Become the Storm: Thousand Year War, #3

By Michelle Dawn

I must learn to embrace the storm within . . . 

Outside, Bastran and Azurin continue to wage a savage war, but the war inside my body is just as brutal. The child I carry has magic that clashes with mine, and the only way I can survive this relentless sickness is to rely on Vaile's magic to protect me.

The citizens grow restless with Vaile's absence, yet he refuses to leave my side. Meanwhile, I too am restless. I do not wish to risk my child's safety, but without my magic, the kingdom is plagued by food shortages[.

When the battle arrives on our doorstep and with the entire kingdom edging on rebellion, I must harness the power within me to stand and fight. Not only for my child but also for Vaile and our citizens. If we fail, the future for my daughter and all the women in the kingdom will be too terrifying to imagine . . .

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michelle Dawn
• Release date: Sep 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215386880

Book preview

1

Iheld my hands to my forehead, willing away the nausea, but it was completely unsuccessful. Exhaustion racked my whole body, the same as it did every day, and I fought back tears at the misery. Herbs and healing could abate the symptoms, but I always awakened to this reward when we slept for too long.

Tired of fighting, I gave in, retching into the basin before settling back onto my knees.

Vaile lifted my silver hair to place a cool cloth on my neck and rested his hand beside it, letting his magic seep through the contact. The thin shift I wore dipped low in the back and only extended to just above the knees, but sweat still dripped from me, the summer heat adding to my discomfort.

He offered me his other hand, helping me stand, and my nausea started to subside in response to the magic flowing from his palms. I relied on him to ease my illness, but he couldn’t stay awake just to cater to me all the time.

You’re almost through the first trimester. Charise said this should get better over the next few weeks, he said hopefully, and I nodded halfheartedly. She told me the same, but my hope lessened as the days wore on. Every day began with vomiting, and I couldn’t believe Vaile’s mother had decided to go through such a miserable process six times. At least she got two for one with her twins.

He released me so I could wash my face and clean my mouth according to my usual morning routine, and the sickness rapidly returned at the loss of contact. Before I could complain, he swept my hair over my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling us together. His bare chest made contact with my back, and he splayed his hands over my lower abdomen, pushing his airy magic through my body. The little ember calmed within me, and the illness eased away in the most amazing type of relief.

After I had finished my tasks, he loosened his hold, and I turned to wrap my arms around his waist, just above where his sleep pants ended. My cheek rested against his chest where I listened to his beating heart, finding comfort in the magic transferring at the points of contact.

With the excessive severity of my symptoms, this pregnancy couldn’t be hidden from the council or the kingdom. It made me violently ill, and the only relief I found came from the constant contact with Vaile. At first, holding his hand had been enough, but now it had come to this.

Everyone immediately noticed that our hands never left each other’s, but that could be explained away as the honeymoon phase after our binding. The council accepted that excuse until I became ill despite the contact. They were overjoyed at the news that I was pregnant with Vaile’s child, but they didn’t know the gender as we did. I suspected their jubilance would quickly turn to disappointment when they found out.

Aldin’s magic floated in the air, and Vaile’s answered moments later. With the amount of contact I required to keep my nausea at bay, Vaile and I could barely dress, so Vaile had left Aldin in his place at court and council, opting to stay with me constantly. Aldin managed a fair amount on his own, but bigger issues still required Vaile’s attention.

What news? I asked weakly, sensing the worry on Vaile’s magic.

Nothing you need to be concerned about, he replied.

Charise knocked on the floral door, interrupting my rebuttal, and Vaile paused to sense the magic around us before calling out for her to enter. The depths of his jealousy made him insist that none of the men come near our rooms. He went so far as to require that Charise enter through his room to avoid any passersby seeing me as she entered. As I suspected, this pregnancy had made him even more overbearing, but I was too sick to care.

She found us in the washroom and offered me the ginger concoction she made daily. I accepted it and continued to lean against Vaile while I took slow sips. The effect was minimal, but I would welcome any relief I could find.

If you can lay down for a moment, I would like to check your growth, Charise said. It’s so hard not being able to feel your pregnancy the way I would normally.

