The G24 Guide to Dating: A holistic workbook based on Genesis 24 to help people who want to be married get out of the game and get serious!

By Nehemiah Bostick

Tired of the dating game? Frustrated with being single? Do you actually want to be married? Have you answered yes to any of these? You should read this book!

If you're looking for a fresh and godly approach to dating, which is also practical and relevant for today, then The G24 Guide to Dating is for you. It will

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Oct 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685560010

Nehemiah Bostick

Nehemiah is your classic deep-thinking introvert who loves the Lord and loves encouraging people to live according to His way. He is also an author, poet, speaker, and certified leadership and mental health life coach. Nehemiah likes to focus on coaching and mentoring young adults and youth to do life well and experience the abundant life the Lord Jesus came to give them. Currently, he resides in sunny Florida with his beautiful wife, Morgan.

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Acknowledgents

Thanks to the Lord and the many people He has used to teach me and grow me. Most of all, His Word.

Prologue

Defining Dating: a Process to Discern a Spouse for Marriage

Hi! I’m Nehemiah. Nice to meet you! Since you have picked up this book, I know at least one thing and maybe even two things about you. First, you and I both share an interest in the wonderful topic of dating. And two, you probably would like to find a spouse. So with that being said, if you’d allow me, I’d like to share with you what I have learned about dating and finding a spouse through my experience and, most importantly, God’s Word.

There have been many books, blogs, vlogs, videos, and lectures on dating and finding a spouse throughout the years. Especially in this postmodern and information age, there is an ungodly amount of information out there on the topic, both in and outside of the church. And yes, I’m adding my book to the pile too.

Like many in the church today, I was influenced heavily by the culture and what it said about dating, what it was for, and how to go about it. By Hallmark movies and romantic comedies on television and the big screen. Romance novels and self-help books. Country music and R & B songs on the radio, and even thought-provoking articles, blogs, and vlogs. I let the culture pour its ideology about dating and spouse finding into me.

Now I have to say, I am a Christian and became one when I was a child. So I also grew up hearing what the church had to say about dating. Back in my day, there were two points that the church spoke about when it came to dating. They were: first, you should only date a believer in Christ (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14-16), and second, you should not have sex outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 6:12-20; 1 Corinthians 7:2-3; Hebrews 13:4). Both are true, and both are right, but that’s where it kind of ended. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t pay attention or read the right books, but those are the high notes I remember. So with that being it, it seemed that outside of those two principles, everyone was pretty much left up to their own devices.

This could potentially explain why a lot of Christians in the millennial generation found themselves seeking the world’s advice and definitions when it came to dating, what was and was not considered having sex, and finding a spouse. We didn’t have much more in the church to go off of or follow. I used to even say that dating wasn’t mentioned in the Bible and that outside of the two commands mentioned previously, you had to do your own thing and just be wise about it.

After dealing with a lot of frustration in searching for a spouse my own way, I finally decided to stop seeking man’s way. I started really seeking what the Lord had to say on the matter if He had anything to say at all. I started listening to people who spoke on dating from a biblical perspective. There were some that gave divine insight, and they encouraged me to go deeper into God’s Word on how to find a spouse. In my search, I found and came to the conclusion that dating is mentioned in the Bible! Or at least the process of how to discern who that person is that the Lord would have for you to marry is in the Bible. When you define dating this way, you’ll find that the Lord has plenty to say about it.

I also came to clearly find what dating is not. It is not having fun or a fling. It is not being friends until something else grows from that relationship. It is not shacking up or hooking up until it feels right. It is not tasting the cookie or test-driving the car (talking about sex here for those who’ve missed it) before you take it home for a few weeks, months, or years. How to seek and discern a spouse or date is in the Bible. And it only makes sense that the Lord would have something to say about discerning a spouse because He is the one who created the institution of marriage and brought the first couple together in the first place. Granted, there was no one else around, but the principle doesn’t change. And hey, when the Lord literary brings you a perfect person, you don’t really need options.

The chief example of dating found in the Bible, in my opinion, is found in Genesis, chapter twenty-four, when Abraham’s servant went to seek a wife for Isaac. From this text and historic spouse search, we get several principles that are relevant for today’s spouse searcher. They definitely helped me find my spouse! Now, of course, in my search, the Lord didn’t just let me find how to search for a mate. He showed me there was more connected to finding a mate than I ever realized or even thought about. To my surprise, a lot of it dealt more with me developing as a person and my growing relationship with Him than it did about finding the mate, which we’ll get into shortly.

So without further ado, I sincerely thank you for picking up this book. I pray it encourages you and gives you some insight. And most importantly, I pray it actually helps you as you search and wait for the spouse the Lord has for you in His will. Now let’s dig in!

Thinking Time

Before we go on, I would like you to take some time up front and examine if you actually want to be married, that you are not following someone else’s desires for you (i.e., family or friends), following the crowd (i.e., everyone else in your circle is getting married, and you’re starting to be the odd one out…third or fifth wheel, anyone?), or following this false notion that you have to get married and reproduce because it’s just what we do.

