I Never Thought I'd Be an Au Pair: A Collection of Things I Wish People Had Told Me

By Casey Aubin

This book will show you exactly how to:

- Take the leap, find a family and get ready for Au Pairing.
- Become an explorer, live in a foreign country and travel solo.
- Master your Au Pair duties, start teaching English and approach childcare.
- Discover your potential, meet new people and confront your insecurities.
- Maintain your sanity, find a project, and design your life.

Regardless of whether you are still deciding if being an Au Pair is for you, are an experienced Au Pair, or are just reading this out of sheer curiosity, it really doesn't matter. This book will still arm you with more information than you know right now. I mean, we're all teachers, right? Everyone knows something we don't. Plus, sometimes it just takes the right person to say the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, and maybe this is that moment for you. Perhaps you've come across this book for a reason.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543985221

Book preview

A drawing of a person Description automatically generated

First published in November 2019

© Casey Aubin

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The publisher does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites and their content.

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

Author artwork by Jo Main.

ISBN: 978-1-54-398522-1

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all the people I’ve met along the way.

You know who you are.

And for May, I know we never met, but the teacher in you lives on.

And of course, to all my families.

Thank you.

This book was written by an Australian as reflected in the language and grammar.

She hopes you’ll figure it out.

Contents

PRIMA: First of All

Go All the Way

Preface

My Story and Why You Need This Book

Au Pair Profile: An American in Italy

UNO: Taking the Leap

The Concept

The Arrangement

Packing

Au Pair Profile: A British Business Owner in Spain

DUE: Becoming an Explorer

Living in a Foreign Country

Living with a Family

Travelling Solo

Au Pair Profile: An Aussie That Fell in Love with France

TRE: The Art of Learning

Domestic Un-Goddess

Childcare

Teaching English

Au Pair Profile: A German Blogger in New York

QUATTRO: Discovering Your Potential

Lifestyle Design

Who Are You?

Meeting People

Au Pair Profile: A Pole That’s Done It All

CINQUE: Maintaining Your Sanity

Finding Your Project

Productivity and Growth

Mastering Your Mindset

About The Author

About The Au Pair Movement

PRIMA: First of All

Go All the Way

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise, don’t even start.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, and maybe even your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days.

It could mean freezing on a park bench.

It could mean jail.

It could mean derision.

It could mean mockery—isolation.

Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.

And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

It’s the only good fight there is.

—Charles Bukowski

Preface

In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived, how well we have loved, how well we have learned to let go.

—Jack Kornfield

I ALWAYS THOUGHT an Au Pair was someone who ate sunshine and rainbows for breakfast and loved children so much, their ovaries would explode every time they saw a kid. This is just one of many reasons why I never thought I’d be an Au Pair.

If only I knew what life had in store for me.

If you’re not familiar with the concept, on a very basic level an Au Pair is basically a young foreign person who helps with childcare and housework in exchange for food, accommodation, and a modest allowance. It turns out, Au Pairs are some of the gutsiest and most inspirational people I’ve ever met. People choose to become an Au Pair for all sorts of reasons. Some are just looking to break away from their everyday lives, perhaps to revel in another culture, or to use it as a means to travel. Some simply want to learn a new language. For others it’s a stepping stone to settling somewhere permanently. As for me—well, where do I begin? Becoming an Au Pair allowed me to reclaim my time, and if I’m really honest, my life.

In the world we live in, it’s easy to get sucked into believing that life is something that just happens to you. That it’s just about making the most of the cards you are dealt. Whilst this is true to a certain extent, I am here to tell you that another way of living exists. A higher, more rewarding way of living that is far better than I ever imagined.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Working as an Au Pair is certainly not all rainbows and butterflies, and I am not here to tell you that it is. Rather, my objective in sharing my story is to show you that it is possible. My intention is to challenge what it means to be an Au Pair in today’s world and to invite you to question what you think you know. Inquiry is a precursor to transformation. All I ask from you is that you come to this book with a curious mind. Stay open. Ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this?’ even when you think you’ve heard it all before. Because kids, there’s a new kind of Au Pair on the block, and she is going to tell you exactly how you can make this opportunity work for you.