Even though our child had unique fiery magic of her own, the entwinement still masked her essence. Vaile’s and my magic had merged until we were a combination of each other: Water and Air, creating a powerful storm. It limited Charise’s ability to sense the essence of our child, but I suspected that would change as the little ember grew.

Reluctantly, I unraveled myself from Vaile and walked back to our bed. He kept one hand in mine, trailing slightly behind, and nausea crept back in at the lessened contact. I took a deep breath and lay down flat on the bed, and Vaile placed his other hand on my arm, trying to lessen my illness. I wouldn’t last long this way. If Charise didn’t hurry up, I would be scrambling to the washroom again within minutes.

I lifted my nightgown to expose my stomach, and Charise pushed the waistband of my underwear down slightly so she could push against my lower abdomen. A domineering surge rushed through Vaile, and I turned my head to narrow my eyes at him. He returned an apologetic smile, and I just shook my head, resigned. Charise would see a lot more before all was said and done, but he couldn’t help his protectiveness.

I can feel your womb just above your pelvic bone, she said brightly. It shouldn’t be much longer before this illness subsides. This tends to be about the tipping point.

I could definitely be thankful for that if I hadn’t sensed reluctance from Vaile. He enjoyed being stowed away on our own so he could care for me, but he had too many other responsibilities. Once I could live life on my own again, things wouldn’t be this way any longer.

Charise helped me cover back up, and I sat up, making room for Vaile to move in behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. She took her leave, and I leaned back against him, sinking into the feeling of his magic flowing through me.

I am going to miss holding you so much when you no longer need it, he said with disappointment swirling inside him.

I’m not going to miss vomiting so much, I replied, knowing it wasn’t the response he wanted. This was easy for him since he wasn’t the one feeling sick at every turn. I bore all the burden of bringing this life into the world.

None of this was his fault. I only became pregnant in the first place because the Bastran royals had found a way to drug us, but I just hated being so reliant on him. I wanted some measure of independence, and right now, I had none.

I won’t miss that either, he agreed, his disappointment turning to concern. As the weeks wore on, I had lost weight, unable to eat anything substantial, and fatigue dragged at me constantly. Most of my time was spent sleeping, and he knew this state was not good for me, even if he did feel validated in helping me through it.

I fell back into a light doze, even as Midra came and went. She left the bread and crackers I had been surviving on for the last few months, but Vaile’s food remained closed off in his room. Even the smell of any other foods made me sick, and we quickly learned that he needed to eat elsewhere.

The misery of constant nausea drove me into a state of hopelessness. I wished I could just fall asleep and not wake up until it was all over, but after our child’s birth, trying to protect her would be even harder. We had no ability to end the war with me so incapacitated, and our child would be born into the same conflicted world that we were.

How is Isla doing? I asked Vaile. 

After I managed to heal Celyn from nearly dying at the hands of Eston, the two of them didn’t think of Isla’s cycle as they found each other again, and she became pregnant only a few weeks after me. They didn’t want to raise children in this war either and had been taking steps to prevent it before. Now, they were dealing with the same situation as us.

I haven’t heard of any issues, Vaile answered. 

Luckily for Isla, she wasn’t really suffering any physical effects from her pregnancy, but Celyn’s overprotectiveness mirrored Vaile’s. Even though Celyn’s position in the kingdom required he hold the warfront, neither Celyn nor Isla had returned since learning of her pregnancy. Lial took over those duties so that the two of them could remain safely in the castle.

I would like to see her, I requested, but Vaile bristled at the thought. It wasn’t the issue of Isla so much as Celyn, who never left her side. Vaile didn’t want any man near me, and Celyn didn’t want Isla around Vaile when he wore so little. Neither of the men had any intention of relenting, so I had only seen Isla twice in the last few months when she was able to sneak away. I argued about it when I had more energy, but now I didn’t have the strength to fight it.

All of the most powerful men and women in Azurin were stowed away here, and the only saving grace was that I had impaled my half brother, King Eston, in our last battle. Even though he hadn’t died, his physical strength was lessened by the damage, and he hadn’t returned to the front, instead hiding away in his own castle.

It seemed this war would continue into another generation after all. Both sides needed to wait for their children to come of age. The failure only increased the depths of my despair. It seemed that my life would be wasted as a breeder after all.