Obviously, this book is about dating, which we defined earlier. But the Bible is clear for us Christians. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to, and in fact, it would be better for you if you could stay single (Matthew 19:11-12; 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 32-35). And because I don’t like to waste time, mine or anyone else’s, I would like to challenge you to think through these three quick questions to see if you should or want to get married:

Do you have a sexual desire that you would like to fulfill righteously? (See 1 Corinthians 7:2-3, 9 and 1 Timothy 5:11, 14.)

Yes. Then you should seek a spouse and get married and thus continue reading this book. Because if you choose to be single, you also choose to be celibate! There is no sowing of wild oats in the Christian faith. The Lord condemns that and judges it (Hebrew 13:4).

No. Then you should move on to the next question.

Do you (not your parents or friends) have a desire to have a nuclear family of your own with children? (See 1 Timothy 5:14.)

Yes. Then you should seek a spouse and get married and thus continue reading this book.

No. Your family you were born into and/or the church family is good enough for you. Then you should move on to the next question.

Do you have a desire to have a permanent (they don’t leave after the work is done for the day, they go home with you) helpmate or lead mate helping you fulfill the calling the Lord has put on your life? (See Genesis 2:18.) Now don’t get this twisted. This is a desire, not a need. And this is not because you are lonely. The apostle Paul was single and put in work for the Lord and the faith like no one else and got all the help he needed outside of marriage. So again, self-check, do you have the desire?

Yes. Then you should seek a spouse and get married and thus continue reading this book.

No. Then, brother or sister, I would encourage you to put this book down, don’t waste time, go hard for those things the Lord has put on your heart to do. Don’t look back and don’t take any slack from anyone telling you that you need to get married. Now, if you want to continue reading this book to just see what else is in it or to be able to encourage someone else who is searching for the one the Lord has for them, then by all means, please keep reading!

Note: Please, always take time to review the scriptures referenced in the following sections as needed, especially if a concept is new to you. Don’t just take my word for it; see what the Lord has to say. And if you really want to flush things out, discuss anything you learn that is new or interesting with a friend or group. Thank you.

The Prize: Know what You’re Signing up for

Institution: Marriage. Purpose, Perks, and Problems

Advisory: first things first. Marriage is good! It is not wrong to seek it (1 Corinthians 7:28). It is a favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). But no matter the reason you join the institution, when you join, you will be held accountable for fulfilling its purpose and caring out the responsibilities that come with the designed positions (Ephesians 5:22-30).

Now, like any wise person, a man or a woman should go into something that important, life-changing, having a lifetime commitment like marriage with their eyes wide open, knowing what they are signing up for. For only a fool goes into something to only later back out of it when they are faced with what it really is and the true cost (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7; Luke 14:28-30). So if one is going to begin a process and journey, they should be aware of where that process and journey will take them. In this section, we are going to go over some cliff notes of what we are getting into when we sign up for marriage.

So I’m not going to sugarcoat this, as the Lord said Himself (Matthew 19:11-12); when you realize what you’re signing up for, you may rethink the answers to those questions that brought you to this chapter. And that is okay. That is the whole point of going in with eyes wide open. To explain marriage in cliff-note form, I will use the analogy of a fruit tree. However, if you do want to go deeper into the purposes of marriage, a good supplemental book is Kingdom Marriage by Dr. Tony Evans. Now, a fruit tree has three parts to it: the roots, the trunk, and the branches with the fruit. We will start first with the most important part, the roots.

Purpose: The Roots

Contrary to what this world system, culture, and media would have you to believe about marriage, the purpose of marriage is not about finding another person to do life with, keep you company, make you feel complete, make you happy, or fulfill a fantasy. One of the first biblical purposes shown for marriage is to help fulfill the Lord’s purpose for your life. For Adam, that was to rule over the earth and spread the physical image and glory of God over it. When the Lord fashioned Eve and brought her to Adam, He did it so Adam could have help fulfilling the purpose the Lord gave him: to rule, subdue, be fruitful and multiply.

That is why the Lord said, I will fashion a helpmate suitable for him. He didn’t say, I will fashion a sex mate, traveling mate, slave mate, baby maker mate, ‘fulfill a fantasy’ mate, or ‘let’s do life together’ mate. No, the Lord made a helpmate suitable to help fulfill the purpose He gave. Marriage is for the Lord’s purposes.

Another biblical purpose we come to find for marriage is the purpose of undergirding the building of strong God-centered families. Families were to be and are the bedrock or foundation of society. Be fruitful and multiply. As families would grow, reproduce, grow and reproduce, they would create communities. As communities would grow and expand, they would create nations. As nations would grow and expand, they would fill the world. Strong God-centered families lead to strong God-centered communities. Strong God-centered communities lead to strong God-centered nations and so on. Conversely, weak or worse, broken, self-centered families lead to weak or broken self-centered communities, so on and so forth, leading to a weak or broken self-centered world.

