The Real You: Leading Your Life From Your Authentic Self

By Gavin Frye

Available 11/15/2022

This groundbreaking exploration of the Authentic Self flows from my 40 years experience as a licensed spiritual therapist and leadership mentor to entrepreneurs.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Authenticity Press
• Release date: Nov 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986875514

Gavin Frye

Gavin Frye is an author and workshop leader with 40 years experience as a licensed spiritual therapist and leadership mentor to entrepreneurs. His new book, THE REAL YOU: Leading Your Life From Your Authentic Self, is a comprehensive work that illuminates and makes accessible the universal path of the Authentic Self. The book interlaces an intimate autobiographical narrative throughout to illustrate its underlying principles.Gavin, who resides in the Pacific Northwest, was catapulted onto his career path in his teens growing up with his brother, a convicted murderer and white supremacist gang leader. He learned how to heal trauma, and discovered his gift for bringing greater intimacy into our closest relationships. Gavin is an authority on the cutting edge world of authentic leadership and relational intelligence.

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The Real You

Leading Your Life From

Your Authentic Self

by

Gavin Frye, MA, MFT

First Edition

Copyright © 2022, by Gavin Frye

All Rights Reserved

The Real You: Leading Your Life From Your Authentic Self

Written by Gavin Frye

Published by Authenticity Press

Los Angeles, California

ISBN 978-1-7349790-8-4

The Real You is dedicated to the breathtaking grandeur of the Authentic Self, which resides within each and every one of us.

It is also dedicated to my beloved father, Robert William Frye. Throughout his life he blessed all he encountered with his radiant love, the vibrancy of his physical touch, and his unbridled gratitude for the gift of life.

CONTENTS

Section One

Embracing Authentic Living: A New Paradigm

Introduction

The Inner Light, Big Questions, We Are All Carriers of Light, Authenticity & the Light, The River of Light, The Purpose of This Book, My Path of Transparency, A Higher Perspective

Chapter 1 Trauma & the Birth of Our False Self

Stages of Authenticity, The Calm Before the Storm, The Storm Arrives, Heroin, The Storm Builds, The Fallout, The Birth of Our False Self, San Quentin, The False Self Reigns, The Wake of the Storm, Learning to Embrace Our False Self

Chapter 2 The Healing Begins: Turning Towards Our Authentic Self

Restoring Trust in Relationship, Johnny Wilkes, Kindness Heals, Here Comes the Sun, Initiation in the Desert, My Father’s Illness, Harvesting Gold, My First Love, Healing Trauma, My Authentic Self Awakens

Chapter 3 Nine Signature Qualities of Our Authentic Self

Finding Treasure in Every Person & Situation, Immersion in the Moment, Wise Knowing, Loving Compassion, The Eternal Student, Vulnerability, Embracing Oneness, Generous Leadership, Gratitude

Section TWO

PATHWAYS TO A DEEPER CONNECTION WITH OUR AUTHENTIC SELF

Chapter 4 Awakening to Spirit

Gavin’s Graduation & Awakening, The Nature of Emerging Truth, Truth Michael Awakens, The Opening Heart, Spirit Becomes My Partner, Michael’s Impending Release, Embracing Our Truth, My Relationship with the Divine, Self-Image vs. Authenticity

Chapter 5 The Art of Self-Observation

Our Inner World, Self-Observation, Who is the One Observing?, Self-Remembering, Sacred Witness, Balancing Love & Truth, Facing Reality

Chapter 6 Divine Sovereignty: Owning Our Soul’s Curriculum

Michael Comes Clean, Stepping Past Our False Self, Gavin’s Calling Unfolds, Michael’s Ministry, Cathy’s Healing, Mom & Dad’s Journey, Divine Sovereignty, Self-Honoring, Our Unique Voice, Welcoming Sacred Community & Mentors

Chapter 7 Welcoming Change & Sacred Passages

The Power of Change, Welcoming the Unknown, Vulnerability & Change, Courageous Conversations, Sacred Passages

Chapter 8 Intimate Relationship: The Ultimate Mirror

Sharing What is Most Alive in Us, Evolving Beyond Romantic Idealism, Welcoming Intimacy into My Life, Emotional Triggers: Our Gateway to Healing & Growth, Surrendering to Love, The Wisdom of Time Outs, My Achilles Heel, Facilitating Our Inner Work, Reconnecting in Safety & Curiosity, The Power of Apology, The Blessings of Authentic Relationship

Chapter 9 Multiplicity of Selves & Healing Our Inner Family

Embracing Multiplicity, Our Authentic Self as Unifying Center, An Inner Partnership, Our Mind, Epiphany, Judgment vs. Evaluation, The Judge, Acceptance & Cooperation, Compassionate Self-Forgiveness 128, Our Inner Child, Big Sur Healing, The Healing of Memories, Authentic Self Dialogue