It wasn’t really fair to come to that conclusion, but as I sank further into depression, the thoughts overcame me. Despite all of the fighting I had done and the progress I had made, I was relegated to being stowed away in the castle to bear the king’s child. It was the thing I had feared the most, and through twists and turns of fate, it was exactly where I had ended up.

I loved Vaile. He was more comforting and caring than I ever could have hoped, but I couldn’t help looking at the bleak side of my situation. He understood my misery, even if he couldn’t do anything to make it better, and I just had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t trapped here. These circumstances were beyond either of our control.

I know you hate this, but it isn’t forever, he consoled me, despite how defeated he also felt. He wanted to make things better, but the only thing he could do was hold me and let his magic transfer so I didn’t waste away to nothing.

Charise thinks this will get better over time, but what if she’s wrong? I asked. It just feels like this baby is completely incompatible with my body. She is fighting against my entire system.

Even if that’s the case, she will be born eventually, he responded. She can’t stay in there forever.

If I survive this, she’ll be born, I grumbled.

You have no choice but to survive. I won’t let you have any other option, he said. Even if I decided to give up on my survival, he never would. He never had.

Tears ran down my face, and I didn’t try to stop them, allowing my frustration to catch up to me. I did not want to live this way, letting my half brothers get away with the crimes they committed against all the people in Bastran, including me. I wanted to win this never-ending war, freeing everyone from their suffering, but I would never have the ability to do it now.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around Vaile, and I let my tears fall against his bare chest. He held me tightly, responding to my frustration with his own. He wanted to fix this so badly.

Even after our daughter’s birth, I couldn’t see myself running off to war again. The world would be out to get her, and I couldn’t leave her unprotected. I would stay here under my own volition for her benefit, and I suspected Vaile would do the same. Our child was too important.

I broke down, letting all of my sorrow wash over me. My sobs heaved, and my magic grew in response, intensifying my nausea that Vaile barely kept at bay. The sensation only increased my perception of helplessness, driving me deeper into depression, and as my magic clashed against the ember inside of me, she pushed back.

The realization hit me, and I sat up straight, looking Vaile in the eye. He stared at my startled expression confusedly while I focused inward to where the fiery magic collided with my flowing magic. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. Water and Fire didn’t mix. 

Vaile’s airy magic resided within me too, but the Fire wasn’t bothered by it. It soothed her in the same way Vaile’s magic did externally, and I pushed Vaile’s magic within me to shield her. The illness immediately faded as the magics were separated.

I pushed away from Vaile, and his brow furrowed in worry. We both knew that the lack of contact would leave me retching within minutes, but I had to test the theory. This was the first time I had any hope in months. 

I stood, maintaining the shield within me, and elation filled me. My muscles were still weakened, but the illness had subsided. I might actually be able to eat and drink without suffering, and I walked over to the fireside table to test it.

Vaile hesitantly followed, still unsure of what to make of my actions. He hovered near, ready to reach for me, but I hoped that I could finally have some freedom. If I wasn’t so desperate for his touch, I could find more comfort in it.

After sitting on my couch, I took some hesitant bites of the bread in front of me. Vaile sat beside me, eyeing me with concern and trying very hard not to reach out. My behavior was so different from how it had been for months, and he had no idea what to make of it. 

What just happened? Vaile asked with concern. 

She’s fighting my magic. They don’t mix, I answered, lighthearted for the first time in ages. His concern deepened in response, and I suspected he wondered what I had done to improve things so suddenly. 

She’s fine. I gave him a reassuring smile.

He let out a relieved sigh and reached for my hand. It would be a hard habit for him to break after being inseparable for so long, and I understood his concern at my statement. With how much her magic had hurt me, it wasn’t a huge jump to think my magic hurt her too.

How did you manage to alleviate it all of a sudden? he asked.

I’m using your magic in me to shield her, I explained. Now that I’m not clashing with her, I feel so much better. It doesn’t seem to be taking up too much of my energy, but it requires some concentration.

I am glad to hear that you have found some relief, he responded, but his emotions were conflicted within him. He wanted to stay locked away with me as we had been, but he knew how detrimental my condition had been. Not only was I losing weight, but I had fallen into despair. 