So let’s get personal with these purposes. Purpose number one: marriage is to help you fulfill the Lord’s calling or purpose for your life. That would be to help you rule and subdue an area of influence He has given you, to be productive in this area while representing Him (showcasing His image), thus bringing Him greater glory.

Purpose number two: marriage is to help you create and raise a family unit grounded in the Lord that helps stabilize, grow, and better a church, community, society, nation, and world. So right off the bat, we can see marriage was never purposed just for an individual and their desires or happiness. Its purposes have always been bigger than the individuals involved in it. That’s why two become one, and the sum is greater (or supposed to be) than its parts. This is one of the reasons why the Lord hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). This is also why the devil works so hard at trying to make couples get a divorce or at least be so divided within the home, which is like a divorce. Divorce obviously is the extreme case of division. It breaks apart the marriage, which fractures the rule of the couple and the foundation of the family.

It’s hard to rule well and expand when you’re divided. When a husband-and-wife team is divided, the Lord can’t be in it because He doesn’t work in disunity (1 Peter 3:7). So a divided couple misses out on divine favor and support. To add to it, they then make themselves vulnerable to be overcome by the enemy. A house divided cannot stand (Mark 3:25).

Of course, divorce breaks apart the family as well, which breaks apart the foundation. When you have a broken foundation, you can forget expansion. Growth stops, and anything built on it starts to crumble and break apart as well. Hence, again, the broken train or, as Pastor Tony Evans states, broken marriages leading to broken families leading to broken churches leading to broken communities leading to broken states leading to broken nations with no peace or prosperity.

So one of the reasons (outside of it’s just a sin) that should keep you from a divorce when married is you knowing your roots. You know you are a part of something way bigger than yourself and that the consequence of that specific action has a greater and expanded impact on the world around you. It is not just limited to you. This is why we’re called to fight for our marriages and families once we have them (Nehemiah 4:14) and to be on guard and not be unfaithful (Malachi 2:16). We should not so easily hand our marriages and families over to the devil and destruction. For a better world, we need to keep our marriages whole and God-centered.

Sadly, if anyone has to get a divorce, because it still happens, it should be treated as a big deal and not casually! So as we go forward, let us not forget our roots and where they are supposed to be—deeply planted in the Lord, His will, and His purpose.

Purpose: The Trunk

The third purpose for marriage, what we’ll call the trunk, is for the Christian couple to model the covenantal relationship between Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and us, His church (Ephesians 5: 21-28). Of course, the trunk is that which builds off of the roots and helps stabilize the tree as it grows.

This leads us into the marriage institution’s positions or roles and the responsibilities designed for each. Make no mistake about it. Marriage is an institution with a designed purpose, with designed roles (for man and woman) that have designed responsibilities and duties. These responsibilities, when fulfilled, ensure the marriage carries out its purpose and mission.

I think it would be safe to say that, for most of us, if we were trying to acquire a certain job at a company, we would do our research. We would look up the job description, its responsibilities, and how the job integrates with the company’s overall purpose and vision. We definitely would research the pay and benefits if it wasn’t the first thing we would look up, but it wouldn’t be the only thing we’d research. Because when it comes to a career or job, most of us want to know if the work being asked for is worth the reward given. We do this because most of us don’t want to do work we don’t like for less than equitable pay.

Sadly though, most people do not treat joining the marriage institution in the same way. They get caught up in all the benefits, fun, glitz, and glam but never stop to truly consider the work they are called to do. Or worse, they don’t even consider if there is work to be done at all. One of the reasons for this is that a lot of us get caught up in the illusion or lie the world and culture showcases about marriage and its purpose, never really getting to the truth. Others, on top of cultural influence, sadly don’t have any good models to go off of within their own families, leaving them all but ignorant to the truth.

So we go in believing a lie or, at best, a half-truth about the institution and become disillusioned or, even worse, bitter when we come to realize there is more to this than what was advertised. You know this is the case when you hear people say, I didn’t sign up for this, or I didn’t know it was going to be like this, or If I knew it was going to be like this, I probably wouldn’t have done it. Just like the pay-and-benefit packages are not all that there is to a job at a company, the same can most certainly be said of the marriage institution.

Don’t get me wrong, the benefits of marriage are awesome; the Lord made it that way, and we’ll get to those later. But just like getting hired for a job at a company, you only get the benefits when you are fulfilling the responsibilities of the job you have been hired to do. When you stop fulfilling the requirements of the job, and those responsibilities are left neglected, you get let go and consequently lose the benefits that came with the job that was a part of the company.

Now you are not supposed to get let go in marriage because it is a permanent deal (Matthew 19:3-9). You take vows and make a covenant—things that should never be easily broken. But you can be assured, though, that if those responsibilities are not being carried out and fulfilled in the marriage, then those benefits of the marriage are not coming.

With all that being said, here are some principles that I believe help give an overview of the responsibilities for the positions of husband and wife. (Again, this is just cliff notes.)

Position 1. Husband

Overall, as stated, the responsibility of the husband is to model our Lord Jesus Christ. Be the lover and