Out of the Shadow: A Memoir of Redemption

By Robin Mullins Senger

In this intimate memoir, Robin shares her story of resilience and transformation after her marriage unraveled in the wake of spousal abuse and addiction.

For seven years, Robin chose to play the role of a good Christian wife and mother, beginning when she met Brian on a Christian dating site. Within months of meeting, Robin found herself living an entirely unexpected life. When the lies became insurmountable and dark secrets came to light, Robin was forced to reckon with the compromises she had made to save her marriage. She grappled with why she justified evil for so many years and why she was faithful to unbiblical theology, nearly at the expense of her and her daughters’ lives. The result was her first book, God Hates Abuse: Abuse and the Doctrine of Headship and Submission. This is the story behind that book.

Part memoir, part how-to, Robin’s story is unique among addiction and domestic abuse books. Her true story provides readers with first-hand insight into a person’s journey from being conned into a dangerous marriage to overcoming nearly impossible odds to walk away. Out of the Shadow is a must-read book for men and women motivated to grow through their trauma and discover a joyful and fulfilling life that may look different from what they expected.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robin Mullins Senger
• Release date: Sep 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215939444

Robin Mullins Senger

Robin Mullins Senger is a writer and advocate for faith-based victims of domestic violence and spiritual abuse. She is committed to removing religious misconceptions that prevent women, men and children from living fulfilling lives free from abuse. For more information, visit www.godhatesabuse.org or email her at [e-mail].

Book preview

Out of the Shadow

A Memoir of Redemption

By Robin Mullins Senger

Copyright © 2022 by Robin Mullins Senger

All rights reserved. This book is protected by the copyright laws of the United States of America. This book may not be sold, copied, or reprinted for gain or profit. This book may be freely shared and quoted as long as credit is given to the author and a link is provided to www.godhatesabuse.org.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2022

Cover art by Kelev Art

Cover verse from Jeremiah 15:21 HCSB

God Hates Abuse Project

PO Box 273042

Fort Collins, CO 80527

www.godhatesabuse.org

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified Bible, copyright © 1987. Scripture quotations marked HCSB are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible. Copyright © 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Dedication

To the Lord God, who got the thumb off my back.

Cover and Title

The cover art is a painting by my daughter (Jo). She takes after her grandma and has a gift for painting and drawing, plus a knack for photography. I struggled for a long time to find the right title and cover for this book. One day, Jo showed me a picture she had spontaneously painted. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was perfect for this book. While she had fun painting, the Lord inspired her as an answer to my prayer.

From there, the title came easy. ShadowPreacher really was Brian’s Christian Dating name. I praise God for bringing us out from Brian’s shadow and into Christ’s glorious light! But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head. (Psalm 3:3)

CONTENTS

Purpose

Setting

Disclaimer

....

PART ONE

....

Find God’s Match for You

Shadow Preacher

The Con

His Life

A Perfect Target

A Divine Warning

Paul

A Slippery Slope

....

PART TWO

....

Our First Home

Being a Jerk Is Spiritual

World-Famous Preacher or Bust

Maybe a Cult Leader Instead

My Dream

Missing Prison

Maybe a New Place Will Bring Fame

David Wilkerson

Jo

Do You Need Help?

You’re My Wife... You Can’t Withhold Yourself

Sage’s Injury

Let's Move Out of the Country

Firing God

Carli

The Uncle

A Different Tactic

The Government Paints Dots

Crazy-Making

An Insane Plan

Sinking Into a Black Hole

Looking For Support

Click it!

Evil Thrives in Secrecy

The Terrible Journey Begins

....

PART THREE

....

Santiago

Scammed Again

Iquique

Brian Tries a Scam of His Own

I Try to Get a Job

Out of Money and Options

Time to Think

The Lord Encourages Me

An Unexpected Friend

On the Outside Looking In

No Place to Lie Down

....

PART FOUR

....