Chapter 10 Embracing Death as Our Sacred Companion

A Parting Gift, The Fierce Reality, Brave Conversations, Gathering Wisdom, Honoring Elders, Grief Has Its Way, The Lifting of the Shadow

Chapter 11 Appreciating Darkness & Suffering as Divine Messengers

The Light & The Dark, Cancer Returns, Surrendering to Our Journey, Denying My Humanity, Bringing the Light to Our Darkness, The Joy of Family, A Sudden Fall, A Firestorm, A Desperately Needed Revelation, Weathering the Storm, A Most Unexpected Ending, Blessed by Hardship, The Gifts of Depression

Section Three

EMBRACING AUTHENTIC POWER & LEADERSHIP IN TODAY’S WORLD

Chapter 12 Opening to Our Authentic Gifts & Calling

A Child’s Gift, Everyone is Gifted, Identifying & Celebrating Our Unique Gifts, Expressing Our Aliveness Through Creativity, Creating from Grace, My Call to Adventure, Courageous Transparency: Stepping Past Our Fears, Living a Shade Braver, The Synergy of Masculine & Feminine Energies, Balancing Our Energies, Blessed with Desire, Selfish With a Capital S, Joy, the Compass of Desire, A Blessed Pilgrimage, Nature as Healer and Teacher, A New Calling is Born

Chapter 13 Treasuring Our Life as a Sacred River

The Phenomenon, The Arc & Orchestration of an Authentic Life, Two Brothers, Two Lives, Our Life as a Sacred River, Illuminating Our Sacred River

Chapter 14 Embodying Authentic Power & Leadership

Welcoming Authentic Power, False Power, Creating With Spirit as My Partner, Authentic Leadership, The Vulnerable Unknown, New Roots, Synchronicity, An Unexpected Commencement, Inner Leadership Flows Into Outer Leadership, Triumph & Abundance, Future Self-Dialogue, Becoming a Spiritual Warrior, A Personal & Political Transformation

Chapter 15 An Awakened Civilization

About Gavin

Additional Offerings from Gavin

Acknowledgements

Section oNe

Embracing Authentic Living: A New Paradigm

Introduction

I look at you all, see the love there that’s sleeping, while my guitar gently weeps. I don’t know why nobody told you how to unfold your love

~ George Harrison

The Inner Light

Throughout my childhood, whenever I was in the company of adults, I felt compelled to look into their eyes to see if they were shining. Although I rarely encountered adults whose eyes were vibrantly alive, whenever I did, the radiance they were transmitting took my breath away.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a burning curiosity about how these unique individuals kept their Light shining when most other adults’ eyes were dull and lifeless. In my early teens, I began mustering the courage to ask them. I, an innocent adolescent, would peer as deeply into their eyes as politeness would allow and say, Excuse me, I can’t help but notice how bright your eyes are. Can you tell me how you keep your Light shining? They would almost always smile at me. They were never bewildered by my question and knew exactly what I was talking about. They would begin sharing with me the deeper qualities of life they had discovered that were important to them. They often talked about love, about kindness and giving, about family and relationships. I heard stories of forgiveness, summoning the courage to be true to themselves, and their lifelong passion for learning. During these conversations, I had the distinct impression that something essential was being gifted to me. Thus was born my life’s dedication: to live as one of those people whose inner Light continued to shine.

Big Questions

What is this Light within, and where does it come from? How do some rare individuals find a way to maintain their connection with their inner lighthouse, and how does that bond seem to so easily slip through the grasp of the large majority of others?

I’ve discovered that each and every person living on this planet, no matter the traumatic experiences they may have walked through, has a unique and natural Self—an eternal presence—that longs to be known, breathed into and lived from. This pure part of us, the core of our nature, can never be harmed or broken—it is always whole and more readily accessible than most people imagine. It’s an inner dimension characterized by love, wisdom and compassion. It’s astonishingly alive and is a sacred gift each one of us has been granted. We see it clearly in the eyes of very young children, where it is so evident that each of us is born as an utterly unique being of Light.

This is the real you—your Authentic Self.

We Are All Carriers of Light

Although each of us has an Authentic Self, also known as the Soul, the majority of adults are, for the most part, unaware of its presence and gifts. Most of us lose our connection to this deeper nature within us as we grow up and begin reckoning with the impact of traumatic experiences of one kind or another. Somewhere along life’s path, we often mistakenly identify with a very limited story and experience of who we are. We then create a mask for our own protection, and hide behind it, mistakenly believing we really are this false self we project out into the world.