I didn’t want him to begrudge my feeling better. This was supposed to be a positive development, and I hated that he didn’t feel as happy as I did about it. 

I sat across his lap and gave him a soft kiss. Even though I had been wrapped around him more often than not, it had been a long time since I had been willing to kiss him. Nausea kept me from wanting anything near my mouth, and I hoped he understood the significance of the gesture. 

I’m glad to be able to do these things because I want to, not because I need to, I said, and his concern faded into contentment as he pulled me tightly against him.

2

I want to see Isla, I told Vaile from where I sat beside him on my couch. While sleeping last night, I hadn’t been able to maintain my shield, but after a brief moment of morning illness, I was back to normal again. I bathed and dressed normally for the first time in ages, and I excitedly ate some real food for once. 

 I never told you that you couldn’t, Vaile returned confusedly. While that was strictly true, Celyn and Vaile had put up barriers limiting us. The fact that Vaile and I were both up and fully clothed did break down the biggest obstacle, but I still doubted that either of them would leave Isla and me alone. 

I gave him a challenging look, and his expression turned resigned. I will talk to Celyn, he relented with a sigh.

They were both overprotective, but it seemed to me that it shouldn’t be such a big deal for them to let Isla and me have some time to ourselves. We were still in the confines of their domain, and they had gone above and beyond on security. We may have been drugged here once, but Vaile had gone to great lengths to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. Celyn aggressively enforced it. 

In the meantime, Vaile continued, we could start by meeting together. I’m sure you’re ready to get out of this room.

I lightened up at the thought. I hadn’t seen more than these walls in two months, and I needed a change of scenery. My stamina might be lacking, but I was up for whatever Vaile suggested. He would make sure it was within my limits, and if it became more than I could tolerate, he would just carry me back here anyway.

We stood, and I took his offered arm. After months of touching him constantly, it felt necessary to keep contact, having become an easy habit, and he didn’t mind continuing in that manner as much as I would allow. His support still comforted me whether it was necessary for my well-being or not.

He led me down the hallways to the lounge where his family often met. I still hadn’t explored the book-lined walls as much as I would have liked, but now that the illness had subsided, I was interested in starting again.

The large windows overlooking the vast sea beyond were open, allowing the warm summer sea breeze to filter through the room. The fireplace in between them lay dormant, its heat no longer necessary in the oppressive summer temperature. My pale blue floor-length dress with short sleeves was light, at least, but it still weighed heavily on me in this weather. 

Celyn and Isla both sat on the couch with their backs to us, but they immediately turned as we walked in the room, having sensed the unmistakable magic that radiated from us. Isla jumped up and ran over to give me a tight hug, but I barely had time to return it before she pulled away.

Concern covered her features as she looked me over. I hadn’t seen her in over a month, and while she had a healthy pregnancy glow to match her growing belly, I weighed less than I ever had.

How are you feeling? Isla asked hesitantly. Everyone knew how sick I had been. I couldn’t hide how thin I looked, but I actually did feel much better since I’d eaten decently for the first time in months. It would just take time to get back to full strength. 

Now that I know how to keep our magics from mixing, I’m feeling much better, I answered with a sorrowful smile. I just wished that I had figured this out so much sooner. Maybe if I hadn’t been sick for so long, I could have convinced Vaile to let us continue making strides in the war. Now he viewed me as frail, and he wasn’t wrong. Fatigue was already pulling at me just from walking to this room. 

Even Celyn eyed me with concern as I walked with Vaile to sit on the adjacent couch. Isla retook her place back beside Celyn while he shot a questioning look at Vaile, and I wondered what bothered him most. It could be his protectiveness of Isla, but it seemed more likely that he was worried about me. 

Charise told me you were unwell, but I didn’t realize the severity of it, Isla commented with her brow furrowed in worry. You look like you haven’t gained any weight at all.

I haven’t, I said with a half smile, but I will be gaining plenty in the future. Just give me a little more time, and I’ll look as good as you.