The best news is that you don’t have to work as an Au Pair to achieve this kind of life (although I am going to walk you through how you can make that happen). Working as an Au Pair is just one path you can take, if you choose it; but as a special friend of mine once told me, ‘There is more than one way up the mountain.’ You don’t have to move to a different country, get a teaching English qualification, or suddenly develop a newfound love for children.

This journey, as with all good journeys, starts with the mind.

Now strap yourself in, because this is one hell of a ride.

My Story and Why You Need This Book

MY HEART SANK. I sat on the edge of our couch, my arms shaking as I pressed my fingers against my temples in a struggle to wrap my head around it all. Tears had formed in my eyes before he’d even finished speaking.

We had been talking about going travelling for pretty much the entire six years we had been together, and finally we had booked our flights from Australia to Los Angeles. We were meant to leave in two weeks’ time. I had resigned from my job, sold my car, and I’d already started packing up our city apartment. Ironically, just before he’d walked in the door, I’d been reading up on Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth. I had notebooks upon notebooks of research and ideas about the things we would do on our three-month road trip around the United States. But it was not to be.

What my boyfriend at the time had just told me was that he had no money. Zero. Zilch. He had lost his savings gambling, and he now had less than AUD $100 in his account. He was at an all-time low, just as I was prepping for an all-time high. Luckily, we had always kept separate bank accounts, so I still had the money I’d saved, but at that moment in time I had no idea what to do.

After an entire month of hiding from the world and everyone I knew, I found myself single and on a plane heading to Indonesia. I intuitively knew that a couple of weeks of exercise would do me some good. It usually is a good place to start when you don’t know where to begin. So, my first stop was a DIY yoga retreat in Ubud, Bali—Indonesia. A few weeks later I found myself in Nepal en route to the Everest Base Camp, even though I had never trekked before, didn’t know what trekking poles were, and certainly had never heard of altitude sickness. So, what the hell was I doing, you ask? Well, let’s go back a few steps.

Before I left Australia, I really had no idea where I wanted to go. I had money saved and no idea what to do with it. I know it sounds like a pretty nice problem to have, but honestly, I found it really overwhelming. I knew I was clearly at a pretty important crossroads in my life, and my mind had been set for so long on this epic U.S. road trip that I really struggled to envision another adventure. It just wouldn’t be the same. I also remember feeling so anxious about not wanting to make the wrong decision. Looking back now, I know there was no wrong choice. Your attitude is more important than your plans or your itinerary, and you don’t ever really need a good reason to go anywhere. Rather, you should go somewhere for whatever happens once you get there, because nothing teaches you more than simply accumulating experiences.

So, back in Australia, while I was busy making absolutely no decisions with my life, my Mum said to me one day, ‘Casey, why don’t you just go to a travel agent, sit yourself down in front of someone, and stay there until you have something booked?’ Ah, mothers—aren’t they the best? They always seem to have the answers. So, that’s exactly what I did. I walked into a travel agent and asked what tours they had coming up. It turned out there was an upcoming Everest Base Camp trek and there was one spot left.

I’m not going to lie: There was something alluring about a physically demanding challenge that appealed to me after everything that had happened. I mean climbing a fucking mountain is a pretty good way (albeit expensive) to bounce back from a break-up. So, why just stop at any old mountain? How about the mother of all motherf@*king mountains? I should probably mention that the Base Camp trek doesn’t actually involve climbing Mount Everest. Nope, the only mountain I was going to be climbing was the internal mountain of thoughts that were accruing about what exactly I was going to do with my life now that everything had changed. This, however, is no mountain to be scoffed at. One could argue that our internal mountains are perhaps our ultimate quests.

