas are harmful to the mind, instances like these can leave you fighting with a fusillade of disconcerting emotional reactions, recollections, and anxiety that will not just go away. In many cases it leaves you feeling disoriented, disconnected, and struggling with trust issues of other people.

While traumatic events can happen to anyone, you are more likely to be more severely traumatized by an event if you are already under a heavy-stress load, or had recently suffered similar series of trepidations, or experienced similar traumatic events before especially, if the trauma occurred earlier on in life. Experiencing trauma in childhood can result in many severe and long-lasting effects. Many of these experiences are still activated well into adulthood and can be triggers for traumatic events in later life. This is because when these traumas are not properly resolved, a sense of fear and helplessness is carried over into adulthood, setting the stage for further trauma. Childhood traumas can even have deep and lasting effect on growth and development. There is an old proverb that goes like this, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will not hurt. How say you? No! But words will kill!

19Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. 21Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness and receive with meekness… James 1: 19-21.kjv.

Language is the vehicle through which most people engage in social interactions with other humans, so caution should be taken to avoid abrasiveness, which can inflict very traumatizing hurts physically and emotionally. Wars have been started and nations ruined by the traumatic impact of uncensored words. The spoken word has the efficacy to produce some of the most devastating pyschological, physical, and emotional traumas on the youth as well as adults.

If any man among you seems to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain. James.1: 26.kjv.

The church is neither a stranger nor a haven from the traumatizing hurtful experiences. It is safe to venture upon the assertion that church hurts are more traumatic, for several reasons. First, the abused is often treated as the culprit because abuse is habitually characterized as Satan’s vengeance of the sinful soul for not being fully committed. Secondly, while the church should be a healing station, in other words, ‘a home for the hurting’, there are bitter and damaged people in attendance; it is most certainly an unsuspected presence in the audience of saints. Finally, this is the place where wounded souls come seeking healing, only to have their ravaged spirits mulled by discourteous people, by far the most consequential impact of any hurt is felt when a spirit is traumatized.

There are many brilliant therapists in our churches and communities, so, even if your trauma happened many years ago, there are steps you can take to overcome the pain or lessen the effects of the memories significantly. There are many resources available for those who need to re-learn how to trust again, connect to others again, and regain your sense of emotional balance. I am committed to establishing a steady first step in the pursuit of mental and emotional recovery. Having been the victim of countless discretionless traumas, I wish to share firsthand knowledge of the approach to healing and coping with the debilitating effects and the troubling negligent interest devoted to hurting church people.

CHAPTER

ONE

Hard Wired Part One Fight or Flight

For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. Hebrew 10:30. kjv.

The way I see it, our natural human instinct is to fight or flee that which we perceive to be dangerous. Although this mechanism evolved to protect us, it serves as the single greatest limiting process to our growth. To put this process in perspective and not let it rule my life, I expect the unexpected; make the unfamiliar familiar; make the unknown known; make the uncomfortable comfortable; believe the unbelievable."

Psychodynamics, also known as psychology, is a field of study developed by behavioral scientists of which we have very little particular interest in the field of Psychodynamics. Our primary purpose for investigating this concept is to validate for some that the emotions are cognitive biological responses that happen consciously and subconsciously in the brain and to let you know that they can be managed biologically. We will examine two concepts in this field of study:: first, the fight or flight cognitive mechanism and secondly, the five stages of grieving Mechanism.

Psychology in its general application, is an inquiry into the psychological processing of the systematic function of the mental forces that motivate human behavior, feelings, and emotions to determine how they might correlate to our primary experience. Understanding what is going on in our body soul and spirit when we sustain a traumatic event is especially important. It is the first step in developing a responsive approach to a healthy cognitive management. Please do not concern yourself with the idea of body soul and spirit. We make reasonable mention of the triune nature of man to correlate the interconnectedness of their functions. Man is biologically classified as a triune being and any traumatic activity mentally or physically affects man homogeneously.

God created man this way; these three entities function as a unit and when one part of our being is directly affected the other parts of our being can be dynamically involved. This means that human being has a trilateral connection. The Fight or Flight mechanism system and the Five stages of grieving are parts of our cognitive defense systems.

We will look into these systems to improve and develop our understanding of how hurt and traumas affect us as we progress in this study. We will begin with the Fight or Flight defense system, I think it is more immediate, and perhaps contributes to the others. The fight-or-flight response (also called hyperarousal or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or a threat to survival. The Fight or Flight response is not directly a spiritual response. It is mainly a biological reaction. It is important to keep in mind that although this is a physical event the whole being can still become directly involved. The Fight or Flight response begins in the brain. When we experience a traumatic injury, three major parts of the brain goes into immediate functioning mode. These three are the Thalamus, the Hippocampus, and the Amygdala. It is amazing how important these three tiny organs are. Their functions are equally interesting. The Thalamus controls the sensory operations by monitoring incoming information from the five senses. Upon being activated by any abnormal mental stimulation, the Thalamus receives the incoming data and processes the quality of the information inspecting the seriousness of the trauma. After this information is adjudicated, it is transferred to the Amygdale which is the part of the brain that is responsible for the examination and control of emotions; it is also responsible for the release of hormones such as adrenalin, and cortisol. The Amygdale is responsible for the release of these extremely critical body fluids. This is an especially important bit of information to have, based on the seriousness of the trauma. The Amygdale will release adrenalin in accordance with its necessity. The function of the Hippocampus is to store all our memory.

After the Thalamus has examined the traumatic event, it sends the information to the Amygdale, which also weighs the information, but this phase of the operation is critically different, this inspection is for the measurement of the release, adrenalin or cortisol. These operations depend on the nature of the information adrenalin is released to prepare the body for fight or flight. The first phase in these exchanges is the Fight stage, it is called the Challenge phase, Challenge can sound aggressive, and might be antagonistic, but the body is only searching for a safe distance from the exacerbation. Although all three stages in this system play particularly distinctive roles in controlling mental and emotional wellbeing, the Challenge stage is the first to be activated because one of its primary responses is determined by the amount of suspected incoming grief or emotions that have been sustained.

The second stage of the hyperarousal or the acute stress response is called the Escape defense, this is a cognitive function of the brain attempting to create distance between itself and the trauma. The escape defense response is critical to our study.

Through the escape defense system, the brain is attempting to establish distance between itself and a real or Imagined offender. This stage of defense is critical because it is when the urge for distancing is initiated. It initiates the severing of relationships with the real or imagined trauma. You might hear someone in the initial phase of the conflict make statements like, I have to leave or get away from me. Although these requests are emotional responses orchestrated in the brain, the separations can result into permanent distancing from church or family or even even from among spouses. In some cases, the lapse of time can be so long, people forget why they were separated in the first place. Distancing or escaping can manifest itself in the form of severing all communications including not speaking. This disposition can result in the most awkward environments, people going to the same church to praise the same God, park their vehicles next to each other and never say a word to each other. It is suggested that no one experiencing this phase of the conflict is seeking revenge and may even express that, you might hear a party say all I want is to be left alone. The escape defense system is one of the most prevalent responses of the Fight and flight response that is seen in our churches. Keep an eye on your church migrants. Whenever there is an influx of people or just an individual joining a church, there is a real chance they are distancing themselves from a church where they have experienced hurt. As a matter of fact, escaping or distancing operates like a conveyer belt for the shifting of people amongst churches, membership fluctuates as traumas arise for whatever reasons.

The third stage of the Fight or Flight response has several names attached to it for good reasons. First, it is called the Opossum, The Faint, The play dead, and others. This stage is