AN UNEMPLOYED Garforth man has boldly declared his intention to bring an end to the Covid-19 pandemic once and for all.
But 61-year-old MICK TREADMILL isn’t a scientist or a doctor… he’s a bona fide MIRACLE WORKER, a gifted individual blessed with the ability to cure the sick using only the power of his mind!
“It’s true,” chuckles the 24-stone bachelor. “I didn’t ask for this gift, I was just born with it. Like Spiderman’s uncle said, with great power comes great responsibility. And if I don’t use my extraordinary powers for the greater good, then what sort of energy-harnessing demigod am I?”
The terminally jobless father-of-eight – self-dubbed ‘Miracle Mick’ – is a practitioner of ‘Cosmic Ordering’: the science of channelling positive thoughts to cure physical ailments. Until now, Mick has only used his supernatural skills to combat sickness within his own circle of friends and family. But the big-boned shaman says he can no longer watch from the sidelines as the so-called ‘experts’ continue to allow the Coronavirus to run rampant throughout our green and pleasant land.
“I’m offering the government my otherworldly healing powers to finally defeat this deadly virus”, Mick told the Garforth Prolapse and Adhesion. “And I won’t ask for a single penny in return.”
All selfless Mick desires is for