After kicking Everest Base Camp in the butt, my next stop was India. Why? Because I was already in Nepal and because my ex-boyfriend had told me he never wanted to go there. I couldn’t get on a plane fast enough, spurred on by my newfound confidence from conquering Everest Base Camp. I spent three weeks exploring Rajasthan in Northern India, and I urge you please, don’t listen to anyone who tells you not to go to India. If you go with an open heart and mind, I promise you it will blow you away.

Then it was on to Malaysia for a few weeks to meet up with a writer and musician I had met unexpectedly before leaving Australia and had remained in contact with. He was perfect really, despite the fact he was thirteen years my senior, had recently separated from his wife, and had two kids. But that, my friend, is a story for another day.

Next thing I knew I found myself holding a banana cake, which was quite literally a banana with a candle in it, on my 25th birthday in a Northern Thailand hill tribe. Surreal. After I finished trekking, I ended up staying in Chiang Mai for what turned out to be a couple of months. By this time, I had eaten my way around a few countries, so I knew I was in need of some more exercise. I decided to join a Muay Thai gym—again with zero experience. You see, stretching yourself outside your comfort zone is a lot easier when you’ve already taken the first steps to be outside of it. Since Muay Thai is such a big part of the culture there, I joined for no other reason than knowing it would be a cool thing to say I had tried.

I quickly fell in love with Chiang Mai. I met some incredible people doing all sorts of interesting things. From entrepreneurs, to digital nomads, to local English teachers, to Muay Thai professionals. Everyone I met continued to strengthen my belief that there was more to life. My instinct was right. I made a mental note to listen to it more often. I fell in love with Thai culture, and the local people with their appreciation for all things spiritual and their ear-to-ear grins. And oh, sweet mother of God, the food! Hot laksas, delicious noodles, and exotic fruits—need I say more? Chiang Mai was where I discovered that there was another way to live too. I was inspired.

At this point, I had been travelling for almost six months, so my funds were seriously depleted and my mind was starting to get pulled into thinking about money again. It was time to confront that dreaded word again: Work. Urgh. Bleh. Spit, spit. I had been bitten by the travel bug hard. I knew I didn’t want to go back to another soul-destroying nine-to-five job. Plus, now that I knew that other lifestyle choices were possible, I most certainly had other plans envisioned for my life. But for now, what I wanted more than anything else was to keep travelling. So, I became consumed with devising ways in which to make that very thing possible.

While I was training, I had read Scott Adams’ book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. Reading it had inspired me to focus on accumulating skills and adding these to my repertoire to increase my chances of success. I realised that before I could create the life circumstances for myself that I wanted, I needed to spend some time upskilling myself. So, I enrolled myself in a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course. My initial intention was to use it to teach English online or in Chiang Mai—but again, life had other plans for me.

While I was living in coffee shops and studying, a childhood friend of mine reached out to me and asked whether I had considered working as an Au Pair. She was living with a family in France just outside Cannes and had used the experience as a stepping stone to relocate and create a life for herself there. Now, as you know by now, being an Au Pair was not something I ever thought was for me. My initial response was something along the lines of ‘Fuck, no.’ The thing is, though, once you figure out what exactly it is that you want and stop limiting your beliefs on how you think life should be, you become extremely flexible about how to achieve your goal. In fact, you’ll be surprised by how many opportunities you’ll consider that you perhaps wouldn’t otherwise. The more that I thought about Au Pairing and looked into it, the more the idea started to appeal to me.

In Langkawi, I had met a Turkish lady called Gulen, who was funding her travels working as a translator. A little while earlier, she had unexpectedly found herself in hospital while overseas. When her Turkish husband failed to visit her even though she was severely ill and was told she might not survive, she realised she was in a loveless marriage. Well, she recovered, and first thing she did was divorce her husband. Then she sold all her belongings and decided that despite being in her 50s, she