Their concern grated on Vaile, and he wrapped his arm around me. As far as I knew, he hadn’t seen Isla in weeks either, and the contrast between us was striking. My recent improvement meant that Vaile and I wouldn’t be hiding away anymore, but hopefully, seeing Isla and me together would help him understand just how important it was for me to fix it. At some point, I needed to start growing. 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be enormous by the end of this. Isla laughed. Somebody wants me to just sit around here and constantly eat. She turned to glare at Celyn, and he only shrugged unapologetically in response. 

Isla didn’t want Celyn going off to war without her, but she had never been a stay-at-home type either. She chastised me for considering it in the past, and I had to imagine that the idleness annoyed her as much as it would bother me if I were in a better state.

Are you going to let Aria and me have some time alone? Isla asked Celyn before turning to Vaile, adding, Or are you going to be the one with an issue?

Vaile maintained his impassive expression, but internally her question irritated him. He didn’t want to leave me but never showed it, hiding behind his stoic facade. On the other hand, Celyn didn’t even try to hide his distaste for leaving Isla alone. The two of them stared each other down in a battle of wills, and I wasn’t sure who would come out on top. 

Vaile told me he would talk with Celyn, and I really wanted him to intervene. Isla and I wouldn’t be swept away sitting in this room together, and I didn’t really understand why they wouldn’t just let us have some time away from them. They both had us to themselves for months. 

With a pleading look, I silently begged Vaile to let us have some space, wanting him to understand just how much having this time to myself meant to me. He knew how much I hated feeling trapped, and I wanted to start feeling some measure of independence again.

Celyn, Vaile said, earning a hard glare in return. We can stay in the next room or the hallway if you prefer. It seems they both could use the space.

Celyn’s scowl only deepened at the suggestion, but he spared me another glance. Obviously, I wasn’t a threat to anyone in this state. My magic was focused internally, and I was too fatigued to do much of anything physically. There was also the fact that I would never do anything to hurt Isla. He had no reason to be so overbearing.

Fine. Celyn turned back to Isla’s glare. We will be no farther away than the hallway.

The scowl didn’t leave Celyn’s face as he stood to go, and Vaile had similar internal reservations, although his expression gave no indication of it. He followed Celyn out the door, closing it behind him.

I love him, but he’s driving me crazy, Isla groaned. I didn’t become some invalid just because he accidentally impregnated me. It’s so boring here. I’m not sure what he expects me to be doing.

I completely understand. I laughed. I’ve felt the same more often than not, and I wasn’t even pregnant for the majority of my time here.

I don’t know how you tolerated it, she said with a sigh. 

Well, lately, I have been more focused on keeping any amount of food down, I responded flatly. Before, I didn’t tolerate it at all, as I’m sure you remember.

Yeah, dark times…. She trailed off. Vaile and I had fought so much before we were forced together by our drugging. I felt imprisoned at the time, but I eventually learned to understand his point of view. Now, we were more sympathetic to each other’s needs. The fact that he allowed Isla and me this time was evidence enough of how far we had come.

I’m sure we will need to have more hard discussions when I get my strength back, I said. It was one thing for Vaile to leave me in a room when he was right outside the door. It wouldn’t be so easy for him if I wanted to venture out further. Likely, we would be back to the same disagreements we’d had before.

I suspect it will be quite the production. She smirked. Are you going to push to go back to the front?

I’m not sure, I answered honestly. I didn’t want to endanger our child, but I still wanted to have some hope of ending the war before her birth. The only other option would be allowing Vaile to go alone, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. We were stronger together, and I would worry for his safety constantly. 

I hate the thought of Celyn going back to the front, but we have been discussing it. She rubbed at her face. I just wish there was a way I could stay with him. I couldn’t take something happening to him again. He was so close to death the last time….

Now that I had developed a love of my own, I sympathized with the terror she felt at seeing her husband in such a state. I wanted to spare her from ever needing to go through such a thing again, but she wouldn’t be safe in the center of combat. She had no ability to protect herself. 

At least we know that Eston is not likely to come again. I reached out and patted her knee. The power of the king is trapped in someone who is physically debilitated. I think we should have the advantage now.

Nobody really knows how debilitated he is, though. She looked back at me. He could be healing for all we know. In time, he will likely be just as dangerous as he had been in the past. That’s why Celyn has been talking about returning now. Has Vaile?