The Night That Changes My Life

So Many Unanswered Questions

Beach Hospitality

A Universal Language

The Strange Man Returns

An Unforgettable Night

....

PART FIVE

....

Humbled and Ready to Listen

Three Keys to Overcome My Crisis

These Keys Unlocked the Door Toward Freedom

The Letter from David Wilkerson

The Mission Throws Us Out

When Nothing Makes sense, Trust!

I Take Charge

A Letter Blessed by God

To Trust and Obey Is the Best Way

Finally, On Our Way Home

....

PART SIX

....

From Florida Back to Ben’s House

My Brokenness Becomes My Blessing

Another Dream

The Farm

New Place, Same Person

Embracing the Dark Side

Pimping Me Out Seems a Good Idea

The Creepy Visitor

The Perfect Murder

Married Rape

First Step Out

The Trajectory of Our Lives Is Changing

Paranoia

No One as Good as Him

The Police Warn Me

Still Worried About Doing the Right Thing

Big Mistake

Devil With Skin On

The Thumb

God Will Reveal the Truth

The Truth Arrives

If I Die

Swift Action

A Terrible Night

A Plan Forms

Ready to Leave When I Get $1200

Divine Instructions

....

PART SEVEN

....

Flight of the 4 Birds

A New Battle

The Girls Thrive

Divinely Hidden

An Old Promise Comes to Life

People Don’t Value Free?

God Was Right

Kyle

A Promise by the River

Redeemed Is Better Than Rescued

....

PART EIGHT

....

Your Redemption Story

I Prayed to Receive Christ! Is That It?

The New Covenant

Build Your Life Going Forward On the Rock

Conclusion

Peace at Dawn

Resources

About the Author

Purpose

B lessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

That verse sums up perfectly my purpose in sharing a small part of my life story. I want to add my voice to others who have overcome difficult life circumstances and encourage those yet to get through their own.

Also, rather than glorify people or circumstances, I want to praise Jesus. I pray that you, the reader, see Christ throughout my personal story. He is the One who I deeply love and thank daily for His faithful care, protection, and intervention in my family. He is the answer to every person's story, including yours.

With the Lord's help, my daughters and I overcame adversity that could have become tragic. Many people have endured far worse and suffered long-term tragic consequences. But there may be something in my story you can identify with that will encourage you through your challenges.

Setting

Although I do not want to focus on abuse, I want to mention something important for readers who know someone in an abusive relationship.

It is possible for anyone to become entangled in an abusive relationship, but also possible that one can get out even when it looks impossible. A patient and gracious support system can make the difference between ultimate success or failure in getting out.

Many people who enjoy healthy, happy relationships cannot conceive how someone can get into an abusive relationship or why they would stay. Perhaps this fits you. In that case, I hope you will gain a new perspective on intimate partner abuse dynamics.

Spousal abuse is a complex issue. There is no simple way out, especially if children are involved. Just leave is an unrealistic expectation for many reasons. Hopefully, by the end of this book, you will see why and how to be a supportive friend who empowers a loved one to overcome a great trial in life.

I have grown, matured, and learned much since leaving Brian. I look back and wonder how I couldn't have seen the looming disaster. There are valid reasons people get into these relationships. No one wants it or chooses it. What's essential is rather than criticize victims, please show compassion and grace. Be willing to listen and hear what they wish they could say without judgment and a barrage of you should... Please lay the blame for abuse at the feet of the abuser, not the victim.

If you are personally in an abusive relationship, my story shows that Jesus is greater than any abuser. Your abuser cannot outsmart God. When you surrender all of you to Jesus, Jesus will do things on your behalf that abusers can't figure out or stop. Jesus is the game-changer you need to come through victoriously.

Disclaimer

This is my story told from my perspective and memory. Though memories are imperfect, I kept a detailed private journal and saved mail and copies of phone calls and messages. I pulled from those to share my story as accurately as possible. I altered identities for privacy. However, the essence of the story and conversations is intact and truthfully told from my perspective.