The underlying nature of this planet is that of a school, a fierce school centered around learning, healing and Self-discovery. The Soul’s curriculum we each have been given isn’t easy, in large part because we live in a world that often reinforces mediocrity and fosters a sense of being lost. Few are raised with an orientation toward the awake and empowered world of the Authentic Self, the Light within us.

In grade school through college, the one-size-fits-all educational process has the impact of distancing us from our passion for learning and creativity—core hallmarks of the Authentic Self. The nature of modern schooling is focused on the regurgitation of memorized information with little or no encouragement for spontaneous innovation. For many, this educational system promotes an orientation towards compliance with an outside authority, often reinforcing a sense of disempowerment and passivity. For some, it breeds an attitude of disinterest and, for others, rebellion.

In the midst of this limiting programming, fueled by those around us who are also not living dynamic lives, we can increasingly lose touch with who we really are. Separation from the Authentic Self, which is a major source of anxiety, is a planetary epidemic. Most people are unconsciously ensnared in a negative view of life and a sense of themselves as being small and powerless.

Yet, life has the exciting potential to be lived as a hero’s journey of overcoming challenges as we make our way back home to knowing and embracing our deeper Self. You truly can use the difficulties you encounter in life as catalysts to awaken to your true nature, and this book will assist you in that process.

Throughout human history, in the face of enormous opposition, there have been leaders like Marie Curie, Abraham Lincoln, Maya Angelou, Martin Luther King Jr. and others who have made exemplary contributions to society that have inspired successive generations. In order to do so, they had to build a conscious bridge back to their inner core, enabling them to share their Light and gifts with the world. As you are reading this book or listening to it, you may carry a desire in your heart to actualize this profound potential in yourself. What more exciting and meaningful way is there to live?

AUTHENTICITY & THE LIGHT

Each of us instinctively recognizes authenticity when we encounter it in others. We may not be able to describe it in words, but a deeper part of ourselves knows truth when we see it, hear it, and feel it. Authentic presence and expression is often what makes artists and leaders of all kinds well known and beloved. They have gotten a hold of themselves and their unique gifts, and are courageous enough to share their authenticity with the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, in today’s world there is a mistaken notion that some people are gifted and some are not. This is simply not true. The reality is that not only are all of us equally worthy, but each of us possesses a unique constellation of genius and calling that is essential for the healing of our culture. This includes you. Maybe your mind has told you otherwise. Maybe people in your life have told you otherwise. They were wrong.

THE RIVER OF LIGHT

In my early 20’s, I had a life-changing dream in which I was walking through a forest. I heard the sound of a river roaring up ahead. As I moved through a dense stand of trees toward the melody of the rushing water, a flowing river of pure shimmering Light came into view. It was incandescent gold. It was a powerful and glorious sight. As I got closer, I recognized that my spiritual teacher at the time was standing in the middle of the river. He was looking directly at me and beckoning me to join him in the healing flow of water. As I got still closer, my teacher gently pointed upstream, and as my eyes gazed in that direction, I saw that his teacher was also standing in the middle of the river.

At that moment, the silent underlying revelation I received was that this river was not about my teacher, or even his teacher. Rather, it was a flow of sacred, healing Light that lived within all of humanity. Filled with the realization that our deepest nature is divine Light, I gracefully strode into the river, immersing myself in the shimmering gold.

I’ve been standing in the healing energy of that river ever since, and have been privileged to assist many others to embrace their own river of Light, which is their Authentic Self. I’m now beckoning you to join me in this river, to take the place that is awaiting you. After all, this sacred river is your birthright.

THE PURPOSE OF THIS BOOK

The Real You is a catalyst, and is being offered as a voyage, an adventure into the great mystery of who you are and why you are here. It is designed to activate your curiosity and desire to cultivate a life-changing relationship with your Authentic Self.

I’ve approached this book as an intimate sharing of my own life journey, interwoven with a wealth of core insights and life-enhancing tools discovered during my 40 years as a licensed psychotherapist and leadership mentor. My sincere hope is that this book will ignite in you a passion for becoming more alive. As you awaken new creative impulses, you will witness your unique gifts and genius unfolding. I want to support you in gently turning toward yourself in an honorable way—with an orientation of love, curiosity and discovery—and ask inwardly, "Who is in here?"

To support you in harvesting the most from this book, I strongly recommend you obtain a personal journal and use it specifically for capturing and reflecting upon your insights and discoveries as you are reading. You might consider calling it your Authentic Self Journal.

MY PATH OF TRANSPARENCY

The pioneering psychologist, Carl Rogers, once said, What is most personal is, at the same time, the most universal. With this in mind, woven throughout this book are my own deeply personal stories. You will get to know me intimately, not just as a detached author or philosophical narrator, but as a man, a human being with joys and triumphs—as well as challenges, flaws and wounds. It is my intention that through the transparent sharing of my life’s trajectory you will have insights about your own life’s journey.

You will meet my ordinary yet astonishing parents, who bravely traversed many challenges throughout their lives. You will meet my older sister, who became a heroin addict for almost 20 years before turning her life around. You will get to know my older brother, who was a convicted murderer and white supremacist gang leader during his 15 years in prison before he finally peeled off the layers of hatred and homicidal rage and became reacquainted with his Authentic Self. I still marvel at the arc of his life, at the majestic contribution he made to the world after he put down his knives and guns and racism.

Continuing to deepen a relationship with my Authentic Self throughout my life has enabled me to heal and glean the learning from my turbulent teen years when my sister and brother walked their dark paths and our family was decimated in their wake. The deep love and wisdom of my true nature assisted me in overcoming untold suffering later in life as I navigated my own family’s challenges with mental illness and drug addiction and the ending of a 25-year marriage. I have moved through many sacred passages of trauma and loss, all of which contributed to me boldly manifesting my most cherished aspirations.

What are your lifelong dreams that you have yet to fulfill? After reading these pages and letting your heart absorb their essence, may you find inspiration and make use of the practical tools and exercises that are offered to help you overcome whatever obstacles have previously prevented you from achieving your goals.

May you never again be defeated by misfortune. You truly can transform your relationship with adversity, heal and strengthen your close relationships, and successfully birth your heartfelt dreams into this world. My sincere prayer is that you bring your relationship with your Authentic Self front and center, and allow it to weave its vibrant presence into your life in ways you can’t imagine.

A HIGHER PERSPECTIVE

Why is this book needed right now? Because all sustainable transformational change in the history of our planet has flowed from individuals and groups acting from the indomitable energies of the Authentic Self. Around the world, the escalating environmental, economic, political and public health crises are together reinforcing a sense of powerlessness and despondency at a time when the wisdom, joy and creativity of our deeper nature is needed more urgently than ever before.

Throughout the world there are political, corporate, religious and educational leaders who are operating from old paradigms, leading from the energies of the false self and wielding power over versus power with others. This short-term gain for ego and greed imperils our global environment and sustained existence.

Over the last decade, it’s been spectacular to witness the groundbreaking progress of the LGBTQ, Black Lives Matter, #MeToo and other human rights movements sweeping through countries around the world. These have coincided with the immense fear and loss flowing from the worldwide COVID pandemic, along with the Russia/Ukraine crisis and its polarizing themes of democracy and authoritarianism.

Fueled by the authentic expression of courageous individuals stepping forward, it is profoundly moving to behold people breaking free from shackles that have oppressed those on the planet for thousands of years. As larger and larger numbers of people step forward in their authenticity and let those in power know that we are no longer going to support destructive, authoritative, short-sighted and self-centered leadership, this growing movement cannot be stopped. The fundamental realization that everyone on the planet is worthy and noble in their own right has always been what’s driven true evolutionary social change.

You can contribute to this historic time of global transformation by recognizing and owning the grandeur that you carry inside, and by living a braver and more fulfilling life. Strengthening the connection with the power of your inner Light, your love, is the first and foremost contribution you can make to the world at this pivotal moment in history. We’re talking about moving beyond the power of the personality or false self into the inspiring and healing energies that flow from your Authentic Self. This book is about coming home, about embracing both your human and Divine heritage.

Chapter 1

Trauma & the Birth of Our False Self

Trauma can also be the body’s response to a long sequence of smaller wounds. It can be a response to anything that it experiences as too much, too soon, or too fast. The body’s imperative is to protect itself. Period.

~ Resmaa Menakem

The Authentic Self is a Divine river, a mysterious yet at the same time ordinary consciousness that resides in a distinctly different dimension from that of the everyday mind. It cannot be defined in words, so it’s important not to get caught in the trap of trying to mentally define the Authentic Self. The key is to discover rich ways to access the direct experience of its presence and energetic flow.

STAGES OF AUTHENTICITY

As human beings, we progress through a universal pattern in our lives that mythologist Joseph Campbell referred to as the Hero’s Journey. This journey takes place in 3 distinct developmental stages.

During the initial years of our life we are anchored in unconscious authenticity. We live in the moment and effortlessly respond to our natural impulses without thought or self-censorship.

This often idyllic early childhood stage is typically followed by a challenging extended period in which our protective responses to traumatic life circumstances move us into unconscious inauthenticity. In this stage, we are motivated less by our natural inclinations than by the desire to protect ourselves, win approval or rebel against authority.

The final stage of the Hero’s Journey is when we consciously reconnect with the presence of our Authentic Self and begin embracing the lifelong