I shook my head. We haven’t actually talked about any of this. He has only reassured me that nothing new has been happening on the front. I’ve not been well enough to consider any future plans. I don’t even know if he’s been discussing it with others.

He’s definitely been discussing it with others. She bit her lip nervously. They haven’t had a formal meeting, but messages have been passed between the brothers. Obviously, Vaile has been distracted by you, but he doesn’t want your child to be born into this war any more than we want ours to be. He’s been planning.

What plans? I scowled, irritated that he was having such discussions. My condition had been distracting to him, and I thought he was singularly focused. The idea that he had been talking about this without me felt like a betrayal of sorts. It just furthered my frustrations at being unable to participate in my life. 

Nothing concrete, she backtracked, sensing my annoyance. Just the general need to take advantage while Eston is down. They have discussed attempting to take the Bastran encampment again, but they haven’t come up with any specific plan, as far as I’ve heard.

Do they plan on leaving you out completely? I asked. Celyn and Isla had at least had these discussions, but I was entirely in the dark. She wouldn’t want to be left behind any more than I did. 

Celyn would love that, she scoffed, but there is no way he’s going without me at least staying nearby. I will walk there myself if I must.

I tried to stifle my laugh at her comment. Even if it took her weeks, she would do it, and I would join her. Vaile would never want me to go, but if he tried to leave without me, I would find a way there. 

I bet I could transport us to the Southern Fortress if we could get past the garden gate, I said. My magic was much stronger than Vaile’s had been when we first met, and he was able to easily make that distance then. I could probably do the same now. Even though I had lost some strength, my magic hadn’t wavered. The entwinement used it fairly constantly. 

If they try to go without us, we will get past that damn gate. She gave a determined nod. They only keep a handful of guards there. It’s nothing you can’t handle.

I couldn’t help the smile creeping across my face. Even though she had always acknowledged my abilities, I hadn’t felt very powerful lately. It was nice to remember that I wasn’t a withering woman. My contributions to this war had been massive, and I still had a chance to continue it.

3

Vaile reentered the lounge with Celyn following closely behind. It had been less than an hour, but that was still more than I expected to get. My body did not want to cooperate despite my desire for freedom, and Vaile sensed my increasing fatigue.

You need to rest, Vaile insisted, coming to stand beside me and offering his hand. I eyed it for a moment, not quite ready to return to the all-too-familiar walls of my room.

I’m fine, I responded, patting the seat beside me. We can stay here a little longer. Part of me wanted to immediately question him about the war plans, but I wasn’t sure whether doing so in the presence of Celyn and Isla would make the conversation better or worse. They had their own contention about it, but I hoped that Vaile and I would be more reasonable with each other. We were a great force together, and I wanted to find a way for us to contribute to the war effort again.

You won’t rest when others are around. He shot a glance at his brother, and I frowned at the jealousy he radiated. I had no intention of falling asleep while sitting here, but it shouldn’t worry him that Celyn was around even if I did. His brothers had never done anything untoward. 

I’ve rested plenty, I said, drawing Vaile’s attention back to me again.

Your body is used to sleeping the majority of the day, he reminded me. You shouldn’t try to change too much too quickly. 

I appreciated the logic in his statement, even if I didn’t like it, and I decided to relent, giving Isla one final hug before heading toward my chambers, holding Vaile’s arm. He made a move to lift me, but if I ever wanted any hope of returning to my normal strength, I needed to build myself up. Having him carry me everywhere would only prolong my debility.

I placed my hand on Vaile’s chest, stopping his attempt. I would like to get the exercise.

He furrowed his eyebrows. I think you’ve done enough—

I need to do more, I interrupted and took a step forward, leading him along. He didn’t continue the argument but kept himself tense, ready to reach for me at a moment’s notice.

Midra had just left our lunch trays when we reached our rooms, and she stopped to offer me a smile. Despite being several years younger than me, she had doted on me from the moment we first met, and she continued it now as our attendant.

I’m so glad to see you up and about again! She beamed with a motherly sort of pride. It’s like the Northern Fortress all over again, except you don’t need me to walk you around this time. She glanced at Vaile before returning her attention to me with a sly look.

Vaile