PART ONE

Find God's Match for You

Istared at the computer screen and the image of a perfect couple with huge smiles, perfect teeth, hair, and bodies.

These are real people and not actors.

They grinned at each other in utter contentment and joy. They had found God's match for them. That must be utter bliss, I thought, wondering what it would feel like and if it was even possible. And how could real people look like that?

Try us for one month free!

Hmm.... might be interesting to try.

The safety and security of our members is our top priority!

Recently divorced, I felt bored living back at my parent’s home with my 1-month-old daughter, Sage. My parents raised me in a small farm and ranch community that offered little more than bars and back seats for entertainment. As a committed Christian, finding Christian men to date was challenging, and now I had someone else to consider.

I looked down at my infant daughter sleeping in her swing beside my desk. She was perfect in my eyes, and I loved her more than anything. I had named her after a bird, just as I was. She was such a happy, beautiful little bird, and I felt very close to her and protective.

I also desired the company of a decent man and the security I thought a relationship could offer both of us. I felt insecure and worried about surviving as a single mom. I had offered to take my work as a domestic violence and sexual assault advocate and supervisor with me when I moved to my parent’s home after Sage's birth.

The shelter Board agreed I could accomplish the work online and through the phone. I worked now at a desk in my parents' office while caring for my baby and answering the crisis line calls 24/7. My parents gladly helped with Sage, but I felt disenchanted and impatient with the new arrangement.

From my small-town girl's perspective, the future was bleak. I was sure I would never make it out of my parent’s home or the dying farm community I ached to leave. My marriage of ten years was over, and I hadn't lived on my own before. The prospect of it was frightening and overwhelming. At this time of my life, I felt disabled without a husband.

So now, feeling a little worried about our future, an ad for finding friendship, romance, and love with other like-minded Christian men caught my attention. I signed up.

An impulsive decision that took two minutes to sign up. I didn't know I had just gained my daughter's and my ticket to hell on earth. Two minutes to jump in turned into seven years to claw my way out of a desperate situation threatening to destroy my three young daughters and me.

ShadowPreacher

My mailbox dinged a notice: you have mail.

I opened it to find another hit on my profile page. The men I met were disappointing. I considered them shallow, boring, and arrogant. I looked for men strong in their faith, ambitious, and adventurous.

The latest man to reach out to me on that beautiful innocent summer day was ShadowPreacher.

The name itself turned me off. Even though I was a Christian, I was not interested in anything that might be ministry related. I wanted to date someone who loved God, but I did not want to be a pastor's wife or fill any ministerial role. Tired of my computer work for the shelter, I took a break to read his profile anyway:

Praise the Lord! I would love to befriend a special someone who is just as much, if not more so, in love with their Lord as I am.

His profile said his wife and he separated some years prior and had a son. He did not have or share custody. He never drank or smoked, went to church every week, considered himself intelligent and motivated, very good-looking, intelligent (again), and enjoyed many of the same recreational things I did. There were some similar religious and political slants.

He was looking for someone with a nice body, any education and relationship status, who never drank or smoked, could have children, and went weekly to church.

I seemed to fit many of his requirements. Christian Dating let us know they considered us 100% compatible.

The rest of his profile said things like:

To me, being a Christian means my life. It could not be any plainer. Without Christ, I am DEAD!

In five years, I see myself, God willing, in a meaningful relationship, leading to a family (with children) and the birthing of a ministry and my writing career. All I need is a beautiful woman to share this with.

My past relationships have taught me I must follow God and obey my intuition.

He included a letter of introduction:

"I have just read your profile, and I am in awe. It is as if I am looking into a mirror. God's dreams in my heart are so much in tune with yours that I had to write. I see myself taking care of children, children of incarcerated parents. My goal is to open a group foster home.

I am a writer. I have written a book entitled——. I have just received the copyright and will soon sign a publishing deal, God willing